It’s turning colder here in Chicago. That means that air is getting drier and static cling becomes something you once heard about in a magazine to something you fear might actually electrocute you. My cats don’t want to be petted on the off chance I pet them and then touch their nose and their fur stands on end like they just licked the socket. (They really need to stop doing that.)

Anyway, with the dryness, I get itchy and lotion becomes my best friend. But this year, I’ve had a new ailment that has come with the drier air and that is that my nose is hurty. And not like the outside of my nose like those weird claymation things in the Puffs Plus commercials. It’s the inside of my nose that feels like someone took an Exacto knife to it while I slept.

My remedy for this lately is that I either use a Q-tip to coat the inside of my nose with antibacterial stuff or Vaseline. This usually helps for a few days. Then it will get super damp here (like today) and I’m OK for another few days.

But this is just early November. I haven’t even turned on the heat in my house yet. What the hell am I going to do when it’s the middle of January and my nose falls off??

Do I invest in humidifier?

Oh, and don’t suggest the Neti Pot. That thing, while magical, gave me the world’s worst post-nasal drip. And really, that makes my dowry even less attractive to potential suitors.

Any help, smart people?

Well, I decided to grow them out. And I think they are growing. I know they are fucking annoying.

I started out doing this.

(Oh, and also recently got it cut and colored dark again. This is my perfect and favorite shade.)

And that seemed to work well at the beginning when there was no humidity and it was cooler in Chicago. But then it’s not been arid here. Add into that when I move and sweat and then my “bangs” end up curling at the ends and they look like ass.

(This is me and my friend Teri at the wedding. She wasn’t driving, which is why she’s so drunk she’s not even looking at the person taking the photo.) (Hi Teri!)

So now I’m doing this:

And for the most part, I like it. It’s easy and I spend less time doing my hair. But I also think I look ridiculous. And also, 12.

So, people of the internet, please tell me I don’t look stupid. Even if you’re lying.

Also, I need other options because I feel like I look the exact same every day and it’s starting to annoy me. Can I pull them to one side? Pull them back to either side? WHAT?

I am currently at the phase where I am deciding whether or not to grow out my bangs. I’ve had them for like three years? And I’m wondering if I need a change.

Do you think I should go from this:

Back to this?

I know that growing out bangs is a pain in the ass. But I am not super aware because the last time I did it was my senior year of college, when I could wear hats and not wash my hair for days on end and it was no big deal. Also, I was just starting my first full-time job out of college and had NO CLUE about hair and wardrobe and make-up. (My God, you should have seen the crap I used to wear. It was a good thing I started off in the NFL where half the building was walking around in shorts and no shoes.) (Also, I never wore any kind of make-up until my first day at the 49ers. Because I figured I was an adult now and that was the right thing to do.) (Silly 21 year old me.)

So my trepidation with growing them out is that I don’t know what to DO with them while I’m growing them out. And here is where I need your help, internet! How do you manage the bangs in that grow-out stage? Lots of bobby pins, I’d imagine. But WHAT exactly am I doing with the bobby pins? I need some sort of Whoorl Hair Tutorial or something!

Also, headbands? I would imagine those would help. Where do I buy headbands? What kind of headbands do I need?

I’m figuring if I want to do this, now is the best time. Summer (AND HUMIDITY) is coming to a close, so I don’t have to worry about them curling up at the ends as they get longer. And hopefully, maybe with taking some pre-natal vitamins to help with the growth, I can get them all grown out before the start of next summer. Or close enough where I’m not worried about the humidity making me look like Farrah Fawcett.

What say you? Should I or shouldn’t I? And if I do, PLEASE HELP ME NOT TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL! Well, at least no more of a fool than I look like on a normal day.

(And now as I write this, I’ll be singing this song. “ooh, wah, ooh…let me whisper in your ear…ooh, wah, ooh”)

(I think Twitter has made me lose my ability to write one post about a single topic, without wanting to interject other thoughts in 140 characters or less.)

(I mean, I haven’t even gotten to the point of this post and we’re four paragraphs deep.)

(I blame the heat. Because yesterday, as I stood on the platform waiting for my train, talking on the phone with my brother, I was dripping sweat from my elbow crease. My elbow was sweating! DRIPPING.)

