I’m A Little Verklempt
Posted By Kristabella on August 19, 2009
I don’t even know what to say. Thank you doesn’t seem like even close to enough. But THANK YOU, all of you, for your comments on my last post. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever written (besides the check for the down payment on my condo, bah dum dum). There are many people that don’t know what I went through during that dark time in my life five years ago, people very close to me. It’s party because I’m ashamed and partly because people can be judgey.
And that’s why writing that post last night scared me. I didn’t know how it would be taken. It’s such a delicate subject and people have opinions on it. I didn’t sleep well last night out of fear of the comments I would wake up to.
Clearly, that was a stupid fear. Because, man, you guys, YOU ARE THE BEST! Every single one of your comments helped. I wish I could buy you each little presents or send you each handwritten thank you notes. Even just emailing back THANK YOU to all of you seemed insincere. But know that each and every comment made me smile and made me feel better and made me feel a little less alone and a lot more loved. And that, that is why I blog. That is why I share with you. I’m honored and touched to have such an amazing group of readers who genuinely care about me and my well-being. And now I really am getting verklempt.
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In other news, I seem to have kicked The Tireds. As I mentioned a lot recently, I was exhausted. Beat down, dragged-through-the-mud exhausted the last week or so. I blamed it on starting anti-depressants again. I wasn’t ruling out mono, though, since I imagine that’s what the tiredness of mono feels like, where just moving your body is hard and makes you want to cry big fat crocodile exhaustion tears.
It was seriously killing my social life. I had to cancel plans, leave a bachelorette party early, call in sick to work. In fact, I slept 17 hours on Monday after calling in sick because I couldn’t keep my eyes open. And because I had had enough of this, I did some research online about the drug I’m taking. Apparently it either makes you really alert, or makes you really sleepy. Five years ago, it made me alert. This time? It made me sleepy.
So after consulting many a website and message board, I found out that if it makes you sleepy, you’re supposed to take the medicine at night. You know, when you’re normally sleepy and not trying to function, you know, when you’re ASLEEP. So last night, I decided to start doing just that. AND HOLY SHIT! THEY WERE RIGHT! I woke up this morning and I was AWAKE! I went the whole day not wanting to curl up under my desk and pull a Costanza. My brain was actually functioning and I wasn’t trying to work through a head full of cotton candy! HUZZAH! I could not be more excited! I feel like a new woman!
Because seriously, that medicine was making me so damn tired it was making me more depressed.
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I bought these reusable sandwich baggies off Etsy. I always use plastic baggies in my lunch for chips and/or crackers. So in an effort to be more green, I thought these bags would be PERFECT!
I got them in the mail today and I made my lunch using two of the three I got. I used them for my chips (to go with my sandwich) and for my crackers (to go with my hummus). Problem is, as I realized after PACKING the cute little reusable bags, they aren’t air-tight, so I’m pretty sure I’m going to end up with stale chips and crackers for lunch tomorrow.
Do you see what I do for you Mother Nature? DO YOU SEE? If I ever have kids, they better thank me.
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I spent some time this weekend with my niece and nephew. They are always the cure for whatever ails me. It is impossible for me to be sad or mad or grumpy (or sleepy or dopey or doc) when I’m around them.
Every time I get to their house, they both run towards me and both start talking a mile a minute and telling me everything that has happened to them in the last few days. Noah always tells me what boards he’s gotten past on whatever video game he’s playing at the moment. Skyler tells me about something the cats or dog did, and they both tell me these things, excitedly, AT THE SAME TIME! It’s adorable that they get so excited to see me that they fight for my attention. I hope that never changes. NEVER EVER.
I had to leave Sunday while Skyler was napping. And when she got up, she asked “Where’s Auntie?” So she had my brother call me to so she could tell me goodbye and that she loved me.
That will turn any frown upside down.
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I need more ideas for DINAO for this week. If you have any, leave them in the comments! It probably won’t be as easy as last week.
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Hmmm….not so sure about those reusable baggies…I mean, you have to wash them out afterwards, right? Every lazy bone in my body just laughed at the thought.
I was just looking for reusable baggies! Those will do just fine for school.
Glad you’re feeling more alert- nothing makes a work day drag like feeling like you need a nap 24/7!
.-= nancypearlwannabe´s last blog ..The Results Are In =-.
hey girlie – just read your previous post…and I understand about the “Stigma”. I, like you, took meds when I was going thru a really tough time, then I was “well” and quite taking them. Then, I slowly crept down to the bottom of the OMG I’m fucking depressed well and finally figured out, “you need to be back on the meds.” And this time, if I have to take them forever, that’s fine. I look at it as no different than high blood pressure or diabetes. You would take your medication everyday to control those problems, right? Depression is a disease of the brain. The Brain runs the whole rest of our body. So if your brain isn’t “well” neither is the rest of you. I am so glad you are feeling better. Here’s to the magic of modern pharmaceuticals!
