So, people inside the computer box, did you all have a nice holiday season? Were Santa and/or the Hanukkah armadillo good to you? Did you have a grand old time ringing in 2012?

I had a very lovely Christmas. This year I went over to my brother’s house and spent Christmas Eve with them. So I got to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn on Christmas morning to see all the presents that Santa done brought! Actually, I was lucky enough to have been woken up twice by Noah, once at midnight and once at 3 AM, with his excitement over ALL! THE! PRESENTS!

Let me tell you, even though it was early, it was really nice to wake up on Christmas morning with people that were not the cats. Not that I ever minded waking up alone and sleeping in, but it kind of took any magicalness out of Christmas. Spending it with family, especially kiddos, was really nice. I think I have a new tradition!

We then celebrated with the rest of the family and I got my Soda Stream that I asked for. And let me tell you, it is AMAZING! I love it so much! The first full day I had it, I drank three liters of water. Which is 1) a lot and 2) a lot for me, especially when that water is not flavored with Kool-Aid, which was the previous way you could get me to drink that much water. Either that or with barley and hops.

(I wasn’t intending to have this be a recap post. But I’ve got nothing else to talk about, apparently.)

I have spent most of my time off around these holidays in pajamas and watching TV. I’m almost done with Six Feet Under (10 more episodes!) and while I wait for those DVDs in the mail, I am usually watching 100s of episodes of Intervention. I’m really excited that new shows are coming back on regular television. I mean, I’m starting to prefer one rehab facility over another, making a note of it in my mind in case I ever go to rehab.

This is where I should talk all about resolutions, but let’s be honest, I never keep them. This year I’m taking the KISS method and keeping it simple. Nothing has to start Jan. 1, especially since we didn’t go back to work until the third. But here are a few things I would like to accomplish this year. Most are really better habits.

• Start washing my face every night
• Don’t hit the snooze button 11 times every morning
• On that note, get up at a consistent time and get back to my old work schedule
• Lose weight
• Eat better
• Start working out
• Run a race (5k, 8k, whatever, something)
• Post more on my blog

And that’s about it. To date, I have accomplished none of these things. But tomorrow is a new day, right?

How about you, friends? Any resolutions?

See, I went to my mom’s for Thanksgiving. And since I started the new tradition of mimosas on Thanksgiving, I brought the champagne and orange juice. And since my mom needed help, I got there before noon and started drinking then. No one else arrived until close to three. So I drank a lot by myself. (We went through four bottles easily, so everyone enjoyed them!)

Then there was dinner and wine with dinner and more wine and then some beer and then I just passed out on the couch at my mom’s, without posting anything. (I actually tried the WordPress app, but it wouldn’t work. And at that point it wouldn’t have been more than jibberish after all that hooch.)

I just gave up then. There wasn’t any reason to post on Friday or Saturday then, since no one reads on the weekends.

I’m disappointed, but I had a lot of fun on Turkey Day, so I am not too sad. I posted every day for 23 days, and that’s nothing to shake a stick at. And I think I’m back in the habit of posting regularly, so mission accomplished.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

Tomorrow I’ll tell you all about how after just posting THIS, my dentist called me a wuss! GAH!

That was my day today. Even though I got little sleep, was up before the sun and had to take two children with me on the bus and train, it ended up being one of the best days ever.

My brother and SIL ran a 5k this morning downtown. And since they had to be there at zero dark thirty, the whole family ended up staying with me at my house on Friday night. On top of that, my mom was taking Skyler to see Pinkalicious this morning, which meant we all had to be downtown early. Much earlier than Auntie is used to getting up on a Saturday.

But it was fantastic! We had a very interesting bus ride, with a very smelly person. It was so smelly, I had to get us off the bus about 14 blocks before I had intended. But it was THAT bad. And we were sitting in the way back of the bus. Skyler and Noah got the public transit experience in the fullest!

After dropping Skyler off with my mom for the play, Noah and I were on our own for an hour. We decided to go to the Hershey store and get some hot chocolate.

We were joined by my brother and SIL and it was time to pick up Sklyer after the play. We walked around the American Girl Place store (holy crowds and overstimulaton, Batman!) and the Lego store and then we went to lunch.

We ended up at Gino’s East for some deep dish pizza and some beers. And it was just an awesome day to spend with family.

