Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on May 29, 2007

Last Thursday night, we had our monthly book club get-together. Normally book club consists of eating, drinking and talking. Mostly not about the book. Which is fine with me. I heart gossip.

This month, though, we had a special guest. The author of the book! Jen Lancaster. In the flesh! And pearls! She was coming to spend the evening with us! And my nerdy, crazy ass! (Do I need to remind you of the talking-into-the-shoes-and-red-faced-ness of the last encounter?)

So needless to say, this was the best book club ever! And not just because we went through nine bottles of wine and a bottle of champagne! There was like 8 people there. Seriously.

Normally book club lasts about 2 hours. We all have jobs and have to work on Friday. But this book club? It was after midnight when we all dispersed! Um, that’s like 5 hours! With Jen! She stayed the whole time! Thank God for the wine otherwise I think she would have realized how crazy-insane we all were (and by we, I mean me) and would have cut out about 4 hours earlier. (“Thanks for having me. The wine is refreshing. I love the corn dip. Keep reading my lovely books. And now I must be on to another engagement. That tall, blonde girl should really get some professional help.”)

Now, I’d like to point out that I worked with famous people. Every day for 6 years. More so if you count ASU. I mean Jake Plummer and Pat Tillman were even celebrities in college. So I’m not a complete asshat when I meet famous people. They are just people. Just like you and me. With a lot more money in the bank.

For some reason, I have forgotten all this. Jen really is just like us. I mean, she was still working a temp job after her first book was published. No, really. She’s just like us. She just is fortunate and got to write books for living, something she really loves to do. For which I am obscenely jealous.

So we all sat and chatted about everything from The Real World to the book to us. Us! She wanted to know about us since, well, we all knew all about her life. (Some of us crazy blog stalkers a little more so than others.)

And I? Made an ass of myself, naturally. When she first got there, I was almost acting shy. Well, shy for me. Because I should not draw attention to the fact that I should not be allowed in public. For fuck’s sake I don’t think I could even look her in the eye when she talked to me. Directly. To my face. Crazytown. Population 1.

But then the wine started flowing. And liquid courage! And then next thing I know I’m gushing to her all about how she was why I started a blog of my own. Because her site turned me on to all my other favorite blogs. And I thought “hey, I could do this too!” And yes! I told her all this! Like the toolbox that I am!

And it just went downhill from there. More wine! And champagne! And talking about BlogHer! And I will drink with her at the Four Seasons! And that she is totally my new BFF! Which? I think I told her about eleventeen hundred times!

And there was more. That I don’t remember. Because lots and lots of wine. Which? Probably for the best.

But she agreed to come back next month. Heee. And squeeeeeee!

And go buy the book because you’ll laugh your ass off.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, General, Hooch Hilarity | 2 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on May 28, 2007

Happy Memorial Day everyone!

I’m sure you all had exciting plans. And figured I must have too because I haven’t posted. And must be out rubbing elbows with the well-to-do.

Well, if you figured that then you’d be wrong. So very, very wrong. Saturday I didn’t even change out of my pajamas. Plus, I don’t want to touch anyone’s elbow.

I actually had some things going on after work last week (season finales, wine bars, too much wine at book club) which left me with little time (read: too drunk) to post. I’m used to having the whole effing day to post. But now I’m supposed to work all day? And then come home and make dinner and all that householdy shit that people do after 5 PM? And get up before 10 AM? W-T-F people?

So of course I took this long weekend to get some well needed rest. I worked five whole days, people! Thank God they threw a holiday in honor of me today so I only have four days this coming week. (And we’re going to the Cubs game Friday afternoon, so really 3 1/2. Hee! New job rules!)

I had a full weekend of eating! And sleeping! And watching ABC Family movies! And other movies that all seemed to star Hayden Panettierre (aka chick from Heroes or little girl from Remember the Titans.) (Seriously, she was in this made-for-TV sequel to Bring it On and then they showed Ice Princess last night, which she was in, and she was also in Raising Helen. And here I thought she did nothing after Titans and then freaking got cast in Heroes. Silly me.)

