Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on January 4, 2007

You know what, Internet? Being unemployed? Is kinda boring.

OK…am not really unemployed. But technically because all this nothing I’m doing this week? Not getting paid for it.

Might also be a little drunk right now. (Just so you know Internet? Little = a lot) Which, good for you all. Maybe not best idea for me as I continute (hee) (at least I know when they aren’t right!) to misspell words and the backspace key has run and hid from all of the pushing. From all the mistakes. Which I totally just typed as mistkaes before I used the spell check and shit.

And you know what else? I totally hit like control something and deleted part of this hilarious pots. No, not pots. Post. And am very mad about that. Shaking fist mad. Except fist holds beer. That I am drinking.

So I wasn’t going to post today. And since it is 11:45 right now (Pee. Emm.) I don’t think this will actually fall under “today.” But I’m not under the thumb of the NaBloPoMo shit anyway, so ha! Ha! (Is this funny to anyone else? Because I’m DYING! And should totally keep the misspellings. I mean mis-typings. Much more hilarious that way. To me, at least.)

Any-who. I wasn’t going to post. Because my life sans job (who says sans when they’re drunk?) (Am so fucking funny and witty.) is boring. I mean, seriously, I bore myself. And since I routinely talk to myself, that should not happen. I mean, there is only so much Match Game a person can watch!

Today, the highlight was the fact that some guy named Dong made it to the Showcase Showdown on The Price is Right. And he lost. Because he overbid. Poor Dong. Automobile?

You lost the automobile, dumbass!

(OK…that made me laugh out loud. And if you didn’t, you’re either un-Maerican (or un-American) or The Jens, because she hasn’t seen the movie. Ever.)

So today I went shopping downtown. I had no good stories. Except that I bought some new clothes. (Like the Emperor) And had to go like three extra blocks to get some coffee. Because my EL station is closed and there is a Starbucks on the way to that EL station. And then I forgot to put sugar in my latte. Oh, the humanity! That was it.

But then. Then! Susie called to invite me out for some beers. Because she was having a really bad day. And yeah! Interaction! With people! I know!

But that didn’t lead to much. No interesting conversations. (We actually talked about mulch and erosion control. Don’t ask.) And no interesting people. (Except the bitches who only apparently came to the bar because Notre Dame was playing and they figured football = guys.) (And by the way, who wants to be with a douche who roots for Notre Dame?)

And then I came home. With the muchies. Because I had 5 Blue Moons. (Mmmmm…Blue Moons.) So I decided to break out the Baked Ruffles. And you know what goes well with Baked Ruffles? When you’re not working tomorrow? More beer.

And here is what you get with that.

Must now step away from the computer. Because really? This is only funny to me!

(Am such a photographer.)

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Posted By Kristabella on January 2, 2007

Guess what? It’s January. And that means I have freed myself from the shackles of the NaBloPoMo shit. And I don’t have to write every day. Which is a nice feeling. I’m still going to try, but it was nice yesterday to not worry about it. Because then I would have posted something stupid. Like pictures of my cats or something.

My New Year’s celebration was good times. Jenn and I went to Tryst in Wrigleyville. A few of my friends threw a semi-private party that was all you could drink, plus appetizers, etc. I’ve never done one of those parties. Mostly because that’s a lot of money. But you usually can drink your fair share. And I mean, you pretty much pay at least $30 to walk into any bar on NYE.

So we got there a little after 8, which was when it started. And we promptly ordered drinks and took a spot on the couches by the door. Which proved an excellent spot for people watching.

Around 9ish we noticed this girl. I first noticed her looking in our direction with this bitchy ass look on her face. We soon found out (when she was tossing the toothpicks from the appetizers over her head) that she was bombed. Totally hammered. How she got that drunk by 9, only being at this bar for less than an hour, I have no idea. They were strong drinks, but come on.

So Drunkity McGee and her “friend” are pretty much almost going to blows. Because friend doesn’t want to deal with her this early in the evening and really, Drunkity, you’re making an ass of yourself. And my friends throwing the party were really trying to get her booted.

Thankfully, she stayed. Because she was so entertaining. After the fight outside, the two come in and sit right next to us on the couch. One of the chicks I was with decided, with much egging on from the rest of the peanut gallery, to eavesdrop on their fight. Turns out “friend” kept saying how much she loved Drunkity McGee and didn’t want her to keep acting like this. So we came to the conclusion, they were lesbians. Which would have made sense why Drunkity checked out my rack and friend told me something about my “girls” looking good in my top. Okay. Um, thanks?

