Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on March 17, 2008

I have a favor to ask of all of you. And it doesn’t involve money. It involves just clicking a link and then clicking a button to submit a vote.

My friend Jenny is currently one of the 10 finalists for Chicago Woman of the Year. Earlier this year, her mom nominated her and she is now one of the top 10 and if anyone needs to win, it’s Jenny.

You can read her story and the story her mom wrote to nominate her here.

Jenny has been through a lot, as you’ll read in the story. She lost her dad right before Christmas to his long battle with cancer. She is extremely close with her family and her dad was her hero. And she held her family together through a lot of stuff when he was sick.

I only met her dad over the phone because he was the one who helped me look at my agreement from Slapdick Consulting and advised me not to sign.

I met Jenny through a mutual friend and she invited me to be a part of her book club. So I owe her for introducing me to some awesome ladies and learning me to read books only to drink wine and eat corn dip once a month.

She is really an amazing person. You will never meet a nicer human being. She makes everyone else around her a priority and will do anything to help out a friend or loved one. How she stayed as strong as she did through her dad getting sick and passing away without crumbling under the pressure is a testament to her character and how strong she is. And why she should be voted Chicago’s Woman of the Year.

In addition, with a victory, she’ll get money donated to charity in her name. And she’s chosen Imerman Angels to be the lucky recipient if she wins. Imerman Angels is a Chicago-based organization that connects people fighting cancer with individuals who have beaten that specific cancer. It also assists caregivers. Jonny Imerman, the founder of the organization and a cancer survivor himself, personally helped her family cope with the events of the last year surrounding her dad’s battle with Melanoma.

All it takes is a few simple clicks to cast your vote for her. You can vote once a day from now until March 31. I would really appreciate it if you could take a few seconds out of your day to give her some votes.

She is so deserving and I know it would mean the world to her. So please vote. You all rock!

Edited to Add: I think the voting link is updated. You can always get to the voting page from the main Chicago Woman of the Year page here. You’re voting for Jennifer Duda. Let me know if there are still issues!

Category: Halp | 16 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on March 16, 2008

If you’ve read one sentence of this blog, namely my tagline, you will know that alcohol and I have a love/love affair. We are the bestest friends that two things can be. So clearly, St. Patty’s Day is one of my most favorite holidays. It is a holiday where the only goal is to drink as much as you can. And on top of it, unlike New Year’s Eve, it is cheap and you are encouraged to wear comfy clothes like jeans and T-shirts. That is my idea of heaven. Add in guacamole and brownies and you’ve got yourself a party.

Saturday I went to a St. Patrick’s Day party that my friend Jenn and her boyfriend Jerry were throwing. And I went because there was beer there and it gave me an excuse to wear my favorite shirt.

I really need to find more occasions to bring this one out of the dresser. Like “It’s a Thursday!”

I stayed over at Jerry’s house because it is all the way up in Wisconsin. And my relationship with beer leads me to overconsume, which means driving 50-plus miles isn’t the best idea. Plus he lives close to my brother, so I got to hang out with my favorite niece today. And it was fun, even if she did try to kill me by standing on my NECK!

So I had to pack a bag with my PJs and a change of clothes. When I got out of the shower on Saturday afternoon, my cat Simba apparently wanted to come with me. He’s a very social cat, the life of the party.

The party was a lot of fun. I drank plenty of beer and my share of Irish car bombs, which are so tasty and fuck you up all at the same time. My friend Jenn tried to set me up with a deaf guy, which really is par for the course. And he not only had two hearing aids, he also had a speech impediment. And say what you want about what this says about my character, but I like to talk and am a bossy cow, so I need you to hear me.

But in true Kristabella fashion, I brought up my shallowness to a very nice lady we were chatting with. Who then went on to tell me that her son has Cerebral Palsy and that she really hates shallow people who aren’t kind to others with disabilities. I then crawled under the bar with the bottle of Jameson attached to me via IV. And talked really loud for all to hear.

