Tuesday nights are hard for me to blog, well most every night is these days (including Monday with two episodes of Intervention and one of Hoarders), but now that Lost is back on, I have no desire to blog after watching a new episode because I’m trying to wrap my head around everything that just happened. And I know a lot of people aren’t liking this season so far because it seems to be slow, but I am loving every second of it! Fake Locke! The cave! The numbers! Alternate timelines!

Anyway, so since my brain isn’t working too well, I thought I would fill you in on Noah the Bear’s travels.

You guys are so awesome! So many of you have offered to help and I’m just AMAZED. My SIL is so impressed with the fact that strangers are helping him out. And I tell her it is the power of the internet. And it doesn’t hurt that Noah the Boy is so ADORABLE!

I’ve gotten some photos to pass on to my nephew. I know this project probably doesn’t get a grade, but I’m at least hoping he will have bragging rights for the rest of the year because his bear went EVERYWHERE! Because of all of you!

Like he has been to the Olympics!

(Side note: Someone at the 80s party that I don’t know asked me if I was playing a part when she overheard me telling a story and I said “like” so many times and she was SURE it was on purpose and that no one would actually talk that way NOT as a joke. And well, that was LIKE the first time in my life I was ever speechless.)

On with the tour!

Noah has been to the White House!

And to the new bridge over the Hudson in Upstate New York!

And he did touristy things in New York City!

And even got to meet some of New York’s finest!

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It’s not too late to take Noah the Bear around your fair city! This project isn’t due until April 16, so if you thought you missed the deadline, fear not! If you want to participate, leave a comment or drop me a note at fullofsnark (at) gmail (dot)  com and I can send you the PDF of Noah the Bear to print out.

Honestly, I can’t tell you all how much it means to me that you’ve helped out my nephew like this. It warms the cockles of my cold, black heart. I know so many of you have plans for him, so I can’t wait to see where Noah will travel to next!

Anyway, Noah has a project at school right now where he has a travelling bear (also named Noah) and he needs to have his bear go all over the world. He’s been in Chicago to a Bulls game, he’s been to Mexico, he’s been to Atlanta, but he has so many more wonderful places that he needs to go visit.

And that is where you all come in.

Would you be willing to print out this adorable bear and take a photo of him in your city or town? Or have him do fun things like attend events? Anything to enlighten his boring, bear life?

You can even write a little story of his adventures while he was visiting with you and then mail them to Noah the person so he can show his classmates how awesome of an Auntie he has, and all the exciting places Noah the Bear got to go!

And, Noah would really like Noah the Bear to go to China, so if anyone knows anyone in China, let me know.

If you would be interested in participating, either leave a comment or send me an email at fullofsnark (at) gmail (dot) com and I can email you a photo of Noah the Bear to print out with the instructions.

The Noahs and I would be super grateful to all of you that are willing to help. All people who participate will be entered into a drawing for a $10 Amazon gift card. And I’d be more than willing to repay the favor if your kids ever have this project. I mean, what kid doesn’t want a photo of his bear with a drunk lady, a cat and an empty bottle of wine?

Thanks for all your help!

Since Noah’s race took all of five minutes and we stayed the whole day, we had a lot of down time. So I decided to take photos of Skyler and show her the magic of the self-portrait.

And then Auntie got involved in the fun.

And then at the end of the day, we tried to get Noah to join us. He was reluctant at first.

But it took him little convincing to play along with us!

Is it any wonder why I’m their favorite Auntie?

The show was fabulous! I never saw the movie, so it was all new to me. It was so, so good! And the Beyonce part was played by Syesha Mercado, of American Idol fame. And she was fantastic. And the chick who played the Jennifer Hudson role was so good she repeatedly gave me chills. And before this tour, she really was only an extra in a few musicals. She’s going to be the next big thing!

The one thing about the show that sucked was my view. I bought these tickets a long time ago (my mom’s birthday is early December) so they were good seats, smack dab in the center in one of the first few rows of the balcony. But instead of seeing singers in sparkly outfits, I looked at this.

Yep, the back of this man’s head. I know it is hard to understand just what it is like, so I did a mock up of what it looked like when performers were on stage.

Thankfully I could just lean into my mom’s personal space so I could actually see AND hear what was going on.

After the show, my mom and I went to a nice steak dinner. We took our time, had great food, good conversation and plenty of alcohol.

After dinner we continued her belated birthday celebration at an Irish bar, with more drinks! My mom lives with my Grandma and doesn’t get out a lot, so she got to decide how long we stayed out. And we had an awesome night. It was great to just be able to sit and chat, especially since I hadn’t seen my mom since Christmas.

Today, of course because I am old, I was a wee bit hungover, so I spent the day on the couch watching TV. I left for all of 20 minutes to drive to Taco Bell to pick up some food. But other than that, my couch and I were inseparable today. Which is how most Sundays should be, in my book.

