Serenity Now
Posted By Kristabella on February 24, 2009
In little over a week from now, I will be in Arizona. I will be soaking up as much sun as humanly possible and wearing nothing but SHORT SLEEVES and FLIP FLOPS for four whole days. And while I’m wearing FLIP FLOPS in the SUN, I will be DRINKING BEER and watching baseball. It is my idea of heaven. And it cannot come fast enough.
Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever looked forward to a vacation this much. It has already been a long winter here in Chicago. It isn’t even March yet, which means we’re not even close to being out of the woods. We’re guaranteed a March snow. And possibly an April snow, depending on how big of a bitch Mother Nature wants to be this year. I’m honestly just hoping we’re done with high temperatures in single digits and in the teens. It should be upper 20s from here on out. (Really it should be 60s from here on out, but I am a realist people.)
I need the break. I need it badly. Not just to escape the cold. But to take a break from my life for a long weekend. Take a break from work and worrying about condos and mortgages and loans and acid reflux. I just really need to get away. When I booked the trip, I was just looking forward to hanging out with some of my favorite people on the planet for a few days. The sun and warmth and endless amounts of baseball were just icing on a cupcake. I didn’t realize that come this time, when my vacation was right around the corner, that I couldn’t wait to get away. The anticipation is eating away at me. Only six more days of work…
Last week I was out with some friends of mine from The Old Job. (They read and never comment. Hi Ruby! Hi Judi!) I mentioned my upcoming travels and one guy was like “I can’t believe you’re taking vacation so early on in your job.” Which, hi! WRONG TO SAY TO ME! Because then guess what? I couldn’t sleep. Because I was sure I was going to get FIRED for taking vacation three months into a job. Vacation I earn. And vacation days my boss already approved. But it didn’t matter. To a girl who has been laid off three times before and is BUYING A CONDO, WRONG THING TO SAY!
(I should learn to pay him NO attention after the time he basically told me I was fat and needed to lose weight. Some friend. Hrumph.)
But then I started thinking and worrying and we all know where that leads and NO MORE ACID REFLUX TALK.,OKAY? And I second guessed myself, as I’m known to do. Because really, why should I need a vacation? I mean, I’ve only been back at work for 3 1/2 months. That is nothing. No one needs a vacation that soon after starting work.
And really, didn’t I have an extended vacation when I was unemployed for three months? I mean, I slept in until 10 AM every day and watched a lot of TV. That wasn’t really all that strenuous, was it? And how about the two months prior to that? I mean, I was “working” at a job that told me they no longer needed my services. I mean, it wasn’t like I was busy for those last 60 days. I got a lot of blog reading done in that time. Why on Earth would I need a vacation?
You know why? Because since June 27, 2008, when I got my 60 days notice, my life has been a fucking roller coaster. Working for two months at a job that doesn’t want you, having to come in every day and pretend to work, pretend to care, it fucking sucks. That was easily one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. It eats at your soul. Day after day after day.
And then after I was cut loose, oh right, the economy crashed and it became harder to find a job. And while I was sleeping in, I wasn’t resting. I busted my ass and applied for every job under the sun and worked HARD to get a job. All with a clock ticking in my head, watching each dollar of my severance run out, all while watching the stock market plummet every single day.
But then I got a job. Sigh of relief, right? Yes. But also, no. Did you know that getting laid off twice doesn’t really phase you. I mean, you don’t have that fear of it happening again. It’s just something that happens and you move on. La dee dah. But getting laid off a third time? Really has fucked with my head. It’s not as if I think about it all the time, but that nagging thought, that FEAR, it is always sitting there in the back of my head. Eating away at all my common sense. And my stomach lining. I mean, with the last two years of my life, going back to Slapdick Consulting, is it any wonder that I am having tummy troubles? Isn’t it shocking I have any stomach lining left at all?
So basically, I’ve been putting A LOT of undue pressure on myself. Pressure to be perfect. Pressure to not fuck up ONE BIT. Pressure to not lose my job. Especially now with the looming mortgage payment and a loan for a faint-worthy amount for one single person. Especially one single person who has two freeloading cats. Who may have to start eating fuzz to get by.
That pressure, the stress, has put me in a funk. It’s putting me in a funk with my blog. I very rarely have the desire to write and when I do, it’s really crap. I mean, that last post about spam? I should have told you it was a guest post by an 11-year old. It’s put me in a funk with the internet in general and a lack of a desire to do any of the things I used to enjoy like reading blogs and responding to emails and looking at porn. (Kidding! I’m such a prude.)
So yeah, I need a vacation. I’m going to enjoy myself and not think about anything more than sun, good friends, beer, food, baseball, froot loopz and basketball. And I cannot fucking wait.
About the author
Yes for a vacation! Suffering through winter as well means I am ready for one too. Unfortunately – no holidays for me until we’re not busy at work which means the fall. Boo.
Juliennes last blog post..Julienne and Alex – Part 1.
You deserve the vacation. Totally. And your acid reflux needs some time off (permanently) too. I hope you have the best time ever…have a beer for me!!!! I’ll probably still be wearing snow boots since the asshats on the blocks I walk to the bus don’t shovel. Hell, I’ll probably still be wearing snow boots in June the way this effing winter is going.
Yay for a few days in AZ!!!! Have the time of your life!!!
Give my love to my home town, won’t you? I miss it SO MUCH. In fact you can consider this, not just a vacation but a mission on my behalf. That takes some of the stress off, right?
GAWD. I NEED SOME MOUNTAIN TIME.
Ravens last blog post..oscar 2009, fashion?
Please please please send some of that warm Arizona sunshine NY when you are done with it. kthxbi
Dutchess of Kickballs last blog post..Weekend Wrap Up
It was 80 here yesterday. I hope you have a good trip!
