My Gram
Posted By Kristabella on August 18, 2010
I’ve failed to talk about this on my blog because I felt like if I talked about it, things would get worse. Let’s hope that isn’t the case.
So my Gram hasn’t been doing well lately. She’s currently in a rehab facility and has been for a few weeks.
I should back up…
Back after Fourth of July my Gram took a turn for the worse. She was having trouble walking, standing, going to the bathroom and just about everything. In a matter of a day, ONE DAY, she went from being my sharp-witted, feisty Gram, to being confused, disoriented and unable to walk on her own.
My mom lives with Gram. So she was there to help. But it wasn’t easy. Gram couldn’t really be left alone on her own because she was having trouble with most everything, including making it to the bathroom. It was taking a toll on my mom something fierce because she’d be up all night with Gram and then wouldn’t get a wink of sleep and was missing work.
My mom finally realized that things weren’t getting better and she needed to involve my aunt. My aunt is a nurse. After a few days of trying to get her back to normal, my aunt decided that Gram wasn’t getting better and we needed to take her to the hospital. My mom and aunt decided to take her to the hospital my aunt works at because she knows all the doctors, etc.
Long story long, turns out Gram had some sort of interaction with her meds. It caused water intoxication-like symptoms. Those symptoms are like symptoms of a stroke – disorientation, loss of balance, forgetfulness. Thankfully it wasn’t anything worse. But the sad part is that when you’re an 87 year old woman, a week in the hospital can set you back weeks.
I visited her after she got out of the hospital. She wasn’t my Gram. She was like a shell of herself. It was so sad to see. Even after she was out of the hospital, she was still disoriented and confused. It broke my heart. And none of us could understand why this happened so out of the blue.
We arranged to have family members come over during the day so my mom could go to work. And then my mom would handle Gram duties at night. But like before the hospital visit, Gram needed a lot of help in the middle of the night and my mom wasn’t getting any sleep. My aunt would come over and spend the night when she could, but it was taking its toll on everyone.
Since Gram was having a hard time standing and walking (something she was doing just fine up until right before July 4), my aunt thought maybe a rehab center was the place to go. And it was covered under insurance since she was just in the hospital. So my mom and aunt went to check out a few places, places where my aunt knew people, and Gram moved into a rehab place.
She’s been there for a few weeks. I went to visit her before BlogHer and it made me sad. She hadn’t gotten any better. She still couldn’t walk and she couldn’t remember anything. (Now, I know she’s 87 so her memory isn’t the greatest, but she was remembering things before all this happened. And this happened literally overnight. And they did all the tests and brain scans for dementia and nothing.)
After my first visit, I told my mom I wanted to be like Clint Eastwood in Million Dollar Baby and help ease her pain. My Gram NEVER wanted this. She has told us for YEARS to never put her in any kind of home or assisted living place. And to see her, a shell of herself, made me so sad.
I told my mom my thoughts about this, and how she wasn’t getting better and it seemed odd. That therapy should be showing some improvement. So my aunt and mom went in to talk to the therapists and got Gram on a tougher training schedule.
And it’s working! I went on Saturday to visit and she was so much better. So much more alert and walking on her own just fine! She still needed the aid of a walker or someone there to hold her just in case, but it was like a WORLD of difference from the last time I saw her.
And while she’s still sad and depressed (she’s 87, she just wants to go to her own home), she’s more herself and feisty and mad and so much more my Gram!
My mom and aunt are supposed to talk with the social worker tomorrow to see what her status is. We’ve all seen the improvements and we know it is time for her to come home and to come home SOON.
This has been really hard for me to deal with. I lived away from home for 10 years and wasn’t around for these kind of things. On one hand, that is nice because you can distance yourself physically and emotionally. But on the other hand, you’re not there for support and to help in a time of need. I’m glad I’m living in Chicago now and I can help.
Near or far, watching your loved ones get old is never an easy thing. I am so glad my Gram is doing better because I’m not ready for her to not be around. (I swear she’s holding on until she sees her spinster granddaughter get married or at least have a boyfriend!) We are all ready for her to be back at home, in her own house, where the only annoying roommate is her daughter. (Hi mom!)
I know one day I’m going to go through the same thing with my own mother. But this is why I’ve already prepared her by telling her for the last couple years that I won’t be able to deal with this, so she’s just going straight to a home. I’m nothing if not the perfect daughter!
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This is so hard, but it’s great that she has such a strong support system around her.
Mama Bub´s last blog post ..Why Ill never go to the dentist again
It’s great to hear that she’s doing better. As i read it I was thinking “stroke”, but am happy to hear this isn’t what happened!!!
