The Luck O’ The Irish?

Posted By on March 8, 2010

Disclaimer: If you are my mother, related to me, work with me or used to work with me, you might want to skip this post. You have been warned.

On Friday night my friend Lara was having a get together for her birthday. I spent the day whining to anyone who would listen because I am OLD and going out at 9 PM on a Friday night is HARD! And then my friend Melissa was like “suck it up, you fool! You need to get out of your Grandma funk! PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES!”

So I did. I kept myself busy when I got home from work on Friday evening. I made sure that I didn’t take a nap because if I had taken a nap, I would have been down for the count. I made coffee and added some Bailey’s to it. And I love Lara and she helped me celebrate my birthday, so the least I could do was suck it up and be a big girl and go out and have a good time.

And boy, howdy, am I glad I did! Because I am apparently a cougar! And I took a nice, YOUNG, 24-year old Irish lad home to my condo! He was the first one I’ve brought back to my new place. AND I HAVE LIVED HERE ALMOST A YEAR NOW!

24. That is almost nine years younger than me! NINE! I nabbed myself a child! A fetus! A cute fetus, though, no?

I should back up a little because it was a pretty interesting night. So Irishman was 24, originally from Ireland and going to law school here, had a very sexy accent, a twinkle in his eye and a baby face. I was immediately attracted because he could have looked like Mickey Rourke and I would have still loved him. I am a SUCKER for an accent.

Anyway, we talked for a chunk of the night. He was so adorable. Like a little brother. He told us Midwestern women intimidate him because we’re so honest and real. I pinched his cheeks. I honestly thought there was nothing more there than chit chat and him putting up with the old lady chatting him up at a bar. Where there were people his own age! Clearly I was not drunk enough to be overconfident.

I think he was pretty drunk. Which, interesting to note, he talked slower, which was better since it is hard to understand an Irish accent sometimes. At one point, his buddy was talking to Lara and he says “so when are we going back to your place?” And then I laughed and laughed and laughed! Mr. Innocent, “oh-Midwestern-women-frighten-me”, was fixin’ to get into my pants. So I did what any immature 32 year old would do, I told Lara and this other dude how Mr. Innocent isn’t really so innocent! And we laughed….

But the Irishman got MAD! He didn’t like that I was ruining his game! What if people start talking? He’ll never hook up with anyone again with his innocent act! So I apologized because he was really upset and had that sad puppy dog look in his twinkling eyes. Sucker. Right here. (points to self.)

And then? He decided he was heading home because he was a little wobbly. So we all said our goodbyes and that was that. One of Lara’s friends was like “did he get your number?” And I’m like “nope. He just flirted with me all night and then left! Silly kids!” Like I mentioned, he was flirty and touchy-touchy, but I honestly didn’t think he was interested.

About 15 minutes later, Irishman came back into the bar. And we were all “he’s baaaack!” He comes over to me and is all “do you know how long I’ve been outside waiting for you?” And I tell him “well, if you’re wanting someone to go with you, you kind of have to SAY something.” Kids. *eye roll*

So we left. He didn’t want to go to his place. I didn’t really want him at my place, since it was not clean. Also, Aunt Flo was in town, so it wasn’t like we were going to be doing much of anything anyway. I told him this much because why should he come all the way up north to my place when he’s not going to be getting any?

He apparently thought he could change my mind. Oh kids, they are so adorable.

We end up making out in the cab. And I’m not drunk enough at this point to be OK with this. Because I’m the Cab Driver Whisperer. And for some reason, this weirds me out. But whatever, I go with the flow. We get to my place. I drink a huge glass of water and ask him if he wants anything. He wants another beer. And I’m reminded, YET AGAIN, that there is a large age difference between us. (Also, I have a pub crawl I have to get up for the next day, so I need to actually be able to get up.)

We sit on the couch and chat for awhile. Until he gets antsy and wants to “go to bed.” So I remind him that all we’re going to be doing is sleeping. Not “sleeping”. He still thinks he’s going to convince me otherwise.

Yada, yada, yada, after some making out and him getting pissed that I won’t “sleep” with him, he tells me he’s going. Because, and I swear I can’t make this up, he has really nice sheets at home. They are Egyptian cotton. And he can’t sleep on my apparently crappy sheets.*

I just laugh. And I call him a cab. He tries unsuccessfully one more time to woo me, to no avail, and then huffs off, literally like stomps out of my place in a huff, and says he’ll just wait outside for the cab no matter how long it takes.

And then I go to bed laughing and think “THIS is why I have a blog. Because I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.”

*Did you all ever see that movie with Brittany Murphy and Dakota Fanning, where Brittany is the nanny and she dates this rock star who makes up a song about her about “sheets of Egyptian cotton”? I’ve had that song in my head all weekend. (Uptown Girls! You can hear the song here!)

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


26 Responses to “The Luck O’ The Irish?”

  1. Kathy says:

    Awww! I was excited that something had happened!!!!

    He was pretty cute.

    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..Camera’s First Day =-.

  2. Jenn says:

    Wow, this post took me right back to my single days. What a riot! I once kissed three different Scottish boys in one night (the accent thing….I feel ya) because they were heading home the next day and my drunken logic would not allow for them to leave having not ‘experienced’ an American woman. Too funny! Isn’t it nice, though, to be old enough to know what’s going to happen (they will always, always keep trying) and be able to laugh about it? Great post, thanks for the smiles!
    .-= Jenn´s last blog ..Fact-free Europe (Part Zwei) =-.

