Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on April 9, 2012

You guys, I have an obsessive personality. I find something I like and if I really, really like it, there is nothing else I want to talk about, read about, listen to, etc. This explains why I’m fat and a boozebag. Also a couch potato. Food and booze and TV? ALL GOOD THINGS.

First I would like to preface this by saying thank you to all of you who commented with your podcast recommendations on this post. I wrote them all down and downloaded them post haste.

I first started with Pop My Culture, which is really good. I highly recommend it. I think it got me through my first run of more than six minutes straight and I realized that people talking was the way to get me through running. And seeing as I’m up to running for 30 minutes at a time now, this was a good thing to figure out.

After that one, I was looking for more! There wasn’t a new PMC one yet, so instead of listening to an old one, I figured I’d try one of the other ones you all recommended. I tried This American Life, but Ira Glass’ voice bugs. Also, the subject was about human trafficking and the news clips were in Spanish and then I had to stop listening. I need funny! Snark! Not sad and somber stuff! I’m already sad and somber that I’m RUNNING.

I finally decided to give The Nerdist a try. I think a million of you recommended it, so I knew it would be good. But “nerdist”? Really? I’m not a nerd. I don’t play role playing games. I don’t have Star Wars action figures. I don’t really see how this would be for me.

OH BOY I COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG.

I am literally obsessed with Chris Hardwick and this podcast. It is fucking hysterical. I started with the Seth Myers one and then after she told me to go back and listen to the live one with Craig Ferguson, I did just that. And now I’ve gone back to the beginning of Nerdist time and am starting at the very beginning. And burning so many calories with the laughing.

These podcasts are amazing. Also, guess what? I AM a nerd! When one of the first things they mentioned was an internet meme and Twitter, I knew I had found my tribe. You had me at meme, Hardwick. You had me at meme.

The problem with these podcast is that they are hilariously funny. And when you’re walking along a crowded street, or riding a crowded train and you laugh out loud, repeatedly, at something, you get a lot of strange looks. Lately I seem to smile and laugh the hardest when I’m walking past a group of people and I’m pretty sure they think I’m grinning at them like a damn fool. Such is life, though. Such is life.

It also doesn’t hurt that Chris Hardwick is absolutely adorable. And an age-appropriate crush to boot!

Swoooooon.

They are touring the country and after many failed attempts, I finally found someone to go with me to see The Nerdist Podcast Live! with me this Friday. (You’re my hero DJ!) I realized that telling people it was The Nerdist garnered the same reaction I had when I first downloaded the podcast. It’s a comedy show, though! Hilarious! And yes, sometimes they talk about Dr. Who and quadratic equations, but they also make me laugh until my stomach hurts.

I cannot wait to see the show and my future husband live and in person!

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, Mayor of Band Geekdom | 8 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on March 28, 2012

Today started off really weird.

First there was the fact that I was up, wide awake at 4 AM dying of thirst. This was to be blamed on the many pints of beer and glasses of wine I consumed on Tuesday night while out with a friend.

I know better than to drink on school nights. I know that it fills my night with restless sleep and usually panic attacks over the lack of being able to sleep. It doesn’t matter if I have one drink or 20.

When my alarm went off, I did what I do every day – I turned it off and then reset the alarm for 30 minutes later.

Well, at least that was what I thought I did.

Apparently I shut off the alarm and then reset the clock 30 minutes ahead.

Fast forward 20 minutes to see me losing my shit because I thought it was 7:30 and I was running super late and no one likes to be jolted out of bed. And also, why didn’t the alarm go off?

I looked at my phone and it said it was like 6:45. I didn’t believe my phone. I rationally assumed my manually set alarm clock was correct and my cell phone was wrong and the world’s clock was off!

So here I am, half asleep, exhausted, pushing buttons on the alarm and my phone, then checking the clock on the Fitbit just to figure out what damn time it was. There was a lot of nonsensical speech and arms flailing until I got my wits about me, some five minutes later.

It’s a good thing I am not in charge of taking care of human lives since I’m dumbfounded by the workings of a clock and how to tell time.

