Death Is Not An Option
Posted By Kristabella on January 29, 2008
So one night last week while I was out imbibing barley and hops with some people, we started to play the game Death is Not An Option. I’m sure you’ve all played or heard of a version of it. It’s where you are given a choice of two people and you have to sleep with. The idea is that both are so revolting that you would rather choose death. Yet, as the game explains, death is NOT an option.
I have never laughed so hard in my life as I did last week playing this game. I think the reason I didn’t actually gain weight this past week was from all the laughing. Because it surely couldn’t be because I ate my weight in nachos and drank my weight in wine and/or beer and/or Jack Daniels and/or all of the above. Oh, and I had some Bacon on Friday. But we all know that Bacon is a part of everyone’s balanced diet.
Anyway, as I was driving home tonight, I thought about hosting a similar version here. To get some audience participation. But your choices will be tough. And believe me, with some of them, death will not even enter your mind.
One additional rule I’d like to point out is that “neither” or “both” are NOT acceptable answers. You must pick ONE. So says me.
Round 1
(Hey, maybe I’ll make this a weekly feature or something and we can do brackets. Like February Madness! Although, maybe we should see if this goes over well or if it falls faster than George W’s approval rating.)
The NFL Edition
Peyton Manning vs. Eli Manning
The Scientology Bat Shit Crazy Edition
John Travolta vs. Tom Cruise
The American Idol Edition
Clay Aiken vs. Ruben Studdard
The Lost Edition (Season Premiere Thursday!)
Jack vs. Sawyer
The VH1 Celebreality Edition
Bret Michaels vs. Scott Baio
The One for Any Male Readers (Or Lesbians) Edition
Jessica Alba vs. Jessica Biel
The N’Sync Edition
Justin Timberlake vs. Joey Fatone
The The Hills Edition
Lauren vs. Heidi
The Batman Edition
Christian Bale vs. Val Kilmer
The “Both is NOT an Option” Edition
Brad Pitt vs. George Clooney
There you go kids! Have at it! I’m back to catching up on my Google Reader.
Currently the score is Google 198,562,702,443; Kristin 0.
Suck on that Google Reader!
About the author
Oooh! Fun. Okay:
Eli Manning
John Travolta
Ruben Studdard
Sawyer
Scott Baio (BLECH!!)
Jessica Alba (am I supposed to answer this one, being that I’m female? Oh whatever, I totally have a girl crush on her anyway.)
Justin Timberlake
Heidi
Christian Bale
Brad Pitt
Eli
John
Ruben
Sawyer
Bret
Alba
Justin
Heidi
Val
Brad
*If you’ll notice, I’m already on a first name basis with them
Eli
John
Ruben
Sawyer
Bret
Alba
Justin
Heidi
Val
Brad
*If you’ll notice, I’m already on a first name basis with them
You’re so much nicer about this game than my friends & I are because we literally go for the gag effect: whoever gags at the choices first loses… and what you’ve offered up is really, mostly pleasant. As in, “Oh, either would be fine with me.” Or maybe that’s just a commentary on my standards, which makes me a little sad in my pants if I break it down like that. So I won’t!
Here are my choices:
Eli Manning (totally the hotter brother)
Travolta (because I think he’d dance with me first, and then maybe we’d braid each other’s hair?)
Ruuuuben (because I like velvet, and teddy bears)
Bret Michaels (mostly to see where his wig starts and his hair ends)
Joey Fatone (he was always my favorite!)
Christian Bale (so dark, so mysterious!)
Clooney (because if you saw Julia Roberts interview him, you know that he cooks up a mean hamburger for his guests!)
Whew, that was fun!
Jules
House of Jules
Definitely Eli… ’cause I’m a Giants fan for the week (anyone who beats the Packers is a friend of mine)
Tom Cruise… I think John Travolta is crazier in a quieter, more subtle way
Ruben, cause at least he’s straight
JACK! YAY LOST TOMORROW!
Bret Michael… he’s cute in a trashy way
BIEL… I don’t do preggos
Justin Timberlake, of course, ARE YOU KIDDING? He is hott
Team LC all the way
Val Kilmer, because Batman Forever is the best of the non-Michael Keaton Batman movies
George Clooney… I can’t be gettin’ it on with Brad Pitt, too many brats running around
Eli, because Peyton is a whiny crybaby and I hate his commercials. Plus, Eli is a cutie.
Tom Cruise, even though eww! Gross! John Travolta, as I have mentioned, makes me want to slap him hard in the face.
Ruben. Clay looks like Pee Wee Herman.
