See, I went to my mom’s for Thanksgiving. And since I started the new tradition of mimosas on Thanksgiving, I brought the champagne and orange juice. And since my mom needed help, I got there before noon and started drinking then. No one else arrived until close to three. So I drank a lot by myself. (We went through four bottles easily, so everyone enjoyed them!)

Then there was dinner and wine with dinner and more wine and then some beer and then I just passed out on the couch at my mom’s, without posting anything. (I actually tried the WordPress app, but it wouldn’t work. And at that point it wouldn’t have been more than jibberish after all that hooch.)

I just gave up then. There wasn’t any reason to post on Friday or Saturday then, since no one reads on the weekends.

I’m disappointed, but I had a lot of fun on Turkey Day, so I am not too sad. I posted every day for 23 days, and that’s nothing to shake a stick at. And I think I’m back in the habit of posting regularly, so mission accomplished.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

Tomorrow I’ll tell you all about how after just posting THIS, my dentist called me a wuss! GAH!

As I mentioned in my last post, Twitter has been my downfall when it comes to blogging. Because I share so much there, I tend not to share here because then it is old news.

But apparently Twitter is also good because it can get you free pie. FREE. PIE. The two greatest words in the English language.

I should back up. So on Friday night, I met some friends out for dinner and drinks at Lux Bar in Chicago. I got there early because I just came from work and it wasn’t worth it, nor did I have the time, to go all the way home. So I did what I always do – I went to the bar and ordered a drink.

I ordered a Goose Island 312, which is an excellent local brew, which probably isn’t so local anymore since Anheuser-Busch bought them out. I was only about 15 minutes early, so I told the bartender to close my tab. He asked if I knew about the October special. I did not.

Apparently all 312 beers were being sold for $3.12 and all proceeds from sales were going to a charity to support breast cancer research and awareness. For the whole month of October. So naturally, since I was sitting at a bar alone and drinking, I had to tell someone. And that someone was Twitter.

Once we got seated at dinner, I told everyone the special. And made them all order 312. Most of them did at some point in the evening. I personally contributed a lot to breast cancer research that night, let me tell you.

Just after we ordered, I was approached by some dude in a suit. He asked if I was Kristin. I said yes and was convinced that I was going to get kicked out. I mean, I didn’t think I had been to Lux Bar before, but maybe I had and I was no longer welcome there. No one is perfect, you know.

But no, this guy was the GM and he wanted to know if I tweeted about their 312 special. I said that yes, indeed, I did. It’s a great thing they are doing. He gave me his card, told me to call if I ever needed reservations, and thanked me for spreading the word. They had done it last year and raised over $15,000 for breast cancer awareness. That’s a lot of thirsty people and a lot of money out of their pocket. It is really a great thing they are doing! And hey! I really won’t object to getting drunk for charity.

Then he told me he ordered some desserts for me and my guests to enjoy and to thank me. And hey, I’m also never going to turn down free dessert.

Obviously this caused quite the conversation at the table. As most of the people weren’t even on Twitter and didn’t get it, they were all amped to join once they thought they could get free food out of it! And then they expected free drinks at the next bar we went to, which didn’t happen even though they sponsored my dodge ball team.

But my thing is, how did he find me in a crowded restaurant? I mean, this is me right now:

This is my Twitter photo:

This is my foursquare photo:

And this is my Facebook photo:

That’s some pretty good detective work.

So on Wednesday night, since I got in so late, I decided to make my friend Sharon let me sleep on her couch. Thankfully, she’s a good friend and let me do so. We got to catch up for like an hour before we both passed out and her little puppy wondered why the party stopped.

Isn’t he so cute??

I had to rent a car since I was flying into SFO, staying in Novato, which is just north of San Francisco, and attending a wedding in Sonoma, which is about 30 miles east of Novato. I always opt for the economy car since I’m one person, not driving that much and really don’t care.

This is what they gave me.

The Kia HAMSTER CAR! I was kind of embarrassed. And by kind of, I mean a lot.

But then I drove it. And you guys, it’s a really nice little compact car. It is roomy, higher off the ground than a sedan and a pretty fun little car. I’m kind of sad to admit that I’m seriously considering it for my next car. For reals.

Thursday was spent doing a lot of nothing. I had breakfast and coffee in the City since I wanted to wait out the traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge before heading to my hotel. Once I got to my hotel, I checked in, grabbed some water and snacks (and wine) at the nearby Safeway and changed into my bathing suit and headed down to the pool.

