1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Attended my first Passover Seder. Cooked food on a grill! Successfully! I went to Portland. I had never been to Oregon. I ate pimento cheese and realized it was created by God himself. Saw a football game at Camp Randall in Madison, WI and Jumped Around! I went to Canada and got a stamp in my passport!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t think I made any last year. I always resolute to exercise more and eat better. That again is my resolution this year. I’ve even joined Weight Watchers already and am on my way. Because I’m going to Jamaica in May and that will mean I will have to be in a bathing suit. In front of people.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

MY SISTER! We welcomed my niece Maddie in June!

Also, my friend Jenny had a baby girl, my friend Cindy had twin girls, my BFF Julie had a little boy a few weeks ago, the Hoddys had a little boy Max. I am sure I am forgetting someone. Damn, that’s a lot of babies!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?

Canada! That was my first visit to America’s hat! (I would link to a post, but I realized I never wrote one.) I went to visit my second family, the Martells.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you didn’t have in 2010?

More money. Maybe a boyfriend.

7. What dates from 2010 will be etched upon your memory, and why?

June 8, when my niece was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?

Not punching a certain person or telling her off. Also, becoming an Auntie again, even though I had nothing to do with it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not blogging and writing enough.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes. I battled the Kristin Johnsons for months! And I went through a lot of toilet paper. And had to take samples! But now I can poop anywhere, which is a plus. No fear of public pooping for me!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My Kindle, my birthday present to myself.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My mom, for having to put up with me for 33 years.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

A lot of people on the internet, sadly. Also me, for getting caught up in all the drama on the internet.

14. Where did most your money go?

My mortgage and escrow, which was TOO much and I ended up getting back.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Have you met me? I get really excited about everything! My new niece! My Kindle! My birthday! Free shots! Reserved seats at a bar! TV shows! Someone @ replying to me on Twitter! My trips to Canada and Portland! Emails!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Chelsea Dagger

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) happier

b) fatter

c) Same, monetary wise. My life overall is richer, I’d have to say.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercised.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Having the Kristin Johnsons and spending so much time on the toilet. That killed a lot of my summer. Also, I wish I didn’t get caught up in gossip and drama so much.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

We went to my aunt’s house and then I spent the day after Xmas at my brother’s house with Noah and Skyler. It’s becoming a new tradition! And we went sledding!

21. Did you fall in love with 2010?

Yes. With television shows – True Blood, Dexter and Blue Bloods.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Oh, there are so many. I will just say that I’m so happy I finally joined the rest of the human race and have seen True Blood and Dexter. People, go out and watch Dexter. IT IS SO GOOD!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Probably. I’m a fickle bitch.

24. What was the best book you read?

Hmmm, I read a lot. I really enjoyed the Hunger Games trilogy. And the Percy Jackson series. One of my favorites was Stay by Allie Larkin. When I grow up, I want to be able to write like her.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I don’t discover music. I listed to whatever they play on the radio. And then I sing along to it. I did a lot of that with Kerri in Portland, which was way more fun than singing by yourself in the car.

26. What did you want and get?

A Kindle. My mortgage payments lowered.

27. What did you want and not get?

A kitchen table.

28. What was your favorite film of 2010?

I do not see enough movies. This is sad. Eclipse? NO! I remember! Get Him to the Greek! (I saw it with Kerri, which made it even more awesome!)

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned the ripe old age of 33. And on my actual birthday, I went to flirt with the hottie bartender at our Sunday watering hole. Only to find out later he had a girlfriend and moved to NYC with her. On my official birthday celebration day, I went to our football bar and watched football and drank a lot. Which is pretty much every Sunday during football season.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

It wasn’t a horrible year. I struggled financially at the end of it, so all I can think of is money. Yes, winning the lottery would have made this year much better.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2010?

Slovenly. Mumu-ish.

32. What kept you sane?

My friends, the ones inside and outside the computer. My family, especially my nieces and nephews. Television’s warming glow.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

The mid-term elections and the change of control.

34. Who did you miss?

The same people I always miss – Mike & Lori and Julie & Joe. I miss living in the same state as those guys. My trip up to see all of them this fall was a highlight for sure!

35. Who was the best new person you met?

Gosh, I met a lot of new people at BlogHer this year. I met my soulmate, Shauna Glenn, and we burned up the dance floor at the MamaPop party.

There were a lot of people I met for the first time that weekend that are AWESOME and I’m so glad I finally met them!

