A Fall-Free Weekend

Posted By on September 30, 2007

I swear, earlier this weekend I had tons of ideas for posts. TONS! And I was going to amaze you with my mad writing skillz, yo. But right now? All I can think is “wow, that pork tenderloin I made for dinner was mad tasty. Word.”

Because apparently I’ve gone all gangsta rap on yo asses up in my hizzy. Fo sho.


In the middle of the night I had this awesome idea for a post. (I keep a notepad by my bed for just these reasons. You’d be surprised how often it happens. Genius comes to me while sleeping.) But I stupidly thought in my sleepy haze that I would remember. I didn’t. And therefore, you’re stuck with this crap.


I actually got my first bikini wax on Saturday morning. And was thinking “great post idea” because just think of the pain and have you seen 40 Year Old Virgin? Think of the profanities I can spew? Hilarity. Likely to ensue.

But guess what? It wasn’t that bad. I took some Advil before I went, which I’m sure helped. And yes, getting hair ripped out by the root on ANY part of your body isn’t pleasant, but I never felt the need to yell KELLY CLARKSON! In fact, I had a lovely conversation with my waxing lady (who also does my eyebrows) and she wants to join my book club. Because she saw the bruise. From the fall. And apparently bruise + wine + me falling = something she wants to be a part of. She’s a smart lady.

But she’s seen my va-jay-jay. So we’ll see.


And then I got my hair done on Saturday too. I’m still a brunette. And I have the same cut. It’s just darker than it had been because did you know color fades? And my natural color isn’t nearly as dark and shiny. It’s brown and blah. New, darker color is much better. See?


Notice the frightened look in my eyes. This is from the combination of stretching your arm far enough to get your whole head in the photo, not dipping your chin too much to show people how fat and how many chins you indeed have, and just the shear stupidity of taking this many photos of yourself with brown hair. Self is fed up with my self.


Saturday night I went to dinner and for drinks with Schwerer. We had bison burgers. Yes, burgers made out of bison. Did you even know?

And did you also know that bison is like better for you than beef? It’s got like 2 grams of fat and NO cholesterol. And tastes better than beef. But it is really expensive. Because everything that is healthy always costs more. And we wonder why America is so damn obese.

Schwerer and I headed back to the dive bar from 2 months ago (oddly the last time I got my hair did) to play trivia after dinner last night. Because, well, we had way too much fun the last time. And 32-ounce beers are $4. Which is really the draw.

It being college football night, there were some semi-normal people there. And the Trivia Freaks were not there. Which meant that I won like every game. Because I rule and shit.

The highlight was the fact that two dudes got in a fight. And only one of them got kicked out. Because he was little. And picked a fight with a big, big man. And then 20 minutes later? He came back in. To get another piece of the big, big man. And again got the boot. But not before the bartender gave him a beer. Because clearly picking a fight with a big, big man totally equates to being completely sober and in need of more to drink.

This little guy? The fighter? The idiot? Yeah, he’s the one who hit on me.


So remember how I’m “on” Weight Watchers? The Weight Watchers where I continue to eat crap and drink like a fish with the hopes that the pounds will just up and melt away? Well, yeah. It doesn’t so much work like that. (Crazy, I know.) And basically I’ve put on more than I’ve lost. But at weigh-in this morning, I did lose a few pounds. Which has me almost back to where I was a month ago. Like when I STARTED.

But I have decided that I’m FINALLY going to be good. And I’m going to eat well. And try to work out. And stop eating crap and drinking like it’s my damn job. So we’ll see if it pays off. Because Michelle and I agreed that there will be public stonings if we fall off the wagon. And I bruise easily.


See my new button in my sidebar there on the right? You’ve been warned, lurkers. The time is now (well, Wednesday) to start commenting. I know you’re out there. My comment to visitor ratio is quite low.

And if you don’t? Well, nothing will happen. BUT! You’ll have to sleep at night knowing you’re a mofo. And you don’t want that on your conscience.


And finally, I got this in the mail from my friend Aaron. This made him think of me. Because I have awesome friends.


It doesn’t look a lot like Mark, but close. And the eyes are super blue, just like they are on REAL Mark Grace. Swooon.

Actually the weird thing is that the bobblehead looks more like my old boss at the dirt place.

Now if my friend could exchange the bobblehead and instead send me Gracie’s digits or a random, meaningless night of sex, that would be much better.


