Posted By Kristabella on February 2, 2009
So remember my heartburn/tummy troubles? I haven’t really blogged a lot about them for a few weeks. Mostly because I haven’t been blogging regularly in the last two weeks. Want to know why? Because caffeine is the only way I can function.
I’ve been off caffeine for a little over two weeks. I’ve been taking that purple pill every day for like 17 days and there is marked improvement. I feel better. I’m not ingesting whole bottles of Tums. I’m really working on removing acidic foods from my diet. And I think it is all helping.
Well, until recently. See, I had my first cup of coffee in over two weeks on Saturday. It was like the nectar of the Gods. Coffee has never tasted that good. I enjoyed it and savored it and after I finished? No tummy troubles. I WAS CURED! HUZZAH! Except I’m not an idiot and knew it was because it wasn’t on an empty stomach and that one cup won’t bother me, but going back to 1-2 cups a day probably will.
And then in my coffee cockiness, probably from the high of finding a condo and because CAFFEINE IS MAGICAL, I had a burrito for dinner. I was still good after the burrito. And then I threw all caution to the wind and decided to have a Diet Pepsi AND tomato soup for dinner on Sunday. BECAUSE I’M A FUCKING IDIOT.
The result? Mild, yet annoying, reflux for the last day and a half. And that is with NO acidic foods since the soup. My stomach is just giving me a big fucking middle finger and yelling “that will teach you, Cocky McArrogantpants!”
And the plan wasn’t even to write about all of the burning that is going on right now. The plan was to talk about how I cannot function without caffeine. And how sad it is that the only 2 cups of coffee I had each day really got me through. Either that or I’m looking for an excuse to be lazy. It’s totally either one of those things.
I figured that once I got used to no morning coffee, I would be fine. I mean, I didn’t drink coffee until I was about 27 years old, so this isn’t a life-long habit. In fact, I forced myself to like coffee back then because I was only getting 3 hours a sleep a night and I actually needed something to get me through the day. And it was football season, so there was no napping under the desk.
I haven’t gotten used to days without coffee. I’m tired all day. I’ve started to go to bed earlier to help my body get used to just being well-rested and not in need of a jolt from a drug. But my body believes that the only true mark of a good night’s sleep is to sleep for 11 or more hours. And well, then I’d have to go to bed when I came home. And well, when I get home, I have to eat my boring, plain diet of things that are not acidic. Did you know that you can get tired of ranch dressing? Because all you want is Italian dressing, but you can’t because oh, the vinegar, it BUUUUURRRNNNSSS! I would gnaw off my left toe for some vinaigrette.
Anyway, so I tell myself that I should start to work out more to help with the lack of energy. Pre-crazy-cut-caffeine-out-of-your-diet plan, I was doing the 30 Day Shred. I was trying to do it 3-4 times a week and doing well. Since this diagnosis, I haven’t had the desire. Mostly because I’ve fallen into the habit of falling asleep on the couch at 8 PM. That and last week I went out a few nights and didn’t get enough sleep and drank too much alcohol.
So my goal this week is to get back into a workout routine. It makes me feel better, sleep better, pants fit better, I know this. I just have to convince myself of this when the 8 PM nap rolls around. And also, for the love of God, it’s 20 fucking minutes. The couch and TV will still be there when I’m done.
And then after that, maybe my stomach will forgive me for my transgressions this weekend and we can be friends again and we can have Mr. Dunkin Donuts over for coffee. Because that would be swell.