The Pink Eye Plague

Posted By on February 1, 2010

Do you have any irrational fears? I have a few. One, I’m afraid one time I’ll step out of bed and someone will have been hiding under my bed and they will slice my Achilles tendon and I won’t be able to move! Two, I have an irrational fear of pink eye.

I know, right?

See, my last job was located on the South Side of Chicago, not in the best part of the city. The most convenient Dunkin Donuts was not the cleanest facility. It was part of a gas station/Burger King. I always went to this one because it was close to the prison and a lot of the cops and sheriffs would get breakfast there, so I always felt safe-ish. But there were also some shady characters, homeless people, etc. that visited this establishment as well. So much so that the place was just dirty. And I would convince myself that by touching the door handles to get in and out of the building, I was going to get pink eye. I made a POINT to wash my hands as soon as I got to work because I was afraid I would touch my eyes later and totally get pink eye. Why pink eye and not anything else? I have no idea. But I was always CONVINCED.

I never got pink eye. In fact, I haven’t had pink eye since I was a senior in high school. I only remember having pink eye then because I got it right before we were going to Puerto Vallarta for spring break with my dad. And they specifically tell you NOT to go in the sun when you’re on the antibiotic eye drops, so I had to convince the doctor to give me special eye drops so I didn’t spend a week in Mexico SITTING INSIDE.

Well, that was the last time I had pink eye until this past week.

Last Wednesday my eye was really itchy. So if it itches, I scratch it. Most of the time I don’t think about door handles and light switches and a host of other things that I touch with my hands before touching my eyeball. I have no idea why my brain thinks the Dunkin Donuts is dirtier than doors in a parking garage, but there you have it.

So before I went to bed Wednesday night, my eye was really bothering me. I went to take out my contacts and I noticed that the whole right part of my right eye was red. “Hmmm,” I thought. “This can’t be good. Maybe I scratched too hard?”

Of course I Googled pink eye and asked Twitter if pink eye itched. Because if you ever have a question, odds are someone on Twitter will have an answer for you. The consensus was that it could be pink eye and that if I woke up in the morning with an oozy, crusty eye, it was pink eye. So I went to bed.

When I woke up, my eye was a bit crusty and kind of oozy and the red had spread (hey! Thanks rhymes!). I decided in the interest of not spreading it to my co-workers, that I would work from home and keep the plague contained in my house. And then secretly wondered if cats get pink eye. And maybe thought about touching their eyes just to experiment. Thankfully my cats have lived with me long enough to know that they shouldn’t ever let me touch their eyes.

Since it had been like 15 years since my last bout with pink eye, I was a little fuzzy on the details. I was pretty sure it was SOMETHING and not just regular eye irritation. So to be sure, I decided to touch the infected eye and then touch my good eye to see if it spread. Worst case is that it would spread and I wouldn’t have like 2 weeks of pink eye.

I finally made it to the CVS Minute Clinic (which is actually kind of awesome and so quick!) and as soon as I walked in the doctor was all “oh yeah, you have pink eye. And it spread to the other eye.” Whoops.

I got my eye drops and have been using them ever since. When I remember. Because every 4 hours can slip by, especially when you’re in a movie and wearing 3D glasses over your glasses because you can’t wear contacts because you have the PLAGUE OF THE EYEBALLS! Not that you could wear any contacts anyway because you have no more left! The last pair you had, you threw out because it was INFECTED!

Basically I hate wearing my glasses. So the end of this infection (and my contacts order) cannot come quickly enough.

This is apparently my grumpy old man/I-hate-pink-eye-and-having-to-wear-glasses face. Also, apparently my neck has gone missing. Can anyone help me find it?

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


25 Responses to “The Pink Eye Plague”

  1. This? Was worse than reading about somebody discovering they have lice. My eyes are itching like ca-raaaazy now!! Arrrggghhh!

    In nicer commentingness: I hope it gets better soon!

    Also? I think the glasses look a-okay!
    .-= Erin (Snarke)´s last blog ..Kind of All Over the Place =-.

  2. Denora says:

    Ugh. Pink eye blows. I’m so sorry, and hope it clears up soon. On a brighter note, your glasses are super cute!
    .-= Denora´s last blog ..The Dark Side =-.

  3. Ha ha you look so grumpy in that picture! But not ha ha to pink eye. That blows.
    .-= nancypearlwannabe´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.

  4. Mahnee says:

    Whoops is right! I still chuckle that you deliberately touched the icky eye then the good eye to see if it would spread. Atleast you got it all over with at once. Not like when you yahoos got chicken pox (what made me think of that?) and brother gave it to you then you gave it to sister so I was stuck in the house with the pox for most of that summer. Good times.

  5. jcristg says:

    I’m going to tell you something you don’t want to hear…
    the cats probably gave you pink eye. That’s what my opthamologist told me back when I had the pink eye-turned eye infection from hell and yes, I am totally serious. Apparently it’s common in cats. I was, and am, convinced the Devil Cats were out to get me.

  6. Andrea says:

    I have an irrational fear of germs and feet. After I use a shopping cart, I get back in the car and wipe my hands and steering wheel and keys and door with antibacterial wipes. And feet. OMG I’ll retch if I think about them too much. Anyhoo, sorry about your pinkeyes! Looks like they’re getting better, and cute glasses!
    .-= Andrea´s last blog ..Memorable Quotes. And Enhancements. =-.