Hopefully she’ll keep getting better.
All I can say is spend as much time with her as you can! My grandma and aunt (Who was like a grandma) all lived in Argentina and I wasn’t able to see them often and it was all the more painful when they passed. I am so grateful that I went back and visited my aunt a couple of years before she passed (from a stroke).
Anyway, so happy to hear she’s doing well!
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I send a prayer your way for you and your family to remain strong.
Very nice, Kristabella!
I’m so glad she’s doing better. This is the way ALL of these stories should end. My Mom is going in for surgery on Tuesday and it’s going to be very chancy and it’s already really difficult on everybody involved. I can understand what your Mom is dealing with – and I can also understand the feeling that you’re not ready to let go. It’s just so good that she has all of you to be around her – to help her – to love her.
Get better Gram!!
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I’m sorry about your grandma. My parents had to put my grandmother in a home when her dementia led to her Houdini escapes on a daily basis. She couldn’t remember our names, but she knew she was FURIOUS at being put in a home. Its tough to watch. I hope she keeps getting better.
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I am so glad that she is doing better. It is so hard to see someone you love deteriorate so quickly. My neighbor went from a robust man, strong as an ox, and sharp a as a tack to someone who doesn’t even remember what a napkin is in less than two years. It is heart breaking. You are very lucky to be able to be so close to your mom and your grandmother. While it is hard to see certain things, sometimes you need to see those things. I live in NY and my mom lives in FL. When she doesn’t feel well, or has to go for tests, it is so difficult being so far away, and not really knowing the situation is…. Hang in there!
Hilary´s last blog post ..And it’s gone!
I agree… mom will go to a home. Sorry mom
Oh, K. I’m so sorry. I know how much you love your Gram. I’m glad that she’s more herself and will be praying for her (and you). xoxo
Angella´s last blog post ..On The Outside Looking In
So sorry to hear you (and your Gram, obviously) have been going through this – I’m so glad she seems to be feeling better, long may it continue!
My parents have already picked out the home they want to go to. It’s in Florida and I’ll have to rob a bank to pay for it…
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I’m glad that the tougher regime is getting her going again! I will keep y’all in my thoughts!
Raven´s last blog post ..sprog is branching out y’all
watching your family age is so hard especially the ones that were always so full of life and movers and shakers. I’m glad Gram is getting better.
I’m so sorry to hear about your Gram…such a tough thing to go through, both for her as well as you all supporting her (and one another). We’ve been going through a similar situation with my Gram, so I understand and feel for you all. I’m glad to hear she’s doing better. Sending you and your family big hugs! xoxo
So glad she is improving! We are going through something similar with my grandmother — it’s so hard. I just never thought she would seem old, ya know? She has always worked circles around all of us; taking care of siblings, parents, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren…very strange to have the tables turned and she doesn’t like it at all. I think she’s lonely, and just sad that she’s not taking care of anyone anymore. I’ll say a prayer for you and your Gram tonight!
Oh lady, I’m sorry things are hard right now. If you need me to email you jokes during the day I can totally do that!
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So sorry to hear it’s been a tough couple of months, but I’m glad she is doing so much better!
Oh, and I tell my mom that she has to be nice to me, b/c I’m the one that chooses her nursing home (I’m an only child).
Jen´s last blog post ..Do what- now
I am not looking forward to my own parents going through this. And I can see my dad and mom aging (and in-laws!) and it’s SCARY. I’m glad she’s improving. Hope she can go back home, soon.
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How frightening it must have been to see her have such a sudden decline. I am glad to hear she is doing better and I hope your whole family can breathe a sigh of relief.
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I’m so sorry your grandmother has been ill. I’m very glad that she is on the mend. I hope she’ll be home soon.
oh man, that’s SO rough. i’m so sorry for you & your mom 🙁 i am PETRIFIED of the day either of my parents starts to decline. i absolutely will not be able to handle it. i can’t even THINK about it.
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Thank you so much for sharing such a heartfelt post – my gran lives on the other side of Australia and I feel so sad to think that she’s getting older and one day won’t be around anymore, I definitely feel like I’ve missed out on heaps of stuff by living so far away for so long. I should probably write to her more often – thank you for reminding me how important our grandparents are – I get so caught up in my own life that I forget. And as for the thought about my own parents getting older and sick, I can’t even cope with thinking about that – it will no doubt be the end of me. I’m glad to hear that your grandma is improving, I hope she’s home soon.x
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I am so glad your gram is doing better!!! Low thyroidism runs in my family…I have told mom for years when she loses her last marble she is going in the home too!!!