So it isn’t that I am too lazy to post (that’s part of it), but I just have no ideas. My life isn’t that interesting and thank cheesus, no more birds have pecked my toes. Although, I do feel a phantom pain on the tip of my toe every time I see one of those rats with wings.

I recently decided to switch from Weight Watchers meetings to the online only membership. There is a significant price difference and it goes along with my whole stance on reducing my debt and unnecessary spending. And since the last meeting I went to I sat there annoyed the whole time because it was a repeat topic, I figured it would be better all around for me to switch to online. I wasn’t getting anything out of the meetings anymore and the people there just annoyed the shit out of me.

I have been neglecting Weight Watchers for a long time, a few months at least. Probably since Jamaica. I hadn’t weighed in since the end of June. I’ve been eating like the world was ending and not tracking anything. Part of this is due to busyness and parties and things to do. The other part is because of laziness and once you fall off the wagon, it’s easy to stay there. It’s like a comfy bed. And Lord knows I like to sleep.

In the past month or so, I’ve attempted to track and stay on plan and…it just hasn’t worked. There was always something. Like last week, when I had no money in my checking account and I decided to eat boxes of Stove Top for dinner because I had it and it was free and I couldn’t afford to go grocery shopping. And I’m pretty sure a box of stuffing for dinner isn’t the most WW friendly food item to eat for dinner.

I’ve put back on a lot of the weight I lost. I’m kind of bummed about that. Things that were fitting loosely are now getting a bit tighter. It’s been hot so I’ve been wearing a lot of dresses, which are a lot more forgiving of weight gain. Which is good and bad.

I haven’t worked out since I got my new job at the end of March. I have been paying for the gym and not going. It had taken me awhile to get into my new routine with commuting and it is exhausting. I used to get up at 8 a.m. Now I get up at 6:30 and get home at 6:30. It’s not a huge difference, but it was enough at the beginning to get out of the gym routine and that’s all it takes. See note above re: wagon and comfy bed.

But today, today, I have decided to take control again. (Wow, does that sound like a commercial or what? Where’s Jennifer Hudson?)

I weighed myself this morning. It wasn’t one of those shameful ones to just see how far I had fallen. It was my new starting point. It was the weight I recorded in my weight tracker online this morning. Tuesdays will be my new weigh-in day. (Not right after the weekend, yet not right before.) And I’m aiming to track everything I eat for at least five of the next seven days, honestly, even though I’ll be in Toronto starting Thursday night.

I know it won’t be easy, but I also know I CAN do it. I HAVE done it. I need to remember that when I want to give in, when I want to eat a box of stuffing washed down by a large order of cheese fries.

So watch out arm flab and muffin top! Let’s do this thing!

Most people would post a post like that and it would motivate them! It would give them the added incentive to keep it up! Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels! Or other such nonsense. Because you know what? Burritos are good. The end.

But me, I did the opposite. I let it all go to my head and while I’m still quite a few pounds away from my goal, I acted like I was Kate Moss and had the metabolism of a 20 year old and ate everything in sight. In my defense, I went up to Milwaukee to visit Ali for Passover, and then it was my nephew’s baptism (and dinner) and then Easter and then, and then, and then.

The goal weight I have chosen is at the high end of my BMI range. Because I’ve gotten down lower and it is virtually impossible for me to maintain. Because I like food and I like beer and I’m not going to be a miserable person and not partake in any of these things ever for the rest of time. Life is too short to pass on booze and cake. No cake and no booze is not a world I want to live in. Ever.

So I don’t apologize when I overindulge at holidays and special occasions. Because these celebrations usually involve, and revolve around, food. And I’m OK with that. (I mean, have you ever been to a meal for Passover or Shabbat at a Jewish person’s house? It is ALL about the food! And Ali and her family make very delicious things!) So half the fun is enjoying the meal together and I’m not going to use that time to not eat because I don’t know the points values.

But, my problem is that I can form bad habits in a half-second. In the weekend I spent eating and celebrating, etc., I had already gotten back into my bad habits from pre-Weight Watchers with overeating and not tracking and not being smart. It is OK to indulge, it’s not OK to eat the entire Taco Bell menu in one sitting.

So that’s my long explanation as to WHY I’ve gained 2.2 pounds in the last three weeks.

This is not a lot of weight. I know this. I’m not upset. I can take it back off. In fact, my 0.6 pound weight gain on Saturday morning could have been the extra salt I consumed the night before, the 2-3 miles I did of walking the day before or the fact that I hadn’t yet moved my bowels. Two point two pounds is not a mountain of weight to climb. I know this.

