Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on December 3, 2006

I woke up this morning to an e-mail/text from Sammy@resortquicksale.com.

I am pretty sure I don’t know who this person is. And I’m pretty sure he meant to send it to someone else. I have only had this cell number for less than a year. So maybe he was sending it to the person who previously had this number.

I seriously have been racking my brain. I know one Sam. He’s one of our sales guys. Therefore, probably isn’t working at Resort Quick Sale. And is an older dude, so wouldn’t be sending me an e-mail/text at 3 AM. Especially since he lives on the East Coast. Although, he is a morning person, but that is early for anyone. On a Sunday.

And then I thought further and to send an e-mail to a cell phone, it’s usually the number@carrier. So you’d have to know what my carrier is. Who the hell knows that? I mean, on the off chance I gave my cell phone number out drunkenly to someone in a bar (shocking! I know! Who would do such a thing??) (OK, fine! I do it! Far too often!) how would said person know my cell phone provider? And how would you know what the e-mail address is? I mean you could guess, I suppose. Or maybe my new friend Sammy is on the same network as me. Hmmm…..

It’s weird regardless. So instead of spending more time thinking and writing about it, I’m going to show a photo of my cat. In the laundry basket. Which is in the closet. With my shoes.

Awww…..

Yes, I have a lot of shoes!

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Posted By Kristabella on December 2, 2006

Did you know that November was NaBloPoMo? (National Blog Posting Month, for those of you who don’t want to click the link. Why they don’t just say that? No idea.) Yeah, I didn’t really know what the hell it was either. Well, at least until a good 5-10 days into the month. (Thanks to the sore throat and Orlando.) And I’m pissed. Because I would have participated. I could have blogged every day for a month. It’s not that hard. (Actually, it can be.) So I’m saying fuck it and attempting to make December MY NaBloPoMo. Let’s see how we do.

And I’m already forseeing a few posts where I might just write about nothing. Or post a photo. Or just ask “What’s Up Bitches? The End”

But today, I want to talk about a movie I saw last night. The Break Up. (Yes, I am way behind on my movie watching. Yet another area my DVR steals my attention. I’m hooked on re-runs of Felicity on WE.)

I love Vince Vaughn. And I love Jennifer Anniston. And I love Chicago. Therefore, this should be an EXCELLENT movie.

It is not, my friends. In fact, besides the beginning and the end, it really blows. And you know what? It takes a lot for me not to like a movie. It is entertainment, pure and simple, and I am a simple girl. With simple entertainment needs.

But this movie is ALL YELLING! THAT’S ALL THEY DO! THEY ARE MAD! AND HATE EACH OTHER! AND ARE BREAKING UP! AND SELLING THEIR CONDO! ALL THE WHILE, YELLING (NO, REALLY YELLING!) AT EACH OTHER!

Seriously. The opening, rocks. I mean, they’re sitting at Wrigley Field. It’s awesome. And it was cute how he tried to pick her up while she was at the game with another guy. With a hot dog. (See, I am a simple girl because that would totally get me. Well, that and Vince Vaughn is tall.) But from there, it is all downhill. It’s not even funny. And it should be. Vince Vaughn is funny. But he? Is not funny when he’s YELLING!

OK, I think you get the point. I just wanted to share my review. And I must go now. Roger Ebert is leaving me a message on my answering machine (I screen ALL calls. Even from Roger Ebert.)

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Posted By Kristabella on December 1, 2006

The weather outside is frightful. And I don’t have to go to the office, which is so delightful.

We got hit with a huge winter storm in the wee hours of the night/morning, so I was not about to brave the roads and trek my ass up to the Northern suburbs.

Which is a very good thing. Because we got a lot less snow here in the city than they did up north. I got up with all plans to drive up there. Until I turned on the TV and they showed me how bad it was. And that Lake County officials couldn’t keep up with the snow with every plow and salt truck on the road, so they told people to please stay off the roads. And I’m more than happy to oblige.

So working from home it is. And by working, I mean e-mailing, doing Christmas shopping online and watching the Game Show Network. (30 minutes until The Match Game!) But I do appreciate the fact that my boss told me yesterday to bring work home with me so that I had stuff to do today. From home. It’s cool that he realizes how unsafe it is for all of us to be on the road. So kudos to him! This once.

I’m also glad I didn’t have to go in because, well, I didn’t get home until quite late last night. Because I was out with DD. (yeeeeeeee!) I left the burbs at midnight. And normally, it would have taken about 35 minutes to get home. But it had already started to rain/sleet/snow. And it was slippery. And really windy. So at 40 MPH, it takes about an hour. And then I had to find parking.

And DD, being the gentleman that he is, asked me to call him when I got home so that he knew I got home OK. And we ended up talking until 2 AM. So, I was a little tired this morning.