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

Do not pick up a pissed off cat when she’s hissing at a dog. JUST DON’T.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I have no idea, but I like this song (Raise Your Glass) and I love Pink! And it pretty much sums up my life.

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs, we will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks

:::

Happy New Year!

Like many other bloggers, I’m posting here instead of on Facebook. Because I may have accepted friend requests on Facebook of people I don’t really like. People from high school that I was never even friends with. And they don’t need to read this. And I overshare with all of you anyway, so this is par for the course.

I would like to point out, though, I have shared more than 25 things about you on this site. I’ve done a 201 Things list. I’ve done that “weird things about you” meme too many times to count. (Seriously? I’ve done that meme five separate times? How do I have anything left to share?) So the fact that I can come up with 25 more is a fucking miracle.

1. I had dinner with the Hotfessional tonight. That’s not really about me, but you didn’t know that until now.
2. I actually call her The Hotfessional. That’s how she’s listed in my cell phone and that’s what I tell my mom about who I’m going out with, when I go out with her. It’s going to be weird at BlogHer this year because I might have to call her by her real name. It’s like last year when Mr Lady was all “my name is Shannon.” And I’m all “NO IT IS NOT! IT IS MR LADY!”
3. Are we already talking about BlogHer? It’s February. I’m going, of course, since I live in Chicago. I don’t really have a choice.
4. BlogHer 2007 was in Chicago and I DID NOT go. A fact that Metalia scolds me for. But I was pretty new to blogging and I honestly didn’t know anyone. And I needed a posse. People I knew wouldn’t leave my side. People who would encourage me to steal a bowl of Cheetos. People part of a small Honesty Group.
5. I own a Snuggie. And I love it. I would love it more if it was like a poncho and covered my back more. So I didn’t get chilled when I got up off the couch to refill my popcorn bowl, or wine glass, as the case may me.
6. I am not subtle. Especially when I’m drinking. I am loud and obnoxious and tell it like it is. Some find it endearing. Or that’s how it seems to me.
7. I have very sensitive eyes. I wear sunglasses even when it is overcast. Part of the reason is that it is a lot easier to stare at people when you’re wearing sunglasses.
8. Although, many a time, I will be caught staring at someone and realize that no, dumbass, you aren’t wearing sunglasses. They are my invisibility cloak.
9. I love to eavesdrop. I am an expert at it. In fact, in high school, I was in the Psychology Club. And we had a Psychology Fair. (I KNOW! I’m a nerd! I GET IT!) And our project was dichotic listening, which is the ability to listen to two things at once. Most people can’t. I can. Although, I’m not as good as it as I used to be. Back before I drank alcohol.
10. Speaking of, I didn’t drink or party in high school. I didn’t drink until college. And even in college, I didn’t drink too much. I made up for it after college when I moved to California. Oh the drunken nights spent in the Marina District in San Francisco.
11. I hate taking showers. I feel they are a waste of my time. Time I could spend sleeping.
12. I love to read, but that wasn’t always the case. I read when I was younger. I was addicted to R.L. Stein and Christopher Pike books as a young adult. But I don’t remember reading for pleasure much in college. But now I read a minimum of two books a month.
13. I talk to myself. A lot. When I worked at the Niners, my desk was really close to the intern’s desk. One year we had this cute, adorable intern named Quinn. For months I would say things out loud, tell myself to do things, talk back to emails and he would answer me. Finally, about mid-season, he stopped answering. He finally got it that I wasn’t talking to him.
14. I have an irrational fear of pink eye. My old job was in the ghetto on the South Side of Chicago. And there was a Dunkin Donuts in a gas station right near the office. I would stop there on occasion to get coffee. And every time I was CONVINCED that I was going to get pink eye from the handles on the door. So much so that the first thing I would do when I got to the office was go to the bathroom to wash my hands.
15. I have lived in A LOT of apartments. The current apartment I’m living in, is the longest I have been in one place since before I left for college. I have lived here 3 1/2 years. In California, I lived in five apartments in six years.
16. When I graduated college, I sent my resume to every NFL team. And I kept the rejection letters from almost every NFL team (except the 49ers) for years. I threw them away after I started at the Niners and was in charge of sending out the rejection letters to candidates. To this day, though, I still remember the one from the Vikings. It wasn’t a standard ding letter (or maybe it was). It was HARSH. Basically it was all “give up your dream now of working in the NFL. You’ll never make it.” Which is kind of funny considering the people the Vikings hired in their PR department.
17. I hate confrontation. You wouldn’t think so, since I’m so outspoken and like to speak my mind. But I will only embrace confrontation with people that I know will always love me regardless. So I tend only to confront family and very close friends.
18. Because I’m too nice to a fault. I want everyone to love me.
19. When I was a kid, every time we would go to a restaurant, the minute we would sit down, I would spill something, a glass of water, my milk, whatever. And every time I would cry. My family still tells this story all the time. Now they are passing it on to new generations, telling my niece and nephew how stupid Auntie was as a kid. It’s as awesome as it sounds.
20. I used to cry when my sports teams lost. And not when I was a kid. I’m talking high school. I get so invested that it would upset me SO MUCH when they would lose. It’s kind of weird I ended up at Arizona State where all our sports teams did was lose.
21. Hey! I’m clearly a crier! When I was young, I used to cry and whine and complain every February because my brother and sister’s birthdays are a day (and six years) apart. So I would cry out “it’s not fair!” when they would get presents and I wouldn’t. Until I realized in doing so, I ended up getting presents myself. I’m not an idiot.
22. I’m afraid to introduce any future mate to my family because the first thing they will all do is tell all the embarrassing stories about me. I can guarantee it. I would bet my down payment of my house on it.
23. I love taking public transportation. I love learning the system of the buses and trains. I love taking public transportation in new cities I visit. I think it is the perfect way to get around. This might be because of all the creepy cab drivers that hit on me.
24. I wasn’t a baseball fan until later on in my life, like my late teens. (As opposed to football, which I was a fan of before I could talk.) Before I was of legal drinking age, I used to think baseball was so boring. I didn’t get into it. Until one summer when I was home all day, since I wasn’t in school, and watched like every Cubs game on TV. I fell in love with Mark Grace and the rest is history. Especially once I could go to the games and drink!
25. I’ve never seen The Godfather. None of them.

