What Would You Do?
Posted By Kristabella on December 14, 2009
This morning as I was getting ready, I was listening to one of the local Chicago morning radio shows. A topic came up about a recent news story where a kid was at a house for a birthday party or something, and the kid grabbed a knife. And the adult of the house apparently slapped the kid or hit the kid and then screamed at the kid for picking up the knife.
So the discussion on the radio was about slapping a kid that is not your own and have you done it, would you do it, is it wrong to do it?
The one co-host of the show is a mom and has a young daughter, about four or five. She was adamant in the “never slap someone else’s kid” camp. And she thought, even in this situation, where a kid was wielding a knife, that you should NEVER touch someone else’s kid. And if you do, you should be sued.
As I was listening to this and all the callers calling in, with half being OK with the slapping, the other half NOT OK with the slapping, I started to think where I stood. Obviously there are a lot of things that go into the equation. If I was this woman at the party and some kid picked up a large knife, around many other children, my first instinct would be to snatch the thing out of his/her hand. Especially if that child’s parent didn’t happen to be attending the party. Would I purposely slap the kid, or the kid’s hand, in that situation? If kids were in danger, what would I do in that situation?
I’m sure I’m going to piss off all the mothers out there, but in a situation where someone is going to be harmed, especially someone I love, I’m going to do anything to protect my kid/loved one. I’m not a mom, but I have the Mama Bear instinct and it comes up when it needs to.
Last year I was at the park with my niece Skyler. It was actually her birthday and I was taking her to the park to get her out of her mom’s hair, while my SIL got ready for the party. And since I am not one to say no to any time with my favorite niece, I of course took her. It was a Friday afternoon and there weren’t a lot of kids at the park. Most of the older kids were still in school. It was just Skyler and another little boy, who was probably about her age, maybe a year or two older.
Skyler will talk to most any kid at the park. She’s definitely like her Auntie in that way. But this little guy, he was a little weird and wanted to do things like throw sand and wood chips and not actually play on the playground equipment. He was at the park with someone who appeared to be his nanny. Nanny was on the phone at the very edge of the park with her back turned, not paying one lick of attention.
Skyler and I played on all the slides and jungle gyms. I’m the best Auntie ever because I LOVE playing at the park! This little boy kind of followed us around. I felt bad for him because he was clearly craving attention. So I tried to include him.
At one point Skyler wanted to go on the swings. So I was pushing her and we were talking, you know, very philosophical discussions about Barbie and Dora and ice cream. While I was pushing her on the swing, this little boy came up and was talking to us. I tried to entertain him. He didn’t want to swing, so he just stood next to me as I pushed Skyler. Since Skyler uses her inside voice outside, I always push her on the swing from the front, so I can hear what she is saying.
So as we were chatting and swinging, the little boy starts talking to us. He’s talking little kid nonsense and I’m trying to amuse him. And the next thing I know, he picks up a really big rock, and looks like he’s about to throw it at Skyler’s head. At first I tell him to put it down. I tell him NOT to throw the rock because that’s not nice and someone can get hurt. I look over at nanny on the cell phone, yell louder to the kid to PUT DOWN THE ROCK. He clearly isn’t listening. And then I see him cock back his arm and aim that rock for my niece’s head.
And that’s when I slapped the kid’s hand. I slapped the rock out of his hand so it deflected and did not hit Skyler. And I would do the exact same thing in that situation if it happened again tomorrow.
I know enough moms and have been around kids enough to know that there are so many sides to scenarios like these. If I sent my kid to a birthday party and some other kid picked up a knife, I would hope the host would do something about it. And if slapping the kid’s hand is the way to keep all those other kids safe, then OK. But I also know that some people resort to slapping and screaming as a first line of defense, when that isn’t always the right thing to do.
But I also don’t believe that slapping someone else’s kid is always a bad thing. Again, I’m not talking about SMACKING or physically hurting a kid. I’m talking about an example like the one I mentioned above with my niece and the rock. A situation where I thought slapping the rock out of his hand was the only option of keeping my niece out of harm’s way.