At one point, one of the girls I was with was coming back from the bathroom. Holding hands with Drunkity McGee! Whose name is Louise. And she’s from England. And kept telling us how lovely we all were. And she really liked to smooch complete strangers on the cheeks. A lot!

Also around this time, the one dude we were with, who happened to be like the only straight guy in there, was getting all kinds of freaky with the friend. Which is why we were so lucky to hang out with Drunkity McGee. Who lasted all night. Which is impressive seeing how drunk she was at 9. Jenn called her the International Lesbian. Because she was from England. But not sure she was a lesbian. I mean Europeans kiss a lot. And I kiss a lot when I’m drunk.

Unfortunately, I did not bring a purse. Which meant, I did not have anything to write on or with. Nor did I have my phone to text myself, or leave some sort of message for myself. Jenn had her phone and sent me some drunk texts regarding the evening. Here’s a sampling:

International lesbo. Sweater vest. Lots of gay dudes. Crotch grab. Weird. Her name is Louise. She checked out your rack.

Les & small ass man.

White shoes.

Red belt.

And the funniest thing? I know exactly what most of these things mean.

There were some bad fashions. This one woman had on a black dress. With a white belt. BLACK pantyhose. And white platform heels. WHITE! With black hose!

This other chick was wearing a sweater vest. I mean, cute and all, but seriously? Dress it up a little. It is New Year’s. And really? Sweater vests in a bar/club? Let’s leave that shit for the workplace.

Sweater Vest was all rubbing on I-Don’t-Own-An-Iron-And-Have-Huge-Pecs-And-Shove-Them-In-Your-Face-To-Make-Me-Feel-Like-A-Bigger-Man guy. Again, it’s New Year’s. Iron your damn shirt. Or pay the $1 to have the dry cleaner press it. Come on, people.

Then there was the ponytail guy. But it wasn’t like a long ponytail. He like did one of those bun things with it so it was a nub. And then Jenn went up and touched it. So he went to the back of the bar. Far, far away from us.

The best part of the evening? (I know! How could it get better than gay guys. And maybe-lesbians. And Drunkity McGee from England.) Jenn had a little too much to drink. She had four martinis, which were pretty damn strong. And at some point, they started to disagree with her.

Apparently we stayed until closing. I really lost all track of time after midnight. And can’t really remember what we did after midnight. I guess we stood around and danced and tried to stay as far away from Drunkity McGee as possible.

While we were waiting to get our coats, Jenn puked. Right there on the ground. Next to one of the couches. Just very subtle. So subtle, I didn’t even notice.

So trying to get a cab on New Year’s at 2:30 AM in Wrigleyville? Not easy. We pretty much walked all the way to Irving before finding an empty cab. That was going south. (Needed to go north.) But damn it was cold and I wanted to get home and I’ll pay the extra dollar for you to turn around.

And then she puked in the cab. IN it. Like just sat there puking, while I was giving directions to the driver. That time I noticed. As I’m sure he probably did too. And just wanted our asses out of there. And I’m pretty sure I gave him a damn fine tip. For the puke and all.

In the cab!

And then we made it up to my place and she blew chunks and prayed to the porcelain God a little more. But she was fine the next morning. And we went to get turkey clubs at the diner down the street.

All in all? A great way to start off the new year.

And now I have the week off. To do nothing. Which I will take full advantage of. By watching all the game shows I can.

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Posted By Kristabella on December 31, 2006

That was the slogan of my company old company (HA!) in 2006. I think it was previously Thrive in 2005. And this coming year’s is Takin’ Care of Business in 2007. They had it better when it rhymed.

So now that we’re at the end of the year, I feel I should wax poetically about the year and what I’ve learned and what I want to do better and change in 2007, blah, blah, blah. But all I can think about is “all you can drink!” which is seriously all my little mind can wrap itself around right now. Because I’m paying $95. That and no one reads this on the weekends. So what is the point?

2006 has been a great year for me. I mean, it sure has ended with a bang. I’m so excited to be starting 2007 off with a new job which I’m determined is going to make me a much happier and pleasant person.

To be quite honest, I can’t think about much that has happened to me in 2006. I broke up with my ex at the end of 2005, so I can’t even go on and on about that. (Although, it did take me a good quarter of the year to get over him. And am so glad those days are behind me.)