So tell me, how was your weekend? Do anything exciting? Did you watch The Pregnancy Pact? Spill it, internet!

Anyway, did you all have a nice Christmas holiday? Or for those of you who don’t celebrate, did you have a nice Friday? I had quite a busy weekend. On top of getting a nasty ice/sleet storm on Wednesday, I also spent the entire day on Christmas Eve baking. And I’m not talking about slice and bake cookies. I’m talking I made bread. HOME. MADE. BREAD. That you have to let rise and knead and roll and braid! And it was fantastic, if I do say so myself. (Even if braiding is one skill I NEVER GOT.)

CHALLAH!

Since most of you reading weren’t at our Christmas celebration, I’ll basically fill you in on the gist of it (and I’m sure my mom and aunt will back me up) – I got there early because my sister was only stopping by and I wanted to see her. So I started drinking way earlier than most people. I got wasted, told everyone how wasted I was, talked REALLY LOUD, patted myself on the back repeatedly for my awesome challah (HOLLA!) and then kept telling everyone how drunk I was. IT WAS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

Seriously, though, it was actually really nice. There was no drama, the food was awesome (CHALLAH!) and the booze was plentiful. So it was a really nice day. Even better since I didn’t have to drive my mom and grandma anywhere (it was at their house) so I could afford to get wasted and just stay over night. That doesn’t usually happen.

I spent the rest of the weekend with my brother and his family, helping Noah and Skyler break in all their new toys. Since Auntie was too drunk to play with them on Christmas. I got to see all their new toys, their stocking stuffers and have Skyler pretty me up by putting hair glitter gel in my hair. Which I promptly forgot about until I was going to bed and wondered why my hair was crusty.

And we played plenty of Band Hero. Check out the video below. I think my niece is going to be a star! She already knows so many of the words to songs and she’s only four! Takes after her Auntie!

Here is Skyler singing some of the words to Taylor Swift’s Love Story, with my brother rocking out on drums. (And the dog barking like a crazy person in the background. Because she probably saw a piece of fuzz on the carpet.)

So tell me, fair readers, what have you been up to? How was your long weekend? What have I missed in your exciting lives? Since clearly NOTHING has been going on in mine.

My Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. Pretty much the same as every Thanksgiving. This time there were new people there, and well, I don’t really care much for new people. I don’t like change. My Aunt is dating this guy, and has been for awhile, and he came with his family, and well, let’s just say, next year I might have to have my own private Thanksgiving with the cats. It will be invitation only.

See, because the other typical thing about Thanksgiving, for me, is that I complain (sometimes out loud, sometimes silently to the voices in my head) about the food. Because while I have never cooked a Thanksgiving meal, I’m pretty sure I could do it better. (Now my family is all “you think so? THEN YOU HAVE IT NEXT YEAR!” To which I say “BRING IT ON!”)

It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t awesome either. My corn was awesome. The turkey was kind of dry and the mashed potatoes were not the kind I like. The stuffing was OK, but only the stuff that cooked in the bird. The other stuff was very meh. This could all be because a few weeks ago at book club, we did a little Thanksgiving meal and it was SO GOOD! And man I wish we could bring some new dishes into our repertoire. I mean, it took me years to let them agree to me bringing my corn dish. And it was the ONLY dish that didn’t have leftovers! #CornWIN

Usually my mom hosts Thanksgiving and I berate her on the things she needs to improve on and then she does. My Aunt, she’s mean sometimes, so this was one of those times I complained silently to the voices in my head (and the whole internet) about the food. Those voices are ALWAYS on my side!

Other than that, the only other memorable thing from Thanksgiving is where the title of this post comes from.

Here’s the thing, I have been called Kristabella my whole life. I will answer to it and would have many moons before I even started this blog. My Dad started it and it stuck. My Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Aunt – they all call me Kristabella. Still, to this day. So really, if you’ve spent any time with my family, you’ve heard me called that.

So my cousin Steve, his girlfriend’s name is Kristin. They’ve been dating awhile and she’s not going anywhere, so I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will not be the only Kristin in this family. This has taken me years to come to grips with.

Anyway, Other Kristin is lovely. We all like her, she’s funny, cute and we’re happy to have her as part of the family. I hope one day my cousin gets off his ass and proposes to her because she’s put up with him long enough to get a ring on her finger.

So Other Kristin spent Thanksgiving with her family, but came by my Aunt’s house at the end of the evening on Thursday. As soon as she walks in, my other cousin, Jaime, Steve’s sister, says to Other Kristin “Hi Kristabella.”

I was sitting on the couch in the family room at the time, probably checking Twitter on my phone. I heard my mom audibly gasp. And then I was like “did she just call Other Kristin ‘Kristabella’?” And my cousin Jaime then proceeded to play dumb like she had NEVER, EVER heard me called that before and that she CAME UP WITH THE NAME. ALL BY HERSELF!