The night just got weirder from there. One of the guys who lives in the house is an obnoxious 22-year old. And he was piss drunk, in and out of consciousness and passing out on the couch. We all laughed and pointed and prayed he didn’t puke on the carpet or on us. After about 10 seconds of this, this dude jumps to life and then begins talking. Non-stop. In a Polish accent. Until well after 4 AM.

I don’t remember a lot of what was discussed. I know I didn’t understand how this guy who speaks accent-free English when sober had a Polish accent when he was drunk and threw in Polish words every other sentence. And I know I laughed a lot. And I know he kept talking about his “chesticles.” Even showing them to us.

But it got better. Jenn went upstairs to bed about 4 AM. She gave me some blankets, shut off the lights and I went on into passing out mode on the comfy couch. Polish McChesticles had other ideas. He decided that me SLEEPING was not going to be allowed so he was going to continue to talk to me for about another 45 minutes. And not only was he talking to me, in my ear, whispering sweet nothings like “you’re kind of hot” and “turn around” and “can you hear the dog chewing his bone?,” he was also constantly tapping my shoulder. And poking me, trying to get me awake. Picture the most obnoxious child, constantly talking and tapping you, and this was what I had to deal with in the wee hours of the morning when all I wanted to do was sleep.

I tried to ignore him. Half the time I was shaking because I was laughing so hard because this was not really happening. The other times I was afraid that this batshit crazy Polak was going to try and have his way with me and end up vomiting in my hair. I finally faked sleep enough for him to head to bed.

But not before tapping me again and asking “hey, what was your name again?” 13 times.

I can’t make this shit up.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Holidaze, Hooch Hilarity | 22 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on March 15, 2008

I know you were all thinking there would be no Death Is Not An Option this week. And most of you probably won’t look at this until Monday anyway. But at least I know that I did one this week.

I had all intentions to do this Thursday night. Because while I did have another going away party for co-workers, I planned on coming home before 10. The group was heading out to another bar around that time and I was just not going to go to that bar. I even told a friend at work to not let me go. Needless to say, alcohol took over and she’s like 5-2 so she had no chance of talking me out of it. I got to bed about midnight. And had to get up even earlier Friday morning to go to breakfast. So Friday was a bad day. So bad that I had to go home instead of going out with a fellow blogger in town because I felt like shit. Plus I totally would have been crabby and no fun to be around and I’m already an asshole in person, so adding crabby to that mix is a bad deal.

So anyway, here is this week’s DINAO. And thanks to Jules for the idea!

Remember the point is to pick one of the two that you would have to sleep with, knowing that death is not an option. (Click here for the links to all the previous versions.)

Round 6

The OG Edition

Snoop Dogg vs. Dr. Dre

The White Guy Edition

Eminem vs. The Beastie Boys

The Lady Rapper Edition

Lil Kim vs. Eve

The Dead Rapper Edition

Old Dirty Bastard vs. Easy E

The Yummy Muscles Edition

LL Cool J vs. Tupac

The Modest Rapper Edition

Jay Z vs. Kanye West

The I-Can’t-Wait-To-See-What-You-All-Pick Edition

Notorious B.I.G. vs. Lil Jon

The Thug Edition

50 Cent vs. R. Kelly

The Kristabella’s Favorites (For Their Music) Edition

Ludacris vs. Nelly

The Ice Edition (that I forgot and added later) 

Ice Cube vs. Ice T

Have at it in the comments!

Category: Death is Not an Option | 22 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on March 13, 2008

Do you see that new button over there on my sidebar? Come on in from your feed reader, people.

Isn’t is SO cute? I begged Hotfessional to help me make a cute little button and she ROCKED it. Because well, she rocks!

My company is participating in the American Cancer Society’s annual Walk & Roll. I’m walking five miles in May and am hoping to raise some money for a great cause. So I was wondering if you would like to donate some money to a good cause. Please! Pretty please with sugar on top! And a martini! If so, please click on that cute little button and donate some money. Every little bit helps, so if you can, I would appreciate it. One dollar, five dollars, it all goes to help us kick cancer’s ass!