So from time to time, I still get mail there. Most of it is not important. It’s usually free address labels from charities or credit card offers. Nothing I need. And since it has been SIX YEARS and I’ve lived in two places since then, he usually just throws it all away.

Usually.

So last night I get this text message with a photo from my brother.

“I tore this up and then saw your name. Thought you could use it.”

It was this credit card offer that had a really nice balance transfer offer he thought I might be interested in, since I’m trying hard to get out of debt. Nice, right?

The picture? Looked like this:

(Clearly I replicated it. And wrote “words, words, words” on a piece of paper and tore it up.)

I replied:

“Oh thanks! Is there some link or code you can email to me for the offer? Or, never mind, just hold on to it and I’ll pick it up this weekend when I’m over! Thanks!”

He wrote back:

“It’s in the trash. Look at the picture. The link and number are clearly legible.”

At first I thought he was kidding. Because really? Hahahahaha! It’s a torn up piece of paper and a photo message on my phone! You’re kidding, right? TINY, TINY PRINT!

But he wasn’t.

I wrote back:

“Wow. OK. Thanks.”

Thanks for thinking of me enough to tell me about a piece of mail you tore up that you were already throwing in the trash! What’s next? Telling me about the dirty Kleenex you just snotted in that you will be throwing in trash can?

I bet there is a Hallmark card just for this. Maybe I’ll get it and take a crap in it before I give it to him.

Brothers.

I just have literally run out of ideas. I am not longer able to come up with ideas for posts.

Next month is November. And it’s that whole NaBloPoMo, which is National Blog Posting Month. I’m going to force myself to do it. Because I miss writing. And I think all the TV I watch and booze I drink INSTEAD of writing is killing off the small number of brain cells I currently have left. I’m one Real Housewives episode away from drooling.

:::::

I’m still writing over at Food Lush and Draft Day Suit. In fact, this week on Food Lush I talked about grilling my cats not once, but twice! I’m sure I’m the only one who found it hilarious. I hope no one reports me to the authorities.

:::::

My niece Skyler turned six on Wednesday. SIX! I cannot believe it! She’s in Kindergarten and loving it and is such a big girl! She asked for a password-protected diary for her birthday (and of course I got it). I mean, what on earth do you have to divulge when you’re six???

All I know is it will drive her brother Noah NUTS knowing he can’t get in it. He will find a way, I’m sure.

Oh, siblings.

:::::

Speaking of siblings, Noah and Skyler now act like normal brothers and sisters, in that they bicker and fight and generally don’t always love the other one. Typical stuff.

It drives my brother CRAZY to see his son pick on his sister. It’s effing hilarious because my brother was the same damn way. He still is! If he can find a way to pick on me, he will! He’s 37 years old!

I just love pointing this out to him as well.

I hope Skyler and Noah will be as close as my brother and I are, though, when they are older.

:::::

Since Skyler is six, it means my blog is about to turn five. Five years old! I’m afraid to go back and read any of the earlier stuff because I’m sure it was just crap. I shouldn’t have wasted all the good material back then.

:::::

Twitter has ruined me. I can’t even write one whole post about one topic. It gets too boring after a few sentences. I have gotten way too used to sharing everything in my life in 140 characters or less. I actually hate it when I go over the limit and have to change an “and” to a “&” or use one less exclamation point.

This is actually very surprising because I’m really a wordy motherfucker. I am unable to stop talking, ever, in person. Even more surprising is I’m a pretty good listener. It’s the remembering part of listening that I have more trouble with. See note above re: reality TV and booze.

:::::

And here is where I write something witty and smart to end this post on a good note.

Whoops. Too late.

Sleeping on the train is weird. Usually I don’t fall asleep, I just doze. Or rest my eyes, as my dad used to say.

Me: Daaaaaad! WAKE UP!

Dad: I’m not sleeping.

Me: Yes you are! Your eyes are closed!

Dad: I’m just resting my eyes.

(Another of his favorites was, when we would ask “Are we there yet?” and he’d say “just a couple more hours.” That could mean anywhere from 30 minutes to six hours.)