I’m sure most parents are going to say they are so glad that it wasn’t their kid’s hand that I slapped a rock out of. And how dare I? But I stand by my choice. I stand by protecting my niece, first and foremost.
(This would probably be a good time to put a plea out to Ali for her to tell you I’m actually very good with kids! And I don’t actually go around harming kids on purpose! And that kids love me! RIGHT ALI????)
But this all makes me wonder, what is you opinion on this? What are your thoughts on someone else disciplining your kid? Is it because I’m not a parent that I even thought about, let alone actually went through with, slapping the rock out of that boy’s hand? What would you do in this situation?
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I am a mother of two and I say that you NEVER physically discipline someone else’s child. It sounds like, in the news story, that the woman slapped the kid’s hand as punishment for picking up a knife, not because she was trying to get him to drop the knife. An I reading it incorrectly? if the child was acting inappropriately or endangering others, she should have called his parents to pick him up. In your case, however, I would have done the same thing in order to stop the rock from plummeting into your niece’s head.
Yes, I should have mentioned that it sounded like the woman used excessive discipline on this child. (I tried to find a news story link with no luck.) So in that case, I totally agree that the woman was wrong and the parent of that child has every right to be very upset. I didn’t want to say I condoned that. I just was wondering people’s thoughts on my situation of slapping that rock out of the little boy’s hand.
I totally would lay a hand on someone else’s child to prevent them from doing harm: stop them from wielding a knife, stop them from kicking, hitting or throwing something at someone else.
In fact, you know I have when that little punk made my nephew bleed at the play-land at the mall. Of course, I also haven’t been back there since, because it bothered me so much that other parents weren’t watching or in control of their freaking children and I was forced to be in that very uncomfortable position.
.-= Raven´s last blog ..betrayal or right of passage? =-.
I think you have to do whatever it takes to make sure that other kids and adults are safe, even if it means smacking a knife-wielding/rock-throwing brat.
.-= Jen on the Edge´s last blog ..The Harry Potter rant =-.
Yeah, I’d slap a rock out of a kid’s hand if he were going to throw it at someone. I’d also slap a kid who was threatening others with a knife. In general though, I am anti-slapping.
.-= nancypearlwannabe´s last blog ..December Hodgepodge =-.
I would have done the same thing you did with the rock kid.
And forgive me since I’m not a parent, but I really don’t see the big deal about slapping a kid’s hand. If the knife party mom only slapped his hand and not his face, then I don’t really blame her.
Of course without being witness to what actually happened, who’s to say she wasn’t out of line? She could have overreacted.
I wasn’t spanked much as a child, but I tell you in put the fear of God in me. Just the thought that I might get spanked kept me in line.
I’m a mother and I would be absolutely appalled if someone else laid their hands on my kids. That said, you also have to do what you have to do to keep your kids safe.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Shaved: A Birthday Tale =-.
Slapping a kid’s hand to get him to drop a rock or a knife is understandable. Slapping a kid’s hand as punishment is probably crossing some inappropriate boundary.
In other words, I agree with you.
As an underlying principle, I really strongly believe in the “it takes a village” mentality- where if I’m an adult, and I see a kid doing something inappropriate/dangerous, and that kid’s supervising adult is not around or does not notice it, it’s okay for me to say something. Maybe this is a carryover from when I was a teacher, but I would want someone to do the same for my (eventual, hypothetical) children- if one of my kids hits another kid and I don’t see it, you bet your butt I want the adult who did see it to tell my kid that’s unacceptable behavior.
But I think adults should also try to intervene as little as possible while still getting the job done. You would not have slapped that little boy at the park had he just been teasing Skyler. You only intervened physically because that’s what it took to stop him from engaging in rock-throwing. So while I get that the idea of someone putting their hands on your kid would make a parent’s hackles go WAY up, I hope that most adults wouldn’t do it unless they felt they had to, and that parents would try to take a deep breath and assess the situation before immediately jumping to the “hands off my kid period no exceptions” place.