And, in case you needed more reasons, I shall give them to you:

1. Cancer affects way too many people. And sadly most people have known at least one person that has been affected. Wouldn’t you like to kick cancer in the balls for what it has done to people we know and love?
2. My friend Amber works for the American Cancer Society. And she would appreciate your donation. And why should you care about my friend Amber? Because she’s the one that gave me Bacon.
3. I promise to document the race. Taking photos at every mile marker, getting wearier and wearier as the day goes on. Because I walked three miles last night and I was sore. So five miles is going to kick my ass.
4. I may bring a flask for the walk for some Irish coffee and just think of the hilarity that will ensure over five miles!
5. If I raise more than $250, I get a prize. And whatever I am awarded, will be given out to one lucky donater! A contest! Wouldn’t you love a Walk & Roll T-shirt? Or a Walk & Roll water flask? You know your life won’t be complete until you own a piece of Walk & Roll merchandise.
6. And finally, I can’t match all the donations since I am not rich, but I will contribute $1 for every person who donates. So if 25 people donate, I’ll kick in an extra $25. Make me poor, bitches!

Don’t you just want to help? So go on, click the cute button! And don’t worry, I’ll be reminding you all frequently until May 18.

And thank you to all of you for your willingness to help!

Category: All Things Blogging, Charity | 13 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on March 12, 2008

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning. No, I really had a doctor’s appointment. I wasn’t making up excuses for an interview. Which sucks because now I can’t use the doctor’s appointment line for a few months lest someone think something is up.

It was my annual lady doctor appointment. Last year at this time, I went to the doctor just hoping to get a refill on my birth control prescription and to get in and out of there as fast as possible. Little did I know that not too soon after that appointment last year my world was going to turn on its head. For one, I was going to lose my job not too soon after when they found my blog. In addition, my lady doctor found a lump last year that she didn’t like and wanted me to get checked out. (It’s fine.) March and April of 2007 were not the best times of my life.

Thankfully this year’s appointment went off without a hitch. I mean except for the fact that someone has their hands up your va-jay-jay, it was fine. And ladies, don’t you just love when they are all “does this hurt?” And you just want to be all “you have your hands in my hoo hah! It’s not pleasant! At least not without buying me dinner first!”

So I obviously go to an OB/GYN office for my appointment. Your general doctor is for stuffy noses and sore throats. I want an expert to examine me in the nether regions. And I also only want a woman. Because she has the parts. And I couldn’t handle a hot male doctor. Talk about awkward.

Anyway. I did not mean to ramble on for so many paragraphs about vaginas. As I was sitting in the waiting room today there were quite a few pregnant ladies. And all of a sudden a wave of emotion came over me. I really want to be pregnant. Preferably sooner rather than later.

That’s weird, right? I mean it is clear how much I love kids and I’ve never had a doubt that I would be a mother. But in recent weeks I’ve been thinking about pregnancy and about being pregnant and haven’t been completely freaked the fuck out by it. It is quite possibly because I read far too many mommy blogs and a lot of bloggers are preggers or trying. Or because I follow celebrity news far too closely and there are BABIES EVERYWHERE! Or because spring = frolicking. Regardless, it is there. There is this itch to be pregnant. One that won’t be scratched, mind you, in some time.

This is a first. Like I said, I’ve pretty much always wanted kids. But I wasn’t too pleased with the whole process, with the stretching of things and the swelling of other things and do you know how they get that thing out of you? Pregnancy was always something that made you have to stop drinking and a means to a baby with a yummy smelling head.

But for some reason, I’ve gotten over all that. And I want to experience the joy of the pregnancy, all the ups and the downs. And I’m even OK with the delivery. Albeit by C-section, though. Or with a LOT of drugs.

So that’s just insane, right? Besides the obvious facts of being single, not dating and on birth control. What did you say? I can’t hear you over that infernal TICKING CLOCK.

:::

And also, today is BFF Julie’s birthday, so I just want to wish her a very happy birthday! Not everyone gets Top Chef to premiere on the anniversary of their birth. Have a wonderful day and here’s to many more fun drinking nights in our future. Cheers, Big Ears! Love ya!

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, Spinsterville Here I Come | 26 Comments »
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