Click It Or Get A Bump On Your Head
Posted By Kristabella on June 1, 2008
I’m back from my fabulous trip to San Francisco. And while I had all intentions of posting while I was out there on vacation, I just didn’t have a lot of time. That time was better spent drinking and laughing and hanging out with good friends.
Since I’m exhausted and have to actually go into work tomorrow (yuck), I will share probably the most exciting and most fitting story from the weekend.
This is a story of why you should always wear your seat belt in taxi cabs.
There once was this girl named Kristabella. She had a weird knack of having Chicago cab drivers fall in love with her. They would give her huggy-huggys, they would give her their numbers and they would offer to take her out on fabulous dates at Starbucks where she would probably not understand a word they are saying because none of them speak good English. Which she forgets because she is drunk when all this happens. Because Kristabella is responsible and when she is drinking, she takes a cab so as not to drink and drive.
We join our heroine in San Francisco after a long, long night. Kristabella is in a group leaving the Holy Cow bar South of Market, heading to bed after being up for nearly 22 hours, since she left early the previous morning from Chicago.
Kristabella is staying with friends in the Marina area of town, so she jumps in a cab to head back to rest her sleepy, drunk head. She gets into the back seat and gives the driver instructions and then sits back and hopes that all the lights on Van Ness are timed right and she can make it home in record time.
At this point, our heroine has had three glasses of wine at dinner, a beer, an Irish Car Bomb and a few rum and cokes. Needless to say, she’s pretty shitfaced and is going to be regretting mixing every kind of alcohol ever created tomorrow. So she’s not as alert as maybe she should be.
The cab driver is going along, accelerating and then slamming on the brakes like he’s never driven before. We approach the light near Van Ness and O’Farrell and our heroine happens to look up after the cabbie floors the gas pedal just in time to see a light turning yellow and a silver car turning left getting awfully close to us.
And then WHAM! We smash right into the silver car! I slide off the seat as asshat tries to brake and then when we hit the other car, my head whiplashes back into the seat so hard that I get an immediate bump and a headache. Good thing I’m drunk or I’m sure I would have been in more pain.
At this point, the asshole cab driver is stuck in the intersection because apparently if you T-bone another car, yours won’t start from the impact. Meanwhile, a cop come up and starts screaming at the cab driver through his little PA system because the jackass is sitting in the middle of the intersection.
Somehow the cab pulls over to the side of the road. I think he put it into neutral and the cop pushed him. At this point the cop opens the back door as asks me if I’m OK. I don’t actually look at him, so I assume it is the cop. I just stare straight ahead, rub my bump on my head, think that only these things happen to me, and tell the cop that I’m OK.
The cop leaves. Well, in my drunk memory the cop leaves. Some corporatey type fellow from the cab company comes to the scene to do all the paperworky stuff and whatever else needs to be done. The cab driver asks me if I want to wait or if he should get me another cab. I debate walking down the street at 2 AM because riding in another cab? DO NOT WANT.
The cab company guy then steps in and says he’s getting me another cab and that I don’t have to pay for it. I’m just standing there with my mouth gaped open because HOLY SHIT! MY CAB JUST T-BONED SOMEONE! And also, OF COURSE I’M NOT PAYING!
They take my name and number, which I would love to get my hands on because after that much alcohol it probably looked like hieroglyphics. They tell me that I may have to be a witness. And I just keep saying, over and over, “I don’t live here. I live in Chicago.” In my head that meant “I’m drunk so nothing I would ever testify about would be admissible in court.”
The new cabbie comes and takes me home. He is a very nice guy, very apologetic. He tries to chit chat with me, but at this point I think what came out of my mouth was “ZOMG, suvfneiov dwionerion ewimpfnmierwp.” Talking coherently was not on my list of things that I was capable of at that moment. He dropped me off and I feel bad because I should have tipped him since he wasn’t the moron who got in an accident. But like I said, booze + bumps on the head = INSANITY!
I am fine. My head still hurts a little, but it could have been a lot worse. I now will always put my seat belt on in cabs because I don’t need to tell another one of these stories. I’d prefer to stick with the cab drivers asking for huggy huggy.
:::
Tomorrow: Tales from my long weekend in San Francisco. Complete with my first-ever blogging SUPER FAN. (Hi Marissa!)
About the author
OMG lady! You didn’t even allude to this nightmare earlier during our little chat! I’m so glad you’re alright. How scary… YES, “huggy-huggy”s are much nicer than getting T-boned. I hope you’re not in a lot of pain.
Jules
House of Jules
HouseofJules’s last blog post..Remarkably valiant, indeed
EEKS! How is your noggin now?
Rhi’s last blog post..Me! Me! Me!
How in the world were you that drunk yet manage to not cover the cab and the street with the leavings of the night’s beverages after such a car ride and accident?
I’m glad you are okay (except for the knot on your head). If you were here I’d give you huggy huggy.
Dingo’s last blog post..Waiting for Shakespeare
i’m glad you’re okay too. but i can’t help but wonder if this is going to result in a financial windfall for you.
christa’s last blog post..triage system of moving …
Ooh i love irish car bombs.
Wow! I’m glad you are okay!
Raven’s last blog post..my manana
Holy crap lady! I’m glad you are ok. And AS IF they were going ot ask you to pay. Sheesh.
Kristie’s last blog post..He’s gone.
Oh, how horrible! Your poor head!! Glad you’re okay, though – I mean, relatively speaking.
rye’s last blog post..my sporty new kicks
I’ve never even seen a seat belt in a cab in Chicago.