So here goes. The rules:

1. Link back to the person who tagged you.

2. Post these rules on your blog.

3. Share six unimportant things about yourself.

4. Tag six random people at the end of your blog.

1. I had personalized license plates back when I was in college. The plates were ASU DVL2. The 2 is because it costs less when you have a number in your personalized plates and someone had 1. I was constantly in search of that person for years! I had to get rid of the plates when I changed in those IL plates for California ones after college. That and I totaled the car that they were on. But I do have one of the plates hanging on the wall above my doorway in my bedroom. Because I like my bedroom to be like a frat house, apparently.

2. I will not eat cake if there is fruit in it. Fruit does not belong in cake. Fruit belongs in pie and fruit salad, but cake is meant to be fruitless. Pudding, frosting, peanut butter? All fine, tasty excellent things to put in the middle layer of cake. Fruit? NOT GOOD. Ever.

3. I have really bad eyesight. I’ve had glasses since I was about 8 years old and I’d venture to say I’m legally blind. I can’t see anything without my contacts in or my glasses on. As bad as they are, I’m deathly afraid getting Lasik surgery done on my eyes. A lifetime of glasses and having to buy saline and stick my finger in my own eyes is not worth the risk of being blind. I fall enough as it is when I’m sober.

4. My alarm clock is set 10 minutes fast and my snooze is seven minutes long. The clock in my car is set 3-4 minutes fast. This is my way of making sure I do math every day. But I keep it easy enough so I don’t have to use my fingers.

5. Freshman year in college, I turned in the same paper in first-semester English 101 and again in second-semester English 102. In first semester, I had a professor who did not like my writing. I wrote a lovely research paper about how college football should have a playoff system for the National Championship. I got a B-. Because I was so proud of this paper, and all kinds of lazy, I turned in the same paper for the first assignment in my second semester class. It was a different teacher, but the same assignment. I got an A++. That professor was an ex-editor at a magazine, so I trusted her judgment more. And she encouraged me to submit my stories to magazines. I thank her immensely for the encouragement. Even if I didn’t get published.

6. I wash my hair every other day. I can usually only accomplish this in the winter when it is dry and when I don’t work out, which is almost always. It stemmed from laziness and oversleeping, but it turns out it is good for my hair and makes my color last longer, which means I can sleep longer, continue my lazy streak and save money. It is a win-win-win for me on all accounts.

I’m not tagging anyone, but you are required by Blogging Law to leave one unimportant/weird thing about yourself in the comments. I cannot be the only one to share. Plus, I’ve shared like 142 weird things about myself. I’m just asking for you to share ONE.