But that doesn’t make me less disappointed in myself. It is one thing to have a good week, track everything you eat, work out, do it all right and then on the scale and gain. It is a sucky feeling. But it is yet another thing to KNOW what to do and just……not do it.

I know what it takes to lose. I know how to work the program. I know what to do. I just hate when I let myself get in the bad habit of not doing it.

Yes, my schedule has been hectic. Yes, I’ve been busy. And yes, I have a vacation coming up. But that doesn’t mean I have to throw everything I’ve accomplished in the last four months out the window. The beauty of this new program is that you CAN indulge and enjoy food without gaining a ton of weight.

Writing it all down, this post in addition to what I eat, makes me accountable. And then I am going on vacation Wednesday morning. And then I am going to enjoy myself and the all-inclusiveness of it that I’ve already paid for. And then I am probably going to gain a few pounds while I’m in Jamaica. And then, and then, and then.

And that is OK. Because I know the minute I land back in Chicago on Sunday night, it is time to get back on track again.

And then…I will get to my goal.

I’m not sure how noticeable the weight loss is on me to others. I don’t really get any comments. But I notice it. I notice my pants are looser. And I notice that my shirts fit better and aren’t as snug. I notice that things fit and some things are starting to be too loose. This is a good problem to have. I’m not really complaining.

On Wednesday night I was meeting some of my old co-workers downtown for dinner. Since they were driving in from outside the city, I had some time to kill before meeting them. I figured I would take advantage of this time and do some shopping downtown.

I was looking for some new pants. All 5 of the work pants I have now are loose and I have the saggy ass. And they are just too baggy, to the point, I think, where I look frumpy. And I figured it was time to get some new pants.

I was excited to try on pants in a lower size. But, seeing as the pants I’m currently wearing are close to 4 years old, I wasn’t sure how the sizing had changed. I assumed with vanity sizing, I’d definitely be in a lower size.

I was wrong.

Now I know a size on a pair of pants shouldn’t upset me. Who cares what size I wear? The whole thing is that I am losing weight and getting healthy! Yay me!

But it was really depressing to go try on a pair of pants, have them fit and……… have them be the same size as the baggy pants I currently own. *sad face*

But! This means the capri pants and other things I have bought within the last year or so in that size, that were just too tight, should fit. And I can wear them and take the tags off. You know, if it is ever not winter here in Chicago. (Dear wool coat, hat and gloves, I am tired of wearing you.)

(Before photo take at the beginning of January for Biggest Blogging Loser. After photo taken today, 4/21/11. Wearing same pants and similar tank.)

And I’m not done. I’m not even halfway to my goal. This journey isn’t over. A smaller pant size is in my future. Guaranteed.

Then Jennie started a Biggest Blogging Loser contest with A LOT of money on the line and let’s just say, I am doing so much better this time around.

With the new WW program, it’s like I’m starting all over. Things have changed and I can’t just automatically know the points of something off the top of my head. I have to calculate all of it and log it all. And I have quite a few friends that have started this new program as well and they have been a lifesaver to bounce ideas off of, share tips with and exchange recipes. It feels like the first time I did WW when my friend Kristina was with me every step and because of her, I lost a lot of weight.

That time I was also in my mid-20s. So I could easily just change my diet and watch the weight fall off. My first week back then, I lost like 6 pounds. Now I’m lucky to lose A pound.

The key, for me, at my age with my slow-as-molasses metabolism, is that I have to work out. The only way to keep on track and actually lose some weight, even if I drink too much beer or eat a burrito, is to work out consistently. As I’m sure you’ve noticed from years of reading this blog, working out consistently is not something I do. I can drink booze consistently. I can sleep consistently. I can shove food into my piehole consistently. I can watch TV consistently. Working out consistently? HAHAHAHA! Don’t make me laugh. Oh wait. I just did.

I joined a gym last year. I don’t even remember when it was. I know I was going, a few days a week, and then the Kristin Johnsons hit. In fact, before last night, the last time I had been to the gym and worked out, I remember being on the treadmill and almost crapping my pants right then and there. I figured it was best to avoid working out until after I had kicked the KJs.

If you’ll recall, I kicked those back in August. I mean, it’s now almost February. I’ve been paying monthly for that gym and have only gone once in the last six months and that was to use the shower. Kind of sad.

But then I signed up for Netflix. And I was made aware of their amazing movies and TV shows available on Instant Streaming. And I realized that there was an app for that. So I could watch TV, whatever I wanted, not what was on at the time, and work out. This has been a dream of mine for ages!

