Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on February 4, 2012

Today I have a guest post from Peter. He is funny and creative because he had the best response to my hopeless place post with “studio audience for a taping of Whitney.” So please read this and be nice.

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Two men in their mid twenties are sitting on the oldest couch in the history of the world. Scientists might hypothesize that it is basically held together by pizza stains and shame.

And they’re responsible for most of the supply of both.

They’ve lived together since their freshman year of college. They like to say that the university housing department brought them together, but being kindred spirits kept them together.

You know, when they had the energy to explain the whole story.

They’re watching one of their favourite things in the world to watch:

A marathon.

Not the kind where people run a long distance, despite the fact that no one seems to be chasing them.

No, these are the marathons that involve a butt-numbing number of episodes of the same television program.

This particular program takes place in Alaska. It involves Alaskans either driving, fishing, panning for gold or making cakes. Their not entirely sure.

They could easily look at the laptop sitting on the coffee table in front of them. It always has a tab open to a TV guide. And one to Foxy Bingo.

The brown haired fellow turns to his blonde hetero life partner.

“I worry about you, my friend. You spend too much time on this couch. You’re not getting any younger. There’s a whole world out there. With women… Don’t you want to find someone nice? To get married some day? To have children? You’d make an amazing father. Don’t you want a soul mate? Someone who will have your back when the proverbial chips are all the way down? You won’t find that on this couch, dear sir. I want these things for you. As your friend, it’d thrill me to no end for you to meet someone. Someone special. I know your mother would be so happy. She’s getting older too. Every hour you spend on this couch, is an hour you keep the dream of grandchildren away from her. I don’t know if I could be so selfish. I don’t think you want to be either. I want you to look inside. Deep inside. Where the feelings live. You want these things. You want them now. You don’t want to wait another day. I want you to rise up! Get off of this couch! And get out there! Do it!”

“I’m not going to the fridge to get you a beer.”

“Fiiiiiiiine. I’ll go myself. Jerk.”

Category: General | 1 Comment »
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Posted By Kristabella on January 31, 2012

Hey, so it is the beginning of a new year and that means that everyone and their mother vows to work out more and spend more time at the gym and lose some damn weight already.

I am no different. And really, it is about time. I couldn’t even start back working out in the gym come the first of the year. It took me until the 24th of this month to actually step foot in there. But, since then, I have been 5 times. (I couldn’t go tonight since I had a late dentist appointment.) (That’s what the kids these days are calling it.) (I wish.)

See, working out has never been fun. I’ve never really enjoyed it. It’s always been a chore for me, never a habit. Yes, I am aware of the benefits. Yes, I feel amazing after I work out. But that is not enough to MAKE me go to the gym. I need more. I need extra motivation.

This year I’m taking part in the Biggest Blogging Loser again that Jennie is doing. That is giving me a bit extra motivation, since there is money and prizes involved. But that alone isn’t going to get me to the gym because shit, I pay for the gym every month and that isn’t even motivation to go. Plus, while I have quite a bit to lose, I’m also 34 damn years old and my metabolism ain’t what it used to be. Weight comes off slowly for me.

I needed some other sort of reward system.

Regan and I are both trying to lose weight and we banter about it daily on gchat and text messages and chastise each other when we eat entire pizzas in one sitting. Recently, she was telling me about this Fitbit thing she got. It’s like a pedometer on crack. It sounded interesting, but eh. Who really cares how many steps you take in a day? It gets old quick, AM I RITE?

Wrong.

She loves it. In addition to steps, it does stairs, which is helpful since I take a lot of stairs in a day. And it also helps track calories burned and your sleep habits. A few minutes on the website and I was sold! I wanted one!

So I decided to turn that into my reward. And instead of rewarding myself for just losing pounds, this reward is based on me actually going to the gym and working out.

My goal is to go to the gym 20 days between January 24 and February 29. That takes into the fact that we have the Super Bowl this weekend and that I’ll be in Arizona on vacation from the 15th-19th.

Apparently this is what I needed. I am going to get this damn Fitbit! I’m going to make the gym my bitch!

Also helpful is that I signed up to run an 8k at the end of March.

Let’s do this!