  7. Darcey says:

    Dude, I was convinced I had gotten pink eye through Twitter when I read about yours. I kept running to my mirror to stare at my eye to see if it was redder than usual. And finally CB just told me to take out my contacts and stop being a crazy person.
    .-= Darcey´s last blog ..Weekend Antics =-.

  8. Lori says:

    pink eye sux – sorry you have it! 🙁

  9. Lys says:

    I had a eye drama a couple years ago and thought “@*@*@* it’s pink eye” but thankfully it was an irritation because I slept in my contacts. After reading this, I think I’m going to make sure I never even NAP in my contacts ever again…

    Get better soon!!!
    .-= Lys´s last blog ..Haitian Relief: Stiletto Style… =-.

  10. My kids have had pink eye so many times that I can diagnose it within moments of the first itch. When I had it last fall, I walked into my doctor’s office and told them what I had and what I needed. I should go to medical school.
    .-= Jen on the Edge´s last blog ..This is how we roll, no, sled =-.

  11. I have that Achilles tendon fear too!!!!!!!!!!!!1 gah.
    but the pink eye one? Not so much. i’m pretty sure i got pink eye every single summer that I went to camp. Hope you get to put those contacts back in soon!
    .-= the alimartell´s last blog ..The One Where I am Sick. (oh, this is an exciting one, let me tell you) =-.

  12. Candy says:

    Dude that is the strangest picture of you I have ever seen. Props for posting it.
    .-= Candy´s last blog ..eReads, therefore eAm =-.

  13. Fairy Godmother says:

    Getting pink eye is a big fear of mine too! Never had it yet. I don’t touch my eyes unless I really have to and my hands are clean. They don’t call me germ-a-phobe for nothing. Hope you’re feeling better.
    I’m still trying to figure out who you look like in that picture.

  14. Alice says:

    gaaaah totally rubbing my eyes now. THANKS A LOT. probably just gave myself pink eye.

    i do feel for you, though. anything that prevents me from wearing contacts is THE WORST.
    .-= Alice´s last blog ..weekended! or, I HAZ A TATTOOO! =-.

  15. Sarah says:

    Pinkeye completely sucks! I had it a few years ago and got sent home from work because it’s so contagious. So there was that.
    Feel better!
    .-= Sarah´s last blog ..Hey, It worked for Moses…. =-.

  16. Angella says:

    That doesn’t even LOOK like you.

    I had pink eye last spring and it SUCKED, but at least I no longer have glasses. Hope it’s better soon, lady!
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Happy Places =-.

  17. Jennie says:

    I had pink eye last week (and part of this). That’s a sucky coincidence.

  18. TUWABVB says:

    I love that you tested your theory by touching your other eye – you crack me up! I hope you are all better soon – thankfully your eyes look pretty clear in the pic.
    .-= TUWABVB´s last blog ..Paint My House =-.

  19. tmc says:

    i have a fear of falling. particularly on ice.

    hey, could you send some of that pink eye towards Indy? I’d like a valid reason for working from home for a few days. : )

    i hope you’re back to normal soon. your grumpy old-man face scares me a little because i have a picture of myself that looks just like that.
    .-= tmc´s last blog ..Happy Birthday… Hey! No sleeping during meditation!! =-.

  20. gorillabuns says:

    i can honestly say, i’ve never had pink eye. now ever other infectious disease? most certainly!
    .-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..what chu talkin’ ’bout willis? =-.

  21. Scarlet says:

    I kind of want to share the picture of me with pink eye last year, but…i don’t want to scare you. I just looked and it’s horrible! wow!

    Testing with your other idea was pretty funny.
    .-= Scarlet´s last blog ..Baby One More Time =-.

  22. metalia says:

    Okay, so, I cannot have ANY PART of my feet/legs exposed when sleeping, because then a maniac with grab them and/or cut them off. You know, obviously. I am not even going to touch the pinkeye thing, lest I….jinx anything. 🙂 I don’t have contacts, but J does, and I know he haaaaaaaates having to wear his glasses for pretty much any reason. I’m sure he’d feel your pain. Heal up soon, yo!
    .-= metalia´s last blog ..Somebody’s Cold War Is Giving Me Chills =-.

  23. Kerri Anne says:

    Boo! Pink Eye. And your fear of having something bad happen to your Achilles tendon reminded me of that scene in I Know What You Did Last Summer (or I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, I can’t remember…) where Jennifer Love-Hewitt gets pulled under the bed by Captain Hook. I jumped so high at that scene I had to start laughing before I started crying. Ha!
    .-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..South Korea At First Glance =-.

  24. Corey says:

    I hope your pinkeyes are better now. I too hate wearing my glasses.

    I have an irrational fear of vampires & zombies in my basement. So, I run up the stairs like a crazy person being chased. Um, hmm…crazy.

  25. Amanda says:

    I have the Achilles tendon fear too. I blame Pet Cemetery and that stupid little kid under the bed who slices the old man’s tendon. I hate that kid. Sorry about the pink eye. I imagine it has cleared up by now though, so enjoy wearing your contacts again.