Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on August 26, 2007

But I said no, no, no.

Seriously, it seems like last week was one big blur. With a ton of stuff happening. And the only way to fill you in on everything is, yep, you guessed it, BULLETS!

• First and foremost, since I’m sure you are all wondering how the “diet” went this week. (It’s in quotes because 24 cases of wine is not a diet. Or maybe it is.) I lost .8 pounds. (Yes, that is POINT 8.) Which, if you would have witnessed me at ANY point Monday through Saturday, you would find an amazing feat.
• And unfortunately, it has convinced me that wine has no calories. Which we all know, is not what I need. On my list is definitely NOT to “drink more wine.” My teeth are permanently stained purple already.
• Restless Leg Syndrome Girl finally went home. After much mocking. To her face. When we called her down to the bar Wednesday night to laugh at her. Not with her.
• I drank so much this week that starting Thursday, until Saturday, around 3 PM I would get the shakes really bad. Because it was getting close to cocktail hour. I had a dentist appointment on Friday afternoon. At 3 PM. And my dentist was convinced I was nervous or scared or something. Because I couldn’t stop my lip from quivering. She just kept telling me “it’s OK.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the quivering was alcohol withdrawal induced, and had nothing to do with her.
• Thankfully we’re without the shakes today. But seeing as KJ-Palooza starts Friday night after Julie lands, I’m thinking we’re in for the same thing in a few days.
• Speaking of mah partay, I found my dress. (Thanks to Schwerer’s help. In which she probably wants those images burned from her memory.) It’s this very flattering wrap dress. In some nice retro (circa 1977 perhaps?) colors and pattern. Isn’t it cute?

• And I also bought shoes. Just cause. Even though they don’t go with the dress. But they were cute.

• And because they seemed the best option to keep me stable when the DTs come back in full force this weekend.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, General, Hooch Hilarity, Worky Work | 9 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 22, 2007

I love how every time I’ve ever gone to a sales conference, especially lately with the new company, I always say that I’m not going to drink. And I’m going to bring my workout gear. And I’m just going to relax.

And then I’m always surprised when that never happens.

This week’s conference was the same. With WW and all, I really wanted to be good. Because I want to take it seriously and I want to lose this weight. On top of that, I knew that this group was going to be a lot of young kids who were going to party until all hours and I was just not going to get along with them and/or feel really old.

I was at the hotel bar until 2 AM last night.

I went home to check on the kitties and to get some more clothes for the week last night. As I was getting ready to leave, a co-worker called and said we were going to have a nice dinner on the company. Just cause. And we did. It was great.

This was also great because it was a valid excuse for not meeting up with the kids and actually getting my ass to bed at a decent time.

So we went to dinner and both came back to the hotel bar for another drink or two.

And then the rest of the group came back from dinner. Four hours, 27 winks and 11 glasses of wine later, I finally went to bed.

By the time it gets to Wednesday, I stop even telling myself that I’ll get to bed early. Because it takes me three damn days before I stop trying to convince myself when I know damn well I’ll be back at the hotel bar again tonight.

But maybe with all the booze and the dehydration I’ll actually lose weight this week. Or maybe I just don’t eat on Saturday.

P.S. In other conference news, Restless Leg Syndrome Girl should be going home tonight or tomorrow. And we all decided we’re a little sad about it. Because now what will we all talk about?

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, General, Hooch Hilarity | 7 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 21, 2007

Oh, hai, internet. Oh how I’ve missed you so. I swear, these conferences make me feel so out of touch with the world. And that is just not good. Paris could end up in jail again. Lindsay could actually stay in rehab. The world doesn’t stop moving because I’m at a conference. But it should! Why world? Why must you keep with the moving and the not staying still?

So already, sitting here on Tuesday evening, this has been the most eventful conference for me in my three short months (three months today, actually). This conference is a bunch of new sales reps. So for most of them, this is their first job out of school. So most of the people are way younger than myself.

And part of my duties is to herd said people on and off the bus and make sure we leave no salesperson behind. So Monday morning, they ALL knew that they were to be in the lobby by 7:15 because that’s when the bus was leaving. Well, 7:15 came and went and we were a few people shy. Turns out one didn’t make the trip due to a family emergency. The other chick overslept because her flight got in from Cali at 4 AM. So that was a valid excuse. And I was surprised she even made it to the conference and managed to stay awake. She apparently does not have a raging case of SOADES, like myself.

