Kristabella: Full of Snark Since 1977

Posted By Kristabella on February 28, 2010

I know what you’re thinking – that I didn’t blog last Thursday night, therefore only blogging four days last week, thus not living up to my Lensolution promise. BUT! My Lensolution was to really give up being lazy in all aspects of my life, most notably in blogging, but also all around. So while I didn’t blog five days last week, and went to bed at 9 PM on Thursday night, I DID do some good!

I gave blood!

For VAMPIRES! EDWARDDDDD!

And Simba wanted to tell you all to do your part to help save lives!

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And then this weekend, I actually left the house! And ran errands! And did all the things I’ve been putting off for weeks and weeks!

Saturday morning I went to Target, got coffee, picked up my contacts and my dry cleaning all before noon! And then I came home, unpacked my purchases, organized a bit of the second bedroom and then did four loads of laundry!

Then I took a break, sat down on the couch and then didn’t get up until I moved to the bedroom and went to bed.

Yeesh! Who knew actually DOING things would make you so tired?

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Today I went over to my Grandma’s/Mom’s house and took my Gram out to run errands. Since my mom has to do it all the time, I figured it would be nice to give her a break. So we went to KMart and stocked up on things for Gram. Then we stopped for donuts. And if you live in a state with Dunkin Donuts, I HIGHLY recommend you head out there RIGHT NOW for their triple chocolate donut. SO TASTY!

But at least I got a free meal out of it AND leftovers! And watched the awesome USA-Canada hockey game. And while it didn’t end in the US’s favor, it was still an AWESOME game and I’m so glad the US hockey team is finally performing at the Olympics! And not just destroying hotel rooms!

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Also, I’m sure you’ve all been hearing me talk about this enough this weekend, BUT! The amazing Laurie asked me to be part of a panel with her for a Room of Your Own session at this year’s BlogHer conference. I gladly accepted because I would never turn down a chance to spew my nonsense at a room full of people!

Anyway, I don’t know when voting ends (I think it is today, but I’m not sure), but if you are able to still vote, I would love your support to say that you would attend this session. (CLICK HERE TO VOTE!) Even if you’re not going to BlogHer, the more support the better! For those of us bloggers who aren’t moms and just blog about our lives, there are not a lot of panels/sessions for us at BlogHer and I think this will really be fantastic. Doesn’t hurt that I’ll be on a panel with some FANTASTIC LADIES!

For those of you who have voted, THANK YOU! I really hope we get to present in August!

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And with that, I’m going to bed. Because I’ve done far too much this weekend and I’m beyond exhausted!

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Lensolution 2010 | 7 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on February 24, 2010

My condo association got a new management company. They apparently took over in December. I didn’t know this because I never go to the condo meetings. The one time, Heather B was in town and we walked through the meeting on our way to my car to go eat some food. One other time I walked through the meeting in the lobby with my recent purchases from Target. YES, CONDO BOARD, I CHOOSE TARGET OVER YOU!

Now, our association is the two buildings, mine and the one next to us. So I would assume that if we had a smaller gathering, we could do it at someone’s house? And then booze would be involved. Right? Isn’t that how condo association meetings should work? No booze, no KJ.

Anyway, I noticed in early January that the forms they wanted us to fill out for the property management company were from a new company. A different company than the one I had just mailed a check to. DOH! See, self, this is why you don’t procrastinate.

I finally signed up with the new management company, who are awesome and so in the 21st century because they do everything through an online portal. You can pay your bill, review meeting minutes, or ask a question on the message boards.

And, lo, these message boards have provided me many, many minutes of enjoyment.

First it was that it snowed, and WTF? Is someone going to shovel or plow? (In this person’s defense, I wholeheartedly agreed. Because I purposely found a condo that had snow removal in the assessments because hell if I was going to shovel!)

Then there was the one where the guy started YELLING because he was mistakenly charged a late fee for his monthly assessments and not only got ANGRY, but decided that apparently this meant that the property management company was a bunch of incompetent assholes and he LOST THE FAITH! To which the property manager fired back with “wow, I’m kind of saddened it took one small thing like this, that we have REVERSED, to make you lose the faith so quickly.” To which I said, out loud, “awwww, snap Bertha (not her real name)! Don’t mess with Bertha, people!”

But the most recent discussion has been the best. And not really in a good way, just more in a solutions presented way.

