There were a few reasons for it. One, money. I mean, San Diego is far and I’ve already spent a lot of money this year on my trip to Jamaica. Two, time off. I was hoping to have a new job some time before August 2011 (WHICH I DO, YAY!) and knew getting time off wasn’t going to be easy. Three, last year was super overwhelming and hot damn there were a lot of people. Four, a lot of my people weren’t going. And while I do have many, many friends that are going, my roomies weren’t going. And once you’ve roomed with the same people so many times, why switch it up? We had it down to a routine!

So instead, I’m going to Toronto to visit part of my home base. Because she too is not attending this year. And we have dubbed the weekend BBQHer because……well, I don’t know. I think because he BBQs?

Don’t worry, we won’t be eating people. That I know of. Canada is a whole other country.

But apparently there is a fun weekend of activities planned! Including the Toronto Beer Festival! And catching up with my favoritest people! And games with three adorable children! And grilled meat! I am so excited, I have no words!

I’ve been to Toronto once before. I never wrote about it on here. Mostly because I may have not mentioned the trip to my boss at the time, who thought I was working from home. (Actually she was on vacation, so she didn’t care at all.)

Well, if this is working, then I was doing just that.

We also went to a pumpkin patch. There was a petting zoo. And they had a hay ride and some weird ride that made me dizzy for the rest of the trip. And then, on the customs form on the way back, they asked a question about being around LIVESTOCK and FARM ANIMALS and I LIED! I said I wasn’t because was I going to be detained? I DIDN’T EVEN PET THEM! I JUST TOOK PHOTOS! HOW COULD GOATS BE HARMFUL?? WE LIKE FARM ANIMALS IN THE UNITED STATES!

(Wow, this post is just full of confessions! I really am an honest person! Swearsies!)

So now I’m going to go finish packing. And try to focus on making it through work tomorrow and not filling out any of the wrong forms for customs lest I get detained and this girl doesn’t get her American goodies!

I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Peace out, friends! Have a wonderful weekend!

So if you aren’t aware, I was in New York City this past weekend for BlogHer. This was my third one and I had an effing blast. Not only was it in a great city, I was surrounded by 2,500 bloggers, people who don’t get offended when you get on your phone to check Twitter at the lunch table (well except for the one lady who didn’t appreciate it when we were Twittering from the elevator).

I went into this BlogHer with no expectations. I had been to NYC one time before, so I had done a lot of the touristy things. Plus, this time it wasn’t on my stomping grounds so I didn’t have the pressure to think of restaurants and bars in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

I learned early on that one of the only ways to enjoy BlogHer is to really have no plans, no expectations. There are so! Many! People! that it is hard to see everyone, let alone talk to everyone. You just have to play everything by ear. It’s how you end up finding cute little cafes with awesome mac and cheese or sitting outside a hotel getting weird looks for wearing a McDonald’s hat on your head.

This year’s BlogHer was different. Not a bad different, just a lot different than past years. I first went in 2008, when there was a then-record 1,000 people at the conference. Compared with the 2,500 people from this year (not including the people who came to NYC but didn’t have passes), that San Francisco conference in 2008 felt like an intimate dinner party.

The problem I had with it being so big was that there are so many people there that I wanted to see. And there were so many people I didn’t get to see or meet. And that’s a bummer. But thankfully I did get to see a lot of old friends and meet some new ones.

And now I’ll attempt to recap my awesome time in NYC in bullet form:

• On Thursday night, I went to dinner with Regan and Slynnro at Colicchio & Sons. It was one of, if not THE best meals I’ve had in my life. We had 2 bottles of prosecco, my first taste of sweet, sweet hooch in three weeks. And it went right to my head, just like you’d imagine.

• I had the heirloom tomato salad, which was so tasty, but I didn’t eat all of because I knew that would probably give me off the chart heartburn. My entree was the skirt steak and short rib with edamame. It was so delicious! The short rib was so tender, it reminded me of my Grandma’s pot roast. For dessert we shared the funnel cake and chocolate-filled donuts. That Tom Colicchio, he fries a mean hunk of dough!