It was so warm out! I even went in the water! I only lasted about 30-40 minutes because I was exhausted and wanted to nap. So nap I did! Because I could! I was on VACATION!

(Also, what is up with getting older and getting jet lag? I’ve never really experienced it before, mostly because I can sleep whenever. But this trip I was wide awake every morning at 6 AM.)

Thursday night I spent in my room. I ordered food from the bistro café in the hotel and paired that with my bottle of screw-top wine and hunkered in for some good TV. (Jersey Shore, Vampire Diaries and Grey’s, OH MY!)

Friday I was lucky enough to sucker Jennster into being my designated driver for some wine tasting. She doesn’t really drink, which worked out well for me. It also worked out well for her because she had never really even been to like half of the wine country in Napa. She’s all “Silverado Trail, what the hell is that?” So I took her to Mumm and ZD, among others, and then she made me go to Sutter Home. Where the wino in me was embarrassed. And also glad their tasting was free, seeing as it was White Zin, “sweet red” and moscato.

(My palate is way too refined for sweet wine. But I’m OK with cheap.)

On Friday night I was invited by my bride friend to a gathering after the rehearsal dinner. Sadly, I did not make it to that. I decided I needed a short nap after wine tasting and…….fell asleep until 11:30 PM. Sorry Tina!

Saturday was wedding day! The wedding was in the evening so I spent the morning relaxing and getting a pedicure. I was meeting my friends Kirk and Teri at a winery prior to the wedding for a private tasting. (It’s good to know the people who know people.) It was amazing and if you ever get a chance, do the Moone-Tsai tasting at Luna Vineyards. Our tasting came with a food pairing and I even ate pate for the first time in my life! AND LIKED IT! (My mom just fainted.)

I had so much fun catching up with Kirk and Teri. Kirk was my boss at the 49ers. I still refer to him as “my old boss” even though I haven’t worked for him for almost 7 years and now we’re just friends. But I miss living near them and I’m so glad we hung out before the wedding and got to catch up and laugh and talk really, really loud, like Teri and I are wont to do.

The wedding was perfect. My friend was beautiful and just GLOWING with happiness. I’ve know Kristina since 2001, I think. And she’s one of my closest friends. We’ve been through a lot. And I cannot be happier for her. Her new hubby is great and they are just perfect for each other and GAH! My heart swells seeing her that happy! She deserves it!

Congrats Brandon and Kristina!

Then Sunday, I stupidly booked a flight at 5:45 PM, which meant I got home after midnight. But at least I got to spend some more time back in SF and have lunch with Betsey and Hoddy and their son Max. We all met in SF and they now live in Minneapolis and I miss not living near them.

After lunch, I found a bar showing the Bears game, had 2 beers, almost got tackled by a drunk dude and then headed to the airport.

It was really a great trip. It was the perfect mix of relaxing and busy. I like having things to do, especially when I travel by myself, but I also love being able to sit around and do nothing. And not have to make my bed.

Although my bank account isn’t too happy with the amount of fine wine I purchased.

Last week I thought about giving up blogging altogether. I feel like I have nothing left to say and maybe it was time to retire this site. I didn’t want to make a big deal of it, like half the internet does, because I knew I was PMSing and it was probably my hormones. And wouldn’t you know it, now here I am writing on this post.

I would like to have some super interesting story as to why I haven’t been writing here, especially all of last week. Something interesting like “I worked out at the gym every night and met a cute boy and we eloped!”

The truth is that I spent last Sunday drinking my face off watching football and started the day like this:

And I ended up the night in almost the exact same place – my bathroom. Although at the end of the evening I was praying to the porcelain gods and lying on the floor of the bathroom sans pants, still in my jersey. What happened in between was a lot of shots. And I’m sure many vows to never drink again. In fact, I haven’t had a drink since waking up on my bathroom floor without pants on, sleeping on my discarded jeans on my bathroom floor.

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In other news, I am back to having a roommate. My sister moved back in on Saturday. But this time, she’s paying rent, has a job and will have to buy her own groceries. And it is just until the end of March. And I could really use the money.

I hope we like each other this much in two months.

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Saturday I had a hair appointment. And I went from the blonde up above back to a brunette.

I really missed having brown hair. I just like myself better as a brunette.

(Side note: this is me, sans makeup, in the unforgiving natural light)

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After I got my hair done, I went to spend the day with this baby girl!