The SUITE complete with TWO separate rooms and a tray of fresh fruit (my hotel contact must know I’m trying to lose weight) and a bottle of wine (my hotel contact must know I’m a drunk). So I’m sitting here, watching football in the mirror because the desk is opposite the TV, and drinking some nice wine. The meeting room is set up and well, I’m just waiting. Because I’m going out to dinner with co-workers. And I don’t know when they’ll be done with their meeting and when I can EAT. So I’m DRINKING instead. But I’m really kind of hungry. And I’m thinking I might have to tell them to fuck off because a girl needs to eat.

Did you know when you watch TV in a mirror, that everything is backwards? And the little weather break had me all excited because tomorrow is supposed to be 51! Oh. No. That’s 15.

And also, why don’t hotels have conditioner in the rooms? I don’t bring it with me because you are supposed to have it. Conditioning shampoo is not the same. And now I have to brave the negative temperatures to go to Walgreens to get some conditioner. Or my hair will get mad. And she has this move where cocks back and swing the ends of my hair and SLAPS me in the face. What did five fingers say to the face? Slaappp!

Anyway, this is not the point of my post. Although, it could have been. Because there is enough there. Because I write much worse on a daily basis. And I just gave you a visual of my hair slapping me in my face.

I was tagged. For some sort of meme. And while I’m really not a huge fan of the meme, this one I can do because I get to share weird things about me. And I’ve actually been tagged for this meme a few times before. But Vanessa tagged me. And we share a stalkerish love of Jen Lancaster, so I shall do her meme. I just don’t know if I have seven more. Seeing as I’ve shared like 27 already. And a girl can only be so weird.

(Side note, just reading those other ones, it took like 5 I was going to write about here tonight. Shit! Maybe I should do less drunk posting. Or just less drinking period.)

1. I know the words to almost every song. It may not be the entire song, but more often than not I’ll know the entire chorus and a few other lines. And not just current songs. You can throw on most any station, and I’m still going to remember the words to these songs from over 10 years ago. I like to tell myself that this useful information takes the place in my brain that used to be occupied by quadratic equations. Because who the hell uses that? Talk about useless information.

2. Back in 2003 or 2004, I but my lip. No, that is not the interesting part. Do you sometimes bite your lip and you get a little bump and then CONSTANTLY keep biting it? Well, I do. And I kept biting it and the little bump didn’t go away. It turned into a bigger bump and then ate my face and I was a walking goiter. Not really. But I had to go to the ear, nose and throat doctor to have it cut out. And bring my total stitches count to 14. And I tell you this because I’m currently housing another bump on the inside of my lip that is irritating me.

3. Speaking of stitches, I have had them on three separate occasions. One was the time mentioned above. Another time was when I was playing tag or some childhood game with my neighbor friend. And I went to chase him, he came to chase me and his head met my lip as we came around a corner. I needed two stitches then. And got to learn that Hydrogen Peroxide tastes like what I’d imagine the water I wash my ass tastes like. The other time was when I was 5. And I went on the neighbor’s jungle gym after a rain storm. And being the clumsy person that I have always and will forever be, I slipped. And as I slipped, I slid down the jungle gym and proceeded to scrape my entire chin on a nice, rusty screw. That required 8 stitches and I still have the scar.

4. I cry at every episode of Full House. And yes, I watch Full House too much for a 30-year old woman. Stupid ABC Family. But it never fails that at the end of each episode, when DJ, Stephanie or Michelle learn important life lessons, I tear up. Because it is just so heartwarming.

5. I talk to my cats. In a baby voice. All the time. Like they even understand. Or care what I have to say. And just look at me saying FOOD. NOW. HUMAN! But I do it anyway. And if they meow back? It just continues the conversation.

6. At the Niners, I got sexually harassed on a daily basis. Especially after I lost all the weight that I’ve now put back on. The only one that made me a wee bit uncomfortable was when I said hello to a player walking off the field and asked him “what’s up?” And he said “my dick. Suck it.” And I just stood there SHOCKED. I tried to remember not to open my mouth, thinking he may assume that it was an invitation. And my boss was standing right there. And just laughed. But that’s how they told you that you were part of the inner circle. No matter how wrong it was.

7. I love minor league baseball. I worked my summers in college for the Kane County Cougars. And have had an obsession ever since. My favorite Cougar was A.J. Burnett, who I knew, in those early days, was going to make it to the bigs. I have a ball signed by him because I was in lurve. But I just love the whole fan experience that it involved because everyone knows people aren’t coming to see good baseball, especially at the single A level. That and making it an experience for the fans tends to involve beer batters and $1 beer nights.

