Crown of Thorns

Posted By on July 12, 2011

So I know I promised 21 days in a row. And well, that was probably 21 days ago. And well, I haven’t lived up to that. But! I am posting more, which is good, yes? And I’m feeling the need and desire to post more and share stories with y’all, and that was the whole point, so win?

In all honesty, I will be finished with Mad Men by this coming weekend, so I’m thinking I’ll have a lot more time to write, since there is nothing on TV.

Speaking of Mad Men, the Don Draper bot @ replied to me on Twitter and it still make me giddy. Don Draper replied to meeee! TO MEEEEEE! *swoon*


I actually had a whole post I was going to put here, talking about how tired I am because I was hanging with my niece this weekend, but then this afternoon, I decided to indulge in some Swedish Fish. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was craving some candy and I know that it’s not worth denying it. Unfortunately for me, I’ve been indulging all my cravings lately, which is why I have put back on some of the weight I lost.

Anyway, back to the Swedish Fish. Man, I love them. I love any chewy, fruity candy. In fact, since starting my new job, I may have become addicted to the Sunkist fruit snacks they carry at 7-11 downstairs. It’s too easy to indulge when I just have to take the elevator down to the lobby.

My love of chewy, fruity candy is nothing new. Starburst have been my favorite candy since forever. But I never thought this love affair would come back to bite me.

See, today, as I was eating an obscene amount of Swedish Fish, I felt my tooth, as I bit down. “Hmm,” I thought. “That’s odd.” Deciding to investigate further, I felt around in my mouth in case I had somehow chipped a tooth. “Nope, all teeth present and accounted for,” I lamented. And then I felt my tooth way in the back, the one with the crown on it. And it moved. The fucking porcelain tooth, that is CEMENTED ON, moved. Which means those fucking fish (and years of Starburst, Skittles and fruit snacks) popped my fucking crown loose!

Thankfully, this tooth was a root canal, so I am not in any pain. Not so thankfully is that this tooth had a root canal when I was like 12, and has had a crown on ever since. It has been replaced once. This is not good because there isn’t much of an actual tooth left. So I’m hoping that this doesn’t mean thousands of dollars of dental repairs.

The problem I’m having now, until I can get in to see the dentist tomorrow evening, is that I can’t stop fussing with it. I’ve already wiggled it completely loose and taken it out. And you know what? It reeks. I mean, it’s understandable as it has been in my mouth for like 10 years, but still. I’m not pleased with having dragon breath all day tomorrow until I get to the dentist. (Don’t worry, I stocked up on Altoids after work.)

But even worse than that is my fear that my dentist will tell me I can never have candy, especially Swedish Fish, again.


About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


7 Responses to “Crown of Thorns”

  1. alimartell says:

    I’m about to blow your mind.
    Wait for it…

    I have never had a Starburst in my entire life.
    Also to add to that list? Skittles.

    In other news, I am so sorry for your teeth troubles.

  2. Angella says:

    I’m more of a sour candy fan myself, but those buggers are pretty sticky too. Here’s hoping it doesn’t cost a lot to replace!!

  3. Here is hoping your dentist can get you fixed up with a minimum of fuss and dollars out of your wallet!

    I have a few crowns also, and am hoping the day does not come where one of them will have to be replaced… far, so good.

    Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes, okay?

  4. Carrisa says:

    Swedish Fish are probably the worst offenders in the gummy candy world. They stick to your teeth like no other.

    My favorite gummy candies are Black Forest Juicy Oozers Gummy Sharks. They are cherry flavored gummy sharks with a gooey cherry center. Oh and I can eat a ton of cherry sours too.

    Here’s hoping you can get it fixed for cheap and not have to give up the candy.

  5. Alice says:

    sounds to me like your dentist doesn’t need to know EXAAAAAACTLY what you were eating when the crown popped off. i mean, just to be safe. ignorance is bliss, i say!

  6. lceel says:

    I love Swedish Fish. So does my wife, my best friend, and his ex-wife. We go to Walgreens and raid the candy aisle just for Swedish Fish. But I can’t eat so many, anymore. Type II Diabetic, after all.

    I wonder if that’s why …..

  7. Allison says:

    If you have to choose between Swedish Fish and a tooth…the fish always win. Screw the tooth.