Do You Take This Sun Devil?

Posted By on November 21, 2007

I am a Sun Devil. Loud and proud. Did I mention LOUD?

I never knew what school spirit was until I started college. In high school, we just kind of sucked all around in pretty much every sport. Our football team went to the playoffs one year, I think. But having to march at EVERY. DAMN. HOME GAME, I made it my goal not to wish them well. Because I hated you for having games. And making us perform. Because our fight song was stupid. And we had to play it a lot. We spelled our name. L-A-K-E P-A-R-K, Lake Park, Lake Park, go team go!


So when I got to college we had football games! And basketball games! And we were on TV! And playing teams like Nebraska! And whoo boy, I was like a pig in slop. My freshman year I was an usher at ASU and Arizona Cardinals home games. (Nerd, I know.) But because Sun Devil Stadium hosted Super Bowl XXX that year, if you worked every home game, you got to work the Super Bowl. BONUS! Which I did. And it was awesome! But that is not the point of this post.

But I was very excited to jump into college athletics. And going to games. And the camaraderie. And loving the fact that we had an honest to goodness rivalry. And I could just hate a team just because. And later learned to hate them because what stupid ass goes to school in Tuscon? It’s the armpit of America. Even the people in Pullman, Washington laugh at you.

My sophomore year in 1996 was the clincher. I started working for the media relations department, working as an employee at home sporting events. This was like serving up a plate full of fried dough to a fat person. On top of that, we also went undefeated that year. And went to the Rose Bowl. And were 1:19 away from winning the National Championship. I was in love. With the Sun Devils. Totally head over heels.

My love just grew and grew in my final years of college. My senior year,?I?got ASU’s mascot, Sparky, tattooed on my right ankle. It was less than a week before my brother’s wedding. And still the most rebellious thing I’ve ever done. And something I will never regret. My blood bleeds maroon and gold and I can’t imagine a day I’ll be embarrassed to show off my Sparky tattoo. Except when I’m 80 and it’s wrinkly Sparky. From the saggy skin. And still then? I’ll just be embarrassed that I should have worked out more in my youth to avoid the wrinkly, saggy skin. Or eaten more green vegetables or something.

During this time I started to concoct my perfect wedding. You know, because I was single, never had a boyfriend?and totally NOT dating anyone. So clearly, a perfect time to start thinking about your ideal wedding. If not then, when?

MY wedding was going to have a Sun Devil feel. And then the ideas just started flowing. And by ideas I mean the crazy that lay deep within the recesses of my mind.

It started with simply having maroon and gold as my wedding colors. And then it became the girls wearing maroon dresses with gold sashes. And then it went further. The guys would have Sparky on the ties and vests on their tuxes.

Oh, it gets better. And by better, I mean the bat shit insanity that I’ve drunk from the Crazy Glass.

Let’s discuss my dress. My beautiful wedding dress. It was going to have a lace overlay. Pretty, right? But that overlay would be embroidered with Sparkys all along the bottom. Oh and my beautiful dress? Would hit above the ankle, so tattoo Sparky could be seen. In all his glory.

It goes even further. Sadly.

So the ladies? They won’t be carrying flowers. No. No flowers. They will be carrying those maroon and gold pom pons. Preferably those free ones they hand out at games. Because I’m on a budget, people. The custom made ties and vests, not to mention the custom made dress, that’s going to cost a pretty penny.

And here comes the best part. When I walk down the aisle, they will not be playing that Here Comes the Bride shit. It will be the ASU fight song. And you are all encouraged to sing along. Otherwise, I would be upset. And it’s MY DAY!

Just picture it. A packed church. All the pews filled with my friends, family and biggest fans. (Except, not really. I’m not getting married in a church. Those ceremonies are WAY too long. Unless it is the cute church Matt & Betsey got married in.)

The ASU fight song starts to play. My Sun Devils in attendance start to sing along “Fight Devils?down?the field…” (Don’t worry, the?programs will have the words. You’ll all be able to sing along. Don’t?forget to make the letters A-S-U with your arms at the end. Watch the people with their arms in the air. Follow their lead.)?At this point, after the shock of the fight song has worn off, everyone stands up and turns to the back of the church. The big wooden doors (possibly the same door Martin Luther nailed his shit to) open and there I am. Take it in. The sunlight streaming in behind me. Making a sort of halo effect. On me and my dress. With the DEVILS on it. The entire?church singing about the Devils. And fighting. It’s blasphemy at its best,?people.

