• When I drink my face off and try to then function the next day on little sleep
• When I decide to eat my weight in fried food and then try to fit in my pants
• When I think I can lift any box, regardless of weight

The first two, I can recover from. Eventually I will not be so hungover I feel like death and I can also introduce more non-fried food into my diet. But when I decide I’m superwoman and lift all the heavy things? That doesn’t end so well.

I should know better. Remember the last time I decided to lift and carry a large, heavy box? It took awhile to not have jelly arms and for those bruises to go away. I should have learned my lesson.

But I didn’t. I recently was in charge of a big event at work and it involved a big booth at an Expo Hall, which meant I needed to supply all the things for said event. This required getting boxes and boxes of materials and coordinating the printing and delivery of said materials. I had been working on everything for this event since June.

One of the days leading up to the event, I received a delivery of some printed materials down at our dock. I knew what they were and instead of waiting to have someone deliver them for me, I just did it myself.

There weren’t a lot of boxes, just about 8, and I assumed that since it was just paper, it wouldn’t be that heavy. So I leaned down to move one of the boxes off the skid, the skid that was on the ground, meaning I had to bend my six-foot frame down to the ground to pick it up. It wasn’t until I lifted it a centimeter off the ground, obviously not lifting with my legs, that I realized these boxes were fucking heavy.

But eh, what did I care? I’m young and strong. I would be fine. So I finished loading the boxes onto my cart, took them up to my storage room and then lifted them all again off the cart and onto the counter in the storage room.

About 10 minutes later, I realized my horrible, horrible mistake. I paid for every single thing I lifted. My back was SCREAMING at me. And the worst part? There was nothing I could do. I still had boxes to lift, things to move and unpack to get ready for the Expo. And then once I did that, I had to stand on my feet for two days working the Expo booth. My back was going to be sore at me! (See what I did there?)

I stocked up on Thermacare and SalonPas and Advil at the store. I did pretty well and tried not to overexert myself. That’s what interns are for. I knew once the event was over, everything would get back to normal and I could recover.

That was last week. And it got a lot better.

But now I’ve gone and done something to it again because my back? It is sore in a whole other spot than it has been for the last few weeks. So I’ve apparently healed one part and injured another.

So tell me, smart readers, how can I fix this? I know I need to rest, and I’m trying. But should I try working out more? Maybe doing the elliptical? Anything besides popping 37 Advil a day? ANYTHING?

:::::

Since you guys are the very best and prettiest people in the world, can you do me a huge favor? My friend owns a bar in Pittsburgh and is up for the Burgh’s Best Bar. Can you please click here and vote for REMEDY? Please and thank you! And tell your friends!

So on Wednesday night, since I got in so late, I decided to make my friend Sharon let me sleep on her couch. Thankfully, she’s a good friend and let me do so. We got to catch up for like an hour before we both passed out and her little puppy wondered why the party stopped.

Isn’t he so cute??

I had to rent a car since I was flying into SFO, staying in Novato, which is just north of San Francisco, and attending a wedding in Sonoma, which is about 30 miles east of Novato. I always opt for the economy car since I’m one person, not driving that much and really don’t care.

This is what they gave me.

The Kia HAMSTER CAR! I was kind of embarrassed. And by kind of, I mean a lot.

But then I drove it. And you guys, it’s a really nice little compact car. It is roomy, higher off the ground than a sedan and a pretty fun little car. I’m kind of sad to admit that I’m seriously considering it for my next car. For reals.

Thursday was spent doing a lot of nothing. I had breakfast and coffee in the City since I wanted to wait out the traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge before heading to my hotel. Once I got to my hotel, I checked in, grabbed some water and snacks (and wine) at the nearby Safeway and changed into my bathing suit and headed down to the pool.

It was so warm out! I even went in the water! I only lasted about 30-40 minutes because I was exhausted and wanted to nap. So nap I did! Because I could! I was on VACATION!

(Also, what is up with getting older and getting jet lag? I’ve never really experienced it before, mostly because I can sleep whenever. But this trip I was wide awake every morning at 6 AM.)

