Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on May 1, 2008

So I’m tired of listening to Bacon go on and on and on about how he wants to tell HIS story about HIS trip to Vegas. And I’m all “look, FOLDER, I showed photos of you already and took you on a plane to a different state, what more do you want?”

Apparently he wants to tell all his loyal readers HIMSELF about the time he had in Vegas. And don’t listen to him going on and on about how I’m a horrible selfish wench who didn’t let him go to a strip club, nay GentleBacon’s Club. (Can’t wait for the Google searches with that one.)

First off, Bacon spent most of his time here. Inside this bag. Under a cramped airline seat. (Note: Photo recreated tonight because Kristabella is too lazy to take a photo a folder in flight. In a bag. When there is alcohol to be drunk on vacation.)

Also Kristabella wanted to use this is a way to tell all of you that yes, indeed, that is a copy of Jen Lancaster’s new book that she just picked up this evening from the author herself. But she wanted to have Bacon tell all of you because he’s far more eloquent and she basically would have been all CAPS and SHOUTY and SQUEEEEEE!

Anyway, back to me, Bacon. And my trip inside a bag and subsequently on a hotel side table for two whole days.

So this is where Bacon normally spends all his time. Strewn about on a coffee table with unused napkins from the local Taqueria, remotes and notes for DINAO because let me tell you, Kristabella is a bit of a freak when it comes to those posts and she has to have those photos ALL BE EQUAL HEIGHT.

So you can see why Bacon was excited to get out of the house. And maybe see the sun! And if he was lucky, a booby or two. And did Bacon mention, NO FUCKING CATS FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS?

So Kristabella and her friend’s days consisted of buffets and sunshine, the pool at Mandalay Bay and buckets of Bud Lights.

Well, minus the kangaroo. Otherwise you would have seen this Bacon SIZZLE from jealousy. Because Bacon would like to have hung out with the kangaroo, since kangaroo and Hash Browns are tight, and you know how Bacon likes to “Hang Out With Hash Browns”.

Instead, Bacon just had to hang out in the hotel room, wishing he was out there enjoying Vegas and all the fun and sun and slushy drinks and half naked women.

So Bacon was stuck in that comfortably air-conditioned hotel room all weekend, getting awkward stares from the hotel’s housekeeping staff because WHAT? Haven’t you see Bacon drink beer before?

And Kristabella and all her friends were busy doing this.

And this.

And Bacon just wanted a little of this.

Bacon is hoping that his trip with Kristabella at the end of May to San Francisco is at least a little better. Like maybe he’ll get OUTSIDE the hotel. And maybe she’ll let Bacon come along for a ride on the trolley party?

But until then, Bacon will just have watch internet porn on Kristabella’s computer while she’s at work and “Tempt A Vegan.”

Categories: All Things Blogging, Bacon
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