The Only Ship Worth a Damn is Friendship

Posted By on February 4, 2012

Today I have a guest post from Peter. He is funny and creative because he had the best response to my hopeless place post with “studio audience for a taping of Whitney.” So please read this and be nice.


Two men in their mid twenties are sitting on the oldest couch in the history of the world. Scientists might hypothesize that it is basically held together by pizza stains and shame.

And they’re responsible for most of the supply of both.

They’ve lived together since their freshman year of college. They like to say that the university housing department brought them together, but being kindred spirits kept them together.

You know, when they had the energy to explain the whole story.

They’re watching one of their favourite things in the world to watch:

A marathon.

Not the kind where people run a long distance, despite the fact that no one seems to be chasing them.

No, these are the marathons that involve a butt-numbing number of episodes of the same television program.

This particular program takes place in Alaska. It involves Alaskans either driving, fishing, panning for gold or making cakes. Their not entirely sure.

They could easily look at the laptop sitting on the coffee table in front of them. It always has a tab open to a TV guide. And one to Foxy Bingo.

The brown haired fellow turns to his blonde hetero life partner.

“I worry about you, my friend. You spend too much time on this couch. You’re not getting any younger. There’s a whole world out there. With women… Don’t you want to find someone nice? To get married some day? To have children? You’d make an amazing father. Don’t you want a soul mate? Someone who will have your back when the proverbial chips are all the way down? You won’t find that on this couch, dear sir. I want these things for you. As your friend, it’d thrill me to no end for you to meet someone. Someone special. I know your mother would be so happy. She’s getting older too. Every hour you spend on this couch, is an hour you keep the dream of grandchildren away from her. I don’t know if I could be so selfish. I don’t think you want to be either. I want you to look inside. Deep inside. Where the feelings live. You want these things. You want them now. You don’t want to wait another day. I want you to rise up! Get off of this couch! And get out there! Do it!”

“I’m not going to the fridge to get you a beer.”

“Fiiiiiiiine. I’ll go myself. Jerk.”

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


One Response to “The Only Ship Worth a Damn is Friendship”

  1. Amanda says:

    All those serious talk just to get the other guy to get the beer? Man, that is really ridiculous.
    Amanda´s last blog post tips