Jack. Sawyer is hot but I can’t deal with the head games. Lost tomorrow!
Scott Baio, but this one made me want to throw up.
Jessica Biel is way prettier.
JT brought the sexy back.
I don’t know the Hills, but that Lauren is pretty, even if she looks like she is made of sticks.
Val Kilmer
George Clooney. Brad Pitt creeps me out.
Eli…way cuter & less offensive
Travolta…the young, dancing version
Ruben…that voice…sigh
Jack…I mean Charlie Salinger
Scott…the lesser of two evils
Jessica Biel..aka Mary Camden
Joey…Fat-one
LC..I think Heidi is skankier
Christian…just cuz
CLOONEY…hot, hot, hot
With the wind chill at -25 degrees, and this being the coldest day yet to commute, thank you for Clooney’s picture to warm me up!
Ha! We do a version of this at my Fashion Police blog, in which readers have to choose between two hideous items or clothing (often from American Apparel, come to think of it) or die, with death, of course, not being an option. Love it 🙂
Anyway, my answers:
Eli
Tom (that one was WAY cruel!)
Ruben
Sawyer! Sawyer! SAWYER! YAY!
Umm…Scott
Beil
Timberlake
Lauren
Val
Brad
OOOOH, I love this!!! What a great idea! I think you should totally make it a weekly thing 🙂
Here are the ones I would give it up for:
Peyton (even though Eli was on my fantasy team)
John (we all know the man can move)
Ruben (more cushion for the pushing)
Sawyer (I bet he’s a freak)
Scott (probably has fewer STDs)
Jessica Alba (she’s one of my girl crushes)
Justin (swoon)
Lauren (I’ve heard implants are freaky to touch)
Val (remember him in that Batman outfit?)
George (I don’t care how old he is, that man is HAWT)
Fun! Um…are the women supposed to answer the girl questions? Oh, well. Here is my list:
Eli
Tom
Ruben
Jack
Scott
Jessica B.
Justin
Heidi
Christian
George
🙂
Eli
John (I wish I could specify the one from welcome back cotter, you know pre-bloat)
Ruben
Jack
Scott (even though I watch the train wreck that is Skanks of Love-it grosses me out)
Jess B (she’s a hot piece of ass)
JT (SWOON)
LC (Heidi is too stupid to live)
Val (Christian Bale has a weird mouth, it drives me nuts to watch him talk)
GAH! The last one is SOOOOOOO hard.
I have to take Brad. If Angelina is with him, there has to be a reason why. 😉
Since I know you’re all wondering MY answers…
Peyton, only because Eli is a whiny bitch who had to whine his way into getting drafted by New York and NOT San Diego.
John – less crazy, seemingly
Ruben – Clay scares me
Sawyer all the way. Although I wouldn’t kick either of them out of bed
Scott. He’s aged so well. Plus, I don’t know what’s under Bret’s bandana
Alba. Jessica Biel STOLE my man!
Joey. I think he’d be more fun.
LC. Heidi is a bitch
Val. Back in the day, of course. Since now he’s a bloated mess.
George. Brad is tainted by Angelina now.
Ditto what Jules said…I new I liked her for a reason!!
Peyton
Cruise – because I can’t get the image of Travolta in Hairspray out of my mind. Of course, I haven’t seen Hairspray.
Ruben – hands down.
Jack
Scott – but I’d Lysol him down first.
Biel
Justin
Lauren – I’ve never seen the show
Christian Bale
George – hands down, always. Brad does not do it for me.
Eli
Tom (of 10 years ago)
Ruben (this was MEAN)
JACK!
Scott (come on, he’s pretty adorable on his show)
Jessica A.
Justin
Lauren
Christian
George (Brad broke my girl’s heart. Bastard.)
Eli – because Peyton’s huge forehead scares me
Tom Cruise – but not on a couch
Ruben
Jack
Scott – didn’t like Bret then, don’t like him now
Biel – for the possibility of threesome w/JT?!
JT – c’mon!
Lauren – don’t watch this show, but the blonde just looks bitchy
CHRISTIAN!
George – Pitt is hot, too, but Clooney is smoldering!
Ha – I can tell in your last pic that you love Amalah 🙂
Eli
John
Ruben
Jack
Scott
Jessica B.
Justin
Val
George
… mmmm.
So much fun!
Eli (cuter as long as there no talking. I feel like Payton would be hilarious in person)
John (Tom is too too scary)
Ruben (I don’t have the “equipment” Clay is looking for)
Sawyer (yum, that accent kills me!)