I am not tagging anyone. So if you’d like, especially you Blog 365 crazies, have at it. And please, no more tagging me. I am NOT this weird.

So I’m going to do a Christmas meme. Because Marianne tagged me like weeks ago. But I just realized it now because of my lapse in blog reading and my lack of an attention span.

And away we have it!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags ?

Well, with negative dollars in my account, I don’t think it matters what I wrap the AIR I’m getting for everyone in. Sorry to ruin the surprise for any of you expecting gifts. You’re getting air. And if you’ve been really good? The only other thing I’ll be giving out is hugs.

2. Real tree or artificial?

Well, if I wasn’t lazy and had time, I’d get a real tree. Oh wait, if I wasn’t lazy and had time, I might actually have a tree. But my imaginary tree is real and has a nice pine scent. Because I put a bowl of Pine Sol underneath it.

3. When do you put up the tree??

Man, lugging those imaginary boxes down from the imaginary attic in my apartment took a LOT of work. So I would have liked to put it up after Thanksgiving, but I didn’t get the chance until last weekend. It’s a good thing, though, because this way my imaginary tree won’t get all dried out and burn my apartment down when my imaginary house elf Greta gets into the imaginary matches one afternoon while I’m at work.

4. When do you take the tree down?

The good thing about imaginary trees is that you can leave them up as long as you’d like! I usually aim to take it down in May. Because once it gets warmer the tree tends to block the air flow through the open windows. Plus, the cats start to bat the imaginary ornaments around and nothing sucks more than waking up at 3 AM to the sound of imaginary ornaments breaking.

5. Do you like eggnog?

People should not drink eggs. Eggs are to be eaten. With Bacon, preferably. But if it has enough booze in it, I’ll drink it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

Underwear

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

I did, but Simba ate one of the wise men and Kitty Kitty pooped out baby Jesus. So we had to put it in one of the imaginary boxes that the imaginary tree decorations go in. Right next to the idiot who came up with this question.

8. Hardest person to buy for?

No one. That’s the good thing about giving air or hugs. They hit the mark 100% of the time.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

Myself. I appreciate it the most. Unlike that imaginary house elf. She’s an ungrateful piece of shit. She better watch herself of she’ll be suffocating here soon.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

I can’t say. Because Simba is reading over my shoulder and seriously, those socks he gave me?last year were hideous.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?

Well, seeing as the majority of today was spent typing?out the labels for the 150 Christmas cards I’m sending this year, I don’t think I need to answer that.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

That one with a burning log in a fireplace. It’s gripping. Be sure to catch it this holiday season.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

January. That’s when the air is at its most fresh.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Once I finished the bottle.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Fermented grapes in liquid form.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

Clear lights tend to get lost in the background when the tree is imaginary.

17. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

I have to travel to my mom’s. Which means I have to shower and get dressed to drink wine. The world is full of small sacrifices.

18. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer’s?

Is one of them Bacon? Or is his name Venison?

19. Angel on the tree top or a star?

The top of my tree has pointy branches and needles that are painful.

20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

Both. Air is the gift that keeps on giving. Otherwise, you die. And I’m so generous with the hugs. I’ll even give them out on non-holidays.

21. What’s the most annoying thing this time of the year?

Besides memes? Oh wait, those are annoying all times of year.

22. What I love most about Christmas?

The wine I spill on myself goes unnoticed on my red Christmas pajamas sweater.

Anyway, who wouldn’t like a little phun with photos? (Did you see what I did there?) And! I’m also eager to see what Google Images picks up for random searches. Because it’s krayzee like that.

1. Age at next birthday

2. Place I’d like to travel

3. Favorite place

4. Favorite objects

5. Favorite food

?OR?

6. Favorite animal

7. Favorite colors

8. Town where I was born

9. Town where I live

10. Name of past pet

11. Name of past love

12. Best friend’s nickname

13. My nickname

14. My first name

15. Bad habit I have

16. First job

17. Grandmother’s name

18. College major

OK, this was hard and kind of sucked. Feel free NaBloPoMoFos, but it took forever. I pretty much gave up once I got to the nose picking.

So you get a meme. Because I was tagged. By Kaleigh. And I don’t back down from a tag. And I appreciate not having to think about something to write about. And it helps when my brain is only thinking about whether or not dropping an anvil on my head will make this headache go away.