So Tuesday night, in ice and snow, I dragged my ass to the gym after work. And I got in 40 minutes of cardio. And I watched the first episode ever of X-Files! And tonight? 50 minutes as I watched Monday night’s premiere of Heavy on A&E. (Talk about added motivation to work out!) And tomorrow? Back to X-Files. Because there is like nine seasons! And who doesn’t love Fox Mulder?

I realize I have a long road ahead of me, but the fact that I’m enjoying working out is a big deal to me. It is super easy to remind myself that what I usually do when I get home is watch TV, so why not do that at the gym and burn some calories? Because there are A LOT of TV shows I have never seen! And none of us should be surprised that when it comes down to it, TV is my biggest motivator.

Some people probably think they are missing out on SO! MUCH! when I go a week without posting. Those people would be wrong. Here is just a sampling of what I have been up to:

• I almost missed my flight to Pittsburgh last Monday. The security line resembled this, something I’ve NEVER seen at Midway airport.

• This was before 7 AM, mind you. And this was just the line for the TSA person to check your ID. You still had another line to wait in to get through security.
• I made it, barely, by running. In heels. Because of course my gate wasn’t like B3, it had to be B19 all the way at the end of the terminal. I only ran because I was PAGED! They paged me throughout the airport! “Pittsburgh passenger Kristin Johnson!” I wasn’t going to miss that flight, so I ran.
• And then it took me the entire hour flight to recover from being winded from my 1/4 mile jog through the airport.
• I need to go to start going to the gym again.
• Speaking of, I re-joined Weight Watchers. For the 17th time in the last six years. BUT! It’s a new program! And I can’t guesstimate anymore since everything is new! So this should help!
• Except I drank my week’s worth of points in beer and shots on Sunday while out watching football.
• This is why I’m fat.
• Other things I’ve been up to since I last posted? Not cleaning, not doing laundry and not moving from the couch.
• Oh! And I’ve started watching True Blood. And I am now hooked. And debating upping my Netflix account so I get more than one DVD at a time.
• I’m also reading the books. Both the show and the books are equally good.  And if you tweet about True Blood, fake True Blood characters will respond to you.

• I have also spent an insane amount of time scraping ice off my car windows. I don’t even want to talk about how it isn’t even technically winter yet.

And now I’m off to bed. Before I get hungry and eat all my points for tomorrow on string cheese.

Well not much came of it. I went on vacation and then I hurt my back and then well, come on, I’m President of the Lazy Club! Are we even really all that shocked?

But I am really tired of being fat. And I’m tired of feeling like this so I wanted to do something about it.

I thought about joining Weight Watchers. AGAIN. I’ve been on again and off again on WW since 2004. I pretty much know the program inside and out. What I have learned with this knowledge that it is a lot easier to fudge and make excuses and guesstimate. And do you know what that means? That means that I eat way more than I should, and I don’t actually count it so I figure I’m eating within my points and somehow I can’t lose weight! And I wonder WHY? And then I get depressed, give up and drown my sorrows in burritos and cheese.

So I knew I needed something different. But I also know that WW works. I lost like 60 pounds on it back in 2004. I KNOW it works if you do it right.

But then again, I’m also 6 years older than I was then. And my metabolism has slowed down significantly in my 30s. I can no longer eat my weight in pizza and burritos on the weekends and hope to have my pants fit come Monday.

I needed something that would give me that motivation that I had when I first started WW. The motivation that led me to drop so much weight. I would like to lose that weight again, since I have found it all again in the last 5 years.

I was talking to Nic and she mentioned SparkPeople. It was free, so I signed up. It’s basically calorie tracking. But it also tracks carbs, protein and fat and lets you know what you’re doing well and things you need to work on. It gives you a nice picture of what you eat each day. And you could search common foods, restaurant foods and get calories for your own recipes. And it is all free! (I know this sounds like they paid me to write this, but I swear, they didn’t!)

And this was the push I needed. It made me get back to that stage where I was tracking every single thing I ate and drank each day, no matter the calories, etc. And I am. I have only done it for 2 days, but so far, so good. I realize I eat too many carbs (WHO DOESN’T?) and that I really need to be better about making sure I’m eating enough protein to keep me full.

So we shall see how this goes. I am trying to do better, limit my drinking since we all know that is the whole reason I have put on weight. Because let’s be honest, booze = late night consumption of pizza and burritos. And I’m even planning to sign up at the gym tomorrow after work. I have my bag all set so I have NO EXCUSES.

Wish me luck! And hopefully in a few months there will be less of me to love! But I’ll still be completely full of snark.