Look, I don’t say a lot of nice things about my father, but I have many memories of him calling me “Kristabella” in this weird accent, and like I say in my About Page, it brings a smile to my face. Still to this day. So no, you didn’t come up with that. My DAD did. And you’ve been hearing me being called that YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

Of course, once she knew I was upset, she kept doing it. She can deny it that she wasn’t doing it on purpose, but I’m pretty sure she was.

And look, honey, I AM Kristabella. All you have to do is Google that shit.

Case closed.

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Don’t forget to enter my giveaway! I will keep it open until some time on Tuesday, when I decide to pick a winner. Once comments close, the giveaway is over. Good luck!

We got together on Saturday to help Skyler and my grandma (whose birthday is the 18th) celebrate their special days.

She took the job of blowing out the candles VERY seriously.

I’ve written to Skyler before on her second and third birthdays. I don’t think anyone who has read this blog with any frequency would not realize that Skyler is my most favorite person in the world.

I usually go up to my brother’s house by myself to spend time with the kids and my brother and sister-in-law. This is generally a purely selfish act. I don’t like to share. I don’t like to have to share my play time with Skyler with other people. And I mean, look at her, she’s so damn adorable and FUNNY, EVERYONE wants to spend time with her.

But I don’t have those worries anymore. Because even in a house full of people, people giving her candy and gifts, she still wants to play with her Auntie. She asks me to play Barbies with her or hide and seek or to climb on me like I’m a jungle gym and then giggle uncontrollably. She’s as comfortable with me as she is with her own parents. And that makes my heart smile.

Words are my thing. I’m most comfortable expressing myself though writing. And yet, I have the hardest time putting into words how much I love Skyler. Which is fine. Because she knows it. She knows I love her so much that I’d do anything for her. And all that matters to me is that when she comes into a room and sees her Auntie, her smile is just as big as mine.

Happy 4th birthday to the best little niece anyone could ask for!

Love,

Auntie

We started the evening with dinner here. I was a little nervous going into it because all the recent reviews of the place were horrible. And I was hoping for a good meal. Thankfully, we all really enjoyed it. I guess, in talking to other friends, their service is hit or miss so I can see that if you had crappy service, it would be a shitty experience, especially when you’re paying that much.

After dinner, we headed to a bar. A bar that pretty much no one over the age of 22 goes to (unless you’re going to watch sports, then you’ll find more of a mixed crowd.) We had a blast! I didn’t think I would stay long because the idea of partying with a bunch of 21 year olds doesn’t really suit my fancy. Me of the sensible shoes and band-aids in my purse for blister emergencies. And I may have been super hungover from book wine club the night before. But my stepmom and her boyfriend were there, and we had some good conversations (some way too deep for a drunken Friday night) and it was fun to just watch a bunch of 21 year olds go nuts. Ahhhh, remember those days? (And they probably all woke up sans hangover, unlike my 31 year old self. Bitches.)

Alix really enjoyed herself. She made it clear to everyone it was HER day.

We drank and drank and laughed and people watched and drank some more. Or I did. I really made use of the all you could drink special and packed it into the three hours! Alix did shots. (I’m pretty sure she probably vomited before the night was over. She’s clearly a Johnson because she can really toss ‘em back.)

My stepmom’s boyfriend Mike put up with a lot of nonsense from me, Alix and my stepmom, Patty.

I think Alix had a good time, no?

But to me she’ll always be that little girl I babysat, even though I’ve watched her grow up into a phenomenal young lady. Hope you had a wonderful birthday Alix!

Rest of the photos from the evening are here.

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The best part of the evening was my cab ride home. And not because I got a number from a cab driver. Yawn. That is old news. Oh no. This time, I got screamed at by a cab driver.

So on my cab ride home, the guy was kind of a douche. He was driving like a fucking maniac and you could tell he seemed pissed because he had to go so far north. Well guess what, asshole, that means a bigger fare. On top of it, all the windows were open and he was speeding down the freeway and I was FREEZING.

I ignored him as much as possible and Twittered and pretended to be engrossed in my phone, at the same time making sure he was indeed taking me to my house and not to a ditch by the lake. At a stoplight closer to my house, there was some sort of an accident or police activity or something going on. So Douche McCaberson slides open the partition in the cab and points to the police car/car accident and says to me “See?” And I’m thinking “um, see what?” And that’s all I said to him until he needed directions to drop me off at my condo.

So as he rolls up on my building, he says to me, all pissy, “you know, you should really tell people to take Road A here instead of Road B because it is faster. This was ridiculous to go this route.”

