But I figured I would take some time and remind myself what this holiday is about and what I am thankful for this year. In no particular order:

• My family
• My amazing friends who check up on me after I have oral surgery and are there for me whenever I need them, and I for them
• My cats and their unconditional love
• An awesome job that I love
• A job with health and dental insurance so I can take care of myself and go through oral surgery, you know, for fun
• A roof above my head that I bought, all by myself
• Thanksgiving mimosas
• My TV and DVR
• More pain killers from the dentist (I went today and boy oh boy, do I have a good blog post about it)
• All of you reading this site right now!

I just looked through my archives and I’m sure I’ve posted something very similar to this the past few years. But it doesn’t mean it isn’t true. And sometimes, it takes holidays like this to remind us how lucky we all are. It’s nice to sit and think about all the good things we have, instead of focusing on the bad, and remember that life is good.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving (or Thursday outside the US)!

I’ve always been tough. I didn’t have the easiest upbringing and I kind of figured out at an early age that it is just easier to do shit yourself than depend on other people.

I also have a high threshold for pain, so it is very easy to seem tough because a few Advil will solve most any problem. This is who I am. I am tough and strong. Rawr.

So when I get a chink in my armor, it is very upsetting to me. Like I have some fatal flaw. It’s just not allowed.

This oral surgery has kicked my ass. I have had oral surgery one other time in my life, back when I was 22 and had my wisdom teeth out. It was the only time I’ve gone under general anesthesia and it was relatively easy. I was back eating solid foods like two days later.

But that was an easy surgery. My teeth weren’t impacted. All four of the teeth were actually in, so it wasn’t that bad of a surgery. I probably could have done it under local, but was not offered the option.

This surgery was not easy. My tooth had rotted and there wasn’t anything left above the gum line. And because he was doing a bone graft and later an implant, he had to make sure he was careful in removing the tooth (all of it) and preserve as much of my jaw bone as possible. This all sounds easy until the whole thing got started.

There was sawing the tooth in parts to remove. There was banging, BANGING, with what sounded like a hammer, to MOVE MY JAW BONE OUT OF THE WAY. Like STRETCH it, so there was room for him to like cut the gum and get the tooth out and I just passed out thinking about all of this again.

I expected this recovery to be like the last time. I expected to be fine by Sunday and had even planned a trip to Target. (HAHAHAHA!) I didn’t expect such debilitating pain. And I didn’t expect to be out of my pain meds before Monday. I didn’t expect this much pain AT ALL.

But I forgot the fact that I’m 12 years older. I forgot that this is a whole different, more intensive surgery. I forgot that I grind my teeth at night, which is giving my jaw not as much time to heal, since I’m constantly putting pressure on it throughout the night.

I went back to work on Monday. I was feeling OK. I wasn’t taking my Norco during work hours, so I had to rely on Advil alone. And Advil wasn’t doing much. Add to that the fact that I hadn’t been awake for more than four hours at a time and you can see why come 2 PM on Monday, I was not feeling good.

I told myself to tough it out. I’m tough! It was just a tooth extraction! I have had three days to recover! SUCK IT UP, PUSSY!

But I couldn’t. I caved. I left early yesterday and went home and slept. And iced my jaw and slept some more. And it was exactly what I needed. I tried to do too much, too soon. And it came back to bite me in the ass and my body told me it had enough.

I may have had to turn in my Tough Girl Card. But at least I was smart enough to go home. Because sometimes tough = stupid.

I haven’t been back here in awhile. It was 2008, I think. To say it is weird being back is an understatement.

I spent six years in the Bay Area. It was really my most formative years. I became who I am today in those six years. It was post-college and I was exploring a whole new world of becoming an adult. And not only that, I was living 3,000 miles away from my family and knew not a soul in California.

I wouldn’t trade those six years for anything. Yeah, looking back, it was not always the best time, but I met some of my very best friends and strengthened the friendship with my two best friends who moved up to join me in CA a year after I did.

But I don’t miss being there. It was surreal to be driving up the 101 after I landed Wednesday night, into the City, past the football stadium where I spent a majority of my Sundays. The feeling I had wasn’t of longing. It was more of trepidation. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I went through A LOT there. Like I said, it shaped who I am.

And maybe it would be different if I was coming back to a place that was the same as I left it. It’s not. Most of my people aren’t there anymore. Yes, there are a few that are, but the rest of us are spread out all over the country.