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, Healthy Living, Run Forrest, Up In The Gym, Working On My Fitness | 14 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on January 30, 2012

My Auntie Debbie reads my blog. I have no problem with this. (Also, yes I’m 34 years old and still call my aunts “auntie”. ) But since I have been falling off the writing bandwagon in the last year or two, she always mentions how I never post anymore. And then I feel bad and feel like I should write something. But then I never do. Because then I turn on the TV and my mind becomes mush.

Lately I have just had no desire to write here. Usually it is just laziness and deciding to watch TV or go to bed at an obscenely early time that leads to no posts. But for the last few weeks, I’ve had thoughts and post ideas and have written these down! I’ve even started like three or four posts only to give up halfway through and then just shut the computer down. The desire, I no has it.*

I think that’s normal. It’s life. It all ebbs and flows. And as much as the whole NaBloPoMo thing helped me kind of get back in the habit, sometimes there is just nothing to write about. I swear, I can talk for days, but lately I’ve had nothing remotely interesting or funny or exciting to talk about.

Plus, even the thought of opening the laptop at home lately has made me stabby with rage. I just don’t want to do it. I’m on the computer all day and on my phone when I’m not, so when I get home, I just want to relax and watch crappy television.

I’ve hardly been on Twitter, in fact I usually ignore it for a majority of the day, unless I’m bored on the bus or train on my commute. I don’t go on Facebook, but that isn’t really any different since I never go on FB. Only to wish people a happy birthday.

I still will play my Words with Friends games and IM with people on gchat, but that has been about it. I’ve been technologied out. And that’s fine. Because I’m a bit too dependent on it as it is.

So, all that to say, I’m feeling less ragey about actually blogging this week. And I might even finish those posts I have recently started. And that I just wrote a whole post about not wanting to blog nor be on the computer, just to…post on my blog from my computer. /meta

And I’ll leave you with a question – where do I find some cheap t-shirts to work out in? I haven’t bought a t-shirt since college, I think. All of my current shirts are from previous jobs and I got them all for free. So needless to say, they are starting to show quite a bit of wear and tear. And I don’t appreciate paying for shirts, especially more than a couple of bucks, so I need your help. Kthanxbai.**

*I like to put in lolcats speak because she loves it so, so much!

**Hi Ali!

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, A Day in the Life of Me, All Things Blogging, The Lazies, Writing | 10 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on January 12, 2012

I love bad music. If it is a pop song in the Top 40, odds are I’m going to love it and belt it out at the top of my lungs at any chance I get. I do not apologize for this. I realize I have shitty taste in music.

Anyway, so one of Rihanna’s new songs out now is called “We Fell in Love in aHopeless Place” and I just love it. It’s got a good beat. But as I was listening to it the other morning while getting ready for work, I thought “what exactly qualifies as a hopeless place?”

So I decided to list all the hopeless places I could think of to fall in love.

• Crack house
• Denny’s
• Bomb shelter
• The Superdome after Katrina
• POW camp
• Crashing plane
• Jail
• War time
• Republican National Convention
• Antarctica
• Sinking ship
• Mars
• Bathroom stall
• Rehab
• Homeless shelter
• Deserted island
• Port-a-potty

Now it’s your turn! Add to the list!

Category: A Dash of the Crazy, Land of Random | 21 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on January 10, 2012

I’m a city girl. I think I always have been. Even though I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, I’ve always been drawn to big cities.

When I moved back to Illinois in 2005, I made a promise to myself that I would live in the city. I didn’t care where I ended up working or where I had to commute to, I was going to have a city apartment in Chicago proper.

And I love it. I love the neighborhood I’m in. I love the public transit options. I love that I can walk to most anything. (I also love that I have an assigned parking space so I can drive to anything I want to as well. Don’t forget I am the Queen of Lazy.)

Tonight as I was walking home from the train after work, I was thinking to myself that I really needed to email my friends and make some plans for this upcoming weekend. Nothing extravagant, just something more than grocery shopping to force me out of the house and out of my pajamas.

As I made a mental note to send an email tomorrow, I was walking past a restaurant on Lincoln. I looked in the windows and saw my friend Melissa’s boyfriend Matt who was having dinner with Melissa. I went in to say hello and they invited me to join them. It was totally impromptu and I loved it. We had some wine, dinner, lots of laughs and it was a great time.

When I think about moving away from a big city, these are the things that I don’t think I can give up. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s so worth it.

So what about you, are you a country or a city mouse?

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Chi-town, Gotta Have Friends, Land of Random | 16 Comments »
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