I have 2 step children and I am from the slap first ask questions second side of the bench. If you need to get their attention quickly, snatching whatever they have out of their hand, mouth, or nose and shouting “NO” works most of the time however some children who are often ignored, frequently ratchet up the scare factor with little provocation so my feeling is whatever it takes to get the job done is the best approach. As long as you dont physically scar the child all they have is wounded pride and that is just a fact of life. I usually dont let things escalate to the point where I have to tend to other peoples children if things start to go south I pack up my kids and we leave. There are fewer trips to the ER this way and much less fuss because they know if things get out of control I will take over as a rational adult and do what is best for them.
Would I physically discipline someone else’s child if there was no threat of physical danger to themselves/anyone else? No, but I probably would mention to the child that the behaviour was not okay and then make sure that the guardian/caregiver/parent was aware of what happened so that they could deal with it (depending on how badly the kid was acting). If I, or someone else, stood in harm’s way because of the child’s behaviour, then yes, I would without a question physically intervene. It sounds like the knife-mom may have over-reacted, but if it was a situation where she had to decide whether to smack the knife-carrying child’s hand to get rid of the knife, and she made the decision NOT to touch the knife-carrying kid, and children were injured by the kid holding the knife, how could she possibly explain to those parents that those kids got hurt because she did not intervene?
This is one of the most uncomfortable situations to be placed in as an adult or parent, and every case is different.I would probably not smack, but be THINKING about smacking that kid the whole time. And if it’s the child of a relative or close friend, I probably would, and then sit down the little hooligan and explain why I clocked him.
I’m trying to remember ever laying a hand on someone elses kid and I can’t think of any examples. But I can think of many where I did nothing and felt powerless and wish I had said or done something,
.-= paperdiva´s last blog ..December 11,12 & 13 =-.
I can’t even believe that anyone would debate hitting/slapping another child to protect others. You aren’t trying to hurt them, or even discipline them – you are trying to avoid harm to others and perhaps shock the child enough to get them to stop doing what they are doing. I would totally act as you did – no questions.
.-= TUWABVB´s last blog ..The Power of Nyquil and Walmart Compels You =-.
I’m in agreement with you as well- slapping somebody else’s kid as a punishment is not something I could bring myself to do, however, knocking a rock/knife/especially pointy wood chip out of someone’s hand is well within my “ok” realm.
When working at the farmer’s market I’m very careful not to touch people’s children, even when they’re hurling themselves at an open bowl of salsa. I just tent to try get my hand between theirs’ and the food.
I would think it’s probably a situational thing. People can feel one way or think they feel one way, but not know what they would really do until a situation occurs. I currently feel that there is a significant difference between protecting the well being of others in the face of a potentially dangerous situtation with a child that is not yours – and – disciplining a child that is not yours, in which case I think that shouldn’t happen.
Having a sister so much younger than me forced me into Mama Bear mode more times that I can count. One instance, when Bug was about 7, with a kid that had the same first name as last name (with just a letter differentiating the two names), was tormenting my sister and throwing things at her. After a few verbal reprimands, I saw him push her down when her back was turned, and when he wouldn’t go sit on the time-out bench, I walked over, picked him up and placed him under my arm, and placed him on the bench. (Granted, I wanted to drop him on his little butt, but I was trying to be a nice, if angry, person.) Now the teacher on duty saw this and said nothing. But I’m sure a mother wouldn’t have been so calm. I didn’t hurt the kid, but I made it VERY clear that it was unacceptable behavior, and should he get up from time-out before he was allowed, I would physically place him back on the bench and start the timer all over.
.-= Darcey´s last blog ..Solar Panel Fun =-.
I don’t think you should PUNISH other people’s children. But protect your own? Damn right. You were doing the latter.
.-= slynnro´s last blog ..The Weirdest Thing To Ever Happen. EVER. =-.
You did what I would have done.
You did awesome.
I think this generation of parents are getting away from the idea that when your child is under the watch of someone else, you have to assume that they will parent however they normally parent. They will not transform into YOU. (you in general, not You you, you know?). Also I loathe how the mere thought of slapping, hitting or spanking is akin to child abuse. Sigh.
.-= Penny´s last blog ..Incomp_tible =-.
I would have done the exact same thing you did. And I hope that someone would do the same to protect my kids.
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..Update! =-.