We fed her those fruit puffs and she wasn’t too sure about them. She’s crawling now and getting into everything. She’s like a cat. The world’s most adorable cat ever!

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The rest of my weekend was spent watching seasons 3 & 4 of Dexter. No, really. I watched 7 hours of season 4 today and only stopped because it tends to infiltrate my dreams and I wonder what Deb Morgan is doing in Chicago and why I’m working for a police department investigating some brutal murder. And well, that’s not my ideal way to spend my resting hours.

It also makes me think everyone is a murderer or serial killer.

Although this led to me trying to explain to my sister what “casing” meant.

Silly kids…

??So what have you all been up to? Please tell me it is more exciting than what I have been up to! PLEASE!

See, my mortgage payment was increased over the summer. I needed to put more in each month to cover my escrow and my property taxes. And it wasn’t just a little bit more, it was quite a bit more. At first it was fine. And then a few months later, I was really struggling.

But then, I got my property tax bill. And I realized that all that money I had to pay last year for a special assessment was paying off – my property taxes went down. A LOT. So the amount of money I was paying each month to build up my escrow? TOO MUCH!

SWEET RELIEF!

Because I’m a NOOB when it comes to any of these adult kind of mortgagey manners, I figured you could just call your mortgage company and be all “look ass rapers, I’m not paying all this money into my escrow account, OK? Change my payment amount, bitches! Or else!”

Can you believe it doesn’t work like that at all? Apparently there are some not-so-honest people out there who will tell those kind of lies to like, get out of paying bills? Who are these hooligans?

So I called my mortgage company, expecting them to take my side seeing as I am honest and pay my bill on time and because HELLO, people are foreclosing left and right! I’m just asking to pay a couple hundred dollars less per month! And that won’t effect my principal or your interest!

Turns out they really research these things. And thankfully, I had just received my tax bill so I had PROOF! Written, documented proof from the county that the amount my mortgage company THOUGHT I should pay in taxes was not even close to the same amount that I HAD to pay in taxes.

So we opened a work order and they evaluated it. And I have been waiting on pins and needles every day since to find out the outcome.

That day came tonight. And it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear! They are lowering my payment! AND I get a check for the extra amount that is in my escrow account currently. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!

So clearly when I found out the news, I did what every other adult would do – I texted my mom, did a cartwheel and opened a bottle of wine.

C-A-B-E-R-N-E-T spells R-E-L-I-E-F.

I started a new tradition at Thanksgiving this year – MIMOSAS!

I going to go ahead and say this was the best idea I’ve ever had. I even tricked my Gram into having one, which probably wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done since she’s wobbly stone cold sober.

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The following was a conversation that happened on Thanksgiving. I’m still kind of amazed by the awkwardness.

My Mom: I got a new alarm clock! It tells time! It was $17.99! And has TWO alarms! It’s fancy! $17.99! $17.99! $17.99!!!

Me: Was it made it 1799 or something?

(roars of laughter through the crowd)

Person X: Ha, that’s funny. Did you just think of that off the top of your head?

Me: *blinks* *blink* *blink* *blinks*

Me: Um, yes.

So, did this person think I was George Costanza and just had a litany of jokes in my head? Like I was just waiting for someone to make a comment about 1799? DON’T HATE BECAUSE I’M WITTIER THAN YOU!

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I made a pie. It was delicious.

The filling is peanut butter, cream cheese and whipped cream. It was so good I could have eaten just that.

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The best part about Thanksgiving, after the booze and the stuffing? This girl!

Clearly taking after her Auntie already. Can you believe she’s almost 6 months old already? Where does the time go?

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Overall, it was a great holiday and a nice relaxing weekend. How was your long weekend internet?

But I will say, I am thinking more about it. It’s probably not a good thing. Also not a good thing, watching this week’s episode of Blue Bloods where there was a serial rapist on the loose and one of his victims said he got in her place somehow with all the doors and windows locked. AWESOME! That will help me fall asleep, NO PROBLEM.

(Also, side note, are you watching Blue Bloods? Because you should be. It’s a great show. It has Tom Selleck and Donny Wahlberg and Bridget Moynihan and that cutie kid that was on American Dreams. SO GOOD.)

In other news, I’m shocked to say this but I am tired. What’s shocking about this is that I literally slept all day and night on Sunday. No, really. I think I got 20-plus hours of sleep.

