Dear Chase, You Need A Punch In The Neck

Posted By on April 10, 2012

I bank at Chase. Well, I was with Washington Mutual and then they went belly up. I don’t really have any complaints with them. Until now.

I mean, it was a pain when I had to get a new debit card when it became Chase and had to change all my automatic payments. But I forgave them. And then like a year later, they changed the card from MasterCard to Visa and I had to do EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN!

When that happened, I said “you know what, self? Why don’t we make all these payments through your checking account. That won’t change, unless you change banks. You won’t have to go through this again! You are a genius, self.”

Oh hahahahahaha past self, how wrong you were.

Last week I got a letter from Chase that my routing number was changing. Not my checking account number, just the routing number. So all those accounts I changed, to outsmart the fucking bankers at Chase, had to be re-done. It’s a giant pain in the ass. Most of them can be semi-easily changed online. It’s time-consuming, but at least I didn’t have to talk to anyone.

That is, until today.

My student load company is apparently stuck in 1997 and the only way to change the routing number is to call, or send in another voided check. Being lazy and cheap and not wanting to go through that, I decided to call them. How hard could it be?

Oh, hahahahahahahaha past self, you will eat those words smothered in cream cheese.

Mmmmmmmm, cream cheese.

Anyway, here is how the conversation went:

Me: I need to change my routing number.

Her: Can you hold on two minutes?

Me: Sure.

*two minutes passes*

Her: Hi, OK. Thank you for holding. How can I help you?

Me: I need to change my routing number.

Her: OK. What is the new routing number?

Me: 127000023

Her: OK, let me verify, that was 1200000073.

Me: No, 127000023.

Her: Right, 12000000003.


Her: Right, that’s what I said, 127000023.

And then my head exploded.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


7 Responses to “Dear Chase, You Need A Punch In The Neck”

  1. Rhi says:

    Whyyyy did they do that? Also, it requires ridiculous amounts of paperwork to change my name with my student loan company which is why I will forever be Rhiannon MaidenName to them.
    Rhi´s last blog post ..Firsts

  2. Andrea says:

    Yeah, that sounds awesomely rage inducing. Just send in the voided check already.
    Andrea´s last blog post ..Flowers

  3. Angella says:

    I HATE when we have to change everything. HATE. And our credit card seems to get compromised at least once a year.

    I also hate stupid people on the phone. Calling Revenue Canada (Canada’s IRS) makes me want to punch somebody.
    Angella´s last blog post ..Photo Shoot Outtakes

  4. The Freshman says:

    Substitute “Routing Number” to “Catch My Flight” and this is the EXACT conversation I had with a TSA agent. Only my conversation involved touching of the private parts my bathing suit covers. So, you may win this round.
    The Freshman´s last blog post ..Don’t Trust the B—- In Apartment 23

  5. Dude, they are THE worst! I just got a card from them last month, and when I called to set up my online account, they were all, “oh you already have an online account. We can’t set you up another account.”

    Me: “That’s weird. I’ve never before had a Chase card.”

    Chase: “is your social XXX?”

    Me: “yes.”

    Chase: “is your name XXX?”

    Me: “no. That’s my mom’s name.”

    Chase: “did your mom open a card in your account without your permission?”

    Me: “uh…no. I live with my parents right now. I can assure you they’re not trying to steal my identity. I’m guessing they got an additional card in my name (that I never saw) to build my credit or in case I ever needed it in an emergency.”

    Chase: “well, I’m sorry but we can’t give you a second online account.”

    Me: “wait. Hold the phone. I’m sorry, but my parents opened an account with you TEN years ago, an account which my name happens to be on but which I’ve never used, and you can’t give me an additional user login for my NEW credit card, not at all related or tied to my parents, for which I am the sole holder?”

    Chase: “that is right.”


    Note: this issue was never resolved, even after half an hour that I was put on hold (before ever talking to anyone), so now I am using my PARENTS’ credit card login and password. So. Lame.
    Camels & Chocolate´s last blog post ..Little Monsters

  6. Oh, and for what it’s worth, BofA is just as bad. Scott’s bank has been Navy Federal since 1996, and since we’re married, I can get join them, too, which I plan to do because *every* time he calls, he never has to wait and he speaks to someone (nice and friendly and helpful) who resolves his issues within minutes. Those guys are saviors!
    Camels & Chocolate´s last blog post ..Little Monsters

  7. Julia says:

    You could have taken a hostage and no one would have blamed you. Hate. Hate!