Four First Names of Crushes I Had
1. Stephan
2. Christian
3. Bobby
4. Keal

Four Pieces of Clothing I Wish I Still Owned
1. Jelly shoes
2. Footie pajamas
3. My brown mules that I threw away in the summer because the heel was a little broken and figured I’d be able to find another pair of brown shoes that I like. I have yet to find a replacement suitable enough.
4. This pair of brown wide-wale corduroy pants. So comfy.

Four Professions I Secretly Want to Try
1. Teacher
2. Bus Driver
3. Usher at Wrigley Field
4. Bartender at Hooters

Four Musicians I’d Most Want to Go On a Date With
1. Adam Levine
2. John Mayer and his enormously large head
3. Dave Matthews
4. Britney Spears. Someone needs to talk some sense into her.

Four Foods I’d Rather Throw Than Eat
1. Lima Beans
2. Strawberries
3. Kale
4. Bologna

Four Things I Like to Sniff
1. Glue
2. Sharpies
3. Cocaine
4. Fabric Softener

Four People to Tag (Because they are all NaBloPoMo people. And there is a rampant case of Writer’s Block going around. Be sure not to catch it. And wash your hands.)
1. Aly
2. Marianne
3. Hotfessional
4. Hot Librarian

That also means this post will not be as entertaining.

And since the first anniversary is the paper anniversary, I’m going to drink lots of beers in honor of Kristabella. Because the labels on Miller Lite are made of paper.

So Kaleigh tagged me the other day. Another one of those memes where I go to the recesses of my brain to pull out the craziest, weirdest shit that I can think of. To see if you’ll still keep coming back.

I did just do one. Of 8 things. But because she took time to tag me, and sometimes linking and all that blogging, techy shit sucks, I will do her meme. (Even though she did give me a get out of jail pass.) And you will find out seven more crazy things about me. Let’s see if I can top the one about drool.

Anyway, the rules are:

1. Link to your tagger and post rules.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself, some random and some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of post and list their names.
4. Let them know they were tagged by a comment on their blog.

So here we go. There are a few themes.

1. I only worked with Jerry Rice for two seasons. But since he left the Niners for the Raiders, he was still in the Bay Area. And since my friend Sasha was always working with him, I feel like he was around more often. Yet, I have really only one really good Jerry Rice story. That you’ve all probably heard. But you try coming up with seven more batshit crazy things about yourself.

So one morning I walked into the kitchen at the 49ers facility to grab a banana for breakfast. (Yeah, we used to get fresh fruit every day, bagels, doughnuts, English muffins and oatmeal. All free. I miss free breakfast.) Anywhootie, Jerry was in the kitchen, toasting up something, and was talking to one of the guys in the scouting department. So I just walked in, grabbed my banana and walked out. I didn’t want to interrupt.

So as I’m walking down the hall I hear Jerry yell “Kristi!” And I think to myself “well, he’s talking to a dude, it’s a one-way hallway and I didn’t see anyone come in after me, and really? Kristi is pretty close. It’s only missing one letter. He must be talking to me.”

After thinking about this for about 10 minutes, I finally turn around and go back in the kitchen. Since I figure he must have something very important to tell Kristi.

So he says “Kristi, did we spend the night together last night?” So here I just stand, mouth open, thinking of what the fuck the right answer is to this question. Because, well, he’s got a bit of an, um, reputation. With the ladies. That aren’t his wife.

I say “no.” Thinking this has to be the safest and correct answer to this question. And then he just gets that big sexy grin on his face and says “well, good morning then.”

And then I giggled like a school girl and melted into a damn puddle right there in the kitchen.

He’s still the only person I let get away with calling me Kristi.

2. My brother and sister-in-law?got married in 1998. (It will be 9 years this coming Wednesday. Happy early anniversary.) Since the first anniversary is traditionally the paper anniversary, I decided to give them a sheet of looseleaf paper. Wide-ruled. No, I diin’t.

Actually, part of my job when I first started at the Niners was to send out the form letters to people who wrote in for birthdays, Eagle scout celebrations, graduations, etc. So we had a form letter (on PAPER) for anniversaries. So I printed it out and got Garrison Hearst to sign it. I’m pretty sure that still to this day I think it is way cooler and more clever than they ever did.

2a. Garrison was my all-time favorite. When he was let go, I actually cried. That was the only time that happened in six years. And a LOT of players and coaches left the team in that time.

3. At my brother’s wedding in 1998, I was a bridesmaid. And was enjoying being of legal drinking age for about a month and a half on their wedding day. So if you think I’m bad now with falling and free booze and black tongues, you should have seen me then.

