Dear God, Thank You For The Blog Material

Posted By on July 29, 2009

I didn’t post last night. It was partly because I had to go grocery shopping after work because I didn’t have a chance to go to the store on Sunday, my normal shopping day, because I was busy entertaining her and her demands of food and TV and a place to sleep. So I got home a little later last night, still had a suitcase to unpack (ahem, STILL HAVE a suitcase to unpack), had dishes and laundry to take care of. Also, I was still exhausted. BlogHer 2009 wore my ass out! And I ended up in bed before 9 PM. So no blog post for me!

I also didn’t post because I am out of ideas. Well, I have a few things in mind, but I wasn’t feeling it last night. Mostly because I may have fallen asleep on the couch before 8 PM.

Thankfully the Blog Gods smiled upon me. Because as I was pulling into my parking space tonight, I saw this.

bum-parking space

I know what you’re thinking and NO, that is not a dead body in a parking space of my condo.

What it is, though, is a DRUNK BUM SLEEPING IN A PARKING SPACE AT MY CONDO! IN THE SPOT NEXT TO MINE! Like my spot is to the left in that photo. Which means my car door? OPENED RIGHT NEAR HIM! I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO JUMP IN MY CAR AS I WAS GETTING OUT FOR A COMFIER PLACE TO SLEEP! SERIOUSLY! I DEBATED GETTING OUT THE PASSENGER SIDE!

People, I do NOT live in the ghetto. Not even close. It may not be Rahm Emanuel’s neighborhood, where I used to live, but I would hope my friends who know where I live would back me up and say NOT THE GHETTO! So why is there a bum sleeping in a parking spot? When there is a nice grassy knoll not far from where he sleeps?

(I should have woken him from his slumber to ask him this. But then I would have lost a chance to snap his photo. All stealth-like, of course, because you know what they say about waking a sleeping bum. DO NOT DO IT.)

Also, why was I afraid of a bum who was so shitfaced I could have literally pushed him over with my finger? Because he didn’t even flinch when I pulled into the parking lot. And he’s lucky I didn’t run him over because I don’t generally scan the parking lot for PASSED OUT BUMS!

And, have I asked, WHY WAS THERE A BUM SLEEPING IN MY PARKING LOT? NEXT TO MY CAR?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.

Comments

28 Responses to “Dear God, Thank You For The Blog Material”

  1. Mahnee says:

    Are you SURE he wasn’t dead??????

    And NO…you live nowhere ghetto-ish…lovely neighborhood with all the trees, etc.

    The picture looked like it was a kid so I was kinda relieved it was an adult bum.

    BE CAREFUL!!!!!

  2. Angella says:

    I’m kind of glad we stayed at the hotel and not at your place last Wednesday. Yikes!

    Be safe, my friend.
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..At Least It’s Not Winter =-.

  3. slynnro says:

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure that dude is dead. Did you kick him?
    .-= slynnro´s last blog ..I got nothing. =-.

  4. -R- says:

    Thank God that’s a bum. When I saw the picture I thought that was a toddler.

    I would have been scared he was going to try to jump in my car too! You are brave for getting out on the driver’s side.

    I do hope he’s ok though.
    .-= -R-´s last blog ..Accountability =-.

  5. Are you sure he isn’t dead?
    .-= Dutchess of Kickball´s last blog ..Where Pork Comes From =-.

  6. tracey says:

    See now, THIS? Never happens in the burbs. I feel so deprived. Such blog fodder!! You lucky girl.
    .-= tracey´s last blog ..Swinging in the rain… Just swiiiinging in the rain…. =-.

  7. michele says:

    ha! this reminds me a birthday card i got that had a picture of a clown passed out face down in the street. (it was a hilarious card.) you could make this your christmas card or something!
    .-= michele´s last blog ..Jen Lancaster Book Signing! =-.

  8. He kinda looks like a little kid. Or a rag doll.

    Are you sure he isn’t dead?
    .-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..RIP Sweeney =-.

  9. TUWABVB says:

    You should have poked him with a stick. Seriously though? I would have probably parked on the street I would have been so freaked out. Also, I’m so tired this week – I think I’m experiencing sympathetic exhaustion for the BlogHer attendees. I’m such a wannabe.
    .-= TUWABVB´s last blog ..Conversations with Manbug a/k/a Signs That I’m Getting More Dumber =-.

  10. Scarlet says:

    Ummmm, that’s kinda scary. And he does look dead in that pic.
    .-= Scarlet´s last blog ..Eye =-.