Scott Baio (Brett doesn’t look human)
Jessica Alba
Joey (we could Kareoke together!)
Heidi
Christian Bale (in love with him since “Newsies”)
Clooney (just yum)
Ooooh. Fun!
Eli
John Travolta!
Ruben
Jack
Bret Michaels
—
Justin!
—
Val Kilmer (who I’d pretend was Jim Morrison incarnate)
George Clooney (saved the best for last, did you?)
Mary sweet mother of Jesus. First I read the estrogen soaked sap in Hotfessionals blog, then said, thank heavens next on the list is Kristablla, that “one of the guys wench” she will have something that will bring out the laughter in me, and WTF
You two, must have sent e-mails to coordinate clothing and blogs today.
Chit, I need a woman that is funny from a male perspective, maybe The Redneck Woman will be blowing cola through her nose again!
However, while none of the men have any appeal to me, and frankly none of the women, the are two slim, I want some meat to eat, not a clavicle from a chicken wing, I would luv someone like….
Oh hell, I am older than dirt, it doesnt matter, as long as she is breathing!
LOL
Laugh out Loud! This is hilarious and I can’t wait to play with my friends …
Eli
Tom
Clay
Jack
Scott
Beil
Timberlake
Lauren
Val
Brad
This reminds of a game my friends and I play called Shoot, Fuck or Marry. You pick three people (usually all fabulous) and have to pick which one you would shoot, fuck or marry. Very fun…
My picks:
Peyton – Eli is cuter but Peyton’s commercials are funny
Tom – I just threw up in my mouth a little bit
Ruben – I no longer sleep with gay men
Jack – man…that was a hard one…
Scott – I HEART him
Alba – Biel is totally generic
Justin – yum
Lauren – Heidi needs to be shot
Christian – hummana, hummana
Clooney – drool
That was fun. Next time you have to pick yuckies.
Peyton- he’s so funny on SNL & those commercials
John- the man can dance
Reuben- Clay would be like sleeping with a very skinny chick
Jack- mmmm…
Scott- b/c I don’t know who that other guy is
Alba- if I did girls
Justin- again with the dancing
– ugh, not even going there
Christian- mmm….
George- mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…..
Eli (based soley on the photos you have up)
John (cuz Tom is just way too wacko)
Ruben (Clay? Seriously….he’s fruitier than a bowl of Trix)
Jack (drooooooooool)
Bret (though, I, too am wondering what’s under the bandana….?)
Alba
Timberlake (Dick in a Box!)
Lauren
Val (he’s got a nice mouth/lips)
George (honestly, I don’t think Brad is all that!)
I’m so distracted by that last picture of George, taken right after I got up off his lap, that I can barely continue…but I will try.
Peyton – because he’s funny.
Travolta – Because even if he can’t get it up, he could still always use a rubber hose.
Ruben – though I would insist on being on top
Sawyer – god I like me a bad boy
Scott – because Bret Michaels is a skank
Alba – I have no idea why, just cuz
Justin – Joey is scary
Val – because i loved him in The Saint
LC or Heidi? who the hell are they (tucks her age away again)
And finally…sigh…George. And then George. And then George again. Oh and right after that? George.
Oh my, choices choices! Here goes:
Eli (he looks like he has more of a neck than Peyton)
I shudder to say this but, Tom Cruise.
Ruben. Although he might crush me. Clay is too, um, girly.
Jack. Yum.
Scott Baio, he used to be hot, right?
Jessica Biel. She’s, meh, ok.
Justin T. He’ll bring my sexy back I hope.
Heidi, even though I have no idea who either of them are. I’m old, remember.
Val, before he got fat preferrably.
And Brad even though he creeps me out some now.
Eli Manning- neither of them are attractive, but at least Eli is younger.
Tom Cruise- they both bring the crazy. At least Tom is still hot.
Ruben Studdard- This is just cruel.
Jack
Scott Baio- I don’t think either one of them is LESS likely to have an STD, but Brett Michaels is nastier.
Jessica Biel- Alba just seems bitchy. I probably just read too much Perez Hilton- he hates her.
Justin Timberlake- DUH.
Lauren
Old School Val Kilmer, or present day Christian
Bale.
Clooney.
Peyton Manning vs. Eli Manning
No question… Peyton – I love his confidence. Eli is too young for me not to feel icky, even if we’re pretty much the same age.
John Travolta vs. Tom Cruise
This is going to sound icky, but Tom Cruise – some how I think it would be over in a minute, thereby limiting my ick factor.