• I had the awesome pleasure of meeting Jenbshaw and Shauna Glenn at lunch our first day there. Ali has told me all about the fabulous Aiming Low ladies and of course they are just as awesome as she’s always said! Shauna Glenn and I are kindred spirits and I have now dubbed her my new BFF, whether she likes it or not. (We killed it on the dance floor at the Sparklecorn party Saturday night, which was one of the weekend’s highlights!)
• I finally made it to Ground Zero. It’s sad that almost nine years later they are still working on it. And also sad that it looks nothing like it did and it could just be another construction site in New York.
• Finally got to meet Isabel, who invited us to her FABULOUS TERRACE to just sit and chat and enjoy the lovely NYC weather and city living. Isabel is one of the nicest people in the entire world and I was so lucky to spend time with her at her house! Plus, we went to Dylan’s Candy on the way to her house and I love candy and three floors of candy is like my heaven.
• The Expo hall this year was insane! Insanely good! I got so many great things, so much so I had to ship it home!

• Spent time with some of my favorite people

• And there were so many others! I’m afraid to link to them all, lest I forget anyone. But let me just say, if I saw/met you this weekend, it was so much fun and I’m so glad we got to hang out. I enjoyed this weekend immensely. You are all AWESOME!

Can’t wait for San Diego in 2011!

In the last two years I’ve gone to BlogHer, I have never written something beforehand telling people about me. So I would hand out business cards and people would come here and either read a post that I DID NOT EVEN WRITE, or a post where I asked them to choose between which two hideous people you would have sex with.

So third time is a charm and now I have learned!

Hi, Internet! I’m Kristabella! And clearly I’m insane!

Here are some things you might want to know about me:

I’m tall. I’m about six feet tall with no heels.

I’m pale. I’ve been dubbed once “a different shade of pale.” You will not be able to tell the difference between my skin and that of white sheets/tablecloths.

I talk. A LOT. And when I’m drinking? You can’t shut me up. Please, shut me up. And don’t worry, I won’t be offended. I know this about myself and appreciate people who tell me to shut my yapper.

I like to drink. In fact, you are more than welcome to give me your drink tickets. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in three weeks, so I AM DUE.

I drink a lot of red wine so I end up with reddish-black teeth and tongue. It’s tres attractive.

I also laugh a lot. Mostly at jokes I make.

I created the #spinstertweets hashtag on Twitter. I’m hoping it will become all the rage and get me a book deal.

In reality, it’s pretty sad I tweet so much about my cats and single life that I could create a hashtag.

You can talk me into a lot, like stealing Cheetos.

I may seem super outgoing, especially with liquid courage, but the thought of 2500 women all in the same place freaks me the fuck out just as much as the next guy.

I love reality TV. I can talk to anyone about it. Please seek me out to talk about Jersey Shore while giving me your drink tickets! We’ll be friends for life!

This is what I look like. This is me and my niece. She’s my mini-me.

My bangs won’t look this good in the summer humidity. They will be very Farah Fawcett-esque.

So if this post hasn’t scared you off and you see me this weekend in New York, come say hello! We can hide out behind the fake trees together.

This year Bacon threatened me to not let that happen again this year. That I HAD to take him along and actually take him out of the bag and introduce him to his loyal fans. He basically told me if I didn’t, he wouldn’t be part of this blog anymore. And I told him “I do not take idle threats from a MEAT FOLDER. So shut your fucking meat face, sir.”

The following is his account of the BlogHer weekend. That he again spent inside my laptop bag the entire weekend. I’m letting him share his story so that he stops telling me to “Sizzle” and “Put the B in BLT”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi-dee-ho, Kristabella readers, it’s Bacon here. And Bacon is about to tell you the sob stories of all sob stories. About how Bacon could have been fawned over and regaled by over 1,000 people and yet, Bacon wasn’t even allowed out of the computer bag. FOR SHAME, KRISTABELLA! FOR SHAME.