(MY ELBOW!)

Ahem.

Speaking of the heat, I have a secret to share with you. This heat, and the sweatiness and all that it entails, has given me an embarrassing affliction (besides elbow, boob and ass sweat) – it has given me stinky feet and stinky shoes!

I know! GROSS!

I’ve never really had this problem before. And in the past, I guess it wasn’t a problem because I was awful sedentary. I got up to go to the bathroom and that was about it. Also, it was always, always cold in there and I had my space heater on, even in the middle of July. So any kind of perspiration was non-existent.

Now it’s different. I work for a large company. I have to get up and walk to the bathroom, to talk to co-workers and my boss, have to go upstairs to discuss things with other departments. That, plus sometimes I leave work to go grab lunch. All this activity and movement makes a girl perspire. Which apparently means my feet sweat and then I wear the same few pairs of shoes and they start to get smelly.

I went out to the store to buy some Odor Eaters foot powder. I thought this would be a good solution. Except, I don’t wear the shoes that need the powder until I get to work. So if I put powder in them, and then throw them in my bag, I get to work with foot powder covering everything, including my lunch.

So I need suggestions, people! I’m afraid no one will talk to me at work because of my foot odor problem!

(I have opinions on the trial, TRUST ME, because I’ve been insanely obsessed with it since it started. IN MAY. But I’m not a lawyer, I don’t know the whole story. All I know is that those jurors felt there was reasonable doubt and decided the way they did. And it is not their fault, nor the fault of the judicial system if you disagree with their verdict. /soapbox)

Instead of that, let’s talk about shoes!

Here’s my situation: I currently take the bus and train to work. I don’t have to walk a whole lot, but there is some walking and 18 flights of stairs. (You think I’m kidding? Take the green or pink line out of the Clinton stop. Brings a whole new meaning to ELEVATED.) I generally wear shoes to commute in that are not my work shoes – gym shoes, flip flops, etc. This is for comfort and also so I don’t eff up my nice shoes. Pounding the pavement isn’t so good for my cheap, Target flats.

I tend to wear gym shoes with socks in the colder months. Because if my feet are cold, my entire being is cold. My body’s thermostat is located in my large, size-11 feet. So, conversely, in the summer, I do not like covered shoes. On Thursdays, when I play dodgeball, I wear my gym shoes as my commuting shoes. And not only do they make me a sweaty mess, they look ridiculous with my outfit:

I love flip flops. I think they go with anything – work pants, skirts, dresses, etc. And I’m fine with flip flops being my standard commuting shoe. But, I’ve recently noticed that flip flops are kind of shitty if you’re walking a lot. And even though I said I don’t walk a ton on my commute, as the days and weeks add up, it seems to be taking a toll on my legs and back. And if I run any errands after work, it can wreck havoc on my lower back. (Yay for getting old!)

So, wise internet, I need some help. In addition to the fact that I want more support for my feet, I also realized that an easy way to get in some exercise is to do some more walking on commute days – get off one stop earlier, walk from train station and skip bus, etc. So I think proper shoes are needed for this.

What do we think of something like this? (And no, don’t try and talk me out of the flip flop as a whole because it isn’t going to happen. See: feet and thermostat.)

I was also thinking that I could go with something like this, which would hopefully have more support than a regular flat (which also are not good for a lot of walking and standing):

What say you internet? You’re my only hope!

Anyway, Noah has a project at school right now where he has a travelling bear (also named Noah) and he needs to have his bear go all over the world. He’s been in Chicago to a Bulls game, he’s been to Mexico, he’s been to Atlanta, but he has so many more wonderful places that he needs to go visit.

And that is where you all come in.

Would you be willing to print out this adorable bear and take a photo of him in your city or town? Or have him do fun things like attend events? Anything to enlighten his boring, bear life?

You can even write a little story of his adventures while he was visiting with you and then mail them to Noah the person so he can show his classmates how awesome of an Auntie he has, and all the exciting places Noah the Bear got to go!

And, Noah would really like Noah the Bear to go to China, so if anyone knows anyone in China, let me know.