They had a big gap between the ceremony and the reception. And they rented a party bus. And brought coolers. Filled with?beer and champagne. And there was no food to be found. Unless we decided to take advantage of hunting season and kill something. (It was in the UP of Michigan.)

Needless to say, I consumed my fair share. And was fucking plastered a good majority of the day. While we were standing on the beach, champagne bottles in hand, waiting to take a lovely drunken photo with the sober couple, I was standing with my groomsman. Who was one of my brother’s friends that I knew well. He was standing behind me. And had the glass champagne bottle up to his mouth. Instantly, I?had a brilliant thought that I needed to share RIGHT THEN, so I turned around to tell him. Except when I turned around, I led with my elbow. Which had some sort of magnetic attraction to the champagne bottle. That was in his mouth. That was glass and heavy. Right near his teeth. Do you see where this is going?

I chipped his damn front tooth. And we still had photos to take! It’s a good thing he is an easy going guy. And probably, being a few years removed from college, had plenty of experience with drunken co-eds.

4. I have only recently become a wino in the last 5 or so years. My first ever exposure was in Santa Barbara when we went wine tasting before a friend’s wedding. We went to Sanford Winery, which was one of the ones from the movie Sideways. It’s the one where he drinks the spit bucket. But once I tasted the grape fermented goodness, there was no turning back. I now know my future is full of shit-stained tongues and homeless people teeth.

5. Steve Mariucci used to call me Toe Ring. Or Sun Devil. I was never really convinced he knew my real name. The fact that I wore a toe ring intrigued the hell out of him. But provided quite a diversion when he wanted to avoid answering tough questions from the media. So for Christmas one year, I bought him a neon pink toe ring. And he loved it and kept it on his desk. And I feel like I’ve told this before.

6. In keeping with Steve Mariucci. The summer before his last season, he threw a big staff party at his house. He did one every year, usually only for the coaching staff and a few others. That year I was one of the few others. And then some squeaky wheel got wind of it and bitched about it and he had to invite every one in the entire organization. Because that’s how awesome he is. But I do remember that I got one of the fancy personalized invitations. And that was all I needed. Just knowing I would have been going regardless.

Anyway (jeebus woman, long-winded much?) this was before I liked wine. Steve Mariucci likes?wine. He’s Italian for Christ’s sake. He had a phat wine cellar in the basement of his house. So after the lame people left the party, he invited the rest of us down to the wine cellar. (And if you haven’t figured it out yet, if free booze is involved, I’m always going to wear out my welcome.) But because I didn’t like wine, I decided to drink Bud Light. In his wine cellar. He took a photo. And I am pretty sure that’s the only time Bud Light was in that cellar. And I kick myself because you know they were drinking some good shit.

7. One of my early years with the Niners, we signed Rick Mirer as a back-up quarterback. In my youth, I was like the BIGGEST Rick Mirer fan. Still am. I loved him at Notre Dame and I always wanted him to do well. When I met him, it was like a bigger deal than meeting Jerry Rice for me. Because I’m that big of a dork. And because, well,?I hated Jerry Rice growing up. He didn’t play for the Bears. And seriously, he fucking caught everything. He could catch a falling star and put it in his pocket.

So Rick Mirer is from Goshen, Indiana. Very close to Notre Dame. So when I first met Rick, I figured I’d tell him the only joke I had every heard about Goshen, Indiana. Figuring he had heard it 100 times before, but NOT CARING. My dad used to always say “there are three oceans. The Atlantic Ocean, the Pacific Ocean and the Indiana Goshen.” (Kinda works better if you say it out loud.)

So I regaled Rick with my witty joke. He had actually never heard it before. And he laughed and said he’d have to tell some fellow Goshentonians. And then I giggled like a school girl and crawled under my desk.

And since you probably don’t believe me about how big of an ass I am when I meet celebrities, I give you exhibit A.

Somebody help! Cheryl Burke is being attacked by a crazy, cackling idiot with 17 chins with the biggest damn shit-eating grin ever seen on a human being. And are her teeth purple? Swarm, swarm! Save Cheryl. Stat!

I’m not tagging anyone. But if you are so inclined, please do it! And link it in the comments. So we can all read.?And I’d like a meme-free few months. Because seriously, I’m all out of stories. And I have to save something for next month. When I have to blog EVERY DAY.

Happy blogiversary to me!

(Photo credit: Elizabeth Fraiberg Photography)

So add those six crazy things about me from February to the following eight. And I’m sure there will be more to come. Because the crazy? It never stops. (Although right now, I can’t think of eight anything. Except beers that would be nice in my tummy.)