We seem to have some thieves running around. Remember when my package disappeared? Apparently I’m not the only one who has had this problem. In addition to people stealing mail, there have been a number of bike thefts because someone, or someones, are propping open the back door, which invites random strangers into our building.

That actually worries me a bit and I’m glad that the other residents are concerned, because that needs to be stopped. Also, I’m glad I had my brother install that very thick, strong deadbolt lock on my front door.

The problem is real and we do need to do something about it. But trading messages on a message board probably isn’t the best way to handle it. Because like someone so astutely pointed out, I’m pretty sure the culprits aren’t reading this chain on the message board. Because, as someone pointed out, IT IS PROBABLY THE RENTERS! RENTERS ARE EVIL!

Solution number one was to “throw all the bricks and other objects away that could be used to prop open the door.” Good idea! Except, I always see new bricks by the door every day. WE HAVE A BRICK HOARDER AMONGST US!

There has been talk of installing a security camera. I am all for that to one, catch the mail thief to see if he/she is wearing my pants from New York & Company, and two, to see who is disobeying rules and propping the door open and then LEAVING it open to allow all sorts of people and drunk homeless derelicts in!

But in the meantime, a bunch of dudes on the message board have come up with another plan! A better plan! One dude will take a day and just sit outside the door waiting for the bad-doer!

But then someone had a better idea! They will collect a small fee from the residents to pay someone minimum wage to sit outside the door to catch the culprit! And apprehend him/her? And turn him/her into the police station down the street? Who knows?

Except, how will anyone know how to ID this person? OH, the dilemma!

So this is my daily soap opera…waiting to see what hijinks the message board crew will come up with next! I hope the thief hasn’t caught on to their dastardly plan!

I will keep you posted, internet!

Category: Lensolution 2010, The Hizzouse | 12 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on February 23, 2010

But! It has photos! Of a traveling bear!

Tuesday nights are hard for me to blog, well most every night is these days (including Monday with two episodes of Intervention and one of Hoarders), but now that Lost is back on, I have no desire to blog after watching a new episode because I’m trying to wrap my head around everything that just happened. And I know a lot of people aren’t liking this season so far because it seems to be slow, but I am loving every second of it! Fake Locke! The cave! The numbers! Alternate timelines!

Anyway, so since my brain isn’t working too well, I thought I would fill you in on Noah the Bear’s travels.

You guys are so awesome! So many of you have offered to help and I’m just AMAZED. My SIL is so impressed with the fact that strangers are helping him out. And I tell her it is the power of the internet. And it doesn’t hurt that Noah the Boy is so ADORABLE!

I’ve gotten some photos to pass on to my nephew. I know this project probably doesn’t get a grade, but I’m at least hoping he will have bragging rights for the rest of the year because his bear went EVERYWHERE! Because of all of you!

Like he has been to the Olympics!

(Side note: Someone at the 80s party that I don’t know asked me if I was playing a part when she overheard me telling a story and I said “like” so many times and she was SURE it was on purpose and that no one would actually talk that way NOT as a joke. And well, that was LIKE the first time in my life I was ever speechless.)

On with the tour!

Noah has been to the White House!

And to the new bridge over the Hudson in Upstate New York!

And he did touristy things in New York City!

And even got to meet some of New York’s finest!

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It’s not too late to take Noah the Bear around your fair city! This project isn’t due until April 16, so if you thought you missed the deadline, fear not! If you want to participate, leave a comment or drop me a note at fullofsnark (at) gmail (dot)  com and I can send you the PDF of Noah the Bear to print out.

Honestly, I can’t tell you all how much it means to me that you’ve helped out my nephew like this. It warms the cockles of my cold, black heart. I know so many of you have plans for him, so I can’t wait to see where Noah will travel to next!

Category: All Things Blogging, All in the Family, Lensolution 2010, Noah the Bear | 13 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on February 22, 2010

Is Lent over yet? My God, imagine if I were to give up something good, like booze or meat or cheese. I would be the unhappiest person on the planet. I mean, I’m struggling enough with this blogging Lensolution, could you imagine if I really gave up something? And yes, I plan to talk about the blogging Lensolution every day during Lent. Although, it needs a new name. Maybe PoLent? BlogLent? Something.