See, Saturday night I went out to dinner with my friend and her parents and some other friends. We had a good time and the wine was flowing. We went to another bar after dinner, then took my friend’s parents home and then proceeded to go to two more bars. One of those being a 4 AM bar. I was out drinking until 4 AM. Apparently all that red wine made me forget I’m 33, not 23. Also, I’m sure all that red wine made it look like something died in my mouth.

I woke up the first time around 11 AM on Sunday, mostly trying to put the pieces together of the evening/morning and impressed that I actually changed into my PJs and turned all the lights off. (If you know me, you know that not sleeping in my clothes is a feat most days.) After about 10 minutes of my head pounding, I went back to bed. Until 4 PM.

By this time, I was hungry and quite parched. So I went to Taco Bell for some food. I should probably point out that I wore my snowflake pajama pants to Taco Bell. After inhaling an obscene amount of Mexican food, I watched some TV and then went back to bed about 6:30 PM.

I was good until about 10:30, when I was wide awake. Probably because I had just slept for more than my cats sleep in a day. At this point, tossing and turning wasn’t the answer, so I got up to watch some TV, check Twitter and read my book. I dozed off again at about 1 AM and was hoping I was going to be sound asleep for the rest of the night.

I wasn’t, but it wasn’t too bad. I debated about getting up at 3:30 when I was wide awake because I have always read that if you’re up, you should just get up and start your day. But after about 10 minutes of thinking that, I passed out again.

I was sure I’d be up at 5:30 or so. I figured I could write a blog post or two, make my lunch, get my clothes out. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I fell back asleep and my alarm woke me up at 7:30.

Do they hold sleeping competitions? Because I’m sure I just won the gold medal.

Also, my blog stats are in the tank with my infrequent posting so it doesn’t really matter. And this way my mom will know how my trip went.

Portland, where do I begin?

This was the first vacation I’ve taken in awhile where I went somewhere I’ve never been before. And since I know a few people there who are big fans of the city, I knew I was going to have a good time!

This is just going to be a bulleted list of highlights with some photos interspersed…

• Portland is a drinking person’s city. Wineries, breweries and drinkers, oh my!
• We started my first morning off in Portland with probably one of the best things I’ve ever eaten – a fried egg sandwich with bacon and pimento cheese on a homemade biscuit. (Washed down with a big mimosa in a pint glass, of course.)

• I would now like to put pimento cheese on everything.
• Before I left for the trip, Rhi asked what I wanted to do on Thursday afternoon – a brewery tour or a winery tour. I told her I was under the impression that 2 days before your wedding, you have time for neither. But being from Portland, Rhi makes time for booze, and we headed to the wineries.

• We hit up Sokol Blosser, where Rhi is a preferred guest at. Also the winery doing the wine for her wedding. And the first woman-owned winery in Oregon. We got our tasting for free! And we enjoyed ourselves! After that we headed to Ponzi, not the actual winery, but their shop. We drank wine and snacked on meats and cheeses and I cursed the fact that I couldn’t get any of this wine home with me.

• In between all our fun, we did get some wedding errands done. And I made sure to help whenever and wherever I could, so the bride could enjoy her company with me. I mean, I am awesome, let’s face it.
• Thursday night I went to dinner with the bride and groom and I sampled some local Oregon beers. And I noticed we were on Flanders St. And I was like “ha! I saw a Terwilliger street today too! Like The Simpsons.” And Rhi is all “um, you know the creator is from here?” No. No, clearly I did not.

• So I did what every other drunk person would have done, I sent a photo of it to my brother in the middle of the night because he’s the biggest Simpsons fan ever.

• After dinner and a stop for one more beer, we headed back to the house and opened the wine. Rhi and I decided to don some some lovely hair bows. And then we decided to get nice and drunk and I decided I needed to cut Rhi’s cat’s nails.
• This is Gelsey, who also answers to Goo and Fat Cat. She had really long nails. They would click-clack on the hardwood floors like she was wearing kitty high heels. She couldn’t sneak up on anything, poor thing.