Thursday night I spent in my room. I ordered food from the bistro café in the hotel and paired that with my bottle of screw-top wine and hunkered in for some good TV. (Jersey Shore, Vampire Diaries and Grey’s, OH MY!)

Friday I was lucky enough to sucker Jennster into being my designated driver for some wine tasting. She doesn’t really drink, which worked out well for me. It also worked out well for her because she had never really even been to like half of the wine country in Napa. She’s all “Silverado Trail, what the hell is that?” So I took her to Mumm and ZD, among others, and then she made me go to Sutter Home. Where the wino in me was embarrassed. And also glad their tasting was free, seeing as it was White Zin, “sweet red” and moscato.

(My palate is way too refined for sweet wine. But I’m OK with cheap.)

On Friday night I was invited by my bride friend to a gathering after the rehearsal dinner. Sadly, I did not make it to that. I decided I needed a short nap after wine tasting and…….fell asleep until 11:30 PM. Sorry Tina!

Saturday was wedding day! The wedding was in the evening so I spent the morning relaxing and getting a pedicure. I was meeting my friends Kirk and Teri at a winery prior to the wedding for a private tasting. (It’s good to know the people who know people.) It was amazing and if you ever get a chance, do the Moone-Tsai tasting at Luna Vineyards. Our tasting came with a food pairing and I even ate pate for the first time in my life! AND LIKED IT! (My mom just fainted.)

I had so much fun catching up with Kirk and Teri. Kirk was my boss at the 49ers. I still refer to him as “my old boss” even though I haven’t worked for him for almost 7 years and now we’re just friends. But I miss living near them and I’m so glad we hung out before the wedding and got to catch up and laugh and talk really, really loud, like Teri and I are wont to do.

The wedding was perfect. My friend was beautiful and just GLOWING with happiness. I’ve know Kristina since 2001, I think. And she’s one of my closest friends. We’ve been through a lot. And I cannot be happier for her. Her new hubby is great and they are just perfect for each other and GAH! My heart swells seeing her that happy! She deserves it!

Congrats Brandon and Kristina!

Then Sunday, I stupidly booked a flight at 5:45 PM, which meant I got home after midnight. But at least I got to spend some more time back in SF and have lunch with Betsey and Hoddy and their son Max. We all met in SF and they now live in Minneapolis and I miss not living near them.

After lunch, I found a bar showing the Bears game, had 2 beers, almost got tackled by a drunk dude and then headed to the airport.

It was really a great trip. It was the perfect mix of relaxing and busy. I like having things to do, especially when I travel by myself, but I also love being able to sit around and do nothing. And not have to make my bed.

Although my bank account isn’t too happy with the amount of fine wine I purchased.

And I have good reason to catch up on all this TV! See, we’re not supposed to have satellite dishes on the condo building. So I’m in violation of something something. But! They are getting DirectTV for the whole building! For more than what I pay now for Dish Network. So, my options are to pay $75 for TV (THAT IS A LOT OF MONEY! Even for someone like me who watches a lot of TV. And I mean a lot!) or get cable. But cable isn’t any cheaper. I think we are now eligible for UVerse in my neighborhood. Maybe that is the way to go? Anyone know if it is cheaper than $75/month?

Anyway, that wasn’t what this rant was going to be about, actually. This rant was also about the new internet service in my building. See, our condo board is not interested in figuring out why PEOPLE STEAL MAIL (four of my birthday cards, with money in them, went missing. FOUR!), but have spent time figuring out how to get us a good deal on internet and TV. And while I am thankful for this, it is also an inconvenience when you switch internet providers and then your wireless router JUST STOPS WORKING! After like TWO WEEKS! Yeah! So much for the increased speeds! I don’t get to experience them because I have to stay tethered to my desk! And my desk chair is uncomfortable! And I want to use my laptop on my LAP in front of the TV! I do not think that is too much to ask!