So all the snow we got over the weekend is going to freeze, which means my car is probably going to be stuck. So I’m not even going to try and get it out and just take public transportation to work every day this week. It gives me some exercise, but also makes me want to crawl into the carcass of a dead animal to keep warm.

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I never wrote about any resolutions this new year. I didn’t really make any. Mostly because whenever I do, it ends up being a big FAIL WHALE. So I figured if I didn’t make any and didn’t write them down, I couldn’t go back a year later and be all “oh, well, um yeah, I didn’t do any of those things.” And then I dwell on the failure, which hi! Not productive!

This year I made little goals. Nothing big. The main was that I need to get back into the habit of washing my face every night before bed. Some time, months ago, I got out of the habit because unless you’re new here, it’s not a fucking newsflash that I AM LAZY.

Thankfully, my skin hasn’t been really effected noticeably. I haven’t really broken out too bad or anything. But I battled acne REALLY bad when I graduated college, so bad I have the scars to prove it, and I don’t want to go through that again. So I need to wash my damn face. Plus, I’m old now and I am getting wrinkles and I think I read somewhere that not washing your face makes it all settle into fine lines or something and it is just bad. I don’t need reasons to wash my face. I need to just wash my damn face.

I didn’t start out 2009 on the best foot on the face-washing front. I mean I got drunk on NYE and wasn’t about to waste precious passing out time on washing my face. Especially since I was just going to drool all over it anyway. But I’ve gotten better. I’m at least doing it every weekday, so far. (It is only the 13th.) The weekends are my next step.

My other goal was to finally get healthy. I’m making a goal to get back to eating healthy and not inhaling burritos the size of my femur on a near daily basis. This isn’t a new thing. I was very successful at Weight Watchers back in 2003. So I know what it takes. I also want to get back in shape. Because now that I’m over 30, I’ve noticed that just eating right doesn’t make the pounds melt off. I actually have to be active and make my belly shake like a bowl full of jelly to help burn some calories.

So I’ve joined Weight Watchers again. I know the rules. I don’t need the program for the rules. I can do it on my own. I need it to make myself keep track of everything I eat during the day. It’s very easy to fudge when you aren’t writing it down or logging it online. I started last Thursday and I’m doing pretty well. But I’m not patting myself on the back yet, because it hasn’t even been 7 days.

I also am getting shredded with Jillian Michaels. I’m doing her 30 Day Shred DVD and hoping all her promises will come true and I’ll be dropping inches and pounds in 30 days. It’s a good time to start when my car will be stuck on the street until March, so I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. What else to I have to be doing?

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My final goal of 2009 is to become a homeowner. (OK, this is a BIG goal.) Which translates to BECOMING AN ADULT! OMG! The world might stop spinning on its axis!

Obviously the buyer’s market is good right now. And I’m thankful for that. And with some of my extra severance left over, I paid down some of my debt, so financially, I think I’m in good place to buy. But overall, I’m freaking the fuck out.

This economy is scary. I mean, I don’t feel like anyone’s job is secure. Except Barack Obama. He’s pretty set. Unless he pulls a Blagojevich and sinks himself. WHICH HE WILL NOT. (How much do I love that Blago’s name is in the WordPress dictionary. Because clearly no one is talking about him.) So I’m scared that I will make this ginormous purchase and then I’ll lose my job. And then how will I pay my mortgage? Where will I live? Where will the cats throw up at?

I know that you can really lose your job at any time. If anyone knows that, it’s the girl who has lost her job three times. But this whole economy situation we are in right now, it is scary. And since the cats don’t even pull their own damn weight, I’ve got no one to lean on if that does happen. Seriously cats, get a job.

But I’m going to take the plunge anyway. For no other reason than to get away from the pot heads who live below me that I would like to strangle with a hemp necklace. (Another reason I like doing the Shred? Jumping jacks. It has to annoy them.)

I want my own place. I want to own something. And I doubt we’ll have a market like this again for a long time. Not with our man Barack in office. I don’t want to have to climb three flights of stairs to do laundry. I don’t want to have to call the apartment office THREE TIMES to have something fixed. I don’t want to deal with waiting for someone to decide to turn on the heat when clearly it is cold because my lips are blue. I want to be an adult and own a condo in the city.

I don’t know much about any of this house stuff. Which means if you know me and you own a residence, I will be bombarding you with questions. But at least I have a realtor. That’s step one, right?

So back in August (Jesus, has it been that long?) I started up Weight Watchers again. For the eleventeenth time. Because I have put on way too much weight and the only time I want to be carrying around the weight of a toddler is when I’m actually the parent of a toddler. Or babysitting. Or wearing one of those fake pregnancy bellies. Because I always wondered what that would be like. Because then you can take it off.