So in case you were wondering, this is where Bacon spent the whole weekend of BlogHer 2009:

It was CRAMPED! And hot! And Bacon was thirsty (he is a salty, cured meat you know) and hungry and all Bacon wanted was some attention! CUE THE WAH-MBULANCE!

Bacon was so excited to make an appearance this year. This was like Bacon’s cotillion! Bacon was going to be presented to society! Of blogging-type people!

But noooooo. Bacon missed out on it all. Bacon missed out on hanging with all the fabulous ladies that shared a room with Bacon and Kristabella. Bacon even heard that two of them didn’t really eat Bacon, which automatically made them BACON’S FAVORITE PEOPLE ON THE PLANET! Bacon representing for Kosher Jews everywhere! Holla!

Bacon would hear them laughing and telling stories and having a grand old time, just PRAYING that Bacon would get to come out and join the party. But did Bacon get to come out? NO. Bacon was STUCK! And then they would leave and it would get really quiet and sometimes that cleaning lady would get a little fresh with Bacon. BACON IS NOT JUST A PIECE OF MEAT, LADIES! Um, well, yeah.

After getting fondled by Luisa the cleaning woman (hola, mi amor), the ladies would come back and laugh some more and eat chocolate Chex and talk about clothes. And then they’d change and be off again. Probably to eat because one of them is gluten-free, whatever that means. In a quick Google search, Bacon discovered that a certain salty, cured meat is gluten-free. BACON, FTW!

(Bacon didn’t actually know what FTW meant. He saw Kristabella type it once into Google, because she’s lame and didn’t know what it meant either, but she wouldn’t let him look. Bacon says “FML”.)

Bacon didn’t get to go to the Expo. Or get lots of free stuff, like 17 flash drives or free socks or free laundry detergent. Bacon also didn’t get to meet life-sized dogs, either. And Bacon loves dogs. Because dogs? ARE NOT CATS!

(Photo courtesy of Ali)

And then the parties! Lo, the parties they all talked about. Bacon didn’t get to go to any of those. And did you know there was a UNICORN THERE? Bacon thought unicorns were fake, just like people probably think Bacon is fake because HE NEVER COMES OUT! Or maybe people think Bacon is a vampire. He heard there was one of those at the party too.

(Photo courtesy of Angella)

And then there was some sort of CheeseburgHer party? Which, hello! BACON AND CHEESEBURGERS GO TOGETHER LIKE FAT KIDS AND CAKE! Or wine and more wine! Which is to say, A PERFECT MATCH!

When Kristabella got home, she went through her swag. And she was all “hey Bacon! Check out my swag! It’s a Potato Head!”

And Bacon is all “FUCK YOU WOMAN! I don’t want your swag and go tell that fucking potato head to Hang Out With Hashbrowns!” And that sent Bacon into a fit of giggles, laughing at his own hilariousness.

But Kristabella was persistent, she was all “NO, for reals Bacon, come check it out!”

So Bacon did. And Bacon fell in love. Look at those arms, aren’t they just made for hugging?

So Bacon forgives Kristabella this year. But next year he’s going to glue himself to her ass at BlogHer in New York City to see how she likes it! Because Bacon knows that’s where all the bacon she eats ends up anyway.

Hi-OH!

Bacon, out.

But alas, that didn’t happen. Because I had a thousand things to do before I headed down to the hotel to have dinner with the lovely Angella, one of my most favorite people in the world, Wednesday night before the madness started. And after dinner, Ali came to town and the madness began! Good madness, though!

(Photo borrowed from Angella)

I could talk about a thousand different things that happened over the weekend. I could talk about all the alcohol I ingested. I could talk about all the awesome parties. I could talk about the shitty wireless connection in the entire hotel. I could talk about all the awesome people I met, who I’m too lazy to link too. I could talk about how awesome it was to see all my friends and wish we had more time to hang out.