Anyway, on the train, it’s hard to sleep. I mean, there are a lot of people and announcements and doors opening and closing. Plus the whole I-don’t-want-my-bag-stolen thing. It doesn’t really lead to restful sleep. But today, I really fell asleep. So much so that when I woke up, I was shocked that the train was packed and the annoying gum chomper was nowhere around.

And of course, then I was even more tired.

It wasn’t as if I did much this weekend. On Friday night, my mom and I went to dinner at Rick Bayless’ restaurant Frontera Grill. And it was AMAZING! The drinks and food were so worth it. After dinner we went to see West Side Story. It is my all-time favorite musical! I know all the words to the songs and I just love everything about it! I was SO EXCITED I finally got to see a live stage performance of it and it did not disappoint!

And then after an insane amount of rain overnight (close to 7 inches!) and convincing myself that I was going to get fired at work (I didn’t. I’m fine. I just overreacted, shocking I know), I drove up for a pool party at my brother’s house. Because it was hot and they have a pool. And I hadn’t seen them in awhile and Skyler was asking when Auntie was coming for a visit.

It was a lovely weekend of lounging around and playing games. And eating and drinking and watching TV. It was just what the doctor ordered. Although, to be honest, it is how I spend most of my weekends, but this time there was wine and people besides my cats to talk to.

At one point, I said to my brother “Pools aren’t any fun without a swim-up bar.” And then my SIL, who I thought was at the grocery store, came outside with a fruity rum drink. Now that is my kind of party!

I even played Life with Skyler, even though I really don’t like that game because it’s so long and SURPRISE! My life is no better as a board game! I think I lived in a mobile home and owed the bank more money than I had! SAME AS REAL LIFE! Well, minus the mobile home.

Yet Skyler was a lawyer, lived in a mansion and won American Idol AND So You Think You Can Dance. To the tune of $200k!

Skyler also has a new kitty (in real life, not on the game of Life). Her name is Princess Mimi and she’s so little! And it made me want another cat. Until I remembered that I’m a man deterrent enough with two cats. One more would definitely make me a crazy cat lady.

And now I’m going to go back to bed. Because I’m still tired and need to rest up so I can read on the train in the morning and not fall asleep.

That and then do an implant. A process that will take 6-18 months and cost me thousands of dollars. So, that’s fun, huh?

My temporary solution is to do nothing and just stare at the oral surgeon referral that is sitting on my desk at work and pretend I don’t see it. Because extra money is something I do not have. Especially thousands of extra monies.

My thinking is I’ll call the oral surgeon next month. We’ll do a consult and then he’ll pull the tooth. And then I’ll fall off the face of the Earth until 2012 when I can put away thousands of monies in my Flexible Spending account to help offset the out-of-pocket costs. And it’s the dentist, if it isn’t a cleaning, there are ALWAYS out-of-pocket costs, even with insurance.

I trust my dentist and she doesn’t recommend things that are cosmetic. And I saw the remnants of my “tooth” and know it’s not much and starting to decay and it’s just better to get the thing pulled.

::::::::::::::

I finished Mad Men this weekend. I watched 7 episodes on Sunday. That and laundry was about all I did. Which was fine, seeing as I was a little hungover from the enormous amounts of vodka I sucked down on Saturday. Dear self, just because it seems to have no liquor in it and it is hot out and you’re thirsty doesn’t mean you need to drink it like it is water. You may up puking on the floor in the corner of the bar later in the night. I said MIGHT.

::::::::::::::

I ended up buying these Nike flip flops and they are amazeballs. They are so cushy and so comfy and it feels like you’re walking on pillows. They are exactly what I need for commuting in this swamp we call Chicago in July.

::::::::::::::

I was on a boat Friday night at the Chicago Yacht Club. It was my first time at a Yacht Club. I got really excited to get my “I’m On A Boat” badge on foursquare, but it turns out, the Chicago Yacht Club isn’t marked as a boating venue. Therefore, no badge for me.

But I did learn a fun game you can play called Yachter or Notta Yachter. It was very entertaining.

I would like to also point out that I had a beer on a yacht on Friday night and that boat ended up winning the 103rd Race to Mackinac Island. Coincidence? I think not.

This will be my pick-up line the next time I end up at a Yacht Club. Something along the lines of “I’m lucky, do you wanna get lucky?”

HEY-OH!