The third is just a damn trainwreck. I called her room three times with no answer. Finally, I marched my ass up to her room because, bitch, it’s seven fucking thirty and you need to get your ass on the bus or I WILL leave you here.

I get up to her room, and she answers, in her PAJAMAS, with no remorse at all. None. Bitch doesn’t even apologize or even have one inkling of “oops! Sorry I’m late.” Tells me she’ll be down in five minutes. To which I reply, you better make it faster because we will be leaving here in four minutes. And honey, I’m done waiting for your ass.

She made it. And I got the OK from the boss to leave her behind if this were to happen again. Which it did. This morning. She got left behind for the tour we went on in Indiana. And then didn’t even have the decency to show up at the office in the afternoon, knowing full well that we had more training today. Let me just tell you, if it were up to me, she’d be on a damn plane back home. But instead she’s allowed to stay, and I’m pretty damn sure she’s treating this like a vacation and won’t be showing up tomorrow either.

See, these kids have never traveled for work before. They sit on the sales desk, and have no need to go anywhere. Add that to the fact that they’re staying in a hotel, drinking free booze, and you’re in for a mess of trouble. I know. I did the same thing when I was that age. The NFL PR meetings were/are a big drunk fest.

But you know what? I was NEVER late. And I tried to give off the impression that I was not hurting so bad my head was about to explode. And I paid attention. Because the Niners paid for me to travel to learn. And I was there to attend meetings, not drink in a hotel bar. (That was just an added bonus.)

This chick is a disgrace. On Monday morning, she complained of “restless leg syndrome” and had to go back to the hotel. And proceeded to meet us out for dinner that night and drink 17 glasses of wine and say very inappropriate things in front of the VP. She’s a cancer on this group and no one likes her. And I’m about to get restless leg syndrome and shove my foot up her ass.

And I can’t wait to leave her ass back at the hotel again tomorrow morning. Because I don’t want to look at your hungover face anymore.

In other booze-related news, I think I consumed my points for the entire week last night. We went out after dinner (four glasses of wine) and drank way too much (too many pitchers to count), and flirted WAY too much with a 25-year old smart-ass sales guy. Dude, a smart ass gets me every time. (This guy has a serious case of KJ-itis. I mean, he winked at me so much I was starting to think he really had something in his eye. Maybe grapefruit, Costanza.)

I came home tonight to feed the kitties and check for urine puddles (all clear) and am supposed to meet them out again tonight. But I really shouldn’t. Because I don’t need more booze. And the inappropriate work flirting. Which would STAY at flirting. I’ve learned my lesson with that. And the last time I made out with a kid in his early 20s, I got strep throat and missed two days of work.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, General, Hooch Hilarity, Worky Work | 8 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 19, 2007

I had a whole fucking post typed and it fucking disappeared. I’m quite pissed off about it. Can you tell?

I don’t even remember what I wrote. But I’m about to take this fucking laptop and shove it where the sun don’t shine, preferably to someone who works at the damn Marriott because I blame their lame wireless network. Or maybe I can blame the 17 inches of rain we’ve gotten in the last 3 days.

So this week is another sales conference. In fact, it’s the same conference as the last one in July. The attendees are different. But the schedule? Same. The material? Same. The food? Same.

Which brings me to my point. The point I had in that other post. At least I think I did. But it DISAPPEARED!

So with these conferences it makes it really hard to follow my diet. And I’m trying to keep it up. I’ve only been doing it for 2 weeks, but I’m really trying to stay on plan. And I lost another pound this past week, so I know it is working. (Although, even though I know I shouldn’t, I’m a little upset I didn’t lose more this past week. I was really good and even worked out. I know. I know. Slow and steady wins this race. But I was still hoping for two pounds at least.)

Anyway, the food at these conferences is not good for you. The sandwiches are drenched in mayo. There is cheese everywhere. And we’re having an Italian seven-course dinner on Monday night. And all courses are good. I know because I picked the menu. (I picked all the menus.) I also know this because did I mention? This conference is the same as last time.

So I’m going to try as be as good as possible. I am staying at the hotel, because I have to herd people on to the bus early in the morning, so it makes it hard to bring my lunch every day. And really, sleep outranks diet. Pretty much every time.

