For Whom The Bell Tolls
Posted By Kristabella on June 8, 2009
Do you remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry was at a hotel and woke up in the middle night laughing hysterically about something and he wrote it on a notepad and the maid threw it away? And he was all bummed, and thought it was fucking HILARIOUS? And then he thought of it later or something and it was something stupid like belt pretzel Cuba?
These things happen to me. This post title comes from some note I had on a notepad by my bed from some time this weekend. It was written also with “hillbilly”, “pizza” and “Jiffy Lube.” I’m not sure the last one was a reminder to get a lube job on my car, or to tell you about my horrible Jiffy Lube story. Regardless, it serves a double purpose because I do need an oil change and can write about the Jiffy Lube story, so apparently I’m a GENIUS when I’m semi-conscious. (Not so much so when fully conscious.) Too bad I can’t be semi-conscious all the time. Well, I guess I could, but it would probably lead to unpleasant things like walking off a balcony and eating canned cat food.
It took me half a day, but I finally remembered what I wanted to write about bells. Which, thank God because I’m running out of post ideas. I was about to throw myself down the cement stairs in hopes of breaking something so I could whine about another injury.
Anyway, so my new house, it is across the street from a church. I was familiar with this before I moved in. I came to my condo four times before it was officially mine. (Don’t worry, this has a point.) The first time I saw it, the second time when I brought my brother, the inspection and then the final walk-thru. In all these times, all different times on different days, I never realized that the church has a bell. THAT RINGS. EVERY HOUR. Like living across the street from a giant’s cuckoo clock.
During the week, it isn’t a big deal at all. It doesn’t ring until 8 AM and stops at 6 PM. So I usually hear only those two instances.
On the weekend it’s a whole other story. Because I’m generally sleeping for the first couple of rings. I will admit that I have slept through the 8 and 9 AM ones before. And it does come in handy to know what time it is. Because I’m blind and I can’t really see my clock on my nightstand, it’s nice to just lie there and count the dings and think “oh, good, it’s only 10 AM. I can still sleep in a little.” Unless you miscount the chimes and then get royally screwed up. Which maybe has happened to me. It usually goes something like this.
(Dinging of church bells in the distance)
Kristabella, lying in bed surrounded by her two stupid cats, is counting along to the chiming of the bells.
Kristabella: “One, two, three, did I brush my teeth last night? Four, five, is it really the weekend or did I just think it was and overslept on a Thursday? Six, seven.”
(Bells stop)
Kristabella: “Oh good, it’s only seven AM. I can totally sleep like four more hours.”
About 23 minutes later, Kristabella rolls over and looks at the clock.
Kristabella: “Wait, how the fuck is it 11:23? WHERE DID THE MORNING GO? WHY HAVE I HEARD NO MORE BELLS RINGING? Man I should really lay off the booze before bed time if I’m so out of it I sleep through loud bells dinging and donging.”
It took me three weeks to stop blaming the alarm clock for fucking with me and realize that I have the attention span of a gnat and lose count easily.
You actually can’t really miscount for too long because come noon, they play a song along with the 12 chimes of the bell. And then at 6 PM on Saturdays they play a whole host of songs that I didn’t even realize a bell could make. I mean, isn’t it just one big bell with one note? With Quasimodo and his hump in the bell tower going to town ringing that bell? Is there even a person still in the bell tower? Is there even a bell tower?
Then, early Sunday morning, they go to town with that music again, right before mass. Although, it is a Lutheran church so I’m not sure it is even called mass. What is it called? The service? Anyway, it’s early on Sundays. I think at 9 or 10. (This would be one time I miscounted the bells.) (Also, 10 AM is early to me on Sundays when I am actually able to sleep in.)
So I was talking about this with my mom at dinner on Saturday. And my mom was all “oh, that’s the Angeles.” And I was all “no, mom, I’m in CHICAGO. Not Southern California. Also, I don’t care where they are from, these churchgoers, I just want to sleep with NO BELLS! NO MORE COW BELL!”
And my mom is all “No, Angelus. It’s a Christian devotion in memory of the Incarnation and is usually associated with the ringing of the Angelus bell at noon and 6 PM.”
After I shook my head so hard I knocked my eyes loose, ala a Tom & Jerry cartoon, because what, what, what, mother? When did she become a religious scholar? Before I could plan her appearance on Jeopardy, I noticed she was reading the Wikipedia entry from my phone. Point, mom.
So I told her, “I don’t actually care what they are called. I just wish they had a mute button on Saturday and Sunday mornings.”
You might also be thinking that this would be just the thing to make me a morning person on the weekend. But you would be wrong.
