Lately I have just had no desire to write here. Usually it is just laziness and deciding to watch TV or go to bed at an obscenely early time that leads to no posts. But for the last few weeks, I’ve had thoughts and post ideas and have written these down! I’ve even started like three or four posts only to give up halfway through and then just shut the computer down. The desire, I no has it.*

I think that’s normal. It’s life. It all ebbs and flows. And as much as the whole NaBloPoMo thing helped me kind of get back in the habit, sometimes there is just nothing to write about. I swear, I can talk for days, but lately I’ve had nothing remotely interesting or funny or exciting to talk about.

Plus, even the thought of opening the laptop at home lately has made me stabby with rage. I just don’t want to do it. I’m on the computer all day and on my phone when I’m not, so when I get home, I just want to relax and watch crappy television.

I’ve hardly been on Twitter, in fact I usually ignore it for a majority of the day, unless I’m bored on the bus or train on my commute. I don’t go on Facebook, but that isn’t really any different since I never go on FB. Only to wish people a happy birthday.

I still will play my Words with Friends games and IM with people on gchat, but that has been about it. I’ve been technologied out. And that’s fine. Because I’m a bit too dependent on it as it is.

So, all that to say, I’m feeling less ragey about actually blogging this week. And I might even finish those posts I have recently started. And that I just wrote a whole post about not wanting to blog nor be on the computer, just to…post on my blog from my computer. /meta

And I’ll leave you with a question – where do I find some cheap t-shirts to work out in? I haven’t bought a t-shirt since college, I think. All of my current shirts are from previous jobs and I got them all for free. So needless to say, they are starting to show quite a bit of wear and tear. And I don’t appreciate paying for shirts, especially more than a couple of bucks, so I need your help. Kthanxbai.**

*I like to put in lolcats speak because she loves it so, so much!

**Hi Ali!

The trip was AMAZING! I had such a nice, relaxing, fun time. It was just what I needed. Which I didn’t even realize until I was sitting at the pool bar, drinking Red Stripe Light, feeling the stresses lifting off my shoulder and making me calm and serene.

I don’t have much to detail about the trip. Besides the wedding and wedding festivities, which were why I was there in the first place, there was a lot of lying around by the pool. And making friends with the bartenders. And drinking slushy rum drinks. And just enjoying myself.

This was my first beachy vacation I’ve taken as an adult. Usually I travel to some place in the States to visit a friend and/or go for a goal/purpose – conference, wedding, tourist attractions. This was the first time that I really took a trip that was 5 days of a lot of nothing. I get it now. You don’t get bored. You RELAX. And enjoy yourself.

I packed a lot of clothes for this trip. I figured I would be on the go and it would be hot and I would be sweaty and I would need to change two or three times a day.

In reality, I wore my bathing suit more than anything else.

Here are how my days usually looked:

Morning (before 10 AM) (I KNOW!!)

• Get up, brush teeth, throw on bathing suit, cover-up, sunscreen
• Head down to breakfast
• Eat a plate full of bacon
• And maybe some other things
• Get beach towels
• Find spot in shady area near bar
• Lay out and read book until 10 AM when the bar opens
• Alternate between drinking at the bar, relaxing in the lazy river, or going down the waterslide.

Afternoon

• Lunch from the pool bar – BLT wrap and fries every day (MORE BACON)
• More drinks
• More reading
• More sun time
• More pool time
• Possibly a nap or two (either indoors or outside)

Evening

• Shower
• Dinner
• More drinks
• Close down terrace bar
• Head to night club to people watch and eat snacks
• Go to bed

Wash, rinse, repeat.

The only difference was for the wedding. It was absolutely beautiful and has totally changed my opinion on destination weddings. Before this trip, I thought I wanted to get married in Chicago, in front of everyone, with a huge party. Now? I think this is the way to go. With this kind of wedding, you can relax and enjoy yourself and know that everyone that shows up is there for you and loves you so much that they are willing to travel for your wedding.

Plus, getting married in front of this kind of backdrop? Ain’t half bad.

But I will say, I am thinking more about it. It’s probably not a good thing. Also not a good thing, watching this week’s episode of Blue Bloods where there was a serial rapist on the loose and one of his victims said he got in her place somehow with all the doors and windows locked. AWESOME! That will help me fall asleep, NO PROBLEM.

(Also, side note, are you watching Blue Bloods? Because you should be. It’s a great show. It has Tom Selleck and Donny Wahlberg and Bridget Moynihan and that cutie kid that was on American Dreams. SO GOOD.)