  3. Denora says:

    If I ever come out that way to visit, I want to go out drinking with you. Seriously.
    .-= Denora´s last blog ..The Life List – Part 2 =-.

  4. inkpuddle says:

    Damn you, that song is going to be stuck in my head now. Happens every time I go through the bedding section at Target, too.

    Also, he was cute. But I’m a sucker for the accent as well, so pretty sure that would have done me in, regardless.

  5. Shannon says:

    That song is the first thing that came to my mind as well.
    I was all excited that you met someone, honestly, I was like, “what is she doing talking about meeting a man and then WAITING to post about it?!” but you know, this post totally made up for it. Though I’m sure I won’t ever be able to meet an Irish man now without a. singing that song and b. laughing in his face. 🙂

  6. paperdiva says:

    European men don’t take no for an answer easily.
    Been there done that.
    I would love to party with you one time (because I am old and that is all I could handle)
    .-= paperdiva´s last blog ..a pretty good representation of what a weekend looks like around here =-.

  7. Angella says:

    OK, he was TOTALLY cute. Way to hook the hotties, my friend. 😉
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Blue Monday =-.

  8. Jen says:

    Irish boys are bad bad bad. The accent does not fool me any longer. Scottish men on the other hand….
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Another Dating Hall of Shame Entry =-.

  9. shut up! that is a crazy story. wow. i like that you held firm. what a strange reaction from him huh? well, maybe this will make you keep your house cleaner? on the off chance that you bring a boy home?! what a great reason to clean.
    .-= michele (mouthy_broad)´s last blog ..June is for Camping =-.

  10. Alice says:

    ooh, he IS a cutie! and with an irish accent to boot?! YUM! nicely done, you cougar you!
    .-= Alice´s last blog ..March giving (and March getting) =-.

  11. Raven says:


    I thought he was cute until the end of the story…he is cute no longer!
    .-= Raven´s last blog ..crack frittes =-.

  12. Kerri Anne says:

    You are officially my favorite cougar.

    The best part about him leaving like the silly kid he clearly is? No awkward morning-after ANYTHING. (Which = WIN.)

    Also: I am shamelessly attracted to the 9 1/2 weeks Mickey Rourke. I cannot help myself.
    .-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..Things I’m Contemplating As I Enter This, My Superhero(ine) Phase =-.

  13. Deidre says:

    Boys are silly. You tell them nothing will happen – why do they think you’ll suddenly change your mind?

    I am wooed by accents, which is why I caught myself an Australian
    .-= Deidre´s last blog ..How about we NOT draw swastikas anymore? Just an idea, I am throwing to the people. =-.

  14. Darcey says:

    Hahahahahahahahahaha. Oh, silly, silly Irish boy. You are no match for a woman who has made her mind up. (A) Go you for getting the hottie Irish boy to got after the cougar! And (B) Even more kudos for putting him in his place!

    Reminds me of one of my friends who had a similar encounter… when he pouted that she would sleep with him, he made some off-hand remark about coming all the way to this side of town for nothing. She pointed to her dresser and said “subway fare is on the counter; that’s all the ‘nothing’ you’re getting tonight.”
    .-= Darcey´s last blog ..Happy Valentine’s Day =-.

  15. gorillabuns says:

    okay, so had Aunt Flo NOT been visiting would you have succumbed? shut it! you know everyone is thinking it but isn’t asking!:)

  16. I have to say his future is law is pretty grim if he can’t convince a drunk gal to do the nookie dance.
    .-= thecoconutdiaries´s last blog ..I Drank The BlogHer Purple Juice =-.

  17. Elizabeth says:

    I just want you to know I have had that mother grabbing Sheets of Egyptian cotton stuck in my head for YEARS. Like, every day since that horrible horrible movie was released on an innocent world.

  18. tmc says:

    that there’s a slippery slope, K!
    .-= tmc´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts: of fiber putty and yellow paint =-.

  19. Jessica says:

    That is seriously the best STORY!!!! HILAR!!!!! I loved every second of it!!!!!!!

  20. Rhi says:

    I agree with Kerri! Thank goodness for his fancy-pants sheets! You got the bed to yourself AND there were no awkward morning moments.

    (but he is really a doll)

  21. slynnro says:

    Nice work. But I think there has to be 10+ years for cougardom. You slid in just barely.
    .-= slynnro´s last blog ..Scenes from a Marriage: Haven’t Done One of These in a While Ed. =-.

  22. Hilarious! I too am a sucker for an accent.

  23. mouncie123 says:

    LMAO! Great post and just so you know I have Molly Smiles song on my iPod…..LOL

  24. Hahahahaha I can’t stop laughing really loudly in public and people are staring. Love it!

  25. The cats were probably like “WTF, why is the lucky charm guy at our house?”
    .-= Sensibly Sassy´s last blog ..Stay Tuned…Or Not =-.

  26. -R- says:

    Ha,I love Gorillabuns.

    And I love Irish boys.
    .-= -R-´s last blog ..At Least It’s Not Sweet Sixteen =-.