You all see the?first image of me in my Sparky dress, pom pons in hand. And then my escort comes in. My dad is dead, so he’s not walking me down the aisle. So everyone waits to see who got the honor of walking me down the aisle on one of the biggest days of my life.

The crowd gasps. It’s not my brother. Is that (gasp) SPARKY?????? Decked out in a maroon and gold tuxedo?

It is. And he walks me down the aisle. We make it to the altar, just as the fight song is finishing. And the choir of attendants is joyfully singing “A-S-U! A-S-U! Give ’em hell Devils.” (Now you see why the church won’t work.) And after someone revives my very religious grandmother,?the ceremony begins.

So yeah, how pathetic is that? I’m sure there are more details I have purposely omittedforgotten. Don’t worry, Chundley, Julie and Lori will remind me and all of us. Because this shit is priceless. And only serves the purpose to be thrown back in someone’s face in a mocking fashion. Because, seriously? I’m crazy.

Don’t worry. This has ALL changed. I think the only thing I might stick with is maroon and gold as colors. But probably not. I will choose color probably based on season and what dresses I like best for the bridesmaids. Oh and you know, if I EVER EVEN GET ENGAGED.

/bat shit craziness


But at least crazy comes complete with cute.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to β€œHey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


12 Responses to “Do You Take This Sun Devil?”

  1. since i’m your “backup plan” and all, i really do hope you get married by 40 and have a wedding like this ’cause i can’t wait to break out and wear my throwback jake the snake no. 16 jersey and my gold shocker foam finger to this wedding. and you know i’ll be sitting right behind the reserved family section/club seating and be yellin’ “give her the shocker!”

  2. sorry for the double posting, but… oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (the sound right before kickoff puncuated with the O sound at the end.)

  3. christa says:

    i pulled a rebellion the day before my brother’s wedding by getting my shoulder length hair cut to look like meg ryan’s at the height of her romantic comedy glory.

    even my stylist said it looked like an animal had been eating off my head.

    my then boyfriend said: “why would you let her do that?”

    my mom was pretty pissed off.

  4. Mahnee says:

    Good thing your Mom’s cool & loved the Sparky tatoo the day before your brother’s wedding.
    Go Devils!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Scarlet says:

    Haha, I went to a school BECAUSE it didn’t have a big football team and sports weren’t a big deal. I hated Marching Band and wanted no part of any of that.

    Your wedding sounds…interesting;)

  6. Katie says:

    Girl, you need to still have that wedding and you need to invite me because that sounds awesome! Ha!

  7. Lori says:

    I see maroon and gold marigolds as the centerpieces. πŸ™‚

  8. Scott says:

    Holy hell. You ARE bat shit crazy. Who the hell are the Sun Devils? πŸ™‚

    I was kind of hoping that you’d say you were going to come ripping in (with Sparky, of course) through some paper banner that cheerleaders (aka maids of honor) would be holding for you. And that there would be a sportscaster on hand to give a play-by-play to people in the back with transistor radios.

  9. My blood bleeds maroon too. Aggie maroon.

  10. Julie C says:

    Now I get it… The “A” in UofA stands for “armpit”!

  11. Shelley says:

    I think I flove you. 10 years older than you, but Rose Bowl in ’87. Marching band, yeah I was there. I think I don’t even have to ask if you saw the game last night. GO DEVILS!!
    The wedding thing? Priceless. Please invite me. Instead of a minister, you need Frank Kush or Jeff Van Rapporst officiating.

    Q: How is the U of A football program different from Cheerios?
    A: Cheerios have made significant bowl appearances!


    A fellow maroon and gold bleeder, ASU Alum and Tempe native.

  12. Christina says:

    HOLY CRAP!! I can’t believe I have that insanity, in all it’s glory, finally in print:) Everytime I hear about a wedding my mind jumps to this vision. LUV IT!!