So this past weekend, I babysat my niece and nephew on Valentine’s Day so my brother and SIL could go out and have a romantic evening. They saw a scary movie and went to Panera for dinner. And Kim came home and made us chocolate fondue. It was the best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had, for sure!

When I stay over there, I sleep in the bedroom in the basement. It was my room when I lived there four years ago. They still refer to it as Auntie’s Room. Every time I sleep in that room, I have the best night of sleep of my life. It is so dark and cool in that room. It is so conducive to sleeping. If it weren’t for the monsters running around above my sleepy head at 7 AM, I would literally sleep in that bed for 17 hours.

I’ve not been sleeping well lately. I figured it was stress and just normal sleeping habits. I’m usually up a few times during the night. I roll over, look at the clock and usually fall right back asleep. It’s not bad, but I should be able to sleep through most of the night, right? It never occurred to me that it could be an issue as to why I’m so fucking sleepy most days. Until I mentioned it to Darcey and she was all “what’s the temperature like in your room?”

And then I’m like “it is a fucking mess! I hate radiators! It’s either cold or sweaty hot! I’m constantly throwing off the blankets and then putting them back on!”

It wasn’t until this past weekend, sleeping so well in that cold, dark basement room, that I figured Darcey might be on to something. Maybe it is just too hot in my room. Maybe that was preventing me from getting a good night’s sleep. So I came home from my brother’s and turned off the radiator in my room. And since I did that Sunday night, I’ve slept like a baby. Now I just need to work on it being pitch black in my room. Maybe I need to get a sleep mask. I can tell you for sure, when I move to my condo and have to buy window treatments, I’m so thinking about a blackout shade for my bedroom. It will be my Lair of Looooove.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So did you know I have another election to vote in in two weeks? It’s the special election to replace my boyfriend Rahm Emanuel’s seat in the House.

Right now, there are like 15 candidates. The primary is in March and right now, I’m leaning towards voting for the guy who follows me on Twitter. Is that wrong? I mean, I’m kind of impressed that a possible elected official is on Twitter and using it for good. And not talking about the lint he found in his belly button or something.

Maybe I’ll ask Fake Rahm Emanuel who he endorses. Because honestly, most days I’m not entirely convinced that Fake Rahm Emanuel isn’t really my boyfriend Real Rahm Emanuel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So speaking of my new condo, I am SO READY to move. My closing date cannot come fast enough. I am so fed up with my stupid apartment. This goes beyond the crappy radiators that ruin my sleep.

I came home tonight to a note that said “oh, by the way, your power is probably going to be off from 9-4 tomorrow. Sorry!”

At first I didn’t care and was so happy I don’t work from home. And then I was like “Now I have to come home and RE-SET ALL MY CLOCKS! WAH!” And then ”This better not fuck up my DVR!” And finally “if my food spoils I will go postal on the fucking leasing company!”

So what did I do? I went passive aggressive on their ass and left them a nasty voicemail. And told them that I will be seeking reimbursement when I lose ALL MY GROUND TURKEY AND BOCA BURGERS!

And then I hung up. Because I’m as mature as a 25 year old.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I met Heather from The Spohrs Are Multiplying at BlogHer last year. (Or Blog Camp as she likes to call it.) And if you go to BlogHer for no other reason, it is to meet people like Heather (and others), who you probably would have never crossed paths with on the internet. Because holy hell there are a lot of bloggers out there! It was the last day of the conference as everyone was leaving for the airport. I tagged along with Ali, which was a running theme of the weekend because Ali knows everyone and is kind of uber-famous and I’m not sure why she talks to me. So I went with Ali and the Spohrs, Heather and Mike, to grab some coffee. I only met them for such a short time, but I’m glad I did. They are such great people.

So my friend Heather is currently raising money to participate in the March of Dimes March for Babies event. Heather has the CUTEST daughter ever, Maddie, who was born premature and got a lot of help early on from the March of Dimes. And once you take one glance at Maddie, you will fall madly in love with her infectious smile and the biggest blue eyes you have ever seen. And you will want to help this great cause.

Heather is asking for donations. And while I know it is a very tough time economically right now, I’m asking on Heather’s behalf because I think this is money well spent. March of Dimes is an excellent cause. And to top it all off, Heather is giving away PRIZES to people who contribute. And they are good prizes from Kodak. You get one raffle ticket for each dollar you donate. To find out more, including how to donate and the fabulous prizes, go here.

So go, donate. And win fabulous prizes! It’s like the Price is Right with a good karma bonus prize!

I told my stylist and she was excited for me. And she told me that if I changed my mind, I could always cut my hair. I told her it wouldn’t happen because I was doing this! I was going to donate my locks!

The thing is, I haven’t really had long hair since high school. My hair is flat, has no body and doesn’t do much, so that much hair around my face just looks so blah. Well, at least it did in high school when I didn’t blow dry it and wore it in a pony tail every day, tied back with a Notre Dame scrunchie. Yes, really. I much prefer shorter, shoulder-length hair. I like layers and color and highlights! Oh my!