(Side note, I tell them this way so I get out as close as possible to my front door and don’t have to cross the street by myself at 2:30 in the morning. I’m not a fucking idiot, douchenozzle. Also, I’m lazy.)

So then I pay my fare and give him close to exact change and say “if you were not such a douche, you would have gotten a bigger tip. GOOD DAY, SIR! I said GOOD DAY!” And then I get out of my cab.

And then Douche McCaberson decided to SCREAM out his window at me. He’s yelling “YOU ARE A FUCKING BITCH! SUCK MY DICK! FUCKING BITCH!” And probably a whole host of other things I blocked out because I just wanted to get into my building.

I was totally freaked out. So much so, I was afraid to take a cab home Saturday night, after helping my friend Melissa celebrate her 30th birthday. (It was a Birthdaypalooza this weekend!) But my good cab driver mojo is back and I told this cab driver the whole sordid tale and he was very pissed on my behalf. And said that should never happen and a driver is supposed to take you whatever way you tell them. Which made me feel 100 times better because I drink a lot. I need to be able to take cabs in the city.

And thankfully this nice cab driver didn’t ask for my number. Because I would have totally given it to him because he didn’t call me a fucking bitch. I’m so easy.

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Edited to add: My dad is dead. He passed away in 2002 or 2003, I never remember, which should clue you in to our relationship. So my stepmom has a boyfriend that she’s been dating for quite a few years. The end.

Things I did do:

• Sit in traffic
• Cursed the all-news radio station in Chicago for their lack of reporting on several HUGE accidents, which apparently didn’t happen until I set tire to the asphalt on the expressways.
• Cried a lot in traffic.
• Threw myself a pity party. In traffic.
• Almost screwed up my brother and sister in law’s plans to head downtown for a night away together, without the kids, because I was the babysitter and I was stuck in traffic. On a holiday. At 10 AM.
• Spent a whole day with my niece Skyler alone.

• Watched a lot of bad cartoons.
• But didn’t really mind because what Skyler wants, Skyler gets. Girl has me wrapped around her finger. AND KNOWS IT.
• Ate a lot of crap, not limited to pizza, cupcakes, donut holes and ice cream.
• I ate most of these things for breakfast.
• So did Skyler. Which is probably why I am her favorite Auntie.
• Met a dude that my SIL and her friend have been trying forever to set me up with.
• Drank a lot of beer.
• Forgot to put sunblock on and got really sunburned. I really wanted the skin to match my shirt.

• Played volleyball in the pool for what seemed like hours.
• Decided I can never have a puppy, even a cute one. Say what you will about cats, but they don’t whine.

• Got asked by my nephew Noah how old I was. He said I looked 20 and then without skipping a beat said “Well how come you’re so old and aren’t married?”
• I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’m almost 32. Mostly because I didn’t want to witness his jaw drop to the floor when someone was THIRTY ONE and not married.
• Overall, had a really, really good weekend.

Do you see why I’m so tired? So I’m off to bed early. Like I’m writing this and the sun isn’t even down yet and I’m hitting the hay, with the sweet sounds of Field of Dreams lulling me to sleepytime. If you build it, he will come.

But before I leave you, please tell me why this is a good way to travel through an airport with a child.

Skyler is actually one of the youngest in her class. The class is for three year olds, but the cut off was September 1. And Skyler’s birthday is in October. But after taking another session of her dance class from last fall, which is just called Creative Movement because it is for little ones, the teacher said Skyler was good to move up to the real class. The class with a recital, where all of us could come watch her perform and she would have a costume!

So since she is 3 1/2, she’s been practicing this routine once a week for the last nine months. Understandably, she started to hate ballet. Probably because she was tired of hearing the same damn song over and over and over. So to get my stubborn niece to actually participate in the recital and be a good girl, cake was promised. (One of the many ways we’re similar, Skyler and I, is our love of cake.) But when they went to the high school auditorium for dress rehearsal earlier in the week and Skyler saw the big stage, she was ready to perform. She was ready to show the world her mad ballet skillz!

It was literally the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. The show was comprised of eight different dance classes, including Skyler’s. They were all the younger kids, most of them Skyler’s age or just a year or two older. Just watching all the cuteness made my uterus ache. But none were cuter than our girl.

They danced to Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles. Skyler was very serious and very focused while she danced. And was singing most of the words to the song.

Afterwards she got some flowers and we gushed all over her at how cute she was and how well she performed! Our prima ballerina. She was all smiles and loved the flowers.

And of course, I was the proudest Auntie in the entire auditorium!

You can see the rest of the photos here. The ones at the actual recital are crappy because we couldn’t use the flash and we weren’t super close.

Here is the video, if anyone wants to watch. It’s only about 3 minutes and you will get a toothache from the cuteness. Or maybe you won’t because you’re not related to her.

Skyler Ballet Recital June 2009 from kristabella on Vimeo.