Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on May 15, 2008

So tonight I went with my mom to see Jersey Boys. It was her Christmas present from me. Only five months late. In exchange, I paid for dinner. And her key lime pie martinis.

The show was FANTASTIC. Now, growing up as a band geek and with a mother who LOVES MUSICALS, I have an insane love of musical theatre. And now that Broadway is making a huge comeback in Chicago with some great shows that are sticking around, it is nice to have these cultured activities at my fingertips. Because otherwise I might end up on a street corner in a wife beater with a can of PBR in my hand reminiscing about my missing teeth from days gone by.

I was excited for the show, but wasn’t looking forward to it as much as Wicked, mostly because I read that book and knew what to expect. With Jersey Boys, I just kind of knew the songs, but didn’t know the story. But I have to tell you, it was so awesome! I mean, you know like all the songs already because they are the songs of The Four Seasons. And I was just in awe of my new boyfriend and his range and sounding just like Frankie Valli. If you think about it (if you even know what Frankie Valli sounds like – think Big Girls Don’t Cry and Walk Like A Man) then you know that is not a voice that is easily replicated. And this guy, Jarrod Spector, my new boyfriend, is awesome. And he’s so little, I just wanted to fold him up into a pocket handkerchief and carry him around with me everywhere.

See?

If he was only about six inches taller, I would go stalk him in Chicago. Here is a link to him singing on the Emmys back in 2007 to a Sopranos montage. Swoon.

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In other news, I was just wondering why the chick who moved in across the courtyard from me still hasn’t unpacked. Almost a week later. Like there were no sheets on her bed still. And that skeeves me out. Big time!

And also, her dining room table is in the living room.

What? She’s the one who chooses to keep her blinds open. Chicky should know she moved across from a Snoopy Susan.

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If you were a cat, why would eat your own hair that you’ve shed and rubbed all over the area rug? Because you know what, stupid cat? I’m tired of cleaning up your barf from when you puke said hair up. God didn’t make you shed for you to EAT IT.

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For those of you who didn’t win the Jen Lancaster book, I have another book contest coming up very, very soon. I am so cool to have author friends! Yay!

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For those of you that did win, I still haven’t mailed the books yet. Um, yeah, sorry. It’s the EXHAUSTION.

Which, speaking of, I need to get my ass to bed to sweet dreams of Frankie Valli’s voice and my new boyfriend.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, I Has Culture | 19 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on May 13, 2008

I would first like to say THANK YOU to all of you, the internet’s best readers, for all your comments and emails on my last post. I have a huge fear of putting things out there like that because the assvice can start to run rampant sometimes. But I never felt that way because you all are awesome and were making suggestions to help me get better. You definitely meant well. Or disguised it well enough that I didn’t have to bitchslap you through Gmail.

Well, except for all you people who suggested more exercise. What the fuck is wrong with you? Have we met? Me and The Lazies? We are best friends. And that isn’t changing any time soon. Although people at work are making me walk during lunch so The Lazies and I might be on a little bit of a break right now.

I have had a lot of time to think about this. I thought about it after I hit publish. And then I thought about it all day at work after reading all the comments and emails. And I think I’ve gotten inside my head too much because now if I sneeze I’m pretty sure that it is the Ebola virus and that I am also BLEEDING ON THE INSIDE. EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH ME! NOTHING IS WORKING! GAH!

Here are a few things I have decided:

1) Maybe I am possibly depressed. And I think there is a small (LARGE) part of me that might be telling myself sometimes that I’m fine and that everyone goes through funks and gets a little down because I don’t want to go back on medication. When I went on it the first time, my awesome P-sychiatrist told me that if doctor’s called depression some fancy, schmancy disease name, like hypothrombulismitision, no one would bat an eye that you were taking medicine for it. But because it is depression, people think you are weak and can’t handle LIFE and you need medicine to do what every other normal person can do on their own.

The problem with that is that my brain wasn’t working right, and I needed the medication to fix that. Why can’t I get past the stigma and move on and just make myself better? It is no different than thyroid medicine or allergy medicine. Most of us have things we need to take to make us right.

2) When I had my last bout of hypothrombulismitision it got really, really bad before it got better. Am I waiting until it gets that bad again before I do something about it? Am I ignoring subtle signs because I just think of the BIG signs from last time?