Before I met DD out last night, I had dinner with some of the ladies from work at this Italian place. It had great food. And the owner was this little, old Italian man. Stereotypical accent and everything. He was great entertainment! He had us laughing all through dinner. Nick the Loverboy. (Apparently his last name sounds like Loverboy, or something, so he kept telling the table full of ladies to call him Loverboy. And we were highly entertained, so we obliged.) (I can’t believe I have used the word obliged twice in the same post.)

One of the women left right after dinner (she’s got a little one at home), but the other two ladies stuck around to meet DD. Since they hear me talk about him. All the time. So when I was on the phone with DD, telling him where to meet us, Loverboy was very curious if I was talking to my boyfriend. I think I blushed and said “I wish!” And Loverboy was all “you don’t wanna him. You-a-wanna me!”

And then DD walked in. In all his 6-5, tanned, gorgeous, yummy loveliness. And if you could have seen Loverboy’s face. I mean, jaw dropped. To the floor. It was hilarious. DD is just that good looking. Pictures don’t do him justice. I mean, he looks good in photos, but I tell ya. He just has this presence when he walks in the room.

Anyway…I had a really, really nice time last night. We went out to a bar and watched the Bengals/Ravens game and just drank beer and chatted. It was probably the first time we’ve ever been able to just sit and talk, just the two of us, mostly sober, without other work people around. And we talked for like 4 hours. We talked about all kinds of stuff. Office gossip. The people we both don’t like. How he got the job. How I only remember when he came in for an interview because he was tall and good looking from the back. It was all very flirty and just a great time.

OH! And! I may not have to even worry about it anymore. Know why? Because consulting jobby place? Wants to bring me in for a second interview next Friday. To meet Mr. Headhoncho from Seattle. Because they REALLY liked me (or so they told the recruiter lady) and this guy has to have the sign off on new hires!

So I? Could totally have a new job soon!

Deem Schmeem! Let’s go sledding!

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Posted By Kristabella on November 29, 2006

I am a liar. A LIAR!

And I’m not good at it. At. All.

So with these back-to-back interviews, I’ve had to come up with some excuses as to get out of work and not draw any attention. The interview on Tuesday was a bit last minute. It was supposed to be a phone interview, so I could have done it on my lunch hour. All would have been good. Then they are all in a hurry to hire and want me to come in. And then, fuck me! I have to take another 1/2 day off. Somehow. Without looking like there’s something seriously wrong with me that I would need to go to the doctor two days. In a row.

I had already mentioned the Dr.’s appointment for Monday to my boss. And he’s cool with it. Because, frankly, I ask over e-mail. I can’t lie to your face! Hell to the no! And then this other interview comes up and oh for the love of God, how am I going to go about this??? (panicpanicpanicpanicpanic)

So I do what all other self-respecting human beings do. I ask my mom. Because my mom? She’s like Queen Anti-Truth. (Sorry mom, but you’re really good at it.) Mom tells me it’s more than reasonable that you would need to go back in the next day for blood work and additional tests. (Really? This is reasonable? They won’t ask any follow up questions?)

Turns out, it is.

See, I have HUGE… tonsils. (What? What did you think I was going to say? Oh, geez. Grow up! Heehee) I get like one REALLY bad sore throat a year. Remember? And every time, I’m in pain for a few days, but the swelling goes down. And then I’m all better. And can finally eat solid food again. And not cringe when I drink. My doctor in CA told me that it’s better to just put up with one bad sore throat a year than to have your tonsils taken out. Apparently they don’t rush to do it like they used to in the olden days. And they really don’t like to do it in adults. Not as easy as you get older, or something. Lots of complications. I think. Or I’m making that up.

Why am I telling you this? The dirt people know nothing about this, though. (Nothing. I know nothing! I love Hogan’s Heroes. Richard Dawson was in it. And I lurve Richard Dawson. If I was ever on Family Feud I would given him more than a small kiss. I would have gone ALL IN. It would have been edited out for the R-ratedness of it all.)  So since I did just have a sore throat before Orlando, I told them that’s when I made this appt. because I need to know if this is something serious. And THEN, after Monday’s appointment, they want me to go to a specialist to make sure I don’t need surgery. Perfect plan, right?

Right. Except that for the past three days, everyone keeps asking me how I’m doing. How I’m feeling? What did the doctor say? Do you have to have surgery? And I? CANNOT LIE THIS MUCH! TO YOUR FACES! I get all red-faced and totally shifty-eyed. I mean, you know how you read all that shit from body language experts about how people act when they lie? (No? Just me? Jesus, people, pick up an US Weekly now and then!) Well, that’s SO me. I look up and to the whatever-direction-it-is-where-you’re-searching-your-brain-for-an-answer. I don’t make eye contact. Ever. I try to change the SUBJECT.