So the reason I wanted to do Locks of Love is because it truly would be a sacrifice for me. Growing my hair out is going to be a huge pain in the ass. It was something that I knew wasn’t going to be easy, especially when summer came around and I just wanted that hair off my neck. But that’s why I wanted to do it. Because really, the sacrifice of growing your hair, DOES NOT EVER COMPARE to having cancer. Not even in the same galaxy. But this, this was a way I could help and feel good about it and feel like I did something.

And then one day I was talking to Nic about it. And she decided that it was her job to RUIN MY PLAN. She’s like that sometimes. She sent me the link to this article about hair donations. The fact of the matter is that so few hair donations are actually used in the making of wigs. Because human hair has to be pristine to make a wig, donated hair cannot be damaged or bleached or imperfect at all. So a vast majority of all those ponytails? They get sold by the Locks of Love people for money. Money which goes to cover the costs of running the organization and sometimes buying hair to actually make the wigs.

So then I was torn. It’s nice to know that even if your hair doesn’t make a wig, it can help out somehow. But I wasn’t sure it was going to be enough. Was it worth it to go through all of it to donate it, where maybe someone could use it for a wig or sell it? I agree with Amalah and think it is better to donate money.

But I’m bummed. Like I said, growing my hair would be an enormous pain in my ass. I know it will. It’s already starting to at its at my shoulders. I wanted to go through that annoyance to make a difference. Yes, I can write a check. But so can everyone. I feel like I wanted to do something more. I want to give money, but I want to make myself do something for that money.

So I’m thinking of running a little donation on my site. I’m thinking of still growing out my hair. But when I get to the point where I want to cut it off, I’ll donate $10 for every inch cut off. Or maybe I’ll give $1 to charity for every comment on a selected post in the future. Or, something else?

This is where all you creative people come in. What do you all think? What would be a fun contest/donation to have here? Obviously I’m not made of money, but I want to help. And at the same time, I want to do something that may not be the most fun thing, or simple thing, to do. And maybe the Hotfessional will even make a pretty little button for my site!

Leave your suggestions in the comments! All ideas are subject to my discretion, so naked cartwheeling in center field during a Cubs game this spring is not an option.

Ahem.

So this is my 400th post! Are you all so excited? I mean, it only took me about 2 years to reach this elusive level. A level a lot of bloggers reach in a little over a year because they write everyday or close to it. They don’t write about being overwhelmed and then FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

I’m still here. I was not swallowed up by the FIVE HOUR INTERVIEW OF DEATH. (I told them to shove their interview up their assholes.) I’m still overwhelmed and I’m trying to deal with it. A job would really help that situation.

Anyway, I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to celebrate my 400th POST OF AWESOMENESS! Where awesomeness = LOTS OF CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!

Oh, and Bacon!

So in honor of my 400th post, I wanted to do something special for all of you. All of you who continue to come here and read these posts for God only knows what reason.

Nic suggested that I give out gifts. And we both agreed, the prize should involve bacon. Because what more would all of you want than a Bacon gift?

The correct answer is nothing.

I’m giving away not one, but TWO, prizes to TWO lucky readers.

First prize will be this lovely prize, of Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu.

And second prize will be Bacon band-aids!

I know you’re all going to be fighting over these fabulous prizes. Who wouldn’t want BACON BAND-AIDS?

To enter, leave a comment and tell me why you deserve to win. Bonus points awarded for saying nice things about me and/or Bacon. Or your creative uses for one of the prizes, i.e. going to work with a Bacon band-aid on your nose or photographing Monsieur Tofu stealing bacon from the fridge in the middle of the night.

I’ll keep the contest open until Wednesday night at 10 PM CST.

Good luck! Comment away!

First off, I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who donated! I reached my goal and raised over $1,000! And in the coming weeks, one of you lucky donaters will win a cooler that I should be receiving for my fine solicitation skills. In addition, our six-person team raised almost $6,000 for the American Cancer Society. Yay team!

Today was actually a pretty nice day. The rain held off and the sun was out most of the day. It was a bit chilly, especially when we were walking right next to the lake, but nothing like a bit of cold air and the threat of losing your ear lobes to frostbite to push you that extra step to get your fat, lazy across the finish line.

As promised, here is a photo tour of Kristabella and her fat ass, dressed in black, mourning the death of her streak of inactivity, along the five-mile course.

At the beginning, our young heroine was all happy and sunshine and puppies and rainbows. At this point, she had regained the air back into her lungs after running 1/2 a block to the train and up two flights of stairs in what seemed like 10 seconds. She did this AND swiped her CTA card and didn’t even have to jump the turnstile. It took about 8 stops along the way for the wheezing to stop.

It was all smiles and thumbs up until we actually had to WALK.