JRMs last blog post..Thoughts From the Temporarily Handicapped, pt. 1
You don’t just deserve a vacation, you NEED one.
Jen on the Edges last blog post..Unexpected gifts
don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t take time off. you have not rested in six months (more?) and you deserve a real vacation. just because a person isn’t working doesn’t mean they are on vacation. tell that guy to shut up. he is clearly in insensitive idiot.
micheles last blog post..Ultimate Fans
I am so jealous! The one year in the last 10 we decide not to go to AZ in Feb. and we have a such a crappy winter. Oh I wish it was us going too! Have a wonderful time!
You deserve to rest and take a load off your mind. You have a lot going on and sometimes just walking away for a bit will make you feel like a new person.
So go and have fun. All your shit will stay right here.
And, for Christ’s sake, you aren’t fat….that’s me dammit!!!!
Sheris last blog post..Sickety Sick Sick
You have earned your vacay and you don’t need to justify that to any asshat who projects their own insecurities on you! I totally hear you– I’ve been laid off, self-employed, climbing the ladder, shoved off the ladder, and then some. It’s good that you have become somewhat inured because you know what? It makes you better able to weather upcoming storms. And waaaaay better than asshat! So go, relax, enjoy, eat, drink, suck up the sunshine (beyotch!) Color me stuck in Chicago…
Vacation is there to be used, so I wouldn’t worry about it at all! You deserve a break from all that you’ve been through these past 6 months! Enjoy the sun and the beer and the baseball.
La Petite Chics last blog post..Oooh La Lola…
I’m not a person who believes you have to deserve a vacation in order to take one. You should take it because you miss your most awesomest friend Lori! And Mike and Chundley and Lola, too. We are sooo excited to see you next week.
Loris last blog post..“it’s better to be a pirate…
Go eat drink and enjoy. I totally am on board with a vacation right now.
When I started a job a few years back, I already had my trip planned and I told them about it and they had not problem.
Enjoy the warm weather….I wonder what warm weather is like. It has been cold too long.
Christinas last blog post..EX does not mark the spot!
I took vacation time a week after starting my last job and it took them nearly three years to lay me off. So you’ve got plenty of time. Hell, in three years the recession might be over and you’ll be able to easily find a new job upon your lay off.
ENJOY!! You deserve every second of that vacation, and I want you to soak it up. Have fun!!
Angellas last blog post..It’s Black and White
You totally deserve this break. Take it and don’t think about a thing that doesn’t involve YOU HAVING FUN and reuniting with your best friends on earth. Trust me, you’ll come back reenergized.
ENJOY!!
Giggle Pixies last blog post..Hands Off, Ladies! He’s Mine!
A vacation in the sun will TOTALLY makes things better, and I bet you’ll feel far less faint about the mortgage when you actually live in your own first! real! home!
Have the cats looked into 3 card monte or good old pick-pocketing?
Amanda Nicoles last blog post..my first ten years
Hell yes you need a vacation. Not only the work and house stress, but I bet winter is SERIOUSLY wearing on you. I live right off of Lake Ontario and this winter has been frickin BRUTAL. Not in the amount of snow at one time, but it has been snowing it seems like since November. It’s really depressing. The lack of sun is driving people bananas. So we went on vacation, to FL. Where I got to soak up the sun in Disney World. We go every February, and it is such a welcome break from winter I can’t even explain.It’s like we NEED it. Now, the real feel the other day was -4 so that was a bitch to come home to, but hey at least we are on the downside of winter.
So you go girl, and enjoy the sun beer and baseball. You earned it. Because even though you weren’t working, we know you were stressed out. It wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns, you wanted another job. I too am surprised you have any stomach lining left after that explaination.
um at this point you would have to explain why you wouldn’t take a vacation…you have earned it! Enjoy the sun!
sensibly sassys last blog post..Fever Pitch
Hell yes, you deserve a vacation!
Especially when you have such a long winter to contend with.
I say the same thing about summer here in Atlanta – I like to take vacations to places with cooler weather when I can… but then, I have two vacations planned in June & July and I have a feeling I won’t be escaping the humidity one bit — Hawaii and Chicago? Hah! Maybe I just just go to Alaska for the month of August.
You should never have to justify to ANYONE ELSE what you are doing in your life. As long as it feels right for YOU, that is all that should matter.
Have a GREAT time in AZ, and I am SO JEALOUS. I want SUN, and WARM TEMPS, and I want the NOW, dammit. (Hear me, Mother Nature???) 🙂
Liz J in Central Illinoiss last blog post..Happy Birthday, Mr. Dizzy!
I’m dealing with similar worries about my new job and this little trip I want to go on in july….
I think that being holed up in an apartment with the looming threat of running out of severance pay is the opposite of a vacation. Everyone needs to get away now and then. Arizona is one of my favorite places – I remember a similar funk that was cured by the Tucson Toros…damn, where is that hat?
TUWABVBs last blog post..Dreams are illustrations… from the book your soul is writing about you.
Good for you for recognizing when you need a break and taking it. I wish more people would do that, then they wouldn’t be such bitches (ahem, my co-workers).
nancypearlwannabes last blog post..Things Are Not All Bad
Short-time lurker…first time commenter. Your thoughts on the job situation hit home for me:
“It eats at your soul. Day after day after day.”
I haven’t been laid off, but heads are rolling in this office and each day I wonder if it’s coming. If what I said to my boss means I’m next/If I ask to leave early to go to the Doctor, am I done?/ Does one more mistake= unemployment?
Enjoy that vacation!
Brookes last blog post..For the love of blog!