But my biggest BlogHer moment came on Friday morning while sitting in a session about TMI blogging. As soon as I sat down, I saw a person who looked really familiar. And not like I had seen her on a blog familiar. Like someone I knew in real life familiar. I wracked my brain and finally about halfway through the session, figured it was a girl who used to work for my dad. Like I was sure as sure can be. Except, I couldn’t remember her name. I thought it was Tracey, but it had been like 13 years since I had seen her, so I couldn’t be quite sure.

During the session, I Twittered Tutugirl, who happened to be sitting right next to her, and asked if she could lean over and check out her name tag. Because of the craptastic internet service in the hotel, I didn’t get her message. So Tutugirl looked like a crazy person staring at a stranger’s chest for nothing. Thanks anyway, though!

After the session, I figured I had to at least ask. So I tapped her on the shoulder and was like “this is going to sound like a weird thing to say…but I think you used to work for my dad.” And then I showed her my name tag and it was her and we hugged and it was awesome. I couldn’t believe it, still can’t believe it that it was her. That we both live in the Chicago area and we have to go to a blogging conference, a conference with 1,500 people, to run into each other. What are the odds?

I unfortunately had to be the one to tell her that my dad is dead and I said it with no sadness at all because, as I mentioned to her later, he turned into an asshole after she stopped working for him. But she was upset because she remembers only the good man. And I’m jealous because I wish I could too only have those memories. And maybe that had a little something to do with my drinking lots of alcohol that day. For so many reasons that I probably will never go into on this blog.

But I’m so happy to have run into her and have added her blog into my feed reader. Her kids are adorable and she married her boyfriend from all those years ago and now we’re both bloggers! What a crazy world, right?

(Photo borrowed from Tracey)

Other highlights from the weekend:

• FINALLY meeting Darcey!

(Photo borrowed from Ali)

• I’ve “known” Darcey probably since I started blogging. I think we met back in the days of MamaPop Talk when we would both always comment on the same things. And then we were moderators together. And now we talk almost every single day over IM/email. We’re so twins – both tall, both love sports, both love alcohol. I am so happy to have finally met her in person and I love her to pieces. Honestly, I can’t thank her enough for just being there for me this past weekend to listen and talk me down from a ledge.
• Meeting Tutugirl! She’s so nice and cute. I met her Thursday night when she came up to the group I was standing in, which happened to include Jen Lancaster. So Jen said hi to her and then they chatted. And then she said to me “I actually came over to talk to you.” And I’m pretty sure that will be the ONLY time that ever happens.
• Jen Lancaster dropping her drink ticket from the MamaPop party on the floor and promptly noticing there were like five other tickets strewn about. This lead me to yelling “it’s like fucking Christmas!”
• Having dinner with a lovely bunch of ladies on Saturday night, including one who lives in Chicago! We’re so going to play trivia soon and take a pole dancing class together! She even told me the mystery surrounding the stupid tree mascot from Stanford.
• Poppy Buxom’s fabulous party on the rooftop of a high rise with fabulous views of the city. By far the BEST party of BlogHer and the only reason to miss the Cheeseburgher party.
• Finally getting to meet Halushki, who I think is one of the funniest writers ever, and having her tell me she thinks the same thing about me and just feeling so flattered.
• Getting to spend the day Sunday decompressing with my good friend Heather. We laughed a lot. We had ice cream shakes. I got her hooked on Big Brother. We saw Harry Potter, which was great. The best part being right at the end of the movie when Heather screamed at me “DID YOU KNOW HOW THIS WAS GOING TO END?” And then I laughed because I thought she had read the books and DAMN that’s a big shock when you don’t know it is coming. And then I laughed at her some more.
• She also didn’t make fun of me for my dirty house and my annoying cats. It’s nice to wind down from a conference like this with someone who was there and could understand what the fuck you were talking about.
• I won a label maker! I can’t wait to get it! Think of the blog posts! I can label my cats’ thoughts! It will be great! Bacon will have a visual voice!
• Meeting so many of my blog readers, writers of blogs I read and all my Twitter peeps! There are too many to name them all, but every single person I met was nice and awesome!
• And so many more things I’m probably forgetting!