The one bad thing about this event is that you are cramming like thousands of walkers on one small sidewalk along the route. And let me tell you (I’m talking to you, kids), walking means actually moving your feet and legs to propel yourself forward, NOT stand in one place. I have nice long legs. It actually hurts me deep in my soul when I have to take teensy small baby steps.

The great thing about the walk is the views along the way. Chicago is such a great city. Here I am about two miles in, resting my wheezing body, while taking in a great view. Oooh! Pretty water! And boats!

Or maybe I’m wistfully thinking about the lunch and beer I will be consuming once I finish this walk.

As the walk went on, the idiot slow walkers fell far behind and we moved to the middle of the pack to the people who take normal sized steps. We were nearing the turnaround point, heading into the home stretch and I could feel my muscles rebelling. I told them to “REJOICE! The end is near! Soon we shall sit down and drink barley and hops!”

That was not comforting to them. So we had to stop for water breaks to rest and fight the muscle rebellion going on between the quadriceps and hamstrings. And other muscley names of things in my body.

Whew! All this walking and breathing sure makes a girl thirsty. And over-dramatic.

Finally, after what seemed like 10 more miles, we made it to the end. And I finished! Look! I even smiled!

And then I died.

The end.

Thanks again to everyone who donated! It means a lot to me that you all were so generous! And if you still want to donate, like you forgot or you feel sorry for me and all that walking I did, oh how EXAUSTING, then you can still click here or on the badge to the right to contribute.

:::::

In other news, I bought this purse at Target this weekend, and I’m not sure if I like it. I can’t decide if it is cute or if I’ve turned into an old lady and next I’m going to wear orthopedic shoes and smell like moth balls and complain about those damn kids and their loud rock and roll.

What do you think?

(I know you’re all scratching your heads wondering how we could even be related.)

In return I broke the plate I was washing and went to STAB her in the eye with the pointy piece of plate in my hand. Until she reminded me she brought the American Idol Karaoke game for the Wii. And all was forgiven as I sang out my anger on a lovely rendition of “Come Sail Away” by Styx.

We also had ribs for dinner, which was a great way to stuff my childless, spinster face. And celebrate the moms all at the same time. Nothing says “Thanks Mom!” like a full slab of ribs and a baked potato.

~~~~~~~~

In other news, I wanted to let everyone know that my five-mile walk for the American Cancer Society is next Sunday! And I’m still $130 away from my goal. So I’m now resorting to BEGGING to get me to my goal. Because the $1,000 milestone is a lovely cooler as a prize, which I will be raffling off to all of my blog readers that donate! (Read original begging here.)

So do you see that lovely, cute button over there on my right-hand sidebar? Click there and donate! It can be $5 or $10 or whatever you want to give to such a great charity like the American Cancer Society!

Thanks to all the lovely people that have donated! I am AMAZED by all your generosity! I’m so excited to walk my ass off for your donations. I’m planning to plan hilarious photos along the walk to share with you next week. Possibly after an Irish Coffee or two.

So if you can, please help me and click here or on the button on the right to help me get to my goal and help kick cancer in the balls!

Plus, you might also win a cooler! A cooler that will hold beer or other refreshing adult beverages.

Isn’t is SO cute? I begged Hotfessional to help me make a cute little button and she ROCKED it. Because well, she rocks!

My company is participating in the American Cancer Society’s annual Walk & Roll. I’m walking five miles in May and am hoping to raise some money for a great cause. So I was wondering if you would like to donate some money to a good cause. Please! Pretty please with sugar on top! And a martini! If so, please click on that cute little button and donate some money. Every little bit helps, so if you can, I would appreciate it. One dollar, five dollars, it all goes to help us kick cancer’s ass!

And, in case you needed more reasons, I shall give them to you:

1. Cancer affects way too many people. And sadly most people have known at least one person that has been affected. Wouldn’t you like to kick cancer in the balls for what it has done to people we know and love?
2. My friend Amber works for the American Cancer Society. And she would appreciate your donation. And why should you care about my friend Amber? Because she’s the one that gave me Bacon.
3. I promise to document the race. Taking photos at every mile marker, getting wearier and wearier as the day goes on. Because I walked three miles last night and I was sore. So five miles is going to kick my ass.
4. I may bring a flask for the walk for some Irish coffee and just think of the hilarity that will ensure over five miles!
5. If I raise more than $250, I get a prize. And whatever I am awarded, will be given out to one lucky donater! A contest! Wouldn’t you love a Walk & Roll T-shirt? Or a Walk & Roll water flask? You know your life won’t be complete until you own a piece of Walk & Roll merchandise.
6. And finally, I can’t match all the donations since I am not rich, but I will contribute $1 for every person who donates. So if 25 people donate, I’ll kick in an extra $25. Make me poor, bitches!

Don’t you just want to help? So go on, click the cute button! And don’t worry, I’ll be reminding you all frequently until May 18.

And thank you to all of you for your willingness to help!