In other news, I’m shocked to say this but I am tired. What’s shocking about this is that I literally slept all day and night on Sunday. No, really. I think I got 20-plus hours of sleep.

See, Saturday night I went out to dinner with my friend and her parents and some other friends. We had a good time and the wine was flowing. We went to another bar after dinner, then took my friend’s parents home and then proceeded to go to two more bars. One of those being a 4 AM bar. I was out drinking until 4 AM. Apparently all that red wine made me forget I’m 33, not 23. Also, I’m sure all that red wine made it look like something died in my mouth.

I woke up the first time around 11 AM on Sunday, mostly trying to put the pieces together of the evening/morning and impressed that I actually changed into my PJs and turned all the lights off. (If you know me, you know that not sleeping in my clothes is a feat most days.) After about 10 minutes of my head pounding, I went back to bed. Until 4 PM.

By this time, I was hungry and quite parched. So I went to Taco Bell for some food. I should probably point out that I wore my snowflake pajama pants to Taco Bell. After inhaling an obscene amount of Mexican food, I watched some TV and then went back to bed about 6:30 PM.

I was good until about 10:30, when I was wide awake. Probably because I had just slept for more than my cats sleep in a day. At this point, tossing and turning wasn’t the answer, so I got up to watch some TV, check Twitter and read my book. I dozed off again at about 1 AM and was hoping I was going to be sound asleep for the rest of the night.

I wasn’t, but it wasn’t too bad. I debated about getting up at 3:30 when I was wide awake because I have always read that if you’re up, you should just get up and start your day. But after about 10 minutes of thinking that, I passed out again.

I was sure I’d be up at 5:30 or so. I figured I could write a blog post or two, make my lunch, get my clothes out. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I fell back asleep and my alarm woke me up at 7:30.

Do they hold sleeping competitions? Because I’m sure I just won the gold medal.

Right up until I left for BlogHer, I was doing pretty good. But with the poop issues and stress from packing and traveling and trying to get a lot done in a few short days, my diet and exercise suffered. And then when I was in NYC, all bets were off because I was in NYC. And I could drink again! Food and booze! A glutton’s dream!

I figured I could get back on the bandwagon once I got back. But that didn’t really happen. Mostly because I was so tired and still recovering from the trip, so I couldn’t be bothered to even make my own lunch, let alone work out every day. I did make homemade spinach & cheese enchiladas, which were FANTASTIC. But they were so good, instead of eating one or two at dinner, I would eat three or four. So while they were lower in calories, that’s all negated when you eat half a pan a night!

I told myself that I would try to get back into good habits this weekend. But then I drank very strong champagne drinks on Friday night and had to get up early Saturday morning, so I ate Arby’s, Taco Bell and a milkshake throughout the day.

But then Sunday, oh Sunday was going to be different! And it started out that way! I had a light breakfast and then a sandwich for lunch. But then I sat on the couch all day, being sucked into episodes of Flipping Out and the Rachel Zoe project, so come dinner time, I didn’t want to cook, let alone go shopping. So I went to Burger King. Because that is reasonable. And now instead of making my lunch for tomorrow, I’m watching three episodes of the Duggars.

This week will be different! It’s going to be cooler so I won’t be a cranky mess in the evenings from driving home in 100 degree weather with no air conditioning. (My car’s AC has officially shit the bed. I will be new car shopping next spring.) Cooler temperatures means I’m more likely to stop to work out after work. I can’t find any energy to go to the gym to sweat when I show up at the gym pre-workout like I’ve already ran three miles.

And I’m going to cook dinner this week! And make my lunch every day! One, because I am not made of money! And two, because IT IS NOT THAT HARD TO MAKE YOUR LUNCH! (My brain seems to think otherwise.)

Here’s to hoping I can get back on the horse or bandwagon or whatever other euphemism they use. Basically I’m going to attempt to stop being such a lazy arsehole! I have to look good for Rhi’s wedding in two weeks!

So that didn’t happen. If I recall, the night I planned to go to the gym after work, there was a tornado warning and the sirens were going off and I huddled in the bathroom with my cat. Yes cat. Because Kitty Kitty doesn’t come when you call so Simba and I left her because we weren’t going to go down in the storm. Every man and feline for himself!

Regardless, that was over a month ago. It didn’t help that soon after that I got the Kristin Johnsons and really, driving to the gym and being far from home base (read: MY TOILET) wasn’t the best idea. So I put it off. I didn’t get the honor of being the President of the Lazy Club by doing things and following through.