Plus, you know what goes hand in hand with sales conferences? Booze. And normally I’m all squeeee! Free alcohol! But part of the reason I don’t fit in mah pants is because I enjoy a beer or 17. So on top of showing the world’s greatest will power with food, I also have to avoid the booze. Which really? Is just crazy talk.

The other bad thing about these conferences is no computer. Although, I have some legitimate work to do, so I’m hoping I can leave the room periodically to work on some things. Because no blogs and no email make Kristabella something something.

Go crazy? Don’t mind if I do!

In other news, my cat does not have any type of bladder infection. Or anything else that would explain her peeing in the cat bed. She’s just a bitch. And has decided to piss all over the damn apartment for some reason. She’s sure going to love me being gone all week. I’m sure I’ll come home to a puddle of urine on my pillow.

Is it Friday yet?

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, General, Lametown | 4 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on August 16, 2007

On Saturday afternoon I had lunch with a friend of mine and we turned to the subject of my new job and what was going on with it and how I was liking it.

I went into the details of not being BFF with some of the people and it being very cliquey. And I told her that it has been hard but that I had reached a point where it was OK. I have tons of friends and family and I don’t have to extend that to the people I work with. And it is OK.

And we got onto the subject of being people pleasers and in turn taking everything so personal. Because you tend to take every little thing said as a slight against you, whether it was or not. And it is a really hard cycle to break. I, for one, have been doing it my entire life, not even knowing, because I was always looking for the attention from my dad. And you learn all your behaviors at a young age. Or so my therapist told me.

And I’ve always been like this at jobs particularly. I always have to do things myself because I don’t trust others to do it right. Because if when they don’t do it right, then I have failed. And that is not pleasing to anyone.

I have always taken things so personal at work. If someone doesn’t like something I’ve done or even something I didn’t do but I am somehow tied to, I immediately get defensive. And then usually cry at my desk and get really frustrated. I have a hard time realizing that I cannot be perfect 100% of the time and sometimes things are subjective so people may not like them. And it has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

The hardest part with this new job has been doing exactly what I’m asked and some of the times it not being right. Because there was some unsaid part of the equation. And so on numerous occasions busting my ass and doing my best has lead to the wrong thing. And it has literally been out of my control. Because you did not hire a mind reader.

It has gotten better because I’m becoming more assertive (and in turn a lot less defensive) and they are finally starting to trust me to do the damn job that they hired me to do. And also because I’ve decided to not give a fuck. Seriously.

If I do something and they want to change it, fine. That is not my deal. That is your deal. I can only do what I am humanly capable of. And I will keep doing it until you are satisfied. Because I can’t change who you are. And I have FINALLY learned to stop trying. And stopped taking everything so damned personal.

I have been battling this my entire career, and my entire life, really. And I am by no means “cured” of PeoplePleaseritis. I still do it without knowing. I tell people what they want to hear. I sometimes don’t give my totally honest opinion in certain situations. One, because sometimes it isn’t worth the battle and two, because I’m still insecure and I want people to like me and I want tons of friends in the worst way.

And I know people will be like “it’s because you’re turning 30” like some damn magic switch turns when you hit that milestone. No, it’s not because of that. It is because I’m getting older. And in turn am more comfortable in my own skin. And in turn choose to do things that make MY life easier rather than doing things to make it easier on everyone else. And in turn, use the phrase “in turn” too many damn times in one post.

And it took this job, a job that I needed to keep, to hit it home. Because I needed to pay my bills and I also needed to keep my sanity, in turn. (ha) And I needed to figure out a way to make it work. And believe me when you’re faced with looking for a job yet again, for the fourth time in two years, or working to fix something, you try really, really hard to fix it.

And it makes me not hate going into work every day. Because I have limited interaction with people, which suits me just fine. And the interaction we do have doesn’t make me want to pull my new brunette hair out at the roots. Because I feel no need to make you like me. Which surprisingly? Makes me like them a lot more.

And it only took me almost 30 damn years to figure out. And I did it before the Magic Switch flipped!

P.S. And even with all this lovely insight, I still have no idea why my cat decided to pee in the cat bed today. And am seriously hoping it’s the only place she decided to pee.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, Age is Just a Number, Worky Work | 3 Comments »
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