3) Am I depressed or am I tired? It’s like the chicken before the egg debate. Am I depressed and it is causing me to be grumpy and tired and uninterested? Or because I’m tired and can’t get enough sleep am I cranky and irritable and uninterested?

4) I need a prescription for daily naps. STAT.

5) A very wise person (Hi Angel!) emailed me and reminded me that you know what? I have had some rough times in the last few years. It was just a year ago that I got fired for the blog, became unemployed AGAIN and had to look for a job AGAIN. That plus the current and ongoing uncertainty at work, that is a lot for my little brain to handle. So maybe the synapses just said “STOP FIRING! GO HIDE! ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!”

6) I have way too much time on my hands to spend just thinking. And I do just that. And clearly, I need to stop doing that.

7) There are TOO MANY people out there that have thyroid problems that go undetected. I have heard from so many people that the standard one they do doesn’t usually catch issues. Then why aren’t doctors making the other tests mandatory? And why aren’t they paying more attention to the SYMPTOMS? I may not have a thyroid issue, or I may, but regardless, people it is your body. TRUST IT. Don’t let a doctor bully you into anything. We all deserve the best care. Make damn sure you get it. /soapbox

8) Do you know what is in the middle of the word synapse? NAP. I’m just saying.

So with all this thinking and overthinking and stressing and worrying and all that goes with a very-slow-at-the-moment job and idle time, I have decided a few things:

1) I’m going to find a therapist. I’m going to talk to a professional and see what they have to say. THEN I will decide if I go back on the medication or not. I feel better about a head doctor prescribing those, rather than a general practitioner. I just think sometimes in our society we are too quick to prescribe medication as a cure-all in every situation. (No, Tom Cruise did not just take over my blog.) And I want to make sure that if I’m going back on anti-depressants, I’m doing it for the right reasons and making me better and whole. Not just because some busy internist thought it was best.

2) I’m going to make myself believe there is nothing wrong with having to take anti-depressants for the rest of my life. There are hundreds of thousands of people who are in the same boat. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. I need to change the “tape” in my head as my old bitch of a therapist used to say. She was all fine and good until she threatened to sue me over HER billing mistake.

3) If I’m still feeling the same or worse, I’m going to make my doctor re-check my thyroid levels and I’m going to make her do all the tests. And if she won’t, I’ll find someone who will. Because I need to make sure that everything is working properly in this big ol’ body of mine. I plan to use it and abuse it for years and years to come.

4) I’m going to get the fuck over myself and bring back the funny.

5) I will not forget to ask What Would Bacon Do? And Bacon says “Boycott Tofu” because nothing will make you sleepier and crazier than that nasty bean curd tasteless shit. Meat is the answer.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy | 31 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on May 12, 2008

The doctor’s office called today with the results from my appointment last week. I was waiting impatiently to hear back from her because I want to know NOW why I’m so tired and PLEASE TO MAKE IT GO AWAY? NOW?!?!! KTHXBAI.

Basically what they told me is what I feared the most – my levels on everything were all normal. Which means I’m just tired. So I should shut the fuck up, already, right?

No. Not right.

See, here’s the thing. So last week when we were going through all this, the doctor mentioned that this might be depression. And I told her I had battled depression a few years ago. I went on anti-depressants, did the therapy thing and got better.

So she did tell me that there is a good chance the depression monster has reared his head again and that is what is causing me to be so tired. So I might have to go back on the meds again.

The problem is, I don’t feel depressed. And you know what? I don’t want to go on meds again. I know that they might make me better, but I do not want to revert to anti-depressants every time I feel tired or some small thing happens.

The last time was different. I KNEW there was something wrong. I wasn’t sleeping, I was cranky and I was snapping at everyone in my life. I hated my job, I didn’t want to be around friends, I pretty much hated life and everything in it. I had reached a low point and I knew I needed to get help. I KNEW I needed to talk to someone because I couldn’t go on like this.

The breaking point was the last night of training camp in 2004, usually my favorite night because we would go out and party with the interns and have a fantabulous time. I not only DIDN’T want to go, I also made sure to drive myself so that after dinner, I could get the hell out of there. Which is what I did. I tried to hang, but I couldn’t. I wanted to be anywhere but right there with my friends and co-workers. So I went home. I was no fun to be around and I had no intention of ruining their fun night with my sadness and anger and crabbiness.

I cried the whole way home, all the while yelling at myself because WHY WAS I CRYING? I had NO REASON to be crying. And yet, I couldn’t shut off the tears.