I have been doing well with my eating, though, and keeping track of my calories. In fact, I’ve lost 5 pounds since I signed up for SparkPeople. I’m sure it is because 90% of my calories ended up in the toilet bowl, but still. I will take any victory I can get.

I know I need to work out to lose weight. I also know that working out is just good all around. It lessens stress, helps with controlling my depression, helps you sleep better. The benefits are endless. This is clearly not enough motivation for me to go and join a gym.

Until last Thursday. On the way home from worl, I went and signed up and then worked out for 50 minutes. ME! President of the Lazy Club! Can you believe it?? And not only did I go Thursday night, I even went after work on Friday. WHO AM I?

Honestly, I have no idea what gave me the final push. It might have been that there is a shoe store by the gym and I was looking for a pair of silver shoes. It may be because BlogHer is in less than two weeks. It may be that I’m just tired of being Chubby McGee. Whatever finally gave me the motivation to join, it was a good thing. Yay!

Now I’m hoping I can keep it up. I didn’t go this weekend. One, because I can NEVER find motivation to work out on the weekends. This has always been this way. And two, I’ve been having some nausea side effects from the crazy NO ALCOHOL antibiotics I’m on. So I’m thinking since I’m not eating much, running on a treadmill isn’t my best idea. Plus, I really need to make sure I take care of myself and get rid of this bacteria so I can go back to normally scheduled bowel movements.

Speaking of living a healthy lifestyle (this is the best segue ever!), hop on over to my review blog to read my latest Crystal Light post. This is the last one of the campaign, so be sure to comment to enter for a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card!

I knew the lines would be intense. So I opted to go after work instead of before. The closest Apple store was in the burbs, but I was hoping that was a better option than going to the Apple store downtown. (Good call on my part since the wait was over five hours STILL at 7 PM.) So I trekked all the way there after work, getting to the mall about 6:30 PM. I figured it was plenty of time to get my phone before the store closed at 9 PM and my reservation was no longer valid.

Boy was I wrong!

I had heard all the stories throughout the day online about the long lines and long wait times. But I figured it would have died down by 6 PM, right?

WRONG! OH SO VERY WRONG!

I turned the corner near where the Apple store was and I ran smack dab into a wall of people. A long line. Probably close to 100 people deep. See? (And this was after standing for 30 minutes.)

I have no patience for lines. I especially have no patience for lines when I RESERVED A PHONE. I have even less patience when I’ve worked a full day, am starving and have to pee.

After 30 minutes, I think about 4-5 people got in the store. At this rate, I figured, I would be there well past 10 PM. And since I was by myself, I had no buddy to hold my spot while I peed or grabbed food. So I decided to bail. (And rewarded my good sense with a stop at Old Navy where I partook in their big 30% off sale and got two cute dresses.)

IT IS A PHONE, for Pete’s sake! And guess what? I do currently have an iPhone. Yes, it is now two models ago, but it still works. I can still check my email, Twitter and Facebook on the go. Getting a new, MUST-HAVE gadget on the first day isn’t that big of a deal to me.

Now granted, had I gotten it, this whole post would have been an ode to my new phone. And how it was already covered in kisses. And that I obsessively licked it. And how I was going to sleep with it for the rest of time.

I’m bummed, but it isn’t like I’m not going to get one. This isn’t a ONE DAY ONLY DEAL!! The phone will be available soon. So if I have to wait a few weeks/months to get it, in exchange for NOT waiting in line? So be it. I can deal.

But it begs the question, what would I wait in line that long for? A few things come to mind:

• Cubs World Series tickets
• A bathroom
• To see a member of my family or a close friend

Um, that’s all I can think of. Not much. I do not like standing in line. I’ll stand on a corner to watch a 10 minute parade of Blackhawks, but I will not stand and WAIT in a line to get a phone. There’s some ass backwards logic for you.

What would you wait in line for, for that long of a time, to get your hands on?

Yesterday I took a 1/2 day off from work to go downtown to stand on a corner and ask for money. No! I kid! (Although, I did find out I have to pay my property taxes on December 1, so maybe that isn’t such a bad idea. Hmmmm…) Actually, I went downtown to meet the lovely Metalia for lunch! And to hug her! And maybe try to fold her into her very large bag so that I could take her home with me. She is very wee, but really didn’t appreciate me trying to shove her into a bag and sling it over my shoulder. Although, some lovely tourists thought we were doing a street performance and tipped us a couple of ducats. We bought ice cream.