Oh, and I saw Shrek 3 Sunday night. It was really funny. But people, I am easily entertained. So if you didn’t like it, I don’t want to hear it. Because you know what? Justin Timberlake’s voice is in it. Swoon.

I did some shopping for some new work clothes. Because apparently I haven’t bought anything remotely attractive since I was 22. (That’s actually assuming I bought cute clothes when I was 22. Which I’m sure I didn’t.) Probably because it was so cold at my job last summer that I wore a jacket all day. And really didn’t care what shirt I put on. Match smatch.

And then I bought cat food. Because the cats? Had none! And they tried to eat my pinky toe. Right off! After a WHOLE 10 minutes with an empty bowl. For fuck’s sake, cats, you can go an hour without food. Drink some water. You’re probably just dehydrated. (Cause that makes your brain think you’re hungry when you’re not. Seriously. Next time you’re craving a snack, drink some water and wait like 10 minutes. This has been your public service announcement.) (And no, I am not a doctor. So if it doesn’t work for you? Shut the fuck up. Because I’m just trying to help. And fill all this white space.)

And then today I had lunch with a friend, came home did some laundry and downloaded the new Maroon 5 CD. And then listened to it over and over again. With some daydreams in between of Adam Levine climbing three fucking flights of stairs just to come into my apartment. To cook me bacon. Because I wanted BLTs for dinner and didn’t want to cook the bacon. And he’s kind of a skinny man and he could use a damn sammich with bacon.

And what’s that saying about idle hands? And this is why I should not be left alone with my thoughts. Because if Adam walks up three damn flights of stairs, he better be doing more than cooking me meat. (I really couldn’t resist. It was too easy.)

Oh and WordPress added colors! Now I don’t have to do the code myself when I want to change the color.

‘Bout damn time.

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, General | 3 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on May 23, 2007

No posts. I know. And this sure as hell doesn’t count.

But tonight was season finale of Lost. (Best. Episode. Ever.) And American Idol. (Stupid FOX ran over and my DVR cut it off. Right before the announcement. Why else would I watch that parade of crap? AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!) And the Real World Denver reunion. And the sleepy tiredness of the working and the thinking and the showering. Who knew it was so exhausting? Oh, and it’s fucking 90 degrees.

And tomorrow night is book club. And Jen’s coming. To OUR book club. And I’m going apeshit already! There will be many, many open mouth, insert foot moments. Or talking into my wine glass. Because I am an idiot.

So whatever. Keep checking. There will be new posts at some point. At least ones worth reading.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, General | 6 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on May 21, 2007

Because that’s what I am. I. Am. Beet.

(See, I’m so fucking tired that I just laughed for a minute about being a red vegetable.)

So did you know that today was my first day at my new job? Did you? No? Oh. Well, it was. Funny. I could have sworn I mentioned it.

It went really well. I’ll get that out of the way before I start with the tiny violins.

It only took me like 35 minutes to get there. (Which? Woo to the hoo!) Which means that I had to drive around the “hood” and kill like 25 minutes. Which probably is fine for most of your work ‘hoods. But mine is THE hood. I drove past the f’ing Cook County Jail, people. (I think it was the same one Tank Johnson was in. But I can’t be too sure. I drove too fast to see anything but those towers and barbed wire and a blur as I ran red lights to get away from there. I’m not ashamed to admit that I don’t like to be near jails. They don’t put jails in posh neighborhoods for a reason.)

(And how funny that I drove past a jail when I made that comment about jail yesterday.) (And no, that didn’t send me into a fit of laughter. Apparently only redish purpley vegetables can do that.) (Except radishes.)

So work is fine. But they didn’t have my computer for me after I got upstairs after the HR orientation. And they didn’t have the computer for me ALL DAY. Wah wah.