So before this, I had AT&T. I know a lot of people hate AT&T, especially for their DSL. I had their DSL service or 5 years and never once had a problem. I’ve had this local-based internet company for two weeks, and shit don’t work. This is not worth it.

I called them to complain. Their solution? “Well, we will get back to you in 24-28 hours with either a fix or an update.” WTDF? It’s 2010! Shouldn’t you be able to fix that shit over the phone?

So I’m hoping to have it fixed soon. Otherwise I will need to go find a really long cable so I can still use my computer on the couch. Because I’m pretty sure I threw the last one away, after my old laptop’s wireless adapter shit the bed.

And normally I’d just be fine using my phone, but the 3G service in my house kind of sucks lately. And also, I had to get a new phone over the weekend. What’s that you say? Didn’t I just get this phone a mere three months ago? Yes. Yes I did.

But sometime on Friday night, my phone became possessed. Some ghost was fucking with me and kept pushing the power button on the phone, therefore shutting off the screen. And then sometimes, for shits and giggles, this ghost would hold the button down and try to turn the phone totally off. This would generally happen when I was IN THE MIDDLE OF TYPING SOMETHING! It was so damn annoying.

Saturday morning was no better. So I finally decided to head to the Apple Store. I got an appointment at the Genius Bar for later that evening at 6 PM. My only hope was that one, it would be fixed that day because I am addicted to my phone and two, that it wouldn’t cost me anything.

Of course when I got to the Apple Store, my phone was fine. Thankfully it performed on cue and acted possessed when the Apple man tried to get the serial number. So he knew I wasn’t making shit up. And then for fun, it just wouldn’t turn back on. Possessed iPhone FTW!

Apple man suited me up with a new phone and I was on my merry way. (Seriously, the service in the Apple Store was super impressive. Made me happy!)

And I didn’t even have to tell them that I may have dropped my phone in the toilet two weeks prior.

Whoops.

My weekend was pretty uneventful, just like I like them. Just relaxing enough to make me really wish I had a few more days off to do all the errands I planned to do this weekend.

There was a running theme this weekend – I am old.

Friday, I went to the Cubs game with my mom and they lost, badly. So I drank beer and made sure my drunk mom didn’t fall (I failed at that when I convinced her to climb over the seats at Wrigley) and that she didn’t get left behind at Sluggers (WIN!). We came back to my place while it was still light out. We napped and watched TV  and ordered pizza for dinner. I think the plan was to rally, but we were both in bed early. Like before 11 PM. And I was sober. (Mom, not so much.)

Mom stayed over Friday night, so on Saturday I took her home because her and Gram had chores for me. I did my chores, we went to Target and then my Grandma told me she would pray for me at church. And that I should go with her because there is a tall guy she sees every Saturday. And she would hook me up with her friend’s grandson, but she found out that he doesn’t like to drink or go out to bars and Gram was all “Oh, then he’s totally the wrong guy for Kris!” (I tried to deny it, but what’s the point?)

I finally went home and got ready for the Hawks game that night. The plan was to have a beer at my friend Melissa’s house before we headed out to the bars and well, we ended up staying for the whole game because it was less crowded and there were no drunk douchebags at Melissa’s, besides myself.

My friend Ang made the trek into the city from the burbs with a friend of hers from MN, so we went out after the game ended. We met Ang’s sister and her boyfriend out and then I proceeded to attempt to flirt with the bartender. I knew he was too young, but her was cute! And I was drunk! And the Hawks won!

He looked like Matthew Lillard. Not as weird looking, but he could have won a look-alike contest. Except, this was the WRONG thing to tell him. He HATES Matthew Lillard. (I didn’t realize people had such strong feelings for Matthew Lillard.) I tried to make conversation and everything came out of my mouth I regretted as soon as it I said it. It was the worst display of flirting ever! It was like those people on that reality show with that magic guy. You know, this guy:

Mystery, Magic, same thing.

We ended up leaving that bar before I made more of an ass of myself and I wouldn’t be able to ever come back. We went down the street and met a bunch of weird, shady douchebags, so we didn’t even finish our beers and took off.

