If You Don’t Hear From Me, It’s Because I Couldn’t Get Out Of Bed

Posted By on March 6, 2011

I’m not much for group fitness classes. I’m pretty uncoordinated and generally out of shape and it just makes me self-conscious. So I tend to do my own thing at the gym when I go – elliptical, treadmill, bike, etc.

But recently, my friends Rhi and Kerri have been RAVING about this Bar Method class. They go in Portland and they love, love, love it. Apparently it is all the rage, especially with celebrities, and it really tones your body and helps you lose inches. Since I don’t do a lot of weight training, I was intrigued.

The two biggest things I heard about Bar Method was 1) the shaking and 2) it kicks your ass, and kind of out of the blue. It says that anyone can do it, on their site, so I’m like “well, since I’ve been working out more and have more stamina, I should give it a try!”

Enter DJ. She talks about it on Twitter and while we were out to dinner the other night, I told her I wanted to go with her. (The other reason I don’t go to group classes? I don’t like to go alone. If I’m going to look like as ass, I want a familiar face there with me.)

So on Sunday morning, I went to my first Bar Method class. Come Monday morning, I might not be able to roll out of bed. It is intense, just like everyone said.

The weird thing is that it totally comes up on you. I mean, the point of the exercises are to be low-impact. So it isn’t like you’re running on an incline at 10 miles an hour. You’re standing and doing stretches and exercises, much like pilates. And for the first 20 reps, you’re all “I got this!” And then your arm falls off. And right after your arm falls off, you move from some sort of standing tricep exercise to PUSHUPS! And let me tell you, doing pushups with one arm is hard no matter what, but even worse when your remining arm has turned into Jello, a la the passengers in Airplane.

And then just when you think you’re going to be done, as you’ve been told you’re on your last set, you’re told that the last set is like 178 reps!

And on that 120th rep? All the muscles in your body start to shake! And they encourage it! And well, it’s fucking weird. And not really pleasant. And I’m pretty sure I know what it feels like to be a Biggest Loser contestant now.

After about 30 minutes of class, I started to feel like I was going to pass out. And barf. So I left the classroom and went out to get some air and some water. It was not my finest moment. But better that than passing out in front of a room full of very trim, very fit strangers. Better to leave the embarrassment to the two ladies working the front desk.

I started to feel better and finished the class. And it was a great workout. I think the problem was that I was trying to keep up with everyone, all the pros in the class, and well, it was my first time and I’m not in that great of shape and THERE IS NO SHAME IN RESTING! On top of that, I got so focused on doing the exercises right and making sure my posture was correct, that I’m pretty sure I forgot to breathe.

I mean, it’s easy to remember to breathe when you’re out of breath running on the treadmill. It’s a whole other thing when you’re doing strength training and low-impact exercises. My brain thinks “breathing isn’t really that necessary. You’ll be fine. Make sure we keep all appendages attached.” When in reality, it’s kind of damn important.

I plan to go back. Everyone at the studio was super nice and I can see that it is a fabulous workout and just the thing I need to tone and tighten and spice up my routine.

But check back with me on Monday to see if I have moved from the fetal position on my bed.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


7 Responses to “If You Don’t Hear From Me, It’s Because I Couldn’t Get Out Of Bed”

  1. Jenn says:

    I predict that you will use violent curse words within two minutes of your feet hitting the ground this morning. Maybe even before you get up, if it’s as bad as I’m thinking it might be. Good for you!! Remember, that’s the good kind of pain, and the second day after will be the worst, and then you can go right back to it and it won’t hurt nearly as much the second time and probably not at all the third time. RE: group fitness – I was very much of the same mind, and still am if the class in question requires me, in any fashion, to flail (think Jazzercise, step aerobics…and me tripping on my feet). However, Spin, (or group cycling)? The bomb diggity. I can’t remember just at the mo’, but don’t you have a bit of a competitive streak? Mine is quite grand, and Spin is awesome, in that I really don’t have to worry about keeping up with the skinny f*cking Joneses next to me, but it motivates me to give everything I have, sort of competing against myself, if that makes any sense? It’s a great cardio workout – you’ll burn a minimum of around 600 calories in an hour if you put some effort in. Highly recommended. Since you asked. Hm…and now that I’ve completely bogarted all your comment space…maybe I’ll just keep going and we can chat about the weather in Germany or something?? A’ight, no. Keep up the good work (and writing!).
    Jenn´s last blog post ..The Cure

  2. rebecca says:

    Thank you for writing such a honest post about this!

    After reading about the Barre Method classes on seemingly everyone’s blog, I am taking my first class this Friday. With a friend. It is a Barre Basics class so I am hoping there are no Barre pros in there. And hopefully someone who is as uncoordinated as me. Though I don’t know that such a person exists!!!
    rebecca´s last blog post ..Snack of the Week- Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Sandwich Bread

  3. I managed to move last night without whimpering. I think I’ve hit my stride!

    Of course, this morning every upper body movement makes me wince and I can’t stop stretching my arms.

    But I’ll be there next Sunday. Oy vey.
    Dysfunction Junction´s last blog post ..Over your shoulder

  4. Raven says:

    I wish we had it here in Houston! I want to go so very badly. Alas, I will have to settle for the Dahn Yoga I bought on a groupon.
    Raven´s last blog post ..30 in 30 Your Favorite Teacher

  5. Rhi says:


    Please tell us what you thought of the “floor dancing.”

  6. Kerri Anne says:

    I always laugh (and cry on the inside) when our instructor says something like, “Last 30!” WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THIRTY?

    But damn, I love the way it literally and metaphorically kicks my ass.

    So glad you’re about to be hooked, too!

    Bar Method buns, UNITE. And be tiiiight.
    Kerri Anne´s last blog post ..Some Kind Of Blue

  7. Angella says:

    I WISH we had a Bar Method class nearby. It sounds like my kind of torture…
    Angella´s last blog post ..Body Talk