And as an added bonus, I give you the world’s least unflattering photo of someone running. Caption: “Kill me now!”

Caption that, friends.

You’re welcome.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, Run Forrest | 7 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on March 26, 2012

On Sunday I had the pleasure of running in the Shamrock Shuffle race here in lovely downtown Chicago. By the fact that I am writing this, it should be clear that it did not kill me.

I’ve done this race once before. That time was on even less training. But I was also five years younger. This time around I had made it to the end of the Couch to 5k program and had run a solid 30 minutes straight. Too bad the Shamrock Shuffle is 8k. Which is an additional 3k. Or almost 2 more miles!

I was super nervous. I’m not sure why. Nothing was riding on it except my pride. I knew that if I walked, it would not be the end of the world and even if I walked the whole thing, I would still finish in the allotted time and not be kicked off the course.

But something about having to walk when you’re running it such a mental sucker punch. Mentally it makes me feel like such a failure. Forget the fact that I’m RUNNING. And I am running for many minutes in a row, something I couldn’t do eight weeks ago. It doesn’t matter because mentally it feels like someone kicked my dog.

I ran with Katie and tried to warn her that I run slowly. Despite my long legs, I have a very short running stride. Taking longer strides fucks with my mind and my breathing. Running: A constant mindfuck since the dawn of upright humans!

Katie is the same height as me and also has very long legs. She does not, though, have a short running stride. She’s also run a half marathon and is much more experienced runner than couch-to-5k me.

We moved closer to the end of the 40,000 runners at the start line. I think we hit the start line over an hour after the race had begun. Before we even hit the starting line, the elite runners were already done and on their third banana.

Katie started off like a rocket. Because she is tall, with a long stride and hates crowds. I too hate crowds, but cannot run fast to save my life. I don’t think it would be possible even if a zombie was chasing me.

I tried to keep up and I slowed her a little, but I think our first mile was a nine-minute mile. Considering I had been running 12-minute miles, I was about ready to quit after the first mile. But I didn’t.

I did walk sooner than I wanted. And regretted not going pee and drinking that second bottle of water before the race. That water and the RUNNING SO FAST gave me a side stitch and made me want to vomit for basically the rest of the race.

We slowed it down quite a bit, but I still had a few sessions of walking as the race went on. And then the sun started scorching me and I realized long, black yoga pants were not a good call, and basically, I wanted to die.

Katie had enough of me during the last half-mile and blew past me and everyone else and met me at the finish line.

The Shuffle is evil and it makes you run up this hill on Roosevelt with like a third of a mile left. You can see the finish line, but you also want to stab a kitten because HILLS! AT THE END! And that SUN! SO HOT! FUCK YOU ALL IN THE EYE!

I ended up walking up part of the hill, but I ran the rest of the way and then all the way to the finish. I tried to sprint through the finish line, but it wasn’t possible. Maybe, had the reward been a fucking TV, I would have sprinted, but I just jogged as best I could.

And I finished! And I would say I ran like 90 percent of it. I tried to make my walking breaks short. My time was under an hour, which was a faster pace than I had been doing – under a 12-minute mile. (And faster than 5 years ago!) Thanks to Katie for keeping me company and pushing me!

All in all, it was a great day. And I’m proud of myself of doing it. And now I’ve signed up for another race in April and will be starting the Bridge to 10k program next week.

So I guess I’m a runner now and not just a “runner”.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Chi-town, Healthy Living, Run Forrest, Working On My Fitness | 17 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on March 20, 2012

I’m pretty sure my cat Simba is trying to kill me.

He looks innocent enough and he’s a very loving cat and I’ve never met one person who doesn’t immediately fall in love with this cat. He LOVES people. And if you pet him and let him sit on your lap? You’ll be his friend forever.

I, on the other hand, am not his favorite. Yes, I feed him and pet him and give him treats, but I hate having him on my lap. Because he doesn’t sit on your lap, he has to lay on your whole person. And well, it’s annoying.

