In A Real Situation, I Would Be Like George Costanza
Posted By Kristabella on October 27, 2009
Last week in an email, Metalia mentioned that her place of work was having a fire drill. And the powers that be at her work wanted to make it as “real as possible” and wanted some people to volunteer to be the victims and get carried out on a stretcher or something.
We laughed about it because 1) I had a fire drill at work last week too. It was 15 minutes later than they said it would be, just to properly make us wet our pants when hearing the alarm and 2) Hahahaha! Who is so hard core that they get real victims?
And then it hit me like a two-by-four to the face, OH MY GOD! WE DID THAT AT THE 49ERS!
So after 9/11, one of the big concerns was the security of stadiums and arenas, especially outdoor stadiums that are just a hop, skip and a jump from a major international airport, like Candlestick Park is. We had to learn the proper evacuation routes and how to make sure everyone got out safely.
But our stadium operations people, they took it to a whole other level. They wanted to know how we would react in a REAL SITUATION! So what did they do? They staged a plane crash. No, really.
On a Saturday afternoon, either on the bye week or in the offseason, we got like 1,000 volunteers to come to the stadium and be victims. We had a part of a toy plane, CRASHED, on the field. But not really on the field because then that would ruin the grass for the football playing. Because I’m sure a pilot directing a plane to crash into the stadium would have THAT much common courtesy! THINK OF THE TURF!
(I Googled it and even found an article about it. But no photos, sadly. You would all laugh at the size of this “plane”. When I emailed my friend Cindy last week, when thinking about this, she said “that plane was a joke. If it had landed on the field during the game, we could have had the cheerleaders carry it off and continue playing.”)
Anyway, in addition to having the volunteers be victims, we also had professional make-up artists there. You see, it wasn’t just training for stadium employees, it was also training for SFPD, the fire department and the EMTs. They had to go into crisis mode and treat the worst wounded and put lipstick on the foreheads of the dead people!
Oh wait, that was the movie Pearl Harbor.
Since I was in public relations, we just worked in the press box. So before taking our “positions” we toured the whole stadium to see what was going on. I knew when I saw someone who had make-up done to look like they were BLEEDING FROM THEIR EYES, that we had taken this exercise a weeeee bit far.
In hindsight, it was pretty impressive and probably served as a good training exercise for the emergency personnel. I mean, as a fireman or EMT, you don’t really get a lot of training on mass casualties, minus watching episodes of Grey’s Anatomy.
My boss didn’t appreciate it, but I made sure it was clear that if this were in fact a real emergency, I was not paid enough to make sure that beat writers and columnists and other annoying media people got out safely. You know for a fact had it been a real emergency, I would be pushing past the old lady with the walker down the ramps and out to my car and zooming down the 101 freeway before anyone could even realize I was gone. This will make no sense to anyone reading, but there was no way I was going to save Ira Miller’s ass before my own.
I should change my tagline – Kristabella: Always Keeping It Klassy
About the author
My favorite job in high school was as a practice EMT patient! I got paid $15 dollars to get put in a C-collar, strapped to a long board and be the MAS pants/hair traction victim between 8-5 (if we ran that long) every day. IT WAS THE BEST JOB EVER!
.-= Raven´s last blog ..who would think crisis mode could be boring? =-.
Come to think of it, we haven’t had a fire drill this year yet….my knees are thankful for that…old people aren’t meant to walk down 8 flights of stairs.
We just had a fire drill @ work yesterday and I feel cheated! There was not a stretcher or bleeding-from-the-eyes-with-lipstick person to be seen! We just walked down the stairs and then converged in the parking lot – boo, hiss! This story is pretty much awesome.
THINK OF THE TURF!
best line of the week. 🙂
.-= paperdiva´s last blog ..moving at the speed of sludge =-.
I did an internship in a hospital, and we did a big crazy mass casualty drill like this while I was there, and this was before 9/11. It must have been the summer of 2000. Anyway, they had all these people volunteer to be victims, and then the hospital had to deal with them. It was actually really interesting. I don’t think anyone was fake-bleeding from their eyes though.
.-= -R-´s last blog ..It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (for Shopping) =-.
I just saw the cat at the bottom of the page. Awesome!
.-= -R-´s last blog ..It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (for Shopping) =-.
dude, that’s kind of awesome. i want to suggest this to my operations people. except it woudl have been kind of fun for halloween, you know? and the “victims” could have then reanimated and terrorized the bystanders! ooh!
.-= Alice´s last blog ..tuesday: OVER IT. =-.
Like the re-design. And you are that – Klassy.
.-= lceel´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Reception =-.
Does Ira Miller write for the Chronicle? The name sounds familiar. But I think I would totally do the same in an actual emergency; it’s all about self preservation!
Awesome! It’s too bad there weren’t any pictures. I’m sure the “victims” were quite a scene. And I can’t believe they had people BLEEDING FROM THEIR EYES!
I can’t believe how real you guys made it. I’m so squeamish I probably would have been freaking out, even if I knew it was fake.
.-= Angella´s last blog ..Happy Is As Happy Does =-.
This day was better than all my other days of work combined. I’m sorry, but it’s a damn tragedy there aren’t any photos.
.-= She Likes Purple´s last blog ..Giveaway (but not here); other stuff too =-.
As a NorCal girl myself, I totally got your Ira Miller AND 101 reference (especially since I used to live in Burlingame) I think I remember reading about that drill. Glad you weren’t tagged with red lipstick, that stuff stains for like FOREVER.
Lol! That’s hilarious. In a sick way.
Also – I love the new style and font! and your tagline/bio is perfect! I’m’a borrow reformed band geek. 😉
Lol your posts are always hilarious! Best wishes from Heidelberg!
.-= Nina´s last blog ..Things I have learned today =-.
“Oh wait, that was the movie Pearl Harbor.”
That made me laugh OUT LOUD. Like, I’m glad my roommate isn’t here because embarrassing.
.-= Scarlet´s last blog ..Art =-.
Seriously… hated fire drills at work – and you’re soooo right – I too, would push past EVERYONE to save my own ARSE!!
I’ve never had to do anything so “real” like this either – except when I trained to be a lifeguard (at age 14) I had to “save” this huge wrestler guy – and he practically drowned me in the process – but being the competitive type that I stupidly am, I wouldn’t let go – now? I think I’d knock his ass out and either drag his unconscious body to shore or just leave him – I too, am one classy chick!!
.-= Shopgirl´s last blog ..So much to say…. so why can’t I blog all about it?? =-.
Oh man, this reminds me of the drills we do at work! Though my role is so pointless, I have to go to the “incident command”, don a green vest, and sit there and tell people OF COURSE YOU CAN PAY OVERTIME/BUY NEW GENERATOR, ETC. We never had a prop like a plane, or makeup on the victims though.
Incidentally, I need to go to a 3 day incident command system training in November. I guess so I can learn how to sit in a conference room and do paperwork more efficiently.
.-= Suz´s last blog ..My Personality According to Twitter =-.
The benefit of only being in the office a couple days a week is that I *hopefully* miss all this stuff.
Are you kidding I read and it makes sense to me! I bet not evn Lynchy would get you to stop and save him!
This just cracked me up!
.-= tracey´s last blog ..$500 BeiBambini Baby clothes Giveaway!! =-.
I think in most situations in life I’d act like a seinfeld character.
.-= Deidre´s last blog ..Bed, Bath, and Beyond… =-.