OMG! I’m glad you’re okay. That is crazy. I actually got sideswiped on Diversy by a cab on my way home from work on Friday. Luckily there was hardly any damage, but you should have seen me go off on this guy. There were a lot of people who stopped to watch the spectacle that was me! 🙂
What! AAAA!
I love your translation of “I don’t live here. I live in Chicago.”
I hope you are feeling ok today!
-R-‘s last blog post..Surprise Letter
Wow, San Fran sounds like the Danger Zone. Hope your head isn’t broken!
That is a lot to go through just for a free cab ride! Hope your noggin is healing well!
Noelle’s last blog post..Remember me to the one who lives there
I am so sorry that you were in a cab accident, what a way to start the trip. But I am so glad that you came. You helped make the weekend a blast! And Marissa is going to be so stoked by the shout out. 🙂
You were lucky that you didn’t have a concussion! I’m glad you’re feeling better though…and that you had a good time.
Sarah’s last blog post..The Music Man
Good thing it wasn’t worse! Hope you’re feeling better.
Lauren’s last blog post..Little Things Matter
ZOMG!!!!
Glad you’re ok.
=)
Ashmystir’s last blog post..Wha? My sis went pro!!??!!
ZOMFG – I can’t believe you mixed all those different kinds of alcohol either!
Snort.
Seriously, glad you’re okay…I’ve had my share of close calls in Chicago, but only one driver was actually stupid enough to hit someone, and it was at the terminal at O’Hare, so I was already getting out of the cab.
Ree’s last blog post..May’s Perfect Post Award
Wow, I would have been storming pissed. Drunk or not, lol. Of course, if I had drunk that much I would have been passed out in the back of the cab and never would have known the accident had happened! Lol!
Lela’s last blog post..Death by Waffles….Sort of
OH.MY.GOD! First of all, seriously – LAWYER UP (and I’m rarely one to advocate to sue because, at the 9to5, we would have to defend these cases and hot damn I don’t need another file on my already ready to break desk *LOL*)
Thank god you are okay!!!! And Irish Car Bomb with wine AND Rum? You are a brave brave girl, Ms. Kristabella.
Lys’s last blog post..S&TC:The Movie: Quote of the Week
holy crap, that’s the best story ever. Seriously, if you’re going to get in a car accident, what are the odds it’ll occur in a cab, in a city you don’t live in, while drunk off your caboose? I’m glad you’re okay though! Think of it as just another story to impress the bar patrons.
Mary’s last blog post..Wanted.
Glad you’re ok, sweetie!
And thanks for the reminder, as I will be cabbing it again when I head up to NYC (again) on Thursday for another business trip… which I just found out about today.
The Muse’s last blog post..Oh, the next trip…
Wow, KJ, that’s pretty serious. I’d agree with Lys that you need to hire a lawyer. When I was reading the post, the first thing I thought was, “did they have you sign anything?”
Or maybe, being a lawyer, I just automatically go there.
I’m glad you’re OK.
Hank’s last blog post..Too Stupid To Live
Ouch! Glad you are ok… looking forward to more fabulous San Fran adventures from you.. hopefully with less danger?
OMG, MY SFO friend got in a really drunk cab accident a couple months ago. I guess they are rampant!
She threw up down the side of the cab and THEN it hit someone, of course.
Laurel’s last blog post..Chicago!
Good lord! You should totally sue the cab company for a lifetime of free rides or something.
Wow, even in another state weird things happen to you! I’m glad your head wasn’t damaged…well, to much anyway 😉
Melissa’s last blog post..Xanax, It’s Not Just for Breakfast Anymore…
Holy shit! What an ass! I’m so glad you are okay.
Danielle-Lee’s last blog post..I’m Baaaaaaack! in 67 words
OMG I’m glad you’re ok!
Scarlet’s last blog post..The Sleep
That sucks! Glad you’re okay, though.
Cathy’s last blog post..The Hat
Good grief! I wonder how many travelers actually do buckle up in a cab? I never have (DA). But should have. Hope that you are OK.
Coast Rat’s last blog post..SATURDAY HEAT AND WIRING FUN!
Wow! Crazy shit!
Manic Mommy’s last blog post..Book Winners and Good Morning America Now!!
OMG! OMG! You know in Texas, sad to say, they totally would have given you a PI. Unfortunately, I am not kidding. I had some friends ask to get out of a cab due to his reckless driving, and the cabbie called the cops on them and they all got PIs! Glad you are okay! SCARY!
slynnro’s last blog post..Scenes from a Marriage: Armed Robbery Ed.
Holy hell!
I will always and forever buckle up forever now and always!
I’m glad your injuries weren’t so so bad. But jeez! That is scary stuff!
How does one respond to this? I feel like the only way I can be ever be sure you are safe is to imprison you. How does your mother stand this? Mahnee? How do you stand this??
Candy’s last blog post..I Guess the Irish DO Have All the Luck
So glad you are ok! The cabbies in NYC drove like what you described, but I just buckled my seat belt and took the attitude they are professionals and do this everyday. Right?
Hope you didn’t have follow up headache. From the accident anyway.
Holy shitballs, girl. I’m glad you’re ok.
HollowSquirrel’s last blog post..Attention to Detail
Sorry – I went from SF to Boston for work and am just now reading your posts. I’m sorry you had such an awful cab ride, but I am happy that you were able to come to SF and celebrate with me. I had a blast and miss ya already!