Anyway, after lunch and just general talk of blogging and the internet, we decided to walk around on Michigan Avenue and window shop on our way back to the red line. It was pretty windy and cool yesterday, and I was wearing just a fleece jacket because as I was leaving the house in the morning I thought “Hmmm, it might be a little cool today, maybe it is time to break out the heavier coat?” And then my brain was all “NO WAY, DUMBASS! It was just 70 two days ago and you had your WINDOWS OPEN!” So I listened to my brain, even though my brain is apparently forgetful and forgot that the weather in Chicago changes on a dime! STUPID BRAIN!

When I got home, I was beat. (After stopping at 7-11 to get some cat food because the cats had NONE and I was afraid they were going to learn how to open the fridge or cabinets) (they get CRAZY when there is no food! They try to eat my mail!) (You remember this post, DON’T YOU?) I was so exhausted. It was barely 5 PM and I couldn’t even keep my eyes open long enough to eat my dinner, let alone read many more pages of my million-page novel. Finally around 7 PM, I caved. I took my contacts out, brushed my teeth and got ready for bed. I was zonked out by 8 PM.

The only explanation I have is either 1) I’m secretly a bear and now that winter is approaching, it is time to eat and hibernate or 2) the cold air and wind and being outside for any length of time tuckered me out. Seeing as from 10 PM Friday night until Monday morning, I only left the house to drive to get Taco Bell. I am pretty sure all that fresh air and EXERCISE made my brain think “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US? SHUTTING DOWN! ABORT! ABORT!”

But it was worth it! I had a great time in the little time I saw Metalia (she needs to MOVE HERE!) and I only worked a half day! Win win!

And now it is time to go eat some salmon from the river and fall into a nice slumber. (I have no ideas what bears do, unless they are stealing pick-a-nick baskets.)

(I’m sure this will not be a featured post on the BlogHer ad network. Or they’ll change my title for me. They’re nice like that.)

So it is a well-documented fact that I am lazy. I am President of The Club for Lazy. And not only am I the President, but I’m also a client. In fact Kim and I decided we should start a Lazy Club. We exchanged many an email about it. But that’s about as far as we got because we didn’t want to do any work for it. She automatically made me the President because she had to pawn any work off on me. And I immediately forgot all about it because it required effort. We are clearly model members.

Anyway, tonight as I walked up my stairs into my apartment I thought “Hmmm, that’s odd. I seem to have some sort of weird pulling sensation in the back of my legs.”

And then I took a few more steps and thought out loud “Well that’s odd. My legs seem to be sore, as if I have done some sort of physical activity. This is odd.”

As I made my way to the couch, to melt into the cushions and match up perfectly with my permanent ass print, I was very perplexed. How on Earth could my hamstrings be so sore. Was I running in my sleep? Did I sleepwalk and stand against the wall for the majority of the night? Did I become unconscious at work and someone put me in a permanent squat position? Did the cats carry 20 pound weights onto the backs of my thighs while I slept? How can this be explained?

There is no explanation. This is clearly the first documented case of an injury caused by laziness. (See? This is why I’m President of the Lazy Club. Don’t try and run against me. You will lose.)

It can be easily explained. I spent 90 percent of the weekend in bed, napping and watching TV, hoping to kick this damn cold  I’ve had for three weeks to the curb (shh! Don’t tell my friend Julie I’m sick. Or she won’t let me hold the cutest baby ever when I go up to visit them on Friday. Click here so you too can see the cutest baby ever!) (Julie, I’ll totally be fine by Friday. Promise.)

Anyway, I spent a lot of time sleeping. And not moving. And come Sunday, all the things (dishes) I had to do on Saturday (dishes) were piling up (dishes). So I spent my now weekly 25 minutes standing at the sink doing dishes. And I’m telling you, I’m pretty sure the STANDING and washing dishes gave me sore hamstrings. An injury from LAZINESS. Put that down in the Guinness Book of World Records. Mmmmm……..beer.

I have an excuse. I can’t even walk up three flights of stairs without having a coughing fit. This cough has kicked my ass. (Totally will be gone by Friday, Julie!) So for the last week and a half, just the half-block walk to my car has made me cough so hard I almost threw up. Saturday night I walked down to Subway, a block away, and once I got there, proceeded to cough all over the whole store! You’re welcome, patrons, for your mucus that came on your five dollar foot long!

But I am feeling much better. I have to say (and no I’m not being paid for it) Mucinex is a life saver. That shit is worth the price of the world’s grossest commercials. I feel 100 times better after taking it for one day.

So now maybe I can avoid the bed sores that are soon to come from this prolonged stretch of extreme laziness. And maybe now I can get a little more exercise. At least more than walking back and forth from the living room to the kitchen to refill my wine juice glass.