Sunday I did nothing. I only left the house to get dinner because it was hot as balls out. So I caught up on Glee and napped and went to bed at like 10:30 PM. Apparently my body was like “We do not stay up this late on Sundays, lady!”

Today was another momentous day for my old-lady self. I read my book on the couch, napped and wrote out my grocery list. I finally got a bug up my ass to finally switch TV stands. So I moved the TV and other items from the entertainment center to my new TV stand. And in the process I forgot I’m almost 33 and not 18 and that TVs and furniture are heavy. And so I tweaked my back, AGAIN. So basically I’ve spent the rest of Sunday admiring my new TV stand in use, not moving very much, so as not to anger my lower back. (I did go grocery shopping, which was stupid because I think I just made it worse.)

Who knew the iPhone could capture such good photos of 90210 on TV?

(Speaking of the OG 90210, my youngest half-sister is going to be 18. She went to prom in what looked to be Brandon Walsh’s replica old Mustang. So I commented on the photo, making myself laugh out loud, wondering if she went to prom with Brandon Walsh. And if Cindy and Jim were around. And then I laughed and laughed! I never heard back from her, so when I saw her recently, she’s all “I don’t know who that is.” And then I died. Of old age. The end.)

So now I’m going to apply some Ben Gay, drink some Mylanta and put on my house coat and slippers and head to bed. And all other things I imagine old people do.

How was your long weekend? When is the next one??

Anyway, don’t mind me, I’m back to posting on consecutive days and here I will yet again complain about my old body and its failings.

I woke up this morning with a sore back. I didn’t do any heavy lifting yesterday (or within the last 15 years), so I was a tad perplexed. Add that to the fact that the pain was right about where my kidneys are and it felt like someone had sucker punched me right in the pee-making organ overnight. And on top of it, I got up last night to pee a total of four times. Which is super odd as I prefer to never get up during the night because those are precious moments I could be sleeping. But at best, I’ll get up to pee once.

(Also, because I have an irrational fear of falling off the toilet while I’m peeing in the middle of the night because apparently one of the old coaches from the 49ers passed out one time and since he was standing up, bashed his head on the toilet and broke his jaw and was paralyzed or something. Because did you know that your blood pressure drops when you pee? And when you wake up from a sound sleep to pee, your blood pressure is already super low, so you could easily pass out whilst pissing on the pot in the middle of the night? Do you see why I don’t like to get up from a sound sleep to pee?)

Anyway, so I basically convinced myself that I had a kidney infection. I was like “back pain? CHECK. Frequent urination? CHECK. Kidney infection? CLEARLY A BIG CHECK!”

Well, it turns out, I don’t really have any other symptoms. Apparently I tweaked my back and I’m properly hydrated. The end.

But then I’m like “how the hell did I hurt my back?” I do not move much when I sleep, so I doubt it could have been from that. Like I mentioned, I haven’t carried anything heavy.

And just now, as I’m writing this post, from the comfort of my couch, I’ve pretty much figured out what the hell happened.

Remember this photo?

And how I moved the plant to the top of the entertainment center?

Well at 4 AM this morning, I heard a loud bang and shattering of glass. Somehow Simba had gotten on top of the entertainment center to eat that fucking plant and had knocked over all my picture frames. Glass + hardwood floors =

So at 4 AM, I chased Simba, caught him by the tail and then…did nothing because WTF am I going to do to a stupid cat at that hour of the morning? Not much. But at least I could go pee and now worry about low blood pressure.

I moved the plant to the kitchen counter because then at least he could feast on the plant without knocking anything over and I could get a few more hours of sleep. But before I went back to bed, I made sure that he couldn’t get back on the entertainment center. He was jumping from the ottoman there by the window to the top of the entertainment center. So at 4 AM, I picked up that heavy ottoman and moved it clear across the room so as to not cause any more disasters. At 4 AM! I’m pretty sure I didn’t lift with my legs.