My best friend got married in 2006 and I got to be a part of their awesome wedding. Good.

I met DD in 2006. Good.

Started my blog in 2006. Good.

Put on about 15 pounds in 2006. Baaaaaad.

Overall, I had a great year. I’m settling more into my life here in Chicago. This was my first full year back here. I’ve reconnected with my friends from high school that I lost touch a little bit with when I was out in Cali. And that has been really good.

I’ve made some new friends through book club and through other areas, which is also good.

I’m not setting any crazy resolutions for the coming year. Number one, though, is to drop those 15 pounds. And to get in better shape. But I also want to start doing more. My friend gave me the idea yesterday. It’s her resolution too. So we’ve determined to become more active. Try new classes. Go see speakers, authors, etc. Just get more involved and take advantage of the fact that we’re young and live in the greatest city in America that has a lot to offer. And that sounds great to me.

I want to start taking advantage of the fact that I live in the City. And I think working downtown and not having such a horrible commute will help with that. I’m resolution-ing to get involved more and do more. I mean, coming home every night and watching TV is fun and all, but getting out a little more every now and then will be good. For the greater good of KJ.

So that’s it. And if I didn’t have booze on the brain, I could probably go on more and more. Or not.

Brain: “Stop typing. Get to drinking!”

Aye Aye!

Happy New Year Internet!

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Posted By Kristabella on December 30, 2006

Bar crawl? Stupid. This is momentous for me to even utter those words. Because multiple bars in one evening always equals a good idea. But this one not good.

See, I went to the one last year. And we had a good time. It was the weekend before Christmas. And it was in Wrigleyville. We went to some cool places. Big places. This year, they moved it to the Friday night before New Year’s, a day I think most people probably didn’t work or got off work early. So that was problem number one. There were too many fucking people.

We joined in at bar 5. We got there earlier to eat. Because with 12 bars, I need food in my belly. Otherwise, it could get quite messy. Quickly. By that time, 9 PM, nine, they had already given out the 150 badges that they made. There were over 150 people on this crawl. Cool. But not.

Because the bars they chose, still close to Wrigley, but on Southport, were a lot smaller. These places were jammed. Before the massive bar crawl even got in line. Yes. I said line. We had to wait in lines. For bars we were only spending 30 minutes in. Which, um, hello? Dumb.

So we skipped about 5 bars. And jumped to the last one at about 10:30. Which was good. It was not as crowded. And we got a seat. Good times. But I didn’t stay much longer and hopped in a cab and got home. Because I was tired. And didn’t want to watch Susie make out with Mac store guy anymore.

So the highlight of my weekend so far?

One, I bought this cute little notebook at this cute little store for all my new blogging notes.

Two, my friend and I found this really cute new coffee shop/cafe on Lincoln that had good food. And had board games, so we’re heading back there soon to brush up on our Trivial Pursuit skills.

And those two things? Way more exciting than bar crawl.

I mean, I even thought about drunk posting last night when I got home, but all that I could think of to write was cndio;fgnmvklc;sdnkv;djweio. Because I had no funny stories from the crawl. So I went to bed. You’re welcome.

Although, now I’m thinking there was something relatively entertaining that I think I said out loud to no one in particular “that could be blog worthy.” I think it had something to do with someone coming into the bar. Or the cars on the street. (All very exciting, clearly.) And I had my notepad, but didn’t write it down. So it apparently wasn’t worthy. Or after 7 beers, I thought I would remember it.

Let’s hope that this freaking New Year’s party I am going to tomorrow night has some decent stories. Either that, then I’m going to share a blow-by-blow conversation of my brunch with Senor Beavis tomorrow. And no one needs that. We’re much funnier in blog or text format.

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Posted By Kristabella on December 29, 2006

It’s here. My last day. And I’m excited. I am. But I’m also a little sad. I get to be sad, right? (Am also bored out of my mind because I have nothing to do. Everything is all tied up in a neat little package and I’m just surfing the ‘net. And so leaving at 2.)

See, yesterday, I finally had that sit-down with my boss. To go over all my responsibilities. And he? Was fucking overwhelmed. And he shouldn’t be. A lot of the notes were 1/4 page notes on nothing. Some were notes on things that are done and nothing more than an FYI. I’m a PR person by trade. I can make a whole lot of something out of a whole lot of nothing.