The next day, I called a therapist and I worked on getting better.

And I did. The medication worked wonders. I felt better in a few weeks. I was getting back to my old self. And I was working through some issues with my therapist. I stayed on the medication for a little over a year and I’ve been fine since.

Now the doctor tells me that it could be that depression all over again. But the thing is, I don’t feel depressed. Am I cranky because I’m so tired, or because I’m depressed? Am I more emotional because of the exhaustion or the depression? Is my lack of motivation due to lack of energy or depression? It’s like a good vs. evil battle in my head.

Devil KJ: You are SO depressed! Look at you! You’re fat and single and have no prospects and as we sit here your ovaries are drying up!

Angel KJ: You are so right! I am depressed! Why wouldn’t I be? Who would want to be with me? I’m a fat spinster no one wants to marry. No wonder I’m tired.

Devil KJ: Yeah! All you want to do is lie around and be lazy and watch TV and sleep. DE-PRESSION!

Angel KJ: Oh my God, how have I missed it? I mean, I’ve always loved lying around doing nothing and being lazy, but this must mean depression! And totally explains the exhaustion!

Devil KJ: You have lost interest in things in your life, not because you are tired, but because you are depressed, woman!

Angel KJ: That is so symptoms of depression. Dr. Google and WebMD told me so. Wah wah wah.

Here’s the thing, though. Did you know that a symptom of thyroid problems is DEPRESSION? And that the extreme exhaustion that usually comes with thyroid issues will make you cranky and tired and lazy and uninterested in most things? Just like depression? (Can you tell what I did at work today?)

I’m not wishing thyroid problems on myself. Because that is more medication. And for the rest of my life, most likely. But I have been reading Y from Joy Unexpected who is battling this and says “don’t let them ignore the symptoms and tell you it is normal!” I am just thinking that it makes more sense to ME and the symptoms I’m feeling that it isn’t depression. Am I cranky and tired and have no energy? Yes. But you know why? Because I’m constantly exhausted. And that is what always happens to me when I don’t get enough sleep.

Maybe I’m just wishing it is something like that because I fear going back on the anti-depressants. Not because they don’t work, they do. They made me myself again the last time I took them. But I don’t really want to be on that medicine when I feel fine. When I don’t feel depressed. And I don’t want to be on that medication for the rest of my life. I just don’t. I know that sounds silly, especially if they make me better, but the idea of taking those from here on out, even off and on, makes me feel weak. Because I shouldn’t need a crutch. My synapses should just fire normally, dammit!

I want it to be something else because lately when I’m doing the things I most enjoy, hanging with the people I love the most, is when I feel the worst exhaustion – the deep down into your soul tiredness, the desire to sleep on a sidewalk fatigue. I want it to be something else if it means those happy things make it worse. Because those things should make everything better. I want to be able to enjoy things I love without having to be on medicine.

The doctor was out of the office today, so I’m hoping to talk to her tomorrow and see what is next. I’m sure she will put me back on medication. But if that doesn’t work, I’m going to make her retest my thyroid levels. And I’m going to make her find a solution to this problem. The RIGHT solution.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy | 34 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on May 11, 2008

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. And as my sister told me, I am allowed to celebrate today because I’m a mother. A mother fucker.

(I know you’re all scratching your heads wondering how we could even be related.)

In return I broke the plate I was washing and went to STAB her in the eye with the pointy piece of plate in my hand. Until she reminded me she brought the American Idol Karaoke game for the Wii. And all was forgiven as I sang out my anger on a lovely rendition of “Come Sail Away” by Styx.

We also had ribs for dinner, which was a great way to stuff my childless, spinster face. And celebrate the moms all at the same time. Nothing says “Thanks Mom!” like a full slab of ribs and a baked potato.

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In other news, I wanted to let everyone know that my five-mile walk for the American Cancer Society is next Sunday! And I’m still $130 away from my goal. So I’m now resorting to BEGGING to get me to my goal. Because the $1,000 milestone is a lovely cooler as a prize, which I will be raffling off to all of my blog readers that donate! (Read original begging here.)

So do you see that lovely, cute button over there on my right-hand sidebar? Click there and donate! It can be $5 or $10 or whatever you want to give to such a great charity like the American Cancer Society!