We’ve all had first days at a new job. (I’ve apparently had more than the majority in the last 2 years.) You know how boring and exhausting it is. There is so much being thrown at you. And meetings. And meeting people who you’ll never remember what their name is tomorrow. And there is always down time. When they aren’t quite sure what to do with you. Because they have actual work to do. In those moments, you usually tend to dick around on the computer. Pretend to set your new email signature. When actually, you’re surfing the Interweb and sending personal emails.

I didn’t have that luxury today. So I read a lot of brochures. And newsletters. And counting the speckles on my cube wall. (1,875.)

And normally that would totally be fine. But when your brain is used to totally checking out when shit gets that boring and exhausting, needless to say I had a hard time staying awake in meetings. I’ve got like Cat Nap Narcolepsy or something.

I think the only thing that kept me awake was that my feet were KILLING me. I wore these new shoes. And I did a lot of walking. We have more than one building. So I took the tour of all tours (and our own cafeteria! Score!) in the morning. And then I wasn’t able to walk in those shoes for the rest of the day. And I don’t know that my toes will ever recover. But hey, they looked cute!

Siriously, though. It was a really good day. Everyone is great. I can’t wait to get down and dirty and know what the hell is going on. (I hate not knowing what I’m doing. And learning a completely different industry. But I learned dirt. I can learn me this.) (Yes, Jenn, I meant to put a me in there.) And I’m happy to be back in a job where people say words like “write” and “design” and “plan” and “we could use you to proof this” (actually, right now, you probably don’t. But give me a few days) and “photo library” and “communications.”

Stick to what what you know. And what you’re good at.

And can someone please shut up those damn violins? Enough already. Geesh.

BEET!

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, General, Worky Work | 10 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on May 20, 2007

It’s Sunday night. And tomorrow is my first day at work. And I just had a first day at work on January 8. And first days can be kind of scary.

Thankfully I’ve already hung out with some of the people, so that awkwardness won’t be there. But then again, I was a wee bit tipsy, so that should make for some interesting conversations. I really hope it’s a case of What Happens at Howl, Stays at Howl.

I am nervous though. Which is totally to be expected. My stomach has been a little off all day. (That could be for a number of reasons, though.) What if it is a bad choice? What if these people are fun to party with but it’s just the world’s worst job? What if the company gets sold or the three people who run the company are run out of town? (Sadly, people, this is a very real situation. And you know what they say? First hired, first fired.) (And now I’m not going to be able to sleep.) (And my stomach just did another flip-flop.)

(Side note, in my last job I was the account manager for the Motorola account. And in my second week on the job, Moto laid off 3,500 people, a lot of them consultants. Our consultants. Talk about wondering how long you’d have a job.) (And then look what happened!)

And I’ve gotten really used to being lazy. I’m not used to staying awake for 9 hours straight. I’m not used to getting up with/before the sun. Let’s face it, I’m not used to showering.

Obviously, I’m really excited too. I need to get back to working and using my brain. I’ve made like 3 huge blog mistakes just because my brain is overworked when it has to think for more than 10 seconds. (Look. Shiny thing. Oooooh!) Not only have I become a lazy fat arse who hasn’t seen the inside of my gym in over a month, my brain is getting a little thick around the middle and has turned into a skull potato. (Cranium potato?) (Cause that’s where it sits. Geddit?) (See WHY I need to go back? For the love of Christ. Am stupid and not funny.)

And I need something to talk about besides my cats. (Man, they are going to miss me.) Because the highlight of my weekend was texting when I probably shouldn’t have, overthinking and my cat puking. (That’s a lie. Brunch with Senor Beavis was way more of a highlight. Because, frankly, we rule.)

So wish me luck. And stay tuned. For first day stories. Of which I’m sure will include plenty of me making an ass of myself.

This must be what it is like to go back into the world after getting out of prison.

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, General, Worky Work | 7 Comments »
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