But he freaked out. And told me that “when I realize this is a big mistake, he’ll be more than happy to take me back.” Now, I know what you’re thinking. What as ass! (And, kind of.) But in all honesty, I don’t look at it that way. (Believe me. You have to know him. ‘Tis a good thing. In his way.)

See when the other admin left last year, he was just pissed. He talked so much shit about her behind her back for every day of her last two weeks. (He still kinda does. Over a year later.) Going on and on about how “the grass isn’t always greener.” Which is why I was anticipating the same thing when I told him. But it was never like that. He realizes he was lucky to have me and my talents and that I lasted as long as I did. (Clearly.) (And duh!) So the fact he would “take me back” means there are no hard feelings.

Whatever. It makes sense to me.

But I couldn’t help from telling him it isn’t going to be a big mistake. Because I can’t bite my tongue. And I have a big mouth. And seriously? I wouldn’t come back here. 

Then he took me out for lunch. And the CEO joined us at lunch. And? It was really nice. I was a little scared when they started to ask a lot of questions. They wanted to know what it was that they as a company can do better so that awesome people like myself don’t up and leave after a year and a half. (And they totally told me I was awesome.) (Well, not really.) And, we hadn’t even ordered yet! So I’m not going to be all “no one can make a fucking decision in your company!”

But I told them the truth. Sorta. Well, mostly. I told them that when I first started looking for jobs after I moved back, I was convinced that I wanted to be an administrative assistant. (Clearly, I still reeling from being fired and the big move. Must have been the change in scenery from SF to Chicago? The change in altitude? Hindsight, not a good decision.) I didn’t even look for PR jobs. PR and me were totally on a break. And this job appealed to me because it was administrative, but it was more. Or so I thought. There was like marketing stuff. And trade shows, which is like event planning, which I wanted to do. Which they ended up just taking away from me anyway. Boo.

So I told them that when I started, I was comfortable with this idea. But as time went on, I missed having responsibility. And I want to be in a position where I can have responsibility and where there is room for advancement. Where I didn’t have to ask for permission to use the fucking bathroom! (No, I don’t really have to ask. Exaggeration for the point of emphasis people. But just about everything else.) So it’s really nothing against them as people or them as a company. It’s what I had to do. For me. Yada, yada, yada.

And CEO (who is now talking to me. Am so happy about that. Because he’s a good guy and not talking to him and joking with him bothered me.) (Although, maybe he was still mad about the Chia Head thing. Hmmmm…) asked what I took from this job, etc. And I did learn things in this job. (I learned a whole hell of a lot about mulch and erosion control. That’s for damn sure.) (And that was my first answer to his question. Diffuse with humor. Diffuse with humor.) I mean, the corporate world is different than sports. Yes, there are a lot of similarities. But let’s face it, most companies don’t have half-naked players walking around the office or coaches walking around with no shoes. (I’m talking about you, The Rickson!)

So it was really nice. And the turkey club was awesome! Mmmmm…open-face club sandwedge.

And then, since neither of them are going to be in today, they said their goodbyes. And my boss gave me a card. Signed by everyone in the office. And a $100 Visa gift card! And they wrote the nicest things. So I am sad, just a little. And the ladies I work with, gave me a really nice bottle of wine. (Yes, they all know I’m a drunken fool.) It’s nice to feel appreciated and wanted and loved. (Because I am an attention-grabbing asshat.) It’s sad it takes me leaving to get that response. (Because you should sing my praises daily. Daily!) But still nice. And it all just makes it a little bit harder to leave. A little. Again, I’m still so effing bored.

I know this move is right for me. My gut tells me so. And my gut knows. Like Bo. It’s going to be more challenging. I’m going to be happier because I don’t have to deal with traffic. And it’s more money, which helps me get out of debt and work towards that grown-up goal of not paying rent. Which again, equals happy me. And happy me is a good thing. For all the land.

I have to say this whole quitting, um, resigning thing is a hell, HELL, of a lot better than getting fired. No one gives you gifts when you get the boot. Unless you think the empty boxes you get to pack up your shit in is your going away gift.

I still am super excited! To have a week off! And to start my new gig! So, yeah, sad, blah, blah, blah, Woot! So to celebrate, I’ll be participating in a good old-fashioned bar crawl tonight. The 12 Bars of Christmas (a week late). Don’t you just love the drunken debauchery of it all?

Is it 2 PM yet?

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