If you would be interested in participating, either leave a comment or send me an email at fullofsnark (at) gmail (dot) com and I can email you a photo of Noah the Bear to print out with the instructions.

The Noahs and I would be super grateful to all of you that are willing to help. All people who participate will be entered into a drawing for a $10 Amazon gift card. And I’d be more than willing to repay the favor if your kids ever have this project. I mean, what kid doesn’t want a photo of his bear with a drunk lady, a cat and an empty bottle of wine?

Thanks for all your help!

But as much as I don’t like to post something just to post, I know if I go any longer without posting, I’m going to give it up altogether. (Can I use the word post any more in one sentence? Geez.) So I’m forcing myself to write, and asking you to help me make some decisions with my furniture. It’s a win-win! For everyone! Or just me.

So I’m currently looking for a linen cabinet to put in my bedroom. In my last apartment, I had this really nice built in linen cabinet where I put sheets and towels and stored miscellaneous/extra bathroom items. And because I don’t have something like that in my condo, I’m on the hunt for something like that to use for storage and MAYBE get some damn boxes out of the entryway. It’s only been three damn months since I moved in.

Last Friday I took a trip to IKEA to see what they had as options. Since I drive a small Nissan Sentra, I wasn’t planning on buying anything that day, I just needed to look around and see my options in person, and not just online. Plus there is also a futon thing I’m looking at there that I needed to see in person (and now need to measure the bedroom wall to make sure it will fit).

Here is one option for the linen storage thingy.

It’s actually from the children’s furniture, but it totally will serve the purpose I need.

Here’s option two:

It would force me to keep it neat since people can SEE IN IT.

Here’s the dilemma. My bedroom furniture is all light wood. It’s a dresser, nightstand and TV stand. None of it matches, it’s not part of a set. My dresser was the main piece I built around because it’s awesome and tall and holds a ton of stuff.

So I’m worried about things not matching. Would it be weird to get a white or yellow cabinet that doesn’t match? Also, would it be weird to have white bedroom furniture, because I kind of want to get this as a TV stand now.

White furniture totally screams children’s room, doesn’t it? I had white furniture as a kid. I should stop shopping in the children’s section of IKEA and just get the yellow cabinet, huh? I just don’t know. GAH! Can you help me? What do you suggest? A whole new bedroom set? (HAHAHAHA!)

Feel free to leave other ideas (with links, preferably) in the comments.

My friend Jenny is currently one of the 10 finalists for Chicago Woman of the Year. Earlier this year, her mom nominated her and she is now one of the top 10 and if anyone needs to win, it’s Jenny.

You can read her story and the story her mom wrote to nominate her here.

Jenny has been through a lot, as you’ll read in the story. She lost her dad right before Christmas to his long battle with cancer. She is extremely close with her family and her dad was her hero. And she held her family together through a lot of stuff when he was sick.

I only met her dad over the phone because he was the one who helped me look at my agreement from Slapdick Consulting and advised me not to sign.

I met Jenny through a mutual friend and she invited me to be a part of her book club. So I owe her for introducing me to some awesome ladies and learning me to read books only to drink wine and eat corn dip once a month.

She is really an amazing person. You will never meet a nicer human being. She makes everyone else around her a priority and will do anything to help out a friend or loved one. How she stayed as strong as she did through her dad getting sick and passing away without crumbling under the pressure is a testament to her character and how strong she is. And why she should be voted Chicago’s Woman of the Year.

In addition, with a victory, she’ll get money donated to charity in her name. And she’s chosen Imerman Angels to be the lucky recipient if she wins. Imerman Angels is a Chicago-based organization that connects people fighting cancer with individuals who have beaten that specific cancer. It also assists caregivers. Jonny Imerman, the founder of the organization and a cancer survivor himself, personally helped her family cope with the events of the last year surrounding her dad’s battle with Melanoma.

All it takes is a few simple clicks to cast your vote for her. You can vote once a day from now until March 31. I would really appreciate it if you could take a few seconds out of your day to give her some votes.

She is so deserving and I know it would mean the world to her. So please vote. You all rock!

Edited to Add: I think the voting link is updated. You can always get to the voting page from the main Chicago Woman of the Year page here. You’re voting for Jennifer Duda. Let me know if there are still issues!