So I think I solved the mystery of the phantom kidney infection. That is really a sore back. And I have since moved the plant to the balcony. Where Simba has forgotten all about it. Except for one wistful glance at it this morning as he said his goodbyes. After which I tried to put him in the shower with the water on to make him pay for his naughty behavior. Don’t cross me cat!

Anyway, apparently my wireless card-do-hickey-thingamabob is no longer recognized. So I can no longer blog and email and Twitter from the comfort of my couch. It means I have to be plugged into the actual DSL, which is WAY over there in the second bedroom. The bedroom WITHOUT a TV. The bedroom with the futon. YAY! Wait, no, not yay.

After doing some research online (yay for iPhones!) I found out this is a common problem in this HP laptop. But not common enough to require a recall, since it only happens in one of seven laptops. HUZZAH! I should play the lottery with those odds!

So the only way to fix it is to fix the motherboard (which will be going kaput here any day now). And since it’s called the motherboard, like the MOTHERLODE, it’s not going to be cheap. And since this laptop is going on three years old, I’m thinking the most cost effective thing is going to be to buy a new laptop. Because fuck! That’s exactly what I need, because I’m just rolling in money at the end of the year! Guess I’ll sell my Christmas gift cards to help me buy a new computer.

Yes, I realize this is a first world problem. Yes, I realize I could have so many other worse things happen to me or my family. But you know what? I’m pissed! Laptops should last more than two and a half years! And people should tell you, HONESTLY, to renew your extended warranty so you’re not out a lot of money in this situation. Also, HP SHOULD TELL ME THIS, don’t you think? I mean, I do all their checks for updates, etc. Shouldn’t I have been ALERTED to this as a possible issue? I mean, one in seven is kind of high odds. If you had one in seven odds of winning the lotto, WOULDN’T YOU PLAY? Well, fuck you HP. You have up and lost my business.

So yeah, I’m pissed. And I’m going to have a glass of wine and go to bed. And curse HP and their damaged HP Pavilion laptops. And be thankful that it isn’t something worse. And be glad I bought a house this year and will have some extra money come tax refund time. THANK YOU OBAMA STIMULUS PACKAGE!

Good riddance 2009! Bah humbug.

(Noteworthy: When I previewed this post, it came up with an HP ad in the sidebar. I’m going to bet BlogHer won’t be too happy about this post since HP is a big sponsor. THEN GIVE ME A FREE MOTHERBOARD AND WE WILL CALL IT EVEN, HP!)

Anyway, it’s nothing serious (NO, NOT H1N1, but a big thank you to my brother for asking and assuming, even though he doesn’t know my symptoms! You can just have a cold without it being H1N1, asshat!), just a little bit of a sore throat and a stuffy head. But it is just enough to be annoying and make me whiney and complaining. Or should I say more whiney and complainy.

You’ve all heard the term man cold, yes? Because men don’t know how to be sick and there is no worse sickness than whatever a man has. Just like when a man gets a cut on his leg, it is way worse than the time you cut your leg so deep you could see the bone and his is just SUPERFICIAL. (My brother once had a tiny cut on his leg when he was like 16 and then he cried “NO STITCHES, NO STITCHES!” We still make fun of him to this day.)

I have something I’ve determined to be the Spinster Cold. Or Singleton Cold. Or Crazy Cat Lady Cold. See, because I live alone and have no one to take care of me when I’m sick, I find it perfectly reasonable to whine and complain and play tiny violins. Because I’m SICK! SIIIICCCCKKKK! WHERE IS MY MOMMY? HOW WILL I STAY HYDRATED? THE WATER FAUCET IS OH SO FAR AWAY FROM THE COUCH! WHAT IF I FAINT ON THE WAY? WHO WILL FIND ME? I AM HUNGRY AND HAVE NO FOOD IN MY HOUSE! ALSO, I WANT POPSICLES! THAT I DON’T HAVE! WHY AM I SHOUTING? WAH!