  11. Darcey says:

    Are you sure he wasn’t dead? I mean, sometimes you can’t tell by the smell…
    .-= Darcey´s last blog ..I keep him around =-.

  12. bikerchick says:

    Perhaps he’s an import of your noisy neighbors from the Subcontinent that come home in the middle of the night and play tunes from the old country while sitting in their car? Perhaps he was sitting in their car with them, got stunned by the volume level and had to pass out? Perhaps he was hoping that you former pot-smoking neighbors had followed you to your new residence and was simply waiting to get toked up? Or maybe, you have made your new digs so comfy that everyone wants a piece of Kristabellistan!

    I have been commuting by bike through the northside this summer, taking a million different routes, and am amazed that I see this everywhere, even in the “best” neighborhoods of Chicago.

  13. HollyLynne says:

    I love you for taking a picture.
    .-= HollyLynne´s last blog ..Eggs for Dinner =-.

  14. Moose says:

    I always ALWAYS lock my car, not because I’m afraid someone will steal it (my car IS ghetto, yo), but because I’m quite certain people troll for open cars and their far-more-comfy sleep spot possibilities.

    Also, this is so wrong, but Slynnro’s comment cracked me up. Did you kick him? Now THAT would be a good post follow-up. In the Taking Advantage of All God’s Blogging Gifts sort of way.
    .-= Moose´s last blog ..Random Question in Ever-So-Slightly Uncomfortable Pseudo-Social Work Situation: =-.

  15. paperdiva says:

    that is hilarious. I never get cool things like that to write about!

  16. Diana says:

    That’s city livin for ya. I thought it was a dummy of some sort at first as well, but no.

    I walked by a group of drunk gals (and not the happy hour crowd) on the sidewalk downtown yesterday. One stood up and in a dramatic fashion slurred loudly “No one better fuckin’ get between me and my old man”. All I could think was that the smell of urine would probably get between her and any man.
    .-= Diana´s last blog ..BlogHer ‘09: Appearances can be deceiving =-.

  17. JRM says:

    When I first looked at the pic I thought he was a child-actor from Fiddler on the Roof.

  18. jennster says:

    all i know is that i probably would have been laughing so fucking hard, it would have woken him up. and he probably would have tried to attack me with a bottle of alcohol or something.

    CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU DUDE. i can’t say NO to NYC!
    .-= jennster´s last blog ..when i was in so cal =-.

  19. girlplease says:

    Your question sounds like a beatnick poem. All you need are bongos.

  20. Sarah says:

    I would have poked him to make sure he wasn’t dead. I have a habit of finding people dead.
    .-= Sarah´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

  21. Rhi says:

    This is very, very Portland. We have a LOT of bums.
    .-= Rhi´s last blog ..BlogHer ‘09: The Awesome =-.

  22. That, my friend, is Blog Gold. Lucky you.

    Pete bought me a new cell phone today WITH a camera and I am far too excited about this little bit o’ technology that everyone else has had for years.
    .-= Jen on the Edge´s last blog ..This is how I roll =-.

  23. YellowMutt says:

    Is he still there??? if he is, then DEFINITELY kick him! hard. Or poke him with a stick. that would be fun.

  24. lceel says:

    If that had been me coming home to find that – I would have made a quick trip to Goodwill and bought a wig and a sexy nightie and laid them out right next to him. And a note that said, “Thanks.”
    .-= lceel´s last blog ..Haiku Friday – It Was in Chicago =-.

  25. Deidre says:

    I think he just wanted the convenient built in pillow that is the curb. And can you blame him? Nothing softer than concrete.
    .-= Deidre´s last blog ..Do you see people and immediately associate them with animals? Like that tennis player who is a horse/turtle? =-.

  26. Wowee that is blog material at its creepiest.
    That would freak me out!…he looks dead
    .-= Sensibly Sassy´s last blog ..Every Time a Bell Rings an Angel Farts =-.

  27. kdiddy says:

    drunk, passed out dudes happen. one time I was taking the trolley home from work and a dude had passed out on the tracks. ordinarily, I would have been concerned, but I had been on the bus and the trolley for nearly an hour at the end of the work day, so I had no sympathy for anyone, and started grumbling about getting, “that drunk motherfucker out of the goddamned way.”
    .-= kdiddy´s last blog ..what would betty draper do? =-.

  28. Ree says:

    I think I should move into your building. ;-)
    .-= Ree´s last blog ..Grace in Small Things: 33/365 =-.