Maybe that’s where the bit of sadness comes in. I was there alone, relaxing, and I miss people. Driving up to SF isn’t the same when you know that there are people who don’t live there anymore.

But I made the most of it and hung out with my friends who are still there and even got to see friends from Minnesota who were in SF to visit. They came as I was leaving and we had just enough time to catch up over lunch on Sunday!

More about my trip when I recover from it and the actually get some damn sleep. STUPID JET LAG!

The plan was that my sister was going to take the train down and we’d meet at Navy Pier around lunch time. Well, they missed the train, so she ended up driving to my house and we all took the bus and the train downtown together.

My sister is not much of a city person. She loves the country. She’s the exact opposite of me. So she doesn’t take public transportation much. But it was fun to take all of them on the CTA with me. Maddie enjoyed being on the bus, for sure!

It was a perfect day – the weather was beautiful, in the upper 80s and sunny! It was the first warm day since probably last summer! I mean, shit, it was 40 on Friday! We took our time and just enjoyed being together. It was exactly what I needed.

At the cheer competition, I got to meet the family my sister nannies for. They are really nice people and the kids are adorable. The dad was really nice and just like me and talks to everyone. At one point I was giving my sister a break and watching Maddie crawl around on the cement floor and he said to me “wow, you can see how much she loves her auntie.” Then he asked if I had kids of my own, yada, yada, and then I had to chase her away from picking up a crumb on the ground and eating it.

This man had never met me before, but he’ll never realize how much that comment meant to me. I mean, I do love my nieces and nephews so, so much, and they know it. And I want them to love me just as much. But it makes me happy to have others see it. I’m sure it’s an ego thing, but since I currently have no kids of my own, it’s important to me to be a part of their lives.

Every time I mention to people that I previously lived in Arizona and California, 99% of them will always follow that up with “why on Earth did you move back?” And I explain that it was to be closer to my family. It is probably what a lot of people say, but I mean it. I moved back to Chicago for my nephews (this was pre-nieces). I do not regret it for one day because Tommy, Noah, Skyler and Maddie KNOW their Auntie and they love their Auntie and they get excited to see me! THAT is why I moved back. Seeing them only a few times a year wasn’t going to work for me.

That one sentence from a person I didn’t even know made me realize that this is what life is about. It’s not about material goods, or work or how much money you have in your bank account. Family is what it is about. And as long as you have that, you’re good to go.

And this is what I need to remember.

Unless if you’re family who shares my shoebox-sized condo with me for months at a time. Then all bets are off.

It’s a known fact that I spread myself too thin. While I can be the laziest person known to man, I also am willing to give up my lazy time to hang out with the people that I love.

That’s what I did this past weekend. Skyler turned five last Tuesday, so I drove up to her house on Friday evening after work to go to her birthday party that she was having with her friends. She’s so grown up and has two boyfriends in her class. SO CUTE!

On Saturday morning, I woke up early (earlier than I get up for work, FYI) and got ready to go sit outside and watch Skyler play soccer. She had two games, so I was outside in the chilly fall morning for two hours watching her run around on a soccer field. She even scored a goal! That was before she decided she just wanted to stand in the net and play goalie, even though there are no goalies in the U6 soccer league. Apparently two games is one too many for five year olds because she was D-O-N-E, DONE with that soccer nonsense about halfway through the second game.

After soccer, I drove from my brother’s house to my mom’s house for party number two – a combo birthday for Skyler and Gram. Most of the family was coming, including a little baby that I hadn’t seen in awhile. Can you believe she’s four months old already?

It was a grand old time. There were excellent appetizers and then we ordered pizza for dinner. I stuffed myself silly.

But at some point, oh about 5 PM, I kind of lost my shit. See, I live by myself. I like that. I like having time alone sometimes. I also like to spend time on Saturdays watching college football, especially now since Sarah and Laurie convinced me to write weekly recaps over on Draft Day Suit.

So I took a break. I went into the TV room to relax and watch some football. And then, because it is a small house and there were a lot of people in it, I didn’t get to spend enough time by myself. And then there were a lot of people around and it was loud and I lost it. I yelled and threw a bit of a fit and tried to find a spot to regroup, alone, and basically failed.

I decided I should go home. On top of my crabby mood, I wanted to watch the Ohio State/Wisconsin game, which was on cable, which my mom doesn’t have. Finally, about an hour later, after cake and ice cream and goodbyes, I was on my way home. Sitting in traffic. Which did a lot for my mood, as I’m sure you could imagine.