I usually manage just fine. I mean, minus the “I’m sick!” texts I send to my mom as a reminder. Because the cats really get tired of the whining and then they hide under the bed so they can’t hear me. Until it is time to get them out so they can lick my forehead and tell me if I’ve got a fever since I don’t own a thermometer and there is no app for that. I’ve been taking care of myself since I left for college, which was like almost 15 years ago. So it’s not that I can’t manage. I just like to whine about it. HOW DO YOU MOMS DO IT?

This cold isn’t even that bad. Apart from the sometimes runny nose and the dry, sore throat, it’s more just being really tired. Like anything more than hitting fast forward on the DVR remote gets me winded. It’s a good thing I sit at a desk, staring at a computer all day, instead of operating large machinery or lifting heavy boxes. The worst part of it is being in that sickness fog. Where your attention span reverts to that of a kitten and you get distracted by shadows and noises and what was that shiny thing over there in the corner, IS THAT A LADY BUG? I LOVE LADY BUGS! YAY! STRING!

For instance, today at work I had an email conversation with a co-worker, like a series of 3 or 4 emails, the whole time thinking she was someone completely different. I was so confused. I couldn’t figure out why this person was asking for what they were asking for. Well, turns out because it was a totally different person making the request. And the only similarity? Their first names both begin with the same letter.

I should go to bed now. Because I don’t even think this was the post I had in mind to write. And before someone tells me to get a damn Neti Pot. Because you know what people? I WOULD DROWN.

God I love that show.

Anyway, that wasn’t the point of my post. My point is that I have a sore neck. Literally. Like I’m not just saying that the cats are a pain in my neck, or that annoying neighbors are a pain in the neck or doing dishes are a pain in the neck. I’m saying that I turned to answer the phone at work today and literally died. No, wait. I literally had a sharp, shooting pain in my neck appear.

And people wonder why I’m not a phone person.

This made for a rather shitty day. I had to be perfectly still most of the day, lest I move and be reminded of said pain in the neck.

Here are a few things I realized:

• I totally get where the expression “pain in the neck” comes from now. Because ugh, it hurts to move. And some things, like winter and humidity, are almost literally like a pain in the neck. Bananas.
• I’m not good at sitting very still for a long period of time.
• Apparently I have a tendency to fidget A LOT when I’m at work. Be it from staring at a computer screen for too long, or sitting in the same position, whatever it is, I want to move around. This is not so easy when you have a sore neck and moving = HURTY PAIN.
• I also apparently like to shake my head A LOT to get my bangs out of my face. And since I’m about a week overdue for a hair cut, MY BANGS ARE IN MY EYES A LOT! This means a lot of shaking of my head to get them out of my face. Which I do subconsciously, CLEARLY, since I kept doing it all day and then grasping my neck in pain.
• When it hurts to turn your head, that will be the day a lot of people come up to talk to you at your desk, since talking to them requires you to turn around.
• Backing up in your car to get out of the work parking garage won’t be such an easy task with a sore neck. You may almost hit someone because it hurts too much to turn your head to see if there is anyone behind you.
• Cats should be trained to give neck massages. I mean I feed them and clean up their poop, the least they could do is do that push-push/kneading thing on my sore muscles.

And now, I’m off to bed with a bag of frozen peas on my neck. And hopefully my neck will be better by tomorrow because I’m going to this and I want to be able to laugh on a moment’s notice and shake my head while doing so, if I so desire. But at least I’m comforted in knowing that the event tomorrow has wine which will dull any lingering neck pain. And probably cause me to re-injure it or result in some other hurty pain. Because that’s just how I roll.

It all started at about 4 PM on Tuesday. With an email that pretty much made me cry at my desk (don’t ask). That sent me into A MOOD. So then I decided since I was in A MOOD, I would find out where all the shit I ordered online was.

That was a mistake.

First up, Barnes and Noble. I recently paid money to join their rewards club because Scarlet told me I had to and really, after paying $25 for Jen Lancaster’s book in the store (where, had I been a member I would have saved $10) I decided it was worth the $25 annual fee.

Anyway, I had ordered a few books, including my book club book for July, and in the same ordered figured I’d pre-order Danny’s book, Rage Against the Meshugenah. It had been over a week since I placed this order and since I was a rewards member or whatever I paid to be, I got fast, free shipping. Nothing about a week is “fast” to me, so I wanted to check it out.

