So Maybe I’m Not Ready For Kids

Posted By on July 6, 2010

So I’m still talking about the dog. No, really.

If you follow me on Twitter, this is not news to you. And I’m still going to talk about it because, well, I feel like whining.

I have spent the last couple of days at my brother’s house. I made it up to my brother’s house on Friday night. I decided to spend the weekend up here for a number of reasons:

  1. This is Bella’s house, so she’ll be more comfortable.
  2. My cats can stop hiding under the bed.
  3. My brother has a pool.
  4. There are no sisters or roommates here.
  5. Yard. No more poop walks.
  6. Huge flat screen TV.
  7. POOL.

Plus, my brother and his family get home from vacation on Tuesday, so the dog would be here when they got back and I wouldn’t have to a) watch the dog for a day longer than needed and b) I wouldn’t have to make an extra trip up here to return the dog.

I was so looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I was going to chill by the pool, read, drink beer, watch TV, sleep in. It was going to be my version of a vacation without leaving the state.

It started off all well and good. Saturday morning I got up, made some coffee, put on my suit, lathered on the SPF 100 and headed outside. I was armed with 20 back issues of US Weekly and had not a care in the world! I was out there for about 3 hours (lest I burn my pale, pale skin).

When I came in for the day to shower, I noticed a puddle of dog poop on the living room carpet. It was my fault, I told myself, for leaving the dog inside for an hour while I was outside. I thought nothing of it. I especially thought nothing of it combined with the fact that she had been farting all morning and they were so smelly, it burned the skin off my arms.

Later in the day, as I followed her out to make sure she went potty (since I didn’t want another accident), I noticed she had the liquid squirts. I freaked out. I mean, what do you give to a dog with diarrhea? Can you just keep it outside until it goes away?

I of course got on my computer and Googled it and then asked all the wise dog owners on Twitter. (WHAT DID I EVER DO BEFORE SOCIAL MEDIA? FOR REALS!) The verdict was to give her some rice, maybe some canned pumpkin. I also read online that fasting for at least 12 hours was good. So I locked her in her crate for the night and hoped when we woke up 12 hours later, she would be ass-squirt free!

(HAHAHAHAHAHA!!) (That is the sound of my future self laughing at my past self and her optimism!)

She whined in her crate all night. Mostly because she’s not used to sleeping in the crate. I’d imagine a lot of it was because she didn’t feel well. I didn’t care. Because poop in the crate was better than poop on my brother’s bed.

Around 5 AM, I heard her whining quite a bit. I figured I’d get up and let her out and see what tha damage was.

The damage was two poop soaked blankets and a VERY DIRTY CRATE! I let her out and proceeded to throw the blankets in the wash and clean the crate. She was allowed back in and locked back in the crate sans blankets.

After I woke up for the day on Sunday, I decided I needed to go out to get white rice and some Pepto (another Twitter suggestion). I cooked her some rice (which she will only eat if she’s HUNGRY) and gave her some Pepto. Good thing I’m at my brother’s house, where they have kids, which means they have syringes by which to administer medicine.

Have you ever tried to give a dog Pepto? They like it more than you think. But still, NOT AN EASY TASK!

Sunday we spent the day outside. I actually spent four hours here:

I learned my lesson and if I was outside, so was the dog. She had some more liquid poops, but she seemed to have more energy. She was still only eating rice and drinking water, but it seemed to be working. I put her in the crate again on Sunday night because I couldn’t afford any poop-tastrophes.

Sunday morning, early, I heard her whining, so I let her out to do her business. She was back to her old, hyper self. She was a crazy dog! I was like “YAY! She’s back to normal!” So since it was early and I was going back to bed, I let her in bed with me for a few hours.

When I got up for the day, I noticed some poop puddles throughout the house and on the bed. (THE BED! NEAR WHERE I WAS SLEEPING! OMG! SHE COULD HAVE POOPED ON ME! DOG POOP! GAH! GROSS!!!)

I decided she wasn’t better, so we got some more Pepto and more rice and went on with our day.

I think she is getting better. I just tested her with a small serving of dog food. She’s been really hungry, so I thought maybe her tummy could handle it. She’ll be sleeping in the crate again tonight, so we shall see how this experiment goes. I really hope I am not washing poop blankets at 5 AM.

And just because I was at my wit’s end, she decided to escape this evening and run down the block! I had to chase her and thankfully she came back! Because she wanted to make me lose my shit like she lost hers this weekend!