• And Rhi was improperly trimming her nails because Rhi is weak and doesn’t like to hear her cat sad or uncomfortable. Whereas my cats are a bunch of whiney bitches so that doesn’t bother me one bit.
• I think Goo was a little traumatized, especially when she later went to use the scratching post and bounced off it because her nails weren’t as long. And then I laughed.
• May I remind you, we were three sheets to the wind when this was all going on. The Goo will thank me some day.
• Or she probably peed in my suitcase.
• Also while the bride-to-be and I were wasted off 100 beers and a lot of wine, we decided to alphabetize the seating cards for the wedding. Which were written in fancy script. And very hard to read when you were seeing double.
• Rhi had to completely re-do them in the morning.
• So much for making less work for the bride.
• Being severely hungover the day before the wedding is not our smartest move. Probably for me more than her, since I seemed to be struggling all day. We did all the last minute things on Friday – picked up the dress, ran to Target, got our nails done, stuffed the wedding confetti into bags and tried to keep Rhi calm. (We succeeded. Mostly. There was a small incident at lunch, but Rhi recovered like a champ and I distracted her with my dancing like a chimp! Or something.)
• And then it was on to the rehearsal! I served as the official photographer for the rehearsal and I think I got some good shots. I tried to capture it all. It was a lovely venue (more on that come wedding day) and it was so nice to meet both Rhi and Bill’s family and friends.

• The dinner was at a lovely Peruvian restaurant and we had a private room and it was a beautiful way to spend the evening, talking to old friends and new, and anticipating the big day for Rhi and Bill on Saturday!

And now I think I’ll leave it at that because this post is long enough! And there is still two whole days left of the trip, including the Wedding of the Century!

Oh, didn’t I tell you? My sister is pregnant! With a little girl! She’s due at the beginning of June! I’m so excited! BABIES! I’m going to be an auntie again!

So I was all set to drive out there on Saturday and go shopping with her and look at all sorts of small, pink, cute, fluffy things! But then she texted me – she fell down the stairs and sprained her ankle. She and Baby Girl are OK, but probably not the best idea to be walking around stores when she was gimpy.

She decided to rest up on Saturday and I went out today and we got all the registering done. She even told me something she wanted that wasn’t at Target that I’m going to get her, so my shopping is done too!

I’m pretty sure it is no secret that I love kids! I WANT to have a child of my own one day. Since this year I’ll be the ripe old age of 33, I have been thinking about it quite a bit. I know that regardless of whether I get married or meet the man of my dreams, I will be a mother. Whether I have to adopt or go to the sperm bank or steal one (KIDDING!), I will have a kid. And if I have to do it on my own, so be it. In fact, I’ve pretty much decided that I’ll probably start going down that road after I turn 35, since hello! CLOCK! TICKING!

Anyway, spending an afternoon in the baby aisles of Target and Walmart will really make your ovaries ache. The stuff! It is so cute! And my sister, who already has a child, is all willy nilly about the registering, figuring she’ll get stuff regardless. Whereas I’m like “YOU NEED TO GIVE PEOPLE SOMETHING TO BUY YOU! ALSO, YOU NEED THIS WHOLE AISLE!”

(Do you see why she took the scanner gun thingy away from me?)

It was a good day. We got to spend some time together, we got to ooh and ahh over cute little pink things and I got to try pizza beer.

Pizza beer, you ask? What on Earth is that? And what does it taste like? Well, I shall tell you. It tastes like you’d imagine. Like someone put a little pizza sauce into your beer. Not the worst thing in the world, but also something I probably never need to drink again.

Apparently it’s “beer so good, it needs its own wine glass.”

I don’t even know what that means. All I know that I’m offended as a wine glass owner and as a wine drinker.

So, how was your weekend? If you’re wondering, I am still fighting the Death Plague. IT IS DAY 12 PEOPLE! TWELVE!

Or I drank for 12 hours on Saturday and it caught up to me. Something or other.

So I’ve been going to bed really early this week. At first I thought it was because of the time change, but then I realized that I should want to go to bed later, not at 8 PM. That’s how I kind of knew something was up.

And there went my Lensolution. Out the window. All that hard work for the last whatever weeks. But if I can post more than 3 times a week from here on out, it will be a win. Mostly because I’ve also been not lazy in other areas, so I’m sure God will be OK with that,

Actually, I am pretty sure what ever good work I may have done in God’s eyes was shattered tonight with the restaurant I went to for dinner.

I’m in Pittsburgh for work. And we went here tonight. It is an old church that they turned into a brewery/restaurant. And they used all the wood from the pews for the tables, chairs and booths. And the vats of beer that they brew? ABOVE THE ALTAR! It is basically what my version of heaven is like.

Cue choir of angels!

And now I shall go to bed. Because the time change is going to kick my ass in the morning, being already an hour ahead in the Eastern time zone plus being sick.

Peace be with you. And thanks be to hops.