Overall, it was a good weekend and I’m happy that I went. It changed a lot from last year to this year, ask the people who got elbowed in the face for swag. But overall, I think no matter how big it gets, how many sponsors are around, how big the BlogHer Trade Show is, we’re all going to keep going because it’s the easiest way to see all of our friends, all in the same place. And really, we go to see the people, our friends, our community. Not for fucking trinkets.

So I went into the whole thing knowing, in person, two people out of over a thousand. It was a tad intimidating. Now granted I “knew” other people through reading their blogs and emailing with them, but sometimes (as I learned at BlogHer last year) there are people that are different online than they are in real life.

Thankfully my roommates were not like those people. They were exactly like they were online, exactly how they were on their blogs and over email. One of my roommates was Ali, who I’ve mentioned here before plenty of times. She’s one of those people that you meet and become friends with and when people say “why do you blog?” I say “to meet people like Ali Martell.”

This weekend I drove up to Wisconsin to go visit her. She rented out her house in Toronto a few weeks too early before her upcoming move to Atlanta, so she’s crashing with her mom for a few weeks. And since she’s just a short drive from me, I could not not go up to see her. Plus, Slynnro and I were convinced her kids were fake, so I needed to go make sure for myself.

Leading up to my visit, which I was far too excited about because I talked about it way too much on Twitter, I IMed her about 100 questions because I didn’t want to impose.

Me: So when you get settled, let me know what the plan is for the weekend!

Ali: No, you tell me! Also, my mom is religious (Jewish) so you have to be aware of that.

Me: I don’t even know what that means. Like I shouldn’t show up with a pound of Bacon?

Ali: Like between sundown Friday and sundown Saturday we can’t use electricity, can’t drive, a can’t leave type of thing.

Me: Oh! Like Metalia!

Ali: Yes! Exactly like that!

And then I thought “thank God for Metalia’s Ask A Jew series.” Because otherwise I would have had NO idea what she was talking about and would have been in for QUITE A SHOCK.

Well, I kind of was anyway.

So I got up there on Saturday afternoon and wasn’t expecting a house full of people. Who were all dressed nice because they went to Synagogue. And I was in jeans and flip flops. And also Catholic.

Emily, her eldest daughter, met me at the door. And then Ali whisked me into a side room to debrief me. Because Ali also didn’t realize people were going to be over either. Also, she was trying not to overwhelm me, so we chatted while everyone in the dining room prayed and did something with water and bread and didn’t talk. She told me it was just best to walk in after all of that and I wasn’t going to disagree.

The food was great! I tried all sorts of traditional Jewish food. I am not even going to attempt to tell you what they were or try to spell them, but I will just tel you they were yummy. One was a kind of meat stew. The other one was a noodle casserole thingy. And I’m pretty sure Ali and Metalia are dying laughing at me right now.

Now, the most difficult thing about Shabbat is that you can’t really leave the house. And you can’t use electricity. And you’re supposed to rest. Now, I’m all for resting. But I was also there to visit with Ali. And Ali was trying to make sure her kids’ heads didn’t explode because no TV for 25 hours is a long fucking time, especially for little kids because they don’t understand.

So we played in the sand and we built sand castles. Bella talked about her baby in her belly. We played cards. We did melty beads. We played games. We laughed. A LOT. I plied them with candy so that they would fall in love with me. (I think they liked me. I got hugs! And also Miss Emily did not make fun of my clothes and also wanted me to stay ALL WEEK! SQUEE!) (For those of you that don’t read Ali’s site (WHICH YOU SHOULD!) Emily is 8 going on 18. And quite the fashionista.)