.-= ballerinatoes´s last blog ..Grace in Small Things, Part 26 =-.
“Do you see what I do for you Mother Nature? DO YOU SEE? If I ever have kids, they better thank me.”
Don’t worry. They won’t.
.-= Candy´s last blog ..We Gotta Get Out of This Place =-.
Haha re: the baggies. I take tupperware containers to work w/me for my lunches/snacks. They’re great but very bulky so I have a huge bag of food that I take with me to work every day. Meh.
I love when you tell stories about your niece and nephew! They adore you as much as you adore them, obvs.
KJ, I was out of town and not reading feeds yesterday so sorry I missed your post. Thanks for your honesty– it just adds to the awesome that is fullofsnark. I’m really glad you seem to have callibrated when to take this helpful potion, and here’s to that continuing to be true. Glad you figured this out before you hit bottom, and good for you for addressing it head on. Feel better!
my kids both still talk at the same time to any unsuspecting adult that arrives at our house. They are 12 and 10.
Oh I’m so glad you figured out to take it at night. Being exhausted all the time is NOT fun. I’m not even exhausted, but it made me tired to think about being that tired.
How are they reusable? are they still plastic? Do you wash them? Do tell!
DINAO…hmmm. TV show hosts? Rappers? People named Matt (I finally did trivia at a bar and one was all people named Matt)? Congressman? (ew) Character Actors (I hate that term)? BRAD PITT CHARACTERS YUMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
.-= Scarlet´s last blog ..Uprising =-.
I was thinking about getting reusable baggies for the kids’ lunch bags but not if they let air in. That kind of defeats the purpose…
Glad you’re feeling the love, my friend. You deserve it.
.-= Angella´s last blog ..Little Miss Sunshine =-.
Didn’t get to read yesterday’s post till today, but I just want to tell you how BRAVE you are to talk about what you’ve gone through, and to stay so strong while you’re going through it again. I hope it means you realize that depression’s a disease just like diabetes (which I have and am somewhat embarrassed about too…Even though my form of diabetes has nothing to do with my diet/exercise, there’s a stigma attached to diabetes as well.) I guess you can see from your comments that the stigma is going away. At least among your blog readers and we ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO COUNT.
As far as DINAO…Have you done sports figures yet? I’m thinking of Pitino vs. the skank he had an affair with….Or Willie McGee vs. Bartolo Colón. Or pretty much every NHL player in existence…
I’m really glad you beat the tiredness- nothing sucks worse than side effects that start taking over your life.
I didn’t comment on the last post, but you shouldn’t be afraid to let us know when you’re taking steps to make yourself happier. As far as I’m concerned, taking anti-depressants is like taking blood pressure medication- you’re helping your body regulate something its having trouble with.
.-= The Tutugirl´s last blog ..Clearly, I am no Miss Manners =-.
Have you done a DINAO with reality TV people yet? Please don’t be insulted if you have and I forgot. My memory right now is about 2 minutes long. I seriously have to carry a pad and paper with me at all times in order to remember anything. Boo to babies who don’t let me sleep (thus affecting my memory)!
I’m glad the comments helped you yesterday.
Candy’s comment today made me laugh.
.-= -R-´s last blog ..More Things I Don’t Understand =-.
I’m getting a little verklempt.
Talk amongst yourselves.
I’ll give you a topic:
Duran Duran is neither Duran nor Duran.
Discuss.
Love ya, babe.
.-= Darcey´s last blog ..No sense at all =-.
Not to latch on to someone else’s comment, but I’m loving the “Coffee Talk” reference above.
Oh, and the point of my comment – so happy to hear you’re less tired! And thanks very much for your nice response; I’ll definitely email if I need to discuss, but more importantly, glad you’re feeling ok.
.-= Legallyblondemel´s last blog ..The Uniform =-.
I just finally had time to read some of your post’s your last one almost made me cry. You are soooo not alone in the world of depression and all I can say is it gets better! It’s more normal than not and all the people who raised us wish they knew about the drugs when they were younger. Smile life is short.
Good on you for getting reuseable baggies! You go girl!
I am so glad you’ve figured out the sleepies!! jeesh, 17 hours, that young lady is impressive!
.-= Deidre´s last blog ..Yes, but how do I know you’re there? =-.
yay for kicking the tireds. that’s really the best news I’ve heard in a while.
love you.
.-= ali´s last blog ..sam’s mom and other freaks. =-.
what about a child star grown up edition? Like Anne Paquin vs that girl from My Girl? Or Macaulay Culkin vs. Jonathan Taylor Thomas? But you know, all pictures now that they’re legal, because otherwise it’s creepy.
.-= regan´s last blog ..small victories =-.