Crazy Biker Magnet

Posted By on February 22, 2010

Is Lent over yet? My God, imagine if I were to give up something good, like booze or meat or cheese. I would be the unhappiest person on the planet. I mean, I’m struggling enough with this blogging Lensolution, could you imagine if I really gave up something? And yes, I plan to talk about the blogging Lensolution every day during Lent. Although, it needs a new name. Maybe PoLent? BlogLent? Something.

So I’m reaching to find topics to write about. Which is probably good, since my brain should think about more than reality television, cheese and sleep. But I think it is also bad because man, there are going to be some craptastic posts in the next however-many-days-it-is-until-Easter.

Remember my story about the crazy biker? The one who CHASED me into the hair salon to tell me how much of an asshole I was for almost hitting him with my car door? Well, it happened again.

I know, I KNOW! You’re thinking “damn woman, look in your side mirrors and this will not happen!” But! I’m telling you that since that incident, I HAVE looked in my mirrors and I’ve turned around and I’ve been so careful! I swear, there is something about this neighborhood.

Why yes, yes it did happen in the same neighborhood. It was about 1/4 mile from the last incident. (It’s my old neighborhood, so I still go to everything there since it isn’t that far from my current abode.)

Last Thursday, I went to the eye doctor. Remember, I had my pupils dilated? So I parked on a major street outside my eye doctor’s office. As I was sitting there, getting my purse together, I saw a guy zoom by on his bike. It was a nice reminder to MAKE SURE I CHECKED FOR BIKERS. So I did. I looked in the rearview mirror, I looked in the side mirror, I turned around to look behind me to make sure there were no bikers in my blind spot or within a 1/2-mile radius of my car. When I saw NO ONE, I opened the door. And THERE WAS A FUCKING BIKER! I swear I looked! He was zooming really fast so one of two things happened: 1) he was going so fast that in the split second from when I turned to grab my purse he came out of nowhere, apparently going 70 miles an hour or 2) he came from the side street that was behind me and that’s why I didn’t see him.

I apologized profusely, AGAIN, and told him I was sorry. He was not happy and of course STOPPED his bike in the street to tell me I could have taken his arm off. Like I fucking swung my door WIDE open on a four-lane, major thoroughfare in Chicago. IN RUSH HOUR. He didn’t appreciate my apology so I told him to go fuck himself and went into the eye doctor’s office. Not running, per se, but walking at a faster pace than normal so that in case he decided to beat me with his U-Lock, there were witnesses. Thankfully, I wasn’t worth his time.

And now I’m scared for when I have to go back to pick up my contacts. I think I’ll park on a side street. Or take the bus. Or post a sign like this on my car as a warning:

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


15 Responses to “Crazy Biker Magnet”

  1. I was beginning to think this Biker’s Entitlement Movement was isolated to Austin but it’s comforting to hear it’s spread to Chicago. I am a firm believer that if you are behind me, you have a MUCH better view of what I am doing and should plan accordingly. Or drive a car, hippy!
    .-= thecoconutdiaries´s last blog ..I’m In Love With A Stripper =-.

  2. Jenn says:

    I’m a cyclist, and I think this behavior is ridiculous. I like the term ‘entitlement’ in the previous comment, because that’s exactly what it is and…WTF? First, even if you HADN”T looked, the swearing is downright uncivilized and, frankly, unacceptable. Second, you APOLOGIZED – what the hell else do they want? Not accepting the apology = also, uncivilized. The cyclist/auto relationship and cycling in general here in Europe is near the tippy top of my list (behind only wine, beer, and cheese) of reasons why I sometimes think I could live here forever. Sometimes. (Oh, and really, we’re not all hippies. The idea of me EVER being called a hippy…just…wow. Makes me giggle).

    On an unrelated note, Noah the Bear enjoyed the Roman baths at Baden Baden yesterday and is feeling quite rejuvenated. He will write and send pics to Noah the Boy very shortly.
    .-= Jenn´s last blog ..Fact-free Europe (Part Zwei) =-.

  3. Scarlet says:

    Whatever- so many bike riders suck. I think this is just punishment for the majority of them who don’t follow traffic laws.
    .-= Scarlet´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Girl =-.

  4. Libby says:

    My Lent ended last Thursday night. That’s when I poured a glass of wine and took a sip totally not thinking about it. And then I figured Jesus must like me better drunk.

  5. paperdiva says:

    Once again, I have to just laugh with you because SHIT LIKE THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN TO ANYONE ELSE! I really don’t know what more they expect you to do. Install a beeping or flashing device on your door? Then you could totally go postal on THEM when they run into you.
    .-= paperdiva´s last blog ..serendipity =-.

  6. Darcey says:

    This just goes back to my thought that most people are assholes. I’m sorry (I’m not) but it’s true. Maybe the biker needs to learn to not ride so closely to parked cars? Or maybe that if he sees someone in the car, to ride wide left? Or how about simply accept an apology when the person OBVIOUSLY didn’t do it on purpose?

    .-= Darcey´s last blog ..Happy Valentine’s Day =-.

  7. Cass says:

    *shakes head* Your luck…seriously. What is up with that?
    .-= Cass´s last blog ..Valentine’s Day, lingerie & what makes you feel sexy =-.

  8. Mahnee says:

    Bikers taking over where cab drivers left off???????

  9. Kerri Anne says:

    Yeah, stopping to cuss at you? Not cool, no matter how scared he was about becoming the one-armed man. Which, hello, Mr. Melodramatic.
    .-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..Noteworthy =-.

  10. Amber says:

    I think there’s only one possible explanationfor this, and it’s that the bikers are out to get you. Why else would they behave like such assholes?
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..Changing Rooms =-.

  11. Jen says:

    You gotta watch out for those stealth bikers, is all I can say.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Finding My Voice =-.

  12. lceel says:

    I think you should get little bicycle decals and put them right under the driver’s side window of your car, like a bomber pilot, to keep track of the number of ‘victories’. They could be in a contrasting color to your car and have little white lines through them, diagonally.. you know, so they don’t miss the point. Or the door.
    .-= lceel´s last blog ..Advice unlooked for =-.

  13. Angella says:

    Most cyclists I see are all over the place, thinking they own the road. He was probably not paying attention. Douchebag.

    (Him. Not you. Obviously.)
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Go Big Or Go Home =-.

  14. slynnro says:

    Can I confess I hate the word “Lensolution?” It needs a T!
    .-= slynnro´s last blog ..Wisdom Teeth Wisdom. =-.

  15. Noelle says:

    Like in that meme that was going around a few months ago:

    When I’m a pedestrian, I hate cars. When I’m in a car I hate pedestrians. But no matter what mode of transportation I take, I always hate cyclists. (Even when I am one!)