The whole weekend was like watching Ali’s blog come to life. If anyone ever thought she exaggerates about anything, she does not. Emily really is a performer. She’s a really great singer and she loves to dance and show off for you. She even wanted to teach me the Hannah Montana Hoedown Throwdown, which has Grammy winning lyrics like “side to side, diagonal.”

I told Emily that when she’s famous (because she will be because she’s so talented and just destined to be a performer, that’s how good she is at EIGHT) that she has to remember me. She told me she would “go on my mom’s blog and thank all my friends, including Kristin, blah, blah, blah.”

Hit ‘em up early, I say. So she can invite me to the Oscar’s or the Tony’s one day.

I had a great time with everyone, including Ali’s brother, mom and stepdad, who happens to be the Mayor. I told Ali’s mom that I would tell everyone how I stayed in the Mayor’s mansion (not really, just a house) and witnessed all sorts of Mayoraly stuff. Also, if I was the Mayor, I would mention that in every conversation. Like if someone asked me why, I would say “because I’m the Mayor.” Even if it had nothing to do with the conversation. Because I’m the Mayor so I can interject whatever I like.

We went to brunch today with the whole family, did a little shopping with Emily and then spent the rest of the afternoon watching the Jonas Brothers TV show on Disney. I dare you to watch two minutes of that show and try to turn away. Both girls were playing outside and yet Ali and I never reached to change the channel. I think I figured out the reason all these Disney stars are so popular with kids – clearly they are pumping subliminal messages through their programs. How else do you explain me being kind of sad I was missing the Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place and Suite Life On Deck crossover?? BECAUSE IT IS NOT GOOD TV.

It was really a great, great visit. I’m really happy that I get to see Ali again in four days. Because we don’t live close enough to each other and I don’t get to see her enough. So I’m excited about being able to hang out with her again in a few short days.

Blogging is really one of the best things I’ve ever done. I started it just to write and waste time at work. I never thought it would turn into this community, this family, these close friends. Meeting people like Ali and being lucky to have her as a friend is why I do this, why I go to these conferences to mingle with 1,300 other strangers, why I share my life on the interwebs. Because I would have never had met so many awesome people in my real life.

Somehow later in the conversation, she asked if I thought I spent too much time on the internet. And I was all “pshaw, woman! There is no such thing!”

She thinks I should make sure I am not avoiding real life by spending all my time inside my little computer box. To which I said “Real life is a fucking FAIL WHALE.”

I told her I don’t think I avoid doing things to spend time on the internet. I am an inherently lazy person, so it isn’t like I’d be taking long walks on the beach if I wasn’t on the internet. I would be sitting my ass on the couch watching TV or reading. The Lazies, I has them.

And then she tried to tell me that there is something wrong with watching TV and then I was all “if you only KNEW the crap I watch lady” and then I stabbed her with her pen. Because TV is GOOD. I’m not paying you a $20 co-pay each week to TELL ME DIFFERENTLY.

Then on Tuesday, I drove into work (I didn’t go in Monday. My ceiling was destroyed, which means I got to sleep in and catch up on my feed reader! Yay for leaky roofs!) and as soon as I pulled into the parking lot, I saw someone that I work with and was like “hey, you’re not wearing you’re BlogHer badge. This isn’t BlogHer. Where are my internet peeps? WAH.”

When I got into the office, people were all excited to ask me about my trip. The trip I took to San Francisco to visit friends, which really isn’t that much of a lie. Here’s a sample conversation:

Dude I work with: How was your trip?

Me: FUCKING AWESOME!

DIWW: Yeah? That’s cool. What did you do?

Me: Oh. Um, I like, hung out and stuff.

DIWW: Cool. Where did you go to eat?

Me: Macy’s, I mean we went to some Italian place.

DIWW: Macy’s?

Me: Oh, I thought you asked where I got the shoes that are on my feet.

DIWW: *blink blink* Did you go to Napa?