::::::::::::::

I think I have finally caught up on my sleep. The weekend before this last one, I was out by my sister’s to help her take care of my niece Maddie since my sister had just had back surgery. And Maddie decided this would be a perfect time to get her one-year molars and NOT SLEEP. And since I’m not really used to any noise while sleeping, besides the fan, the AC or the cats being stupid, hearing a baby fuss (I was sleeping in her room with her), kind of scared the beejeesus out of me. So much so, I leaped out of bed every time she made a peep. And then took me a little longer to fall back asleep. Just in time for her to fuss again.

Needless to say, I didn’t get much rest that weekend. I don’t know how you parental people do it.

Thankfully she’s cute. So I’ll forgive her.

I read somewhere on Twitter that there is a ban on fireworks in some states (Texas, Arizona, maybe others?) because it is so dry. And people are SHOCKED that they are still hearing fireworks. Um, fireworks are ILLEGAL in the state of Illinois. Completely illegal. Nothing besides sparklers and those smoke bomb things. Nothing that sounds like a gun shot. That’s all that you are allowed to have, in Illinois, when it comes to fireworks.

We’ve even had bans on fireworks in our drought years. I remember one such year when my Uncle was shooting off something into an open field of dry grass and we started a small fire and the cops came.

This stops no one, clearly as I sit on my couch wondering if those are firecrackers or gun shots outside. Because fireworks are legal in all the surrounding states, so we have billboards, in Illinois, telling you exactly where you can buy those illegal fireworks.

(I don’t actually hate fireworks. I like the ones that are legal. The ones that are done by cities and towns or baseball teams. Ones that are done legally and pretty in the sky. Trust me, I worked for a minor league baseball team for two summers, we did fireworks every Saturday home game. If I didn’t like fireworks then, I was forced to like them after that job.) (I still hate the smell of stale beer mixed with peanut shells, though. That is one thing I sadly can never forget from that job.)

Anyway, I promised you photos, so here are some photos from a few weeks ago from my niece Madeline’s first birthday party. Can you believe she’s already one? I can’t!

Birthday girl in her birthday dress.

CAKE!

In my family, we have this tradition where, on your first birthday, we set three items out in front of you – a shot glass, a rosary and a dollar bill. Whatever you pick first, that tells you what kind of life you’ll lead. The shot glass, you’ll be a drunk; the rosary, you’ll be holy; and the dollar bill, you’ll be rich.

Our Madeline Jane picked…

The rosary! (Probably because it was easiest to get in her mouth.)

I’ll give you one guess what her Auntie went for on her first birthday. Come on, just guess!

So, THANKS!

The side-by-side photo was an afterthought. I wrote the post not planning to put a photo in. But because I was a little discouraged and knew I had the “before” photo from the Biggest Blogging Loser contest, I figured it would help me to see the change, right in front of my face. And between seeing that, and you all commenting that you saw it too, it was awesome and made me remember all the progress I have made, even if I’m still in the same size pants. And made me put down the burrito the size of my head.

::::::::::

So did everyone have a lovely holiday weekend? I’m just going to leave it at that, since that covers Easter and Passover. Which, speaking of, I celebrated both!

These past two weekends were two busy weekend and ones I was fretting just a bit.

Last weekend was The Weekend of Bridal Showers, with my friend Jayme’s on Saturday (which led to too much drinking and me missing the bachelorette party because I thought I could take a 10 minute “cat nap” after 7 hours of drinking and actually get up), and my cousin Jaime’s on Sunday. It was a long weekend, but I was glad I could help both ladies celebrate their upcoming nuptials.

This past weekend was The Weekend of Religious Things and Lots of Driving. It started when I drove up Friday evening to Milwaukee to visit my second family, the Martells. I had a small window available to go visit them while they were in Wisconsin for Passover, so I made sure to fit them in. And it was worth every single second. I hadn’t seen them since I was up to Toronto in October and man, I really miss all of them so, so much. I pretty much vowed that I can’t go that many months in between seeing them anymore.

I spent the night and then on Saturday afternoon, I drove down to my sister’s house, because my oldest nephew, Tommy, was getting baptized and making his First Communion at the Easter Vigil mass on Saturday night. And I’m lucky enough to be his Godmother. (It’s interesting that people keep making me the Godmother to their children when I never go to church and when I do, I end up talking to Skyler about stinky feet and making Shrek jokes whenever someone says Donkey.) (No, really.)