So thankfully, I’m going back to work in the morning. Tomorrow evening I will be at home with my cats.Not worrying about poop or making food for anyone but myself and being glad my Shrek hand is now back to its normal size.

And I will need a vacation from my vacation!


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About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


13 Responses to “So Maybe I’m Not Ready For Kids”

  1. hilary says:

    You and I are probably the only two people in the world excited to head back to work today. Four days home with my father-in-law is OK, four days home with his girlfriend = unbearable! I don’t know about you, but I can so handle cleaning up my own animal’s messes in my own house, but when I have to do it in someone else’s I totally freak… agonizing over every spot. I so feel your pain. I have spent the last three weeks similar with my cat. Three trips to the vet, two sets of antibiotics, and one less carpet, he still has squirty issues….
    hilary´s last blog post ..Cat Love-

  2. Becky says:

    So…um…er… you do know that they make Pepto in a chewable format, yes? Noted for the next time you watch an ass-squirter, I’m sure.

    That just sounded gross all the way around. Moving along, then…

  3. Mahnee says:

    Bella was sure lucky to have someone like you taking care of her. i’m gagging just reading this.

  4. Aly says:

    Man, this dog sitting thing is really giving you a run for your money. Not a good week with the animals.. ack! I bet she’s just stressed out being in different places and missing the family. And on the bright side, at least she got the runs OUTSIDE of your own flat. Woo! 😀

    You’re such a good sister.
    Aly´s last blog post ..Abracadabra

  5. mouncie123 says:


  6. Schwerer says:

    I feel your pain sister, my dog got her rabies vaccination, along with a couple others on Thursday evening and proceeded to have the hershey squirts all weekend, not fun… or fun for her. My vet says to just take away her food for six hours and let everything work its way through. Or boil ground beef and rice together as it is really bland.

  7. Mon says:

    Oh poor you….pet sitting and having them be sick is the worst! No amount of US Weeklys or adult beverages eases the worry. If this ever happens again (it will NOT!!), you can give them rice and plain chicken. Canned pumpkin is generally a laxative for dogs (trust me…I had a canned pumpkin incident of my own last year with my pooch!). You can also give them Imodium tablets (they are small). Generic brand works too. As long as it has loperamide in it, you’re good. 1-2 tablets right after a bout of the dog squirts should be a good start. At least you’re home now with the kitties!

  8. Jenn says:

    Canned pumpkin (or other winter squash) is a laxative or a stopper-upper (can’t think of the word for the oppositive of laxative!), depending on the needs of the pupster at the time. Miracle food! We use it all the time, very successfully, for Barkley’s runny butt. Sorry, that was gross. Anyhoo…at least you could put Bella in a crate without getting in trouble. Pretty sure child welfare services would have a problem with that.
    Jenn´s last blog post ..Oh- For the Love of Bike

  9. Kerri Anne says:

    I just had a vision of a site devoted to “poop-tastrophes” of both the dog and human variety. And then I threw up a little in my mouth.

    You deserve a medal for taking care of a dog with tummy troubs. NOT FUN.

    Oh, and did I ever tell you the story about how I stepped in dog poop one time while I was dog-sitting? NOT AWESOME, MULDOON.
    Kerri Anne´s last blog post ..Good Things- Cinematic Ecstatic- Edition

  10. Angella says:

    “Poop-tastrophes” is my new favorite word.

    Sorry you had to deal with all of that crap (ha!) but the upside to kids? DIAPERS.
    Angella´s last blog post ..There’s A Hole In My Heart

  11. alimartell says:

    I’m so grossed out by this story. WOW. my hat is OFF to you. I couldn’t handle all that poop….especially in a crate. GROSS.
    alimartell´s last blog post ..Stepford Road Trip Anyone

  12. slynnro says:

    So wait, DID VIENNA CHEAT?
    slynnro´s last blog post ..Scenes From a Marriage- Platonic Friend Ed

  13. Sharma says:

    Too funny Kris (ok not for you, but for me, hilarious). Made me thankful that I do not have a dog. My brother has one, and she also had the, um, I believe you refer to them as “ass-squirts” and he came home to a crate (with the big fuzzy pillow thing) all covered with it. Gross. I said, “your dog, your problem”. Must have been projectile, because there were stains on the carpet AROUND THE CRATE. Again, ew. Sorry you had a crappy weekend.