Me: No. It was fun. And I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO KTHXBAI.

Whew. I cannot lie to people. I almost slipped several times like talking about parties and bloggers and drink tickets, oh my! But they would not understand. I don’t think they even know what a blog is. And they definitely don’t know what a fail whale is.

And then on my way home, I taked to her on the phone. And we talked about the weekend and bitched about certain things and emails and talked about our sadness that we were not still in SF and that we had to be at work and we were not given 2 free drink tickets or free Cheetos at work. We had sadness times four. A Sadness Quad, if you will.

And while we talked on the phone, we talked about emails and blog posts and bloggers and then we got off the phone and we emailed and emailed some more. And then I was like “hmmm, maybe I do spend too much time on the internet.”

So then I took a break and hooked up my new DVR (FUCKING FANTASTIC NEWS!) and watched some TV and went about setting all my timers for all my trashy reality shows that I have missed in the last week. Which I then Twittered about.

Well, OK, she does have a point. I spend a lot of time online. Probably too much. But I’m fine with it. Because of my time on the internet, I’ve found that I have a passion for writing, I’ve written some stuff over here, I’ve read a lot of blogs by amazing writers and most of all, because of my time on the interweb, I met a ton of amazing people this last weekend.

To which Bacon says maybe my therapist should Liven Up A Salad and shut her internet-hating meat face.

(She’s so going to find this one day and fire me as a client.)

I was nervous about coming, just like everyone else, I’m sure. Even Heather B., who was going to her third BlogHer conference, was nervous. It can be very overwhelming when there are ONE THOUSAND women all in the same room. It is hard to find all the people you want to meet. It is hard to put your nerves aside and go up to your favorite blogger and tell them “ZOMG! I love you! You’re awesome!” knowing full well that your favorite blogger probably doesn’t even know who the hell you are.

But as nervous as I was, I had the GREATEST time this weekend. Once you move past the whole freaked out feeling of being in a room with a bunch of people you don’t know, once you grow a pair and just go talk to anyone and everyone because THEY ARE JUST PEOPLE WITH BLOGS LIKE YOU, you will have a good time. You will meet people, people who are technically strangers, and realize that you’ve met some the coolest people ever.

On Sunday as we were all sitting in the lobby, we were sad. We wanted more time to spend together. But we also weren’t sad. Because I know I will see these people again. I know that Slynnro and I will go to Toronto to see if Ali does actually have kids, or if they really are mythical hobbits like we think they are.

This experience is really what you make of it. And if you are determined to meet awesome people and have a great time, you will. I know I did.

And now enough with the sappiness. I gave myself a toothache and really? I don’t need to go to the dentist ever again after this year. On to the good stuff! In bullet form!

• Unlike Ali, I did drink at BlogHer. But nothing too bad where I couldn’t wake up the next morning. It is hard to drink a ton when you’re talking to everyone and when they limit you with drink tickets.
• Stara and I are way too fucking honest. Not only did we not shoplift anything from any store in Union Square, even with the perfect excuse, we both HONESTLY told the woman at the door of The People’s Party that we had already been there and gotten our drink tickets.
• Friday night I didn’t have a problem with drink tickets. People kept handing them to me. Including Amy, who tried to give them to someone else and when they turned down FREE DRINKS, I snatched them out of her hand. I’m so glad Amy is pregnant. And that I introducd myself when she was giving away her tickets.
• I guess my reputation precedes me. Or maybe it was the fact I handed out business cards with wine glasses on them.
• Someone in the pre-conference guide said we should NOT say that we just have a personal blog. We should have a pitch. I fucking stressed about a pitch for like two weeks because I write inane drivel! I was so ready to tell that person in the guide to shut their fucking meat face.
• But then no one actually asked. No one actually cared that I had a personal blog. Because everyone, mommybloggers included, ALL have personal blogs.
• And then Maggie Mason said it was OK to say you have a personal blog. And I was all “that was Maggie Mason’s way of telling that pre-conference guide person to shut her fucking meat face.”
• Speaking of Maggie Mason, she had a party on Friday night to launch one of her new Mighty sites. We weren’t invited. Dooce was there. There was no way a small-time blogger like me would ever get invited. So we crashed the party.
• And I’m sure you’re all “how hard could it be to crash a BLOG party?” Dudes, there was a doorman at a BLOG PARTY. Thankfully Ali was there with the address written on her hand like that was an invitation.
• It was not.
• So we had to give our BLOG business cards out to some man with a camera to gain entry. “Maggie likes to know who came,” he says. OK dude.
• At the party, I saw Dooce. She is a giant. Seriously, she’s got a few inches on me easily. And she is skinny. Girl needs to eat a sammich.
• This is a dramatization of what it is like to stand next to Dooce.