But I think they’re fooled. I of course don’t really think they are. I feel like they see right through me. And I feel so horrible. I am so going to hell! In a handbasket!

But what can you do? I mean, I just want to come out and tell them the God damned truth, but I know this is NO good. So lying it is. Hopefully I do get one of these jobs because, seriously, I’m running out of excuses. I mean, I’ve been to the doctor and dentist so much this year, I can’t use those as excuses anymore. (Thank God for HIPPA and they can’t ask HR about that kind of shit) I even used the “they need to fix my radiators” excuse. What’s next? My cat is sick? (Oooohh……that’s a good one. Mental note.)

And? I am so full of shit. Which is good. Because it put my pants out. Since they were ON FIRE!

Survey Says? Give Us a Kiss

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Posted By Kristabella on November 28, 2006

In January 2005 I was unfortunate lucky enough to have been “laid off” by the 49ers. And by laid off, I mean, they booted my ass out the door. Laid off was just the nice term they gave it, which I appreciate because when you get fired, it doesn’t sound so good when you look for another job. And they also showed me some respect finally, for putting six loooong years into the 4949.

Anyway, since that time I’ve had lots of experience in looking for gainful employment. It took me four months to find my current job. I’ve also been looking since July, so I’m in month four of my current search. Which I’m hoping will be ending soon.

I’ve had two interviews with two different places this week. And I’m hoping one of these is the one. Since I hate my current job. And the commute. And the pay. And would really like to do more than make coffee and mail shit.

I HATE looking for a new job. It is No. Fun. The job search in 2005 was really rough. My job at the 49ers was my first job out of college. After I graduated, I had no less than three job offers, but REALLY wanted the Niners gig. I had my choice and people were knocking on my door. I knew this wasn’t going to happen again in my life, but I also know how awesome I am and people should want me to work for them. Um, helloooo!

So I’ve been on a lot of interviews. Some good. Some bad. Some memorable. Some I wish I could forget. It’s good experience. When I first started looking after I moved back to IL, I was in bad interview shape. I had some phone interviews where I would have loved to see the face of the person on the other end. But I’m a firm believer in everything happening for a reason.

The highlight of my last job search was an interview with a head hunter downtown. They were looking to hire some sort of coordinator for the Jewish Society of Chicago or something (I don’t really remember the name. It’s not important. Jewish, though, is important.) So this head hunter is telling me how this job requires someone with a high attention to detail and someone who can multi-task. The following is an excerpt from that conversation:

HER: “They really want someone who is very meticulous… There are going to be name cards of very important people at events, big donors, and everything needs to be correct. They want a really good proofreader.”

(MY BRAIN: “We are SO money! It’s what I do best! Ask The Jenk.”)

ME (outloud): “That’s great. I’m a proofreading Nazi.”

(beat)

ME: “That’s probably not a good thing to say to the Jewish Society of Chicago (or whatever).”

HER: “Yeah, maybe don’t use those terms when you interview there.”

I didn’t get the job. But it wasn’t because of that. They thought I was over-qualified. Which I probably was. And they were paying squat. Bygones.

Monday, I interviewed with a prestigious University here in Chicago. It’s for an Alumni Relations position. I would pretty much be perfect for it. I mean, I epitomize what people want as an alumnus. I mean, minus these kinds of things.

I think it went well. The only problem is that I’ve been battling a cold. I stayed inside all weekend. So pretty much all the talking I did in the interview was the most I did since Thanksgiving. And I? Love. To. Talk. So my throat got a little dry and I started coughing. A little. I tried holding it back, and the tears were building up in my eyes because I was horribly in pain. And then I let a few loose. Which OPENED THE FLOOD GATES! It was like I swallowed a bug as big as my fist. I could not stop coughing!

Interviewer lady (who was a crazy starer and NEVER blinked. I think it was to make me uncomfortable. But I totally called her bluff. And stared back!) freaked. I mean, she tried to do it politely, but I think she was afraid I was going to keel over. She ran to the kitchen to get me some water. And then I was fine. But so much for coming off calm, cool and collected. Now, when she’s going through her notes, I’m so going to be the “coughing spaz” girl. Oh well. As my mom said, maybe that will make me stick out. In a good way.

Tuesday I had an interview downtown with a consulting firm. And I’m so in luurrve with this job. It’s an account manager position, which means I would get to do a whole bunch of things (read not bored) and would have some say and responsibility (read not secretary like current job). And did I mention it’s downtown? Like I DON’T have to drive?? And I can like walk around downtown Chicago and the River and the Lakefront on my LUNCH BREAK?!?!? I so want this gig.

And the lady I would be working for seems super cool. And is young. And like the whole office is young (read not the old people I work with now.) And I think they want to hire soon! So I could have a new job, like before Christmas. I am. So. Excited. People!

Wish me luck!

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