-2 Degrees IS As Cold As You’d Think

Posted By on January 20, 2008

Oh hai. Yeah, I haven’t written in awhile. I was a tad on the busy side this week. And when I say on the busy side, I was out drinking FOR WORK and handing out my number to strange Chicago policemen and not getting enough sleep and not sticking to my diet because as I’ve mentioned, and given advice about, nothing cures a hangover like hash browns, cheeseburgers, french fries and/or more wine.

So, oh, hey, what’s up internet? I’m trying to catch up on your blogs because I have been a little behind on the reading. Especially those of you who are deemed BAD and BLOCKED by my workplace.

I’m also currently drinking vodka and grape Kool-Aid mixed in a glass. And I’m loving life.

So an update, BULLET STYLE (would you expect anything less?) of my last few days:

  • So I went to a party this evening. I braved the NEGATIVE TEMPERATURES and realized one doesn’t need blush when the 40-mile Arctic winds will asscomplish that for you.
  • I also realize that no one wants me showing up to a party with snot coming out of every orifice in my face. And that maybe I should have taken a cab. But I’m cheap.
  • I fell down a step and twisted my ankle before getting into the cab that was going to take me home. And I wasn’t even drunk.
  • Speaking of cabs, I think I get hit on by every cab driver in the City. At least the ones who take me home. Last time, I was so drunk I not only GAVE my number to the cabbie, I also agreed to meet him the next day at Starbucks. (I didn’t.) (If you’re new here, click on that link. ‘Tis good shit.)
  • Tonight, I was (thankfully) not drunk and just thanked him for the nice conversation.
  • This was after he told me how he loved tall women and couldn’t understand why I was still single.
  • I’m sure he changed his tune when I gave him a 95-cent tip. Because I only had $15 for the $14.05 fare.
  • Wednesday night I was out until after midnight with a vendor. Drinking in a bar. This vendor, I love them. They like to drink. And so do I. So we get along so well.
  • At the bar we headed to after dinner, I commented to the group that there was a really cute guy on my way back from the bathroom. This prompted the one guy in our party to go over to said Cutie and tell him I was in lurve with him.
  • He came back without the cute guy. And a sad look on his face.
  • I asked him what he said, and he informed me that he told the Cutie that some hot, tall girl over there (pointing to me in a manner unnecessary) thought he was cute.
  • His reply? “Is she blind?”
  • We’re meant to be.
  • About 10 minutes later, Cutie came over, sat next to me and we chatted.
  • He promptly told me he hated women and their ovaries.
  • I told him uteruses would be a better thing to hate. Or vaginas.
  • He just got out of a long relationship with the girl he thought was THE ONE.
  • He is 30 and cute with a baby face, just how I like them.
  • And he’s a narcotics cop for Chicago and has a really good head on his shoulders.
  • It’s too bad he hates Fallopian tubes.
  • I gave him my number anyway.
  • Marched my ass across the whole bar, handed him my card and said “if you’d like, give me a call sometime.”
  • I NEVER do things like this.
  • Hence why I’m single.
  • But according to a co-worker, he watched me the whole time. And watched me put on my coat and walk out. Eyes never leaving me.
  • Yes, I did all this in front of a co-worker.
  • I haven’t heard from the Cutie yet. I don’t think I will.
  • But it was fun. And felt good to be ballsy. Since I am so rarely ballsy. With guys.
  • Thursday night was our work holiday party. It was a lot of fun.
  • The bartender was hitting on me, apparently.
  • Because the same co-worker from the night before told me so.
  • I’m only ever going out with her.
  • Or taking cabs.
  • I have the best luck there. See the logic?
  • Also, do you see why I should stick to marrying my DVR?
  • I’m going to stick to drinking my vodka/Kool-Aid drink right now. And watching some bad reality TV.
  • That I have stored on my DVR.
  • Because after having Scott Baio make me tear up last night after watching his proposal, there is still hope for reality television.
  • As if we have a choice. There’s NOTHING else on.
  • And really? Celeb Rehab, Project Runway, Rock of Love, American Idol, Big Brother, Celebrity Apprentice, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, this is good shit.
  • Plus Flavor of Love 3 starts in February.
  • You are all missing out!
  • If they could just bring back the Paula Abdul show, I would be in heaven.
  • I promise a better post next week.
  • But not. Because we have a sales conference. And that means more drinking, less typing.
  • Thank God I didn’t sign up for that Blog 365 bullshit.
  • I don’t think I would have lasted a week.
  • Either that or you would have heard daily updates about my cat and her tongue.
  • And she prefers her low-key life.
  • She doesn’t handle celebrity well.
  • She likes to be able to lick her ass and va-jay-jay in private.
  • And really, can you blame her?

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


27 Responses to “-2 Degrees IS As Cold As You’d Think”

  1. christa says:

    i think this is a good time to tell you that i once made out with the doorman at a nyc hotel. in the sauna. this remains the only time i’ve ever been in a liplock with someone who has a goatee.

    i guess we all have our “types” that are interested in us. … you get cabbies, i got door men. i was also wildly popular within the married sector for awhile, too.

    i was never into either.