About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to β€œHey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


18 Responses to “A Fall-Free Weekend”

  1. Lori says:

    Yay! I’m up a bit late doing some work and am finally the FIRST one to comment. Usually I’m later in the day due to us still being on same time as the West Coast. But not tonight. πŸ™‚

    The doll doesn’t look like #17, but I did laugh at how they put bags/wrinkles around his eyes.

  2. Woo! Hot posting for me to read at 4am!

    Just warming up for Wednesday.

  3. alana says:

    Hair looks lovely πŸ™‚

    Glad the bikini wax wasn’t traumatic. I’ll let you know whether I end up yelling ‘Kelly Clarkson’ when I get permanently zapped on Wednesday. Eeep.

  4. Ree says:

    Alright, since the Tigers are out and I’m an honorary Chicagoan – Go Cubs Go. Although, really? I prefer the Sox – them being American League and all.

    Oh, and DaBears? Heeeeeeeee.

  5. Erin says:

    You have no idea how much more I like you since you posted that pic. That’s totally my deer-in-headlights look. And see – you have a jawline, woot! I’m still working on that one πŸ™‚
    I started reading you since Zoot featured you on her website, and I’m hooked. Next time you’re in OR, I’ll find ya a sports bar with TWO DOLLAR 32oz beers, ha ha!

  6. Laurel says:

    The hair is adorable, and you are correct. Bikini waxes = weirdly intimate but not that painful.

    The Cubbies are my NL team, so I’m behind ’em 100%!

  7. Julie C says:

    Too bad the bobble is wearing black pants. Didn’t you always have a thang for his bum–in jeans?

  8. Jenn says:

    Alright…So, I may be a lurker. And it may be better that way. You see, every day (including weekends) that I read your blog I have something to say. The only thing is, that sometimes it is very “therapist” of me and maybe better said to you on the side…Maybe?

    Since I am not a part of the “blogging community” perhaps I need some direction related to “commenter’s etiquette”…And sometimes my thoughts are not as eloquently put into words.

    OR, maybe I should just shut up and post some dumb ass comment everyday (i.e. Rich’s comments πŸ˜‰ just to help your statistics!!

    What do you think?

  9. Jennie says:

    I’m so bringing “word” back, and I think you’ve inspired me to use mofo more often, as well.

  10. Mahnee says:

    I just got bumped off the comment section…and my first comment was good but I can’t remember what it was! Something about how you have ATTITUDE when you take your picture after getting your hair done (in a good way), laughing at va-jay-jay, and possibly yelling out STEVE CARRELL if I had a bikini wax. And liking the Mark Grace bobble head….and wanting SO much to comment on something else but refraining. I’m behaving.

  11. funny you should bring that up, i saw a bottle of bacardi this weekend and thought of you. funny how that works.

  12. Marianne says:

    So much in one post!

    First of all, you’re pretty and I love your hair. I darkened mine (much closer to my natural goldy-medium blonde), but it got bleached out on vacation. I always wanted to be brave enough to go brown, just for the hell of it.

    Second of all, Cubs… um, good luck and all that. That’s totally sincere!

    Third of all, bikini waxes. OMG! I had one before we went to Mexico for our wedding and it was the worst pain I’d ever suffered. I’ve broken several bones, so use that as a point of reference.

  13. Kim says:

    I love your dark hair…your eyes just pop out of the picture! You’re a hottie!

  14. kristabella says:

    Thanks everyone! This is why I keep posting photos of me and my brown hair. I like nice comments.

    Rich – Was it Bacardi 8 or whatever that crap was?

  15. Swishy says:

    Totally cute hair!

    And speaking of “other” hair … yes, it does too hurt! Not “Kelly Clarkson” hurt, maybe, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel GOOD! It helps to chat, for sure.

  16. Wait, the other members of your book club haven’t seen your va jay jay? You musn’t be one of those people posting on true mom confessions, LOL.

  17. Manic Mom says:

    OK, Kristabella, have I been so self-absorbent, like a tampon, that I HAVE NOT BEEN OVER HERE TO SAY HELLO!?!?!

    Cubs–are we neighbors??? And did you ever read the post where I took Swishy for her FIRST bikini wax, and how I came into the room with her?!?!? I wanted to take pics too but she wouldn’t let me!!!


  18. Jody says:

    I can understand the pressure to only have one chin showing at any given time…beleive me – I can.

    How about facing a mirror and snapping the photo – using the reflection. Just a thought.

    And just so you know, I take the lurker warning seriously!