So he retaliates. In cat-like fashion. He pukes on my pillow or in my shoe. Or most recently, on my library book. He scratches the shit out of things. He drags is poopy ass on the carpet. He gives me the evil eye.

And now? Now he’s trying to kill me.

In the morning right before I’m getting ready to leave, I sit on the edge of the bed and put my commuting shoes on. Usually it’s my tennis shoes, since we haven’t had much of a winter and I wore my new snow boots twice.

It’s become part of our routine where I tie the shoes and fling the laces and he chases them and then attacks my shoes.

Usually I’m too quick on the draw and tie them before he can really play. But apparently one day, I wasn’t paying enough attention and he thought he’d show me who was boss.

After our little game, I got my stuff and got set to leave the house. As far as I knew, since I had just put them on, my shoes were tied tight. They were set to make my daily commute to the office.

So I put on my coat, locked the front door and headed down the stairs in the building to the outside. As I was jogging down the stairs, since I was late for the bus as per usual, I tripped and almost tumbled down the whole flight. Thank you, railing, for allowing me to catch myself and not land on my face.

(I know I’m clumsy, but I can usually make it down two flights of stairs in the morning without any mishaps.)

I looked down at my shoe – UNTIED! The damn cat put his claw into the lace and loosened it just enough so that I would trip down the stairs. This is no way to treat the human that feeds you!

It’s a good thing he’s cute.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, Crazy Cat Lady, Spinsterville Here I Come | 3 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on March 19, 2012

I’ve always been a supporter of Weight Watchers. It’s an excellent plan that teaches you how to eat healthy and eat the right amount and make good decisions. I lost a lot of weight on the program back in 2003. And I kept it off for a good 3 years.

Since that time, they’ve tweaked the program. The most recent change was a good one. It made the focus on healthy choices, as opposed to processed foods. Fruits and veggies were zero points! Yay!

I did OK on this new program. I lost about 12 pounds in like four months. Not too shabby. I realized that my metabolism had slowed down and I needed to be much better about working out.

When I got back on the healthy eating/exercising more train this year, I went back to Weight Watchers. It was my stand by. It worked before, it would work again.

But it wasn’t. I mean, I was losing some weight here and there, but nothing big. This was fine because my clothes were looser and I knew I was losing inches. And I know it can take a while for the scale to just start being your BFF.

That’s when you’re being vigilant. And I don’t think I can on WW anymore. I can easily cheat and I’ll guesstimate with measuring. And I never counted fruits or vegetables. And you know what? Those things, especially fruits, have a boatload of calories.

Then I got my Fitbit. And it works with some calorie tracking apps, FREE calorie tracking apps. And it all syncs together so nicely, the calorie tracking website talks to the Fitbit website and it’s just so smooth.

So last week I decided to quit WW and its monthly fee. I feel like the calorie counting thing makes sense. Especially when my activity and calories burned for the day are automatically synched with the food tracking site. Easy peasy!

I feel like there’s less room for me to fudge with calorie counting. There are no 49 flex points each week. Nothing is free. There is no being able to literally binge one day and not worry about it. This is making me more accountable for everything I eat because I know there isn’t a pile of points sitting there, begging for me to drink a whole bottle of wine.

(Also, my bank account likes being fatter with the extra $15 a month it has now.)

And on the other hand, you can have extra food/drinks when you’re tracking calories. But you have to earn them. You have to exercise and burn calories to be able to treat yourself to a few glasses of wine or a slice of pizza. That’s how the WW of old was, you banked those points from working out. It gave you an incentive to work out and earn those extra points to be able to have fun on the weekends!

Regardless of how I’m tracking, I’m moving more and eating less. The Fitbit makes me want to be more active. I HAVE to get to my goal of 10,000 steps each day. So if that means I pace the house while I brush my teeth, or I get off a stop earlier on the train, so be it.

Eating less and moving more – what they’ve been preaching since the dawn of time. Probably because it works. Imagine that!

Category: Healthy Living, Mmmm Food, Working On My Fitness, WW | 10 Comments »
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