About the author
I lived in an apartment during COLLEGE that was directly across from a church with the same bell ringing. That combined with the fact that there was a light in the alley that came on at nightfall and didn’t shut off until sunrise meant that I was lucky to get 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night. It was all kinds of awesome.
Juliennes last blog post..Weekend update – bullet style.
Now the Metallica song is in my head.
This is so unrelated, but at my first apt in Richmond, a school was across the street and I was about to move because every morning I’d hear the damn school crossing guard blowing her damn whistle over and over. Then one day I realized it had stopped and my own semi-conscious genius self realized it was summer. and then it was fall and I didn’t leave my windows open. And then I moved…so it all worked out!
See…unrelated. Hi, it’s early.
Scarlets last blog post..Here Comes The Sun Again
Ouch, sounds like a bit of a nightmare. My freind Cie alwasy ends up living next to churches, despite her best intentions. She’s on house 3 now!!
You do get used to it though, or so I’m told!
Laurens last blog post..Tired Headaches – post holiday moans!
funny story!
I think I would be a crabby mess if I lived next door to the bells!
I think you’ll get used to it and stop hearing it. My grandma lived across the street from a Lutheran church, and she never even heard the bells, except at Christmas when they played carols. (Ooo! Something for you to look forward to. Heh.) Anyway, my grandma had good hearing, she just tuned out the bells.
Can’t wait for the Jiffy Lube story!
-R-s last blog post..Asterisks Make It More Interesting
My college had the bells tht would ring every hour and then some. It was something to get used to.
Christinas last blog post..Nothing a nap can’t fix
My last apartment was in downtown Duluth, near an old school. A different combination of bells went off every 15 minutes, all day, everyday.
I stopped hearing them, unless I was having trouble sleeping, then they were ALL that I heard. Ticking off my unsleep in 15 minute increments, which made not sleeping even more frustrating. And my boyfriend couldn’t sleep there AT ALL. (There were also ambulances, gunshots and garbage trucks and helicopters … loud).
I can still kind of hear them now if I’m on the deck of the apartment I live in now, and of course now it is charming.
christas last blog post..bug eyed …
I currently live across the street from a Catholic school and church. Amazingly there aren’t any bells ringing! Either they don’t have a bell or the neighborhood petitioned them to knock it off years ago. However, if you’re home during the week you can easily hear the “school’s in” and “school’s out” bells. And, yes, they even ring during the summer.
Erins last blog post..Lions and Tigers and Giraffes?
Two words: wax earplugs.
tutugirl1345s last blog post..Hawaii!
I feel your pain: my brother-in-law lives in Greece, right next door to a church. And the Greeks are very religious: those bells toll at 6am every morning, and they toll LOUDLY, so every time we visit him, we get woken up by them. And until then, I thought there was only ONE six o’clock in the day – I like my bed 🙂
Ambers last blog post..Things Terry Ate: a gigantic burger
I DID sound smart, didn’t I???? We had those bells at the church when I was a kid. Although now, I’m wondering if it’s the same thing for Lutheran churches???? Oh, well, I sure sounded like I knew what I was talking about!
Oh man. I lived next to the train tracks while in college. I stopped straightening the pictures after about a week. When I was little I lived in a town where the fire siren would sound everyday at Noon. After awhile I just didn’t hear it anymore. Hopefully the same thing will happen to you and those damn bells! *channeling AC/DC* “HELL’S BELLS!”
In the quiet of Spring and Fall (and by quiet, I mean no heat pumps or air conditioners running), I can hear Reveille playing from the Naval Academy at 8:00 AM sharp, every day. It’s faint (read: doesn’t get me out of bed on a Saturday), but it’s there.
Is your next move accross from a fire dept?
What were you the “Queen of sleep in on Sunday” thinking? Sorry this is funny!
If you are aware of the bells now, I’m going to start stocking away mulled wine to send to you so that you can get through the holiday season. It should be fun to read about though!
TUWABVBs last blog post..Hell is Other People***
I actually knew what the song was before I read your mother’s comment. The bells would ring at 6am, noon and 6pm and play the Angelus. They would also ring the bells for weddings and funerals. The fire whistle would blow at 6pm everyday too. We also could hear the lunch whistle at Corn Products go off at noon. We grew up in a VERY noisy neighborhood. Right Mahnee?
Earplugs. That is all.
Rees last blog post..A Meme for A Mom
Matthew’s brother and his wife used to live across the street from a school and the bells still rang ON THE WEEKEND. That’s just crazy.
If I were you, I’d wear earplugs. I wear them to block out the sound of our rooster…
Angellas last blog post..Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Could Christopher Walken help at all?
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