Anyway, here we go. Eight more reasons why I need professional help.

1. When I was little, my brother (although he vehemently denies it) told me that if you went to get your eyes checked at Pearle, they stuck needles in your eyes. I was freaked the hell out by Pearle for a good portion of my life. Even after I was old enough to realize that NO! They DID NOT do that. You damn moron! And said brother? Never got his eyes checked until very recently. So he was just an ass. And I usually end up at LensCrafters.

2. At some point in my young, insane childhood, I decided that it would be cool (read: stupid) to have all of my fingers crossed. At all times. Like even when I slept. The point, you ask? No fucking clue. Because I’m just a fucking weirdo. And I’m pretty sure I had no friends at this time either.

(Um, eight is a lot Hotfessional.)

3. I hate roller coasters. HATE. I cannot stand that stupid feeling of having your stomach go up into your throat on the big drops. Like HATE. A LOT. I used to like them. But then my brother FORCED me onto The American Eagle at Great America and I’ve hated them ever since. HATE. Heat of the sun hate.

4. I grind my teeth at night. So much so, I have to wear a specially made night guard. Because it got so bad, I ground down the enamel around the fillings on all of my molars. And it is why I have crowns on those teeth. (And because I am a queen. Royalty = crowns.) Because porcelain is indestructible. And the night guard? It makes me drool like Homer Simpson at a Krispy Kreme. I literally wake up in the middle of the night to slurp and wipe my face off. With a towel. Because it is A LOT of drool. (Hey guys! I’m single!)

(You so don’t want me to go on, do you?)

5. When I was younger. I’d say kid, but I’m pretty sure I did this when it wasn’t age appropriate. Not that it was ever age appropriate. When I was younger, to fall asleep, I used to literally bang my head on the pillow. And kind of hum. Out loud. It put me to sleep. I think it stems from when my Mom used to be a bouncer at a heavy metal club when she was pregnant with me. (No. She wasn’t.)

6. Growing up I was a diehard Bears fan. Jim McMahon will always be my idol. And don’t even try telling me how he’s an asshole. I know. And still I have the McLovin. Well, the Bears traded him in the late 80s. To San Diego. And I was immediately a Chargers fan. For a hot second. Until he ended up somewhere else. In those years, Payton retired. Ditka left. And the Bears sucked. Since I enjoy a good football game, I started watching a LOT of Buffalo Bills games. They were good and on ALL the time. So I became this HUGE Bills fan. (Yes, a bandwagoner right around all their Super Bowl losses.) I loved Jim Kelly. (I have a thing for quarterbacks.) And I watched all the games I could, including all those horrible Super Bowls. When Thurman Thomas forgets his helmet on the first play, fate has decided that today? You will be bitch-slapped on a national stage and today will not be your day to win the Super Bowl. Ever. But after EVERY Super Bowl loss, I cried. CRIED. SOBBED! Like a fucking baby. Like my first born was riding on the game. People, this was the early 90s. At the very least, I was 14. (My mom deserves a damn medal for dealing with me.)

7. Before I started Weight Watchers back in 2003, I didn’t eat vegetables. A salad once in awhile. Or corn. That? Was it. But when you’re ready to eat your damn arm off from the HUNGER, you’ll try just about anything that will put food in your belly that is zero points. I now eat beans (all kinds), carrots, broccoli, asparagus and a host of others. And damn, I was missing out.

8. Most people call me KJ. That is the most commonly used nickname for yours truly. But this didn’t start until college. Apparently we’re not into the initials thing in the Midwest. Anyway, prior to college every single friend in high school called me Martha. Why, you ask? Because one day during band camp (yes, really.) (And no, I didn’t play the flute. And our band camp was NOTHING like that. We actually marched on a football field outside in the hot sun in August for 12 hours a day. Good times.) Anyway, one day during band camp, one of the assistant directors, Mr. Weiner (yes, like Oscar Mayer. And yes, real name) was getting people’s names wrong all day. So I was all “what’s my name?” (And not in a prison movie like fashion. I did not end that question with bitch.) Since Mr. Weiner is a funny man (wouldn’t you be living with that name all your life?), he decided that right then and there, my name would be Martha. And it stuck. For three damn years of high school.

Whew. That was tough. And I’m not going to tag anyone. Because this is too much like work. But if you happen to have time on your hands and want to participate, feel free to leave your link in the comments. So we can all laugh and point. I mean, enjoy.