Thanks to all the lovely people that have donated! I am AMAZED by all your generosity! I’m so excited to walk my ass off for your donations. I’m planning to plan hilarious photos along the walk to share with you next week. Possibly after an Irish Coffee or two.

So if you can, please help me and click here or on the button on the right to help me get to my goal and help kick cancer in the balls!

Plus, you might also win a cooler! A cooler that will hold beer or other refreshing adult beverages.

Category: All Things Blogging, Charity | 12 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on May 8, 2008

So, remember that one time, like I don’t know, weeks ago? When I mentioned that I may quite possibly be a little tired? You may not remember that one time because it’s not like I’ve gone on and on about the EXHAUSTION because who would do that? Not me, that’s for sure. Because I’m awesome like that.

Today I not only contemplated going to bed at 6 PM, I also thought a dumpster in an alley in downtown Chicago would be a comfortable place to take a long six-hour nap. Because I was that tired. Because apparently walking around the city the whole day, totally does not make the exhaustion any better. At all.

I also went to the doctor today. She took some blood. And asked me “well, what happens if the tests come back fine and you’re still tired? Let’s talk about that. Because then you’re just going to be tired and I’m going to have to write you a prescription for naps in the middle of the day.”

I should get the results back in a day or two and I am hoping for this to be fixed soon. Or to get those naps in. My doctor SAID!

But I did have an awesome time with my friend Lori, who was in town. We hung out on Wednesday night and then spent all day today pal-ing around the city. And then I had popcorn for dinner. Not just any popcorn. Garrett’s popcorn. Which I would give my left nipple for.

Last night we went out for dinner, had a few drinks and then went to Rockit, which has some of the world’s best martinis. Like, in the WORLD. (That link plays music, so don’t click it if you’re annoyed easily like an overtired, snarky blogger. Because it will irritate you.) They have one called Dirty Girl Scout, which I didn’t want to order based on principle because Girl Scouts are good people and they are serving our community and wearing ugly uniforms all whilst learning to tie knots and build fires with a rock and a piece of string. Let’s not disrespect the Girl Scouts.

But then I TRIED the Dirty Girl Scout. And disrespect away, bitches, because that shit is the TASTIEST thing I’ve ever had in my life. And if my cholesterol comes back high, I’m totally blaming it on this drink. Because fuck the doctor and that whole “not eating or drinking after midnight” shit. DIRTY GIRL SCOUT. Enough. Said.

We met a nice dude from San Antonio, who Lori and I were totally all “we want to go to San Antonio. Give us your card! You can totally show us around when we come.” It’s nice to know that blurting out insane things isn’t just limited to me. And it probably explains a whole hell of a lot about why we’re such good friends.

We told San Antonio about the Dirty Girl Scout and all its girly fabulousness. And I, being, well, me, was all “it’s SO good. Want to taste?” And then I let a STRANGE MAN take a sip from my glass. Which I guess is weird, but seeing as I would have not minded to have this STRANGE MAN stick his tongue in my mouth, it seemed oh so harmless in my backwards-ass brain.

After three martinis (after a few mixed drinks with dinner) we went over to Howl at the Moon. Because I make everyone I know LOVE this place. And we had a good time. I switched to drinking beer because you know what? It has no cholesterol and it’s like water, so shut the fuck up doctor with your cholesterol tests that I don’t need because I’m JUST TIRED.

There is a nursing conference in town and they were all at Howl at the Moon. And they were ALL dancing on the stage. Even the male nurses. Including one very seemingly gay nurse. Who was shaking his ass like his nursing job depended on it. And then we decided we (by we, I mean me) that nurse would become code word for a gay person. And then you could yell out NURSE! And make yourself hyperventilate from the fit of giggles.

It was pretty funny after three Dirty Girl Scouts, let me tell you!

Then during “Pour Some Sugar on Me” the piano guys were singing “Pour Some Sucrose on Me” for the nurses and the NURSES. Again, funny after thin mints in a glass.

Today we just hung out downtown, went to Millennium Park because people love The Bean (as do I).

Oooooh, shiny steel!

And we had lunch with my mom because Lori has actually never met my mom. And then we both got really tired and went to this awesome tea shop to rest our weary bones and then it was time for Lori to leave. But it was a fantabulous time with her and I’m really excited to help her celebrate her 30th in a few weeks in San Francisco! Because really, we can make watching paint dry on a two-by-four in a tornado fun.

 

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Gotta Have Friends, Hooch Hilarity | 27 Comments »
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