And apparently Barnes & Noble is stupid. Because the default method when you order books is to ship them all at once. Which, fine with me. But that means “wait until pre-order book comes out so you can get all your books at once.” Now, I know Amazon does the whole “ship in fewest shipments” thing too. But Amazon also is smart and assumes that if you’re ordering three books that are already published, and since you’re getting free shipping anyway, you’re probably going to want the already-released books when you order them. So they ship them. Common sense.

But not so at Barnes & Noble, my friends. Not so. So I sent some nasty email that will probably end up on their bulletin board, going on and on about how ridiculous this is and this is why people shop at Amazon.com all the time. It made me feel better. But they have yet to respond, which way to go in the customer service department, B&N!

Thankfully Twitter came to my rescue again and told me that I need to cancel the pre-ordered book and they’ll ship the rest. (Don’t worry Danny, I’m still going to buy your book!) (Because I’m sure you’re reading and worried I won’t buy it!)

Next up, New York and Company. Although, this is more a Rage Against the Post Officenuh. Or someone in my building. I AM NOT QUITE SURE YET. I AM ONLY SURE THAT I AM MAD.

So I placed an order with NY & Co. They were having a sale and I needed some new summer cardigans. It is cold in my office and also I can use them for BlogHer. Plus they had some capris on sale and I figured since I wear the same 2 pairs of capris in the summer, maybe it was about time to get some new ones. I was very excited about these purchases and because everything was on sale, it didn’t cost me much!

I ordered it right before I went to New Orleans, expecting that after I got home, I would have mail! And packages! And new clothes! To hopefully wear on my pseudo-blind date!

But I also knew that they said 7-10 business days and I wouldn’t be lucky enough to get them when I was expecting them, would I? No, I wouldn’t. So I checked the tracking number on Tuesday just to see where it was, since we were coming up on the latter part of the 7-10 business days. The tracking number said my package had been delivered on Monday. Monday, June 29.

Wait, WHAT? Over a week ago? And I never SAW the package? Granted I was in New Orleans on Monday, June 29, but I was home the next day to get my mail. Did someone in my fucking building steal my package?

So I did what any normal, insane person would do, I freaked the fuck out. And it was partially about the money, but mostly about the clothes. Because it was a sale and the things I bought were no longer available in my size or color choices! So if someone did steal my clothes (WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?), I can’t even replace them! FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS RIGHT HERE, FOLKS!

I sent a note to NY & Co asking them for assistance. Thankfully their customer service could teach Barnes & Noble’s customer service a lesson or two because I actually heard back from from NY & Co. They said to contact my postal carrier. And also should have warned me that it was bound to result in me going postal.

At my old place, sometimes the mail person would not deliver something and leave a nice little card for me to go pick it up. This generally happened in the winter when my car was stuck in the snow. But regardless, I would pick it up and all would be fine.

So I figured, maybe that’s what happened here. And the stupid fucking post office forgot to leave a card. I’m sure it happens all the time. Chicago does have the worst post office in the entire country. We won that award by a damn landslide. I’m surprised I ever get anything ever sent to me.

After work today, I decided to head to the post office and figure this mess out. Because I really don’t want to believe that someone in the building stole it. Because if you’re mature enough to purchase a home, I would hope you are mature enough to not steal women’s clothing. One would hope.

I went to the only post office in my zip code. I learned at my old house that just because there is a post office across the street from you, it doesn’t mean that it is your post office. Because across the street is a different zip code.

So I go up to the counter and I’m all “so I think you might have a package for me, kind sir.” And the whole time I’m talking to the post office dude, he’s looking at some dude behind me. Like this post office guy? Totally not paying attention to me. ME! The customer! TALKING! So I stop talking to look at who he’s looking it. Because clearly whoever it is, is fascinating. He wasn’t. He was just some dude who was looking for boxes to mail shit in. From the way Post Office Dude was looking at him, you would have thought we were all in for it, like the dude had an Uzi strapped to his back.

