Usually. Tonight was horrible. There weren’t any overly horrible dresses. There was some bad hair though. (I’m looking at you Renee Zellweger. That better be for a movie role.) There were no real moments. The best part of the night occurred on the red carpet about an hour before the show when Gary Busey attacked Ryan Seacrest and then Jennifer Garner and it was all very weird. And I’m not sure 1) why Gary Busey gets to go to the Oscars and 2) what the hell that dude was on, but Seacrest was FRIGHTENED.

Last year I did a recap of the show. And it was all long and boring, but people wore pretty dresses. This year I was over at MamaPop Talk starting at 6 PM to share all my comments with someone, anyone, besides my cats. And I didn’t have many. Because for the love of all that is good and holy, those montages were horrible. Can you imagine what it would have been like had there been no writers? It was one of the worst Oscars telecast I can remember.

And seriously, Enchanted? I’ve heard you are a good movie. But after seeing those three crappy songs performed, I don’t think I ever want to see you. And how awesome was it that they had the majority of the nominations and got shut out!

I didn’t see any of the movies. I actually wasn’t even rooting for anyone. I like that a stripper turned blogger turned screenwriter won an Oscar. Even if she dressed like a stripper to the OSCARS. You can’t see it in the photo, but the slit runs right up almost past her hoo hah. I saw more of her thigh than I cared to.

Katherine Heigl had BAD hair. And BAD lipstick (it doesn’t need to match the exact shade of your dress, honey). And a weird circly thing on the shoulder. But it was very flattering. Even if EVERYONE wore red.

Anne Hathaway improved drastically on her craptacular bow dress from last year. I actually liked the flowers on the shoulder thing. And her hair looked great too.

Jennifer Hudson learned from a past mistake and ditched the space jacket. But didn’t really do much better.

There was a disturbing trend of furry boob dresses.

I don’t even know who this person is. And her winning an award for a movie I’ve never heard of doesn’t make me want to know any more about her. Especially after wearing this dress, which we MamaPop betches referred to as the “fish dress.” And I’m pretty sure it must look better in person because on TV it looked hideous. But everyone kept fawning over it on the red carpet.

Heidi Klum looked stupid. And they are giving this dress away. Diet Coke is, according to their commercials. Why would I want to win this? And we won’t even get into the fact that that’s only about enough material to cover one of my legs.

This guy is hot. But he kind of looks like Denny from Grey’s Anatomy. His acceptance speech was great!

This was hands down the worst dress of the evening. It looks like a trash bag. It is ALL WRONG. And it’s cool that she rocked the no make-up, natural look, but still. It’s the Oscars. A little mascara or lipstick wouldn’t kill you. And fire your stylist. NOW.

John Travolta and his spray-on hair made me want to run as far away as I could.

I thought Felicity Keri Russel looked good. Although she should stay away from colors that make her translucent.

And finally my favorite of the night, my new favorite girl crush because I think we’d totally be BFFs and I could go to the park with her and push Violet on the swings too, is Jennifer Garner. Who clearly is not pregnant. Unless she’s like 3 days pregnant.

And it is a good thing I took Monday off from work. Because that six hours I spent watching all this madness sucked the life out of me. And I would kind of like a lot of that time back.

And him telling the people that were playing music over his acceptance speech that it was bad taste was one of the best Grammy moments ever. Yes, I know I have an unhealthy love for Kayne West.

Also, Tina Turner looks fabulous. She’s aged a lot better than Cher. And maybe Beyonce shouldn’t wear those really, really short skirts. Or green underwear on stage. I’m just saying.

And I always forget that Kid Rock can actually sing.

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So I was apparently in need of a large amount of sleep this weekend. Saturday morning I woke up, to the alarm, at about 9:30. I had an eyebrow wax appointment at 10. I walked down there, got the two caterpillars growing on my face taken care of and came back home and went back to sleep. Until almost 3 PM. Because I knew I had to get up and eventually take a shower to go to a birthday party that night. So overall I got about 12 hours of sleep. And I probably could have slept until Sunday morning if I had anything to say about it.

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So I have good news! A few weeks ago I was asked to be a writer for a new women’s website. I of course asked them if they were smoking crack since I don’t think those honest-to-goodness reputable websites like all the talk about booze and drunken posts. Or all the swearing. And fragments. But she assured me that they really did want me to be a contributing writer.

Well, fuck yeah! I told them, before she could take it back. And then I went out and had bottles and bottles of wine to commemorate the occasion.

So anyway, the website is Betty Confidential. And I suggest, nay DEMAND all of you head over there and sign up. There are plenty of talented people involved and a wide range of topics for all women, focusing on women’s life stages and life threads. There’s lot of great content and also a “room full of women” social-networking community. 

This week I wrote about getting fired. And my close relationship with it. You can check it out here. So please head over, introduce yourself and read articles from some amazing people. Because I’m very excited about this opportunity and want it to last.

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And apparently all the sleep sucked every ounce of creativity from my brain.