So I’m reaching to find topics to write about. Which is probably good, since my brain should think about more than reality television, cheese and sleep. But I think it is also bad because man, there are going to be some craptastic posts in the next however-many-days-it-is-until-Easter.

Remember my story about the crazy biker? The one who CHASED me into the hair salon to tell me how much of an asshole I was for almost hitting him with my car door? Well, it happened again.

I know, I KNOW! You’re thinking “damn woman, look in your side mirrors and this will not happen!” But! I’m telling you that since that incident, I HAVE looked in my mirrors and I’ve turned around and I’ve been so careful! I swear, there is something about this neighborhood.

Why yes, yes it did happen in the same neighborhood. It was about 1/4 mile from the last incident. (It’s my old neighborhood, so I still go to everything there since it isn’t that far from my current abode.)

Last Thursday, I went to the eye doctor. Remember, I had my pupils dilated? So I parked on a major street outside my eye doctor’s office. As I was sitting there, getting my purse together, I saw a guy zoom by on his bike. It was a nice reminder to MAKE SURE I CHECKED FOR BIKERS. So I did. I looked in the rearview mirror, I looked in the side mirror, I turned around to look behind me to make sure there were no bikers in my blind spot or within a 1/2-mile radius of my car. When I saw NO ONE, I opened the door. And THERE WAS A FUCKING BIKER! I swear I looked! He was zooming really fast so one of two things happened: 1) he was going so fast that in the split second from when I turned to grab my purse he came out of nowhere, apparently going 70 miles an hour or 2) he came from the side street that was behind me and that’s why I didn’t see him.

I apologized profusely, AGAIN, and told him I was sorry. He was not happy and of course STOPPED his bike in the street to tell me I could have taken his arm off. Like I fucking swung my door WIDE open on a four-lane, major thoroughfare in Chicago. IN RUSH HOUR. He didn’t appreciate my apology so I told him to go fuck himself and went into the eye doctor’s office. Not running, per se, but walking at a faster pace than normal so that in case he decided to beat me with his U-Lock, there were witnesses. Thankfully, I wasn’t worth his time.

And now I’m scared for when I have to go back to pick up my contacts. I think I’ll park on a side street. Or take the bus. Or post a sign like this on my car as a warning:

Category: A Day in the Life of Me, Lensolution 2010 | 15 Comments »
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Posted By Kristabella on February 21, 2010

Hey look! Here I am blogging! This will be the first week I do it five days in a row! Wish me luck! Although, I think Lensolution needs a new name that doesn’t sound ophthalmology related.

So on Friday night I went to an 80s party. This was the same party I went to last year at Jen Lancaster’s house. Why yes! I totally did just name drop because I went to a party at Jen Lancaster’s house and that is something I will never tire of saying!

Last year for the party, I wasn’t all that prepared. I went shopping last minute and put together a Flashdance-esque outfit. It worked. It was 80s enough that I passed the test.

This year I wanted to amp it up, so I made sure to be prepared. I bought an 80s sequined dress off eBay for $10 and then decided to pair said dress with every bad 80s trend I could find – side ponytail, big bangs, neon, neon and MORE neon, leg warmers and more neon. Here was the final look, which was hard to photograph because I’m tall and it’s hard to get everything in the one shot. Especially when your stupid cat thinks this is an opportunity for her to get her photo taken.

It’s hard to see in that photo, but those are neon green, glittery fishnets. And they were probably one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever worn. How come no one tells you that fishnets are so annoying?

Here is another photo, which shows my awesome bangs:

How did I used to do this regularly to my hair? I mean, I didn’t follow the trend for a long time (I remember the shock and horror when I stopped “doing” my hair! HOW DARE I?!?) but I did wear my hair like this at one point in time. I think I even wore it like this for school photos. And I’m pretty sure it didn’t take me 30 minutes to do it, like it took me on Friday night. Thank God for strong hold hairspray!

The party was a lot of fun. There were plenty of fellow bloggers there, which is always nice. Especially when some of them only ever see you at and 80s party looking like this. There were some great costumes, the theme this year seemed to be 80s characters - Madonna, Magnum P.I., Robert Palmer and his back-up dancers with the guitar. A good time was had by all!

And, now I’ve found the cab driver repellent – MALL HAIR! Both cab drivers didn’t say a single thing to me.

Category: All Things Blogging, Lensolution 2010 | 21 Comments »
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