Mrs. Marcia Dentist

Posted By on November 7, 2011

Oh yes, I am continuing with the Brady Bunch theme. And this post has nothing to do with wanting to marry my dentist, even if he did look like Dr. Vogel. He doesn’t. He looks like Larry David.

So remember when this happened? The verdict was “your tooth is shit and you are going to need it pulled and get an implant.”

So what did I do? I decided I would ignore it because my dentist cemented the crown back on temporarily and it would last a little while longer. I just wouldn’t eat gummy candy on that side of my mouth.

Done and done!

*makes hand wiping gesture to the computer screen*

I finally bit the bullet and went for a consult a few weeks ago. I knew this was going to be pricey. And drawn out. I figured it would be best to get the first part done this year. That way I could plan ahead for the rest of the procedures with my flexible spending account next year. And/or sell my wilted eggs.

I’m having my tooth pulled on November 18. And then he’s doing a bone graft. And lots of other things that cost a lot of money, aren’t covered by insurance and are necessary because I will need my mouth, teeth and jaw for a lot more years, I hope. (He kept telling me he knew I was going to live into my 90s.)

AND! I’m not getting put under! I’m only doing nitrous because to get put all the way under would have cost me $700 more! Which is ridiculous! I will just deal with the tugging and the pulling and the sawing and all the other unpleasant shit. Hmmmm, maybe I should spend the extra to go under.

The lovely Daisy is going to be a peach and pick me up after surgery. So I full on intend for her to tweet and video tape me in my medically-induced haze. I’d be disappointed if she didn’t.

There is a problem in all of this. Besides being awake for the whole thing and the whole “tooth pulling costing as much as a mortgage payment” thing. Oral surgeon Larry David says there is a bit of an infection in the root of my tooth. (It’s a tooth that had a root canal on it like 20 years ago, so I don’t feel anything.) So in preparation, Surgeon Larry David wants me to take an antibiotic to make sure the infection is all gone.

No big deal, right?

That’s what I was thinking. Until I woke up in a panic in the middle of the night the other night remembering what happened the last time I took antibiotics.

The Kristin Johnsons! POOP IN THE FRIDGE.

So now I’ve got myself all worked up. But I’m going to plan ahead with probiotics now. That way I’ll be all good once I start the antibiotics on Friday.

Because nothing says attractive like a missing tooth and shitting your pants.


About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


6 Responses to “Mrs. Marcia Dentist”

  1. TUWABVB says:

    I think we’ve chatted about this, but my mom had Cdiff and she is not allowed on antibiotics anymore because of it. Make sure you talk to your primary doctor before you start on them – I think they have other options if you can’t use them – but then again, your doctor might say it’s okay. Just be careful!

  2. Alice says:

    eeeeeeek so many parts of this are cringey. i’m so sorry. probiotics are definitely your friend though! if you get the KJs again, i think you should track down Jamie Lee Curtis and give HER a stool sample.
    Alice´s last blog post ..Fakesgiving!

  3. alimartell says:

    I had my wisdom teeth pulled without being put under. You will totally be fine! The money issues, though….SUUUUUCKS. Again…you need to move to Canada.

  4. Um, I had this exact same procedure done. I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND getting nitrous. I’m not trying to worry you, but speaking from experience there is no way I’d ever do this again.
    nancypearlwannabe´s last blog post ..High School, Beer, and Cheese

  5. Angella says:

    Hoping for a pain-free surgery and poop-free recovery. 🙂
    Angella´s last blog post ..The Middle Child

  6. Daisy says:

    Sorry this comment took me so long, but I’ve been busy charging all my cameras & video apparatus.