On my way home, I felt bad. I shouldn’t have lost it and gotten so angry. But, you know what? We all have bad days. We women, especially, have those kinds of days, when good ol’ Aunt Flo stops by for a visit. Combine that with being exhausted and just wanting 10 minutes of quiet, and well, you can see why I lost it.

I started to feel guilty on my drive home. I thought about how selfish I was being because I wanted to be by myself, when it was a family gathering. That I can suck it up for ONE DAY and not be all by myself and enjoy the company of others. But then I talked myself out of that. I had just spent a majority of the weekend with others, doing things for others, so I was the opposite of selfish. I do a lot for my family. I don’t mind it at all. I love that my nieces and nephews love me to pieces and that I am a big part of their lives. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

But I also like my life. I like quiet evenings on my couch with my stupid cats. I like spending winter weekends inside, in my PJs, just watching TV and catching up on my DVR. I need these days. They help keep me sane. They help me not spread myself too thin. And they help me keep it all together. They help me be the best person I can be, to everyone in my life.

Is it just normal to feel guilty when these kinds of things happen? Are we expected to be perfect at all times? How do you handle those stressful times?

And don’t even get me started on the fact that I immediately beat myself up, because if I can’t handle a day like that, how will I ever be able to handle being a mom, especially if I end up being a single mom?

/pityparty

:::

Oh, happy birthday to my blog! She turned four today! I think I will give her a shot, a beer and a piece of cake!

I know not many people will be reading posts today, but you know what? It isn’t Thanksgiving in Canada and I know plenty of Canadians that will be DYING to read something from me today! (Not really. I’ve had wine so I have an inflated ego.)

Anyway, I’m feeling really good. It could be the wine, it could also be that I just watched that Biggest Loser reunion special. Or it could be that I am really feeling good, better, loving life. So I wanted to just get all verklempt and remind myself that even when things seem down and horrible, I do have a lot to be thankful for.

Amy mentioned how growing up, Thanksgiving was her least favorite holiday. Mine too. I mean, no presents. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve really come to appreciate it. When I lived away from home for 10 years, I very rarely got to spend Thanksgiving with blood relatives. Instead I spent it with friends who were family, friends who I still consider family because through all those years we were all there for each other, transplanted orphans who made the holidays work, even though none of us were with relatives.

And for some reason, this year I’m feeling very thankful. I’m ENJOYING the holidays and this time of year. I’m happy. (Again, could be the wine.) (I haven’t had that much, I swear!)

Anyway, I wanted to list a few things I’m thankful this holiday season:

• I’m thankful for this blog and all of you. Seriously. Every single person who reads this blog, I am thankful that you do. You don’t really understand blogging and the community until you’re in it. It has been one of the best things I have ever done in my life. You’re there when I have to write something that is very hard for me and you give me nothing but support. Not only do I have an outlet, I have friends, some of the best friends a girl could ask for, people who are there when I need them and know exactly when to send an inappropriate ecard to brighten my day. I love you all!
• My mom. I don’t think my mom hears that enough. I hope she knows how much I appreciate her and am thankful I got handed her the day they were handing out moms. I couldn’t ask for a bigger champion. She will tell me I can do anything, ANYTHING, and be there every step of the way as I set out to do it. It’s amazing to have someone like that. I hope you all do.
• I am thankful for my condo. I know I don’t clean it enough and I still haven’t unpacked and still have furniture to buy, but I love every single thing about it – the washer and dryer, the dishwasher, that it is ALL NEW and ALL MINE. I can’t wait to decorate it for Christmas. (People, I’ve never been this person. EVER.)
• I am thankful for my cats. As annoying as they are (seriously, how can you puke THAT MUCH), they love me unconditionally and they provide good blog fodder. And they let me stick labels to them.
• I am thankful for Bacon. I think we all are. Even my Jewish friends. Challah!
• I am thankful for having a furnace. An honest to goodness furnace that I CAN CONTROL! After years of living either in California or with radiators controlled by someone else, I am so glad that when I’m cold, I can TURN ON THE HEAT! I swear, it is the little things.
• Wine. It is the font of wisdom.
• My friends. All of you. The ones inside the computer box and the ones I can reach out and touch and can clink glasses of wine with. I’m really feeling like I have a great group of people here in Chicago.
• My DVR. I’m always thankful for my DVR and it’s ability to record lots and lots or reality television.
• The Real Housewives series. Seriously, could all those bitches be any more crazy? And fabulous to watch?
• My family. Of course. Even though they can be crazy, I still love them because blood is thicker than water. And they’ll always pick you up at the airport.
• Wine. Did I mention I was thankful for wine?