So I told myself I was getting back on track. I had a friend I was going to meetings with! And we were going to LOSE! THAT! WEIGHT! (a la Ty Pennington. Because I’m as big as a bus. And minus the drunk driving.)?Now, a few months later, I’m right back where I started. I lose and then I gain and it’s a big damn yo-yo. But I thought, since I’m being forced to disciplined enough to write every day for this NaBloPoMo, I figured it would be a good time to be disciplined about this weight loss program that is sucking money out of my checking account every month. (We all know that isn’t motivation. See: the gym.)

So in addition to writing every day, I am going to really try and watch what I eat. No more nachos and pretzels with cheese for a snack at 2 PM. No more Entire Pizzas Alone Sundays. No more Burrito The Size Of Your Head Tuesdays. And I’m going to try (try) to cut down on the Magnum Bottle Of Wine Wednesdays. I may just have to take it down to a bottle. Per day.

And, yes, I know that I’m starting this right before the holidays. But I’ve done if before during the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas are one day each. It’s the grazing on toffee or?chocolate covered anything starting at 10 AM every day for the entire month of December that packs on the cellulite. It’s not the extra helping of mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving. Plus, I plan to just drink myself through the holidays. Liquid weighs less. And tends to come right back up when you drink too much of it.

My goal, nay hope,?is that by getting back on track and really being strict about “The Program” in November,?and possibly losing the baby weight from the baby I don’t HAVE, will get me back in a good routine. The one I had for over three years. Back when I vowed like a silly little school girl that I would never put back on any of the weight I lost the first time around. Those people who gained weight back were such failures.

Now seating Failure, Party of One. And I’ll have the side salad. Dressing on the side.

And a bottle of Pinot. Let’s not get too crazy.

I think I mentioned it before that I need a support system and for something to make me feel liable for every damn thing I put in my mouth. When I first started, I did it online. But one of my friends at work was doing it at the same time. And I swear everyone who ate lunch with us just wanted us to shut the fuck up about how many damn points were in a banana!

And we didn’t just hang out at work, we hung out outside of work, which was quite helpful when you went out to eat and really, really wanted that 176th piece of bread.

There were others at work who had done it in the past, or were just so nice to sit and listen to me rambling on and on about shit I was putting in my mouth and the measuring! Holy hell the measuring!

I think I was on it consistently for about a year a half. After that time, I reached my goal and I knew enough that I didn’t need to pay $15 a month for it. Because damn! Eating healthy is expensive. This is why we’re an obese nation, people.

And then I got fired. When I moved home, I started to fall off the proverbial weight loss wagon. I was living with my brother and sister-in-law and a three year old kid. Who only likes grilled cheese and mac n’ cheese. Every day, I would finish off the mac n’ cheese leftovers from the pan. Damn near every day! So, so tasty. (I just accidentally spelled that T-A-S-T-E-Y. Damn you Fergie and your horseshit spelling abilities!)

I was sure it would get so much better when I finally got my own place. And it did, a little. But then I was dating someone and we ate out a lot. And then we broke up, and I kill the pain with food. And before I knew it, I got into a bad habit and what’s that saying? A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?

And did you know bad habits are quite hard to break? Man, that would be such a great saying. Way better than birds and bushes. 

And then I was working at consulting place and we went out for lunch every day. And it was just more fun to eat out than pack a lunch. And new job has a cafeteria onsite. A cafeteria where I don’t eat soup and salad every day. A cafeteria where the healthiest thing I eat is Diet Coke.

And I’ve said I was back on the program many, many times before. And many, many times before, I fell off track. Because burritos? Are gooood.

But after going today to the meeting, I realized this is exactly what I needed. I feel that desire to SUCCEED like I did when I started WW the first time. There are people there that are all in the same boat as me. I have my friend that I’m going with that I can complain and bitch to. And! They weigh you every week! And give quite disapproving looks when you FAIL! If that doesn’t keep me on my toes, I don’t know what will.

And I’m writing down everything I eat. And I’m back to measuring things. Especially since no matter what way you slice it, drenching your salad in ranch is never only one tablespoon. But damn I got good with convincing myself that two servings equals the same amount. And that is why you have no pants that fit, Fatty McHugeArse.

So I went grocery shopping. And I made my lunch for tomorrow. And I’m going to do this. I don’t have nearly as much to lose as last time. I know it can be done. I will do it.

And if I don’t lose weight from WW, it will be from sweating off 17 pounds in this damn heat. I’m actually excited to go back to work tomorrow. Because air conditioning? Is not a luxury.