The mass was loooooong and it involved eight different readings and standing at the front of the church through the longest church song ever while Tommy was getting ready to be baptized. But then Tommy was dunked in a tub of water, and the priest made sure to give him the full treatment and he was soaked. So that was kind of worth it.

Sunday was Easter. I actually got to sleep in a bit, since because I went to a three-hour mass on Saturday night (getting home at midnight), I didn’t have to go to church on Sunday. I had two dishes to make to bring to my aunt’s house, and they were easy peasy, so it was a relaxing morning.

My Easter time with my family was short, because I had to leave early because this girl offered me a ticket to Game 6 of the NHL Playoffs between the Blackhawks and Canucks! WOO HOO!!

And let me tell you, Jesus is a Hawks fan, clearly, since on his big day, he let me witness one of the most exciting hockey games ever! And I got to see it all in person, and this was my view!

This was the first time I had been to a playoff game, in the stands, for one of my teams. I’ve never been to a Cubs playoff game. I’ve never been to a Bulls playoff game. I worked one of the Bears playoff games a few years ago, but was underneath the stadium, so it didn’t count. I’ve been to playoff games for baseball and football before, but never for MY teams. I obviously always watch the games on TV, in a bar or wherever. And last year I was in a bar with 100 other Hawks fans (and then subsequently out on the street celebrating with thousands more) when they won the Stanley Cup. That was pretty damn exciting. But Sunday night’s game was by far the most exciting sporting event I’ve ever witnessed in person, in the stands!

It was a nail-biter for sure. Or, towel biter if you’re me:

But the game-winning goal in overtime, with just a few minutes left to play, in the net right in front of us, was AMAZING! It was so fucking exciting! I think I picked DJ up and tossed her in the air like confetti! I was this close to hugging the guy next to me! And I don’t think he would have minded! IT WAS JUST THAT AWESOME!!!

So not only did I get home later than expected, I was completely wired and unable to go to sleep. I finally forced myself into bed after midnight. It was a long, long weekend.

But I wouldn’t have changed any single thing about it. This kind of tired is the BEST kind of tired.

Oh, and I got my hair done on Saturday, it looks nice, no? (This is a very unflattering photo.)

Anyway, back to the sunglasses, you like?

I hope you do. I had to buy them in a bit of a hurry at Navy Pier Sunday at one of those kiosks. Because it was sunny out and I cannot stand not having sunglasses when it is sunny. (Apparently I have very sensitive retinas, so says my eye doctor.)

Oh and because the ones I had previously in the day had suffered an untimely demise.

I FLUSHED THEM DOWN THE TOILET.

No. Really.

As I mentioned, I hung out at Navy Pier on Sunday with my sister, my niece and my nephew. Actually it was my third day in a row at Navy Pier, because I was working an Expo there Friday and Saturday. Let’s just say that’s probably the most time I’ve spent at Navy Pier in my entire life.

Anyway, after we got to the Pier, I had to pee. So I went to the bathroom while my sister waited in line for Jamba Juice. I went about my business and as I stood up from my position of hovering over the toilet (no liners and I won’t sit on toilet seats in high-traffic areas), my sunglasses started slipping from my head.

At this point, I still had my pants around my ankles and I chose to do pants first, reach for glasses second. I mean, come on, what are the odds the sunglasses would fall in the toilet anyway?

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, those are the odds!

So the glasses fell in the toilet, into my pee. And well, they weren’t expensive sunglasses. I mean, I liked them and I got them for cheap at a mall kiosk in Arizona, but really, was it worth reaching in a disgusting pee-filled toilet for them? I mean it was sunny out and I was going to need them later in the day. What to do?

Well, in the time that it took for me to consider this, my decision was taken away from me as the AUTOMATIC FLUSHER went off.

It took me about five seconds to realize that my sunglasses were currently going down the toilet bowl. And yet, I was paralyzed with fear or amazement. Something. Because I didn’t even reach for them. (I think part of me wanted to see if they would go all the way down.)

Well they did. They were sucked into the sewer system of Navy Pier and probably out into Lake Michigan. And all I could do was laugh and run over to my sister to tell her the news.