  2. Jules says:

    • Grape Kool-Aid & Vodka sounds delish & I plan to try that very soon.
    • “Is she blind?” might be the most endearing response to “My friend thinks you’re cute” that I’ve ever heard.
    • Scott Baio’s proposal made me tear up, too.
    • In the words of Bret Michaels, “You are awesome”.

    House of Jules

  3. Amanda says:

    Hmmm, I have no clue how I went from tall, clueless, singleton to tall, deliriously happy married mama, but all I can say is that it makes a hell of a lot of sense to continue having fun as the universe takes its sweet time in putting you on the track to coupled.

  4. Nic says:

    That sounds like a blast. Congrats on your new pair of balls!

  5. I haven’t had Kool-Aid OR vodka in about ten years, but this post made me want to run out to the liquor store. Purplesaurus Rex and Grey Goose? Yes please! Why, dear Kristabella, do you not live in Boston?

    Also, I thank my laziness every day that I did not sign up for the Blog365 thing.

    Also, we call it a va-jay-jay too. Sometimes we just shorten it to va-jay. It sounds important like that. Hee!

  6. Jenn says:

    Nice move! Hope he gives you a call!

    Hmmm…Grape Kool-Aid and vodka? Sounds yummy – will have to try it sometime.

  7. Melissa says:

    “Is she blind?” Ok, that has to be the best line ever. I do think it’s pretty cool that you marched yourself over and gave him your number though I do think it’s a little odd that he hates ovaries. Strange. Try to keep warm, I’m sure that koolaid and vodka is helping 😉

  8. Lizarita says:

    In response to your comment on Two Pink Lines-V:
    You’re going to be here in August? You can come over and we can drink by the pool. Good times!

  9. hotfessional says:

    Oh, dude. Seriously. Step away from the grape kool-aid and vodka combination. I still blame that mixture for my first marriage. He made it. I professed everlasting love and sex.

  10. Mahnee says:

    Your post is just the BEST way to start an otherwise depressing Sunday. I DO have to brave the cold and go grocery shopping…would much rather stay under the covers to keep warm. And not alone.

  11. Vanessa says:

    Too funny! With this kind of hilarity, you won’t be alone long. Keep us posted on the cop. Hope your ankle is ok.

  12. rye says:

    Flavor of Love 3? Whaa? I am SO looking forward to February now! hehe
    Plus, I’m really envious of this job you have? Where you’re drinking all the time? I gotta get me a job like that!

  13. Allison says:

    I gave my number to a NYC cab driver once. I was drunk and my sister told me it would be a great idea. He actually called me…but apparently I could understand his accent a lot better when drunk because I have no idea what the hell he was saying…

  14. Melina says:

    you’ve been productive!

  15. 30 and with a cute baby face? wait a sec, i wasn’t in chicago this weekend…

  16. -R- says:

    Cab drivers don’t hit on me; they ask me for immigration advice. Because they ask me what I do, and I say I’m a lawyer, and then they won’t leave me alone. But I know nothing about immigration law! From now on, I’m saying that I am a hairdresser.

    I love Project Runway too!

  17. Closetmom says:

    I love that you approached him. That’s how i met my husband. In a bar, and I went up to him (kind of shoved him actually) and said, “hey, how old are you?”.

  18. Danielle says:

    Isn’t it such a rush to be ballsy with a strange guy (strange as in ‘unknown’, not ‘wierd & perverted’)? :0)

  19. Laurel says:

    With the weather reports coming out of Chicago, I am seriously thinking of seeing if it’s too late to apply to grad school at UCLA… screw Northwestern!

    Can you believe I grew up in Minnesota? When did I become such a wimp?

  20. I CRIED AT SCOTT BAIO’S PROPOSAL TOO! And I laughed the rest of the episode. And I season-passed it.

    My Friday night was INSANE, obviously.

  21. Raven says:

    Hooray for ballsy!! That is awesome. I think he should call you, I think he’s a pussy if he doesn’t and who needs another one of those?

    Also: Skanks of Love II is brutal to witness.

  22. Kristie says:

    Way to go lady! I hope the dude calls you. 🙂

  23. Candy says:

    Christ, next you’ll be doing jello shots. Get a grip woman.

    And what kind of work place has a holiday party in January? Which holiday were you celebrating?

  24. Katie says:

    Can’t wait to hear how things progress with the cop 🙂

  25. Tara says:

    You seriously crack me up.

    “Is she blind?” – without a doubt, one of the best lines…ever. Yay, on being ballsy. I wish I could do that. Maybe if I had a few drinks in me. I must confess…I have a thing for cops. 😉

    I was going to comment on your most recent post, but since the word blogger is in the title…it’s labeled BAD at work. Heh. Go figure.

  26. Jennie says:

    Oooohhh . . . grape vodka . . . I might try that for Joss’ next teething episode. For both of us. 😀

  27. The Muse says:

    (Coming over here from “Not Perfect”)

    Um, can I just say that you had me at nearly 6-feet tall? (Here! Here! I, too, am Amazonian! And not model-skinny!)

    Oh, and the fact you watch Rock of Love. It is my reality crack.