• Yes, Ali is really that tiny. And yes, my face is that fat.
• At this point, I was pretty drunk and decided I was going to talk to Dooce. So I introduced myself, shook her hand, maybe told her my name and then asked her where she got pants that were long enough. I think it sounded a bit like “hey! You’re tall, I’m tall, where do you buy your pants?”
• And then she said H&M and that her pants were the smallest size H&M carries. And then I looked at my thigh that was the size of her WHOLE BODY. So I turned around and drank another free beer at the party we CRASHED.
• At some point in the party, I was offered a sum of money to steal the wig off The Bloggess’s head. I chickened out. Instead I was offered money to steal a bowl of Cheetos from the party and make a run for it.
• I did.

• Then I offered Cheetos to anyone on the street that wanted them.

• And then I offered them to the cab driver. And then I told the cab driver that if I lived here, we could go on a date. We could go to Burger King and order food and drive off without paying.
• The Cheetos helped us meet a nutjob in the hotel lobby that only had a Boston accent when he said the word retarded.
• We’re not sure how that word came up in the conversation. Hopefully not about the Cheetos.
• The following morning we went to a panel moderated by Maggie Mason and found out she’s adorable and funny and we all felt bad for stealing her Cheetos. And crashing her party.
• But I’m sure even she would find it funny.
• Stara and I MISSED the drama at the keynote with Dooce and Stephanie Klein (seriously, will someone explain to me how she gets in on the keynote? With Dooce?)
• I have to say that Whoorl has to be one of the nicest people I have ever met in my life. She could be mean and people would be distracted by her fabulous hair. But she’s not! She’s cute and nice and funny. I’m so excited I got to spend time with her.
• I met so many fabulous people. I don’t know if I can even link them all here. It was great to meet/see Jennie, Katie, Kristie, Raven, Rhi, Angella, Emily, Kim, Sarah, Heather, Susan, Chris, Bossy, Jennster, Tracey and so many others that I’m probably forgetting. It was also awesome to meet so many other NEW (to me) bloggers that have already made it into the feed reader. (I feel bad even linking because I KNOW I’ve forgotten someone.)
• I think I’m totally over the whole being nervous around “big” bloggers, the ones who were established way before I even knew what blogs were. The bloggers at BlogHer are all great, amazing people regardless of site traffic. We are all just people with websites, really.
• But that didn’t stop me from squeeeing when I got to take a photo with a certain blogger.

• And yes, I realize I freaked out less when I worked with professional athletes.
• As much as one can feel like a schulb around the fashionable Slynnro and Whoorl, I did learn that green and hot pink are colors that will look good me. And that I am definitely a different shade of pale.
• And if you can’t take the hard truth, stay away from The Honesty Group.
• I laughed A LOT. I laughed at my own jokes. I laughed when I made people laugh and I laughed when Stara pointed all this out.
• Milk cartons with guns ARE funny. Especially on a shirt.
• And nothing says fun with a bunch of bloggers like hats. McDonald’s Bag Hats, to be exact.

I didn’t take enough photos this weekend. But you can see all my photos here. And ALL the BlogHer ones here.

I can’t wait until next year!