Clay Aiken vs. Ruben Studdard
Ruben – he’s such a sweety, and he doesn’t seem to be the type that would be squicking out over the fact that I’m a girl (hello, Clay!).
Jack vs. Sawyer
Jack. I don’t even watch the show, but Jack 100%.
Bret Michaels vs. Scott Baio
I have a total crush on Bret Michaels. I can’t even describe it, and I know it’s not healthy, but I do. And at least I know my ample chest would make him happy. 😉
Jessica Alba vs. Jessica Biel
I have a girl-crush on Jessica Biel. ‘Nuff said.
Justin Timberlake vs. Joey Fatone
Joey Fatone – he looks like he’d be appreciative and caring. And I’d rather not sleep with someone who’s been with Britney, even in her less crazy days. (Hi, she had a hot body I couldn’t compete with.)
Lauren vs. Heidi
EWWWWW! I can’t even decide from a girl-crush way who annoys me less. Sadly, I’d go with Lauren – she seems like she’d be so into herself, she’d spend more time in front of the mirror.
Christian Bale vs. Val Kilmer
Christian Bale. Smoldering. Yummy. Edible.
Brad Pitt vs. George Clooney
This one is hard, but George Clooney wins out simply because he’s not married. Is that an odd reason for that, considering Brad Pitt’s dubious past? But I also believe even at 100 lbs, Angelina could so kick my ass.
Eli Manning
Tom Cruise (EWEWEW)
Clay Aiken (Ruben would kill me)
Jack (No hesitation)
Scott B (Lots of hesitation)
Jessica Biel (At least she posed for Maxim to get off of 7th Heaven!)
Justin Timberlake (OMG I WISH)
Lauren Conrad (Hey, Brody’s hott)
Christian Bale (
BRAD PITT (YUMMMMMM)
Peyton
Tom
Ruben
Jack (not even a close call)
Scott (less likely to have an STD)
Jessica Biel (this was the hardest choice so far; I do not like either – I chose Biel because she seems manlier)
Justin
Lauren
Christian Bale (easiest choice on the whole list)
George
OK, here goes….
Eli
John (Tom = cringe + shudder)
Ruben (Clay looks like Casey from Mr. Dressup)
Jack (no contest for me)
Bret (Chachi is NOT sexy)
Joey
Lauren (if I HAVE to pick….ugh)
Val!! (*drooling* *drooling*)
Mr. Brad Pitt, thank you. *wink*
How did I miss this post until now? We played this CONSTANTLY in college, but it was “do, dump or marry” with 3 choices. I think I like this version better. Aaaaaanyway…
Eli (cuter)
John (less batshit)
Ruben (hottness)
Sawyer (hotttttttness)
Scott (had huge crush in 6th grade)
J. Biel (hotter)
J.T. (hellooooo! YES HI WHAT NO I’M NOT MARRIED HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU kthxbi)
Lauren (scares me less)
Christian (can’t get past current bloated Val)
Brad (v. tough call, had to flip coin)
1. Eli, because he’s cuter. (P.S. I have absolutely no idea who either of these people are.)
2. John Travolta. (He may still be insane for believing in Scientology, but at least he doesn’t make an arse of himself every five minutes.)
3. Ruben. (Clay is creepy.)
4. Jack. (Sawyer is creepy.)
5. Scott. (Both nasty, Bret nastier.)
6. Jessica Beil. (Fuck Alba, who only announced she was pregnant so people wouldn’t think she was fat, stupid whore.)
7. Timberlake. (I have no idea why I find him so damn irresistable. I just do.)
8. Lauren. (All I know is that Heidi is a douche.)
9. Val Kilmer. (PHWOAR.)
10. George. (It will always be George. Marry me!)
I’m gonna just go against the grain and jump to the final round – George George George!
Now that I’ve had my Harry Met Sally moment.. I’m off to go find wine.
Still playing catchup.
Eli. Some say that MY man looks kinda like him.
Tom. He’s still hot. I don’t care how fucked up he is.
Ruben. Clay is gay. Period.
Jack. I don’t watch Lost but HE HOT!
Bret. Baio is a douche.
Biel. Maybe J.T. would join in.
J.T. See above.
Lauren. She’s less annoying.
Bale. Hands down.
Pitt. He’s gonna SAVE THA WORLD!!!
Because I’m slow –
Eli
John
Ruben
Sawyer
Scott
Jessica B
Justin
Heidi
Val
Brad
I can not believe that I have made it through 30-some-odd years and never played this game! Now it is going to be a staple in my drinking-game diet, I promise.
P.s. Seriously, can I have your life? It sounds WAY better than the one I got stuck with 🙂