That was sappier than I imagined it should be, but it’s heartfelt. (Again, blame the wine.) I just really am happy. Life isn’t perfect and it sucks balls sometimes, but you know what? My life is pretty great. And I hope you all take time out to remember what you’re thankful for today.

Except you Canadians. Because you just stole our holiday and made it earlier than ours so you could be smug about it. (I kid! I love Canadians!)

Have a wonderful and safe holiday everyone! May your plates be full of delicious food and your glass always be full of booze so your family is tolerable!

Gobble gobble!

And that’s why writing that post last night scared me. I didn’t know how it would be taken. It’s such a delicate subject and people have opinions on it. I didn’t sleep well last night out of fear of the comments I would wake up to.

Clearly, that was a stupid fear. Because, man, you guys, YOU ARE THE BEST! Every single one of your comments helped. I wish I could buy you each little presents or send you each handwritten thank you notes. Even just emailing back THANK YOU to all of you seemed insincere. But know that each and every comment made me smile and made me feel better and made me feel a little less alone and a lot more loved. And that, that is why I blog. That is why I share with you. I’m honored and touched to have such an amazing group of readers who genuinely care about me and my well-being. And now I really am getting verklempt.

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In other news, I seem to have kicked The Tireds. As I mentioned a lot recently, I was exhausted. Beat down, dragged-through-the-mud exhausted the last week or so. I blamed it on starting anti-depressants again. I wasn’t ruling out mono, though, since I imagine that’s what the tiredness of mono feels like, where just moving your body is hard and makes you want to cry big fat crocodile exhaustion tears.

It was seriously killing my social life. I had to cancel plans, leave a bachelorette party early, call in sick to work. In fact, I slept 17 hours on Monday after calling in sick because I couldn’t keep my eyes open. And because I had had enough of this, I did some research online about the drug I’m taking. Apparently it either makes you really alert, or makes you really sleepy. Five years ago, it made me alert. This time? It made me sleepy.

So after consulting many a website and message board, I found out that if it makes you sleepy, you’re supposed to take the medicine at night. You know, when you’re normally sleepy and not trying to function, you know, when you’re ASLEEP. So last night, I decided to start doing just that. AND HOLY SHIT! THEY WERE RIGHT! I woke up this morning and I was AWAKE! I went the whole day not wanting to curl up under my desk and pull a Costanza. My brain was actually functioning and I wasn’t trying to work through a head full of cotton candy! HUZZAH! I could not be more excited! I feel like a new woman!

Because seriously, that medicine was making me so damn tired it was making me more depressed.

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I bought these reusable sandwich baggies off Etsy. I always use plastic baggies in my lunch for chips and/or crackers. So in an effort to be more green, I thought these bags would be PERFECT!

I got them in the mail today and I made my lunch using two of the three I got. I used them for my chips (to go with my sandwich) and for my crackers (to go with my hummus). Problem is, as I realized after PACKING the cute little reusable bags, they aren’t air-tight, so I’m pretty sure I’m going to end up with stale chips and crackers for lunch tomorrow.

Do you see what I do for you Mother Nature? DO YOU SEE? If I ever have kids, they better thank me.

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I spent some time this weekend with my niece and nephew. They are always the cure for whatever ails me. It is impossible for me to be sad or mad or grumpy (or sleepy or dopey or doc) when I’m around them.

Every time I get to their house, they both run towards me and both start talking a mile a minute and telling me everything that has happened to them in the last few days. Noah always tells me what boards he’s gotten past on whatever video game he’s playing at the moment. Skyler tells me about something the cats or dog did, and they both tell me these things, excitedly, AT THE SAME TIME! It’s adorable that they get so excited to see me that they fight for my attention. I hope that never changes. NEVER EVER.

I had to leave Sunday while Skyler was napping. And when she got up, she asked “Where’s Auntie?” So she had my brother call me to so she could tell me goodbye and that she loved me.

That will turn any frown upside down.

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I need more ideas for DINAO for this week. If you have any, leave them in the comments! It probably won’t be as easy as last week.