Bacon Crashes My Pity Party

Posted By on September 10, 2008

Thank you, all of you, for all your comments on yesterday’s post. I’m feeling a little better today. I think the fact I had to get up and shower and put on make-up and leave the house had a a lot to do with it. My mission is to make myself leave the house every day, even if I just take a walk. I think it will help my mood.

The interview today went well. I think. I don’t know anymore because the last job opportunity with the financial place really fucked with my head. I’m trying not to get too excited about it.

In the meantime, I decided that nothing would cheer me up more than looking at my Google search terms and writing a Bacon post.

(For those of you new here, Bacon is a folder. He answers all the weird search terms that people use to find my blog. Read more here.)

Happy 30th birthday. Age the just the number

First off, I’m only 30 for a few more days as my 31st birthday is on Sunday. (Gifts are welcome.) So thanks for the very belated birthday wish, random Google searcher. Bacon thinks you must be old and stupid because you don’t know how to type so he thinks you should “Shrivel.”

Dentist murdered in office

All Bacon will say that he has already given his statement about this to the police and he knows that Kristabella is innocent and will be proven so by a court of law.  And if she isn’t, really, can you blame her for her treatment by Dentist McDouche?

Hole in the bucket experiment

So, as I’m sure we’re all wondering, as Bacon is, how dumb you would have to be to not know the ending to that experiment? Bacon says even he, a piece of salty, cured meat, knows that with a hole in the bucket, whatever you put in, will come right back out. Bacon says maybe you should go “Hang Out With Hash Browns” because apparently fried potatoes have more brain cells than you, idiot Google searcher. And also, next time when you have a hole in the bucket, maybe you should ask Liza, instead of Google.

Cute hair colors for brunettes

Bacon is wondering if you were looking for another answer besides “brunette”. To which Bacon says you should “Put the ‘B’ in BLT” where B stands for blonde because you apparently are one and aren’t fooling anyone with your brown-dyed locks.

Childless spinster

Bacon can’t answer this. He’s still laughing that Kristabella used Google as a crystal ball and saw her future. Bacon only wants to add “with cats.”

Oh shit shirt ski

Bacon is wondering if someone with Tourettes typed this out. Because Bacon can’t figure out why anyone would string these four words together unless they were shouting guesses on Pictionary. Bacon says you should “Smoke” because clearly you’ve already been doing that and this phrase clearly only makes sense to a stoner. Probably my neighbors below me.

Who sings teh cubs song?

Bacon says “the LOLcats?”

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


24 Responses to “Bacon Crashes My Pity Party”

  1. janelle says:

    have you heard about the bacon infused vodka yet? i guess is yummy!

    janelles last blog post..In Praise of Joe….Sad But True….

  2. Angella says:

    Good grief, you crack me up. That is all.

    Angellas last blog post..Babies Are Overrated

  3. slynnro says:

    Seriously. Stand up. DO IT.

    slynnros last blog post..Blushes and Foundation Primers, OH MY!

  4. Mahnee says:

    Ahhh, Bacon…I’ve missed you. Love the brunette one.

  5. Dentist McDouche is now my preferred nickname for that purveyor of torture.

    nancypearlwannabes last blog post..Testing… Testing…

  6. Mouncie123 says:

    That’s more like it! Have a great Day!

  7. Ashmystir says:

    Oh shit shirt ski! I love it!

    Ashmystirs last blog post..before I go…

  8. The Muse says:

    Woo put a hol in mah bukket?!?!?!! 😉

    The Muses last blog post..You might want to take a step back

  9. barbra says:

    Heh heh “Ask Liza” Can’t type… laughing…

    barbras last blog post..The First Day of School

  10. Nancy says:

    If you don’t want to do stand-up …write for someone who does. You are cracking me up!

    Glad you’re feeling better today … chin up girl.

    Nancys last blog post..Art and Apple Festival

  11. JRM says:

    Do you have an Amazon wish list?

    JRMs last blog post..More About My Fellow Bus Riders

  12. Melissa says:

    LOL! Bacon always makes me giggle.

    I hope the job interview works out!

    Melissas last blog post..Tales of the Traveling Suitcase….

  13. Rhi says:

    Yes – do you have an Amazon or Etsy wish list?

    Rhis last blog post..And, burnt sienna is not even an attractive color

  14. Scarlet says:

    Is “teh” from LOLcats and if so, why? and what?

    Scarlets last blog post..Yellow

  15. Evil Genius says:

    I’m with you on the tourettes guy. I think I may even have worked with him once.


  16. Katie says:

    Obviously, you still have your sense of humour, and that my dear, is a blessing!

  17. metalia says:

    Hope the interview went well! Also? You crack my shit up.

    metalias last blog post..And the Award for "Most Copious Use of the Word ‘Barf’ in One Blog Post" Goes To…

  18. Sarah says:

    I love Bacon. He’s so insightful!

    Sarahs last blog post..Drumroll Please….My 1st Story

  19. Ree says:

    I never told you about WWUD that 24 has, have I?

    What would the unicorn do?!?

    I’m so stealing it one day.

    Rees last blog post..Addictions? Me?

  20. “Oh shit shirt ski” made me laugh until I had to hold my nose and snort and then pretend like I wasn’t reading the Internet at work. This is going to be my new go-to expletive. OH SHIT SHIRT SKI!

  21. OH SHIT SHIRT SKI!! (Is that Russian?)

    The Over-Thinkers last blog post..Minus the Trenchcoat: "Psst! Hey Lady…Cheap, Prescription Glasses!!"

  22. Vanessa says:

    I’m with Slynnro, do stand up. If nothing else, it will be fun and it feels good to make people laugh.

  23. Celia says:

    Hilarious, as always! Glad you’re feeling better.

    Celias last blog post..Maybe Cheap Clothes ARE the Answer

  24. Talina says:

    I was so stoked to find a place that sells bacon when we visited Louisville, KY. Where did you get bacon anyway?

    Talinas last blog post..Some odd thoughts and call for your 2 cents!