Finally Post Office Dude remembers that I’m standing there. He takes my ID and walks to the back. And of course he comes back with no package. And I’m like WHAT THE FUCK? DOES THIS MEAN IT IS STOLEN? And he’s all “no it was probably addressed wrong and on its way back to the shipper.” And I’m like dude, I ordered it online. The address is correct. It says online that it was DELIVERED. I’m just going to assume it was stolen because where the hell else would it be?

Thankfully the dude in the window next to him was actually nice. And he told me, “well we need the tracking number. Because it was apparently delivered somewhere and not here.” (Dear Chicago, I now see why your post office is the worst in Chicago. “Somewhere, but not here?” No fucking shit, Sherlock.) I tried to pull it up on my phone and then got so irritated I stormed out of there.

I plan to go in the morning since they open at 7:3o. But I can almost guarantee you that my lazy mail person didn’t feel like filling out a card and sent it back to the post office. And since it is like more than 5 days later, the post office was probably “fuck this noise and this Kristin Johnson not picking up her packages, we’re sending it back!” And now it is probably on its way back to NY & Co.

If that is the case, how do I tell NY & Co that I still want my pants and cardigans? Because I’m really upset about the pants! It’s hard to find nice capris this time of year since everyone is already bringing out their fall shit.

Thankfully when I got home from the post office, I did have at least one package that I had ordered. My new purse. Ain’t she pretty?

I’m not sure what the deal is. Well, actually I’m pretty I sure I know exactly what the cause is, but it isn’t something I can talk about on here. It involves talking about those certain taboo blog topics and I’ve learned my lesson before with that.

But regardless, I’m sad. A lot of the time. All I want to do is sleep and watch television. I’ve actually been pretty busy, I’ve had a lot of plans lately, so I thought maybe I just wanted to hole up in the house because I hadn’t done it in awhile. And that could be part of it. I’ve been so busy with the move and things to do with friends and family that I haven’t had a lot of me time. I like being busy and having things to do. But I’m also really tired.

I’m sure it is a little bit of depression. Or a lot of bit. And I think I should probably go to the doctor and talk to her about maybe going back on medication. But I also know that there is a solution to this problem, it just isn’t an easy one right now in the state of the world.

I am just feeling left out and alone. Which is really fucking odd because I do have a lot going on and I’m not being left out. I have something planned every weekend until August. I’m not sure where those feelings are coming from, but they are there. I have fun when I go out, like last night for instance, when an afternoon of beer drinking turned into someone on the street giving us free Cubs tickets. I still go out and I still enjoy myself. Probably too much, if you ask my liver.

I think I need to just write it down and get it out. Obviously, I can’t do it here, but I think I need to get my feelings out somewhere and not complain all the time to my mom and anyone who will listen. Ask anyone who talks to me on Google chat. I’m a barrel of laughs mixed with 17 barrels of complaining.

I went by my brother’s this weekend because I needed some quality time with them. It was good to talk to them and get out some feelings that I don’t think I had ever expressed to anyone before. It was kind of a shock, as were the tears that followed. It explained a lot of my stress and anxiety and felt good to get out. And A LOT cheaper than therapy. It’s always good to see them because there are few things in this world that will turn my mood around like seeing my niece and nephew. Every time I am with them I remember what is really important in life and they give me a healthy dose of reality.

Especially when they come complete with a new pug puppy! Internet, meet Bella.

So I’m working through it. I’m trying to stay positive and realize that this isn’t forever and that things will get better soon. I’m trying to change my perspective on things and to let more things roll off my back. It’s hard. Every time I think I’m getting better with it, I take seven steps back.

I’m just going to push through and I’m going to keep doing all the things that make me happy. I’m going to keep myself busy and keep surrounding myself with the things and people that make me happy and remind myself everyday of what really matters in this world. It’s isn’t work or bills or stress, it’s good friends who come to town last minute when you need it the most and two kids who get really excited to see you and think you’re just the bees knees. That is what really matters.