I had a really bad week last week. I wish I could go into it here, but it is work related and I have learned my lesson from that. But it was one of the worst weeks that I think I’ve had in my professional career. I’m sure I’m partly making it out to be worse than it is, at least I hope I am, but still. The sting of last week, especially last Friday, it’s still right there at the surface. Makes it hard to get excited and want to come into work on Monday morning.

As I’ve gotten older, there are more than a few things I am sure about in my life. I’ve gained confidence in myself and my abilities so while I know that I suck at certain things, there are things that I’m really good at. I think we all know our strengths and weaknesses, right? For the most part? When I’m questioned on something I feel I do strongly in, it eats away at me. Because if I can’t even be good at the things I’m good at, what hope is there for me?

So yeah, that is where my mind is this Sunday evening. I’m actually quite proud of myself because I’ve managed to put it out of my head for most of the weekend and enjoy myself. Like drinking for almost 12 hours on a Saturday. Because I’m 32 so that is quite a feat! Especially since we started at 7:30 AM. And there was a line at the bar! BEFORE 8 AM! And I was standing by the end of the day too!

Now you should all mark your calendars to make a trip out to Chicago for St. Patty’s weekend! We do it right!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news, the best thing about day drinking, or morning drinking as the case may be, is that by 8 PM you’re home tucked into bed and fast asleep. Which means that even with the time change, I got plenty of sleep and woke up rested and actually accomplished something more than lying around on the couch all day moaning about how my head hurt! I actually didn’t do much more than that, actually, except I wasn’t in pain. I even got my taxes done! Thank you Barack Obama for your first-time homebuyer’s tax credit! I can’t wait for my refund! That will got towards buying fancy things like…a lower credit card balance! Woo hoo!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plus, I got to wear my favorite shirt. And make up for the fact that I’ll be in Pittsburgh for work, at a dinner with co-workers, on actual St. Patty’s Day on Wednesday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, tell me all about your fancy weekends! Tell me anything, really, to take my mind someplace else!

ANYWAY, after my interesting Friday night, I again put my big girl panties on (around 2 PM) and got ready to head out to a pub crawl they were having over near Wrigley. It was for charity! And I’m all about drinking beer for charity! Or for any reason!

We had an OK time, but the pub crawl was crowded and the bars on Southport aren’t really big enough to support a pub crawl. So we ditched it about three bars in and went to a local neighborhood bar. Where we played pool and got colored in chalk. We left there and hopped to another bar and ate pizza from some stranger’s party and then left. We ended up at the craziest dive bar I’ve been to in my life. And I’ve been to some doozys!

This bar is actually closer to my house on the North side. My friend Melissa had read about it and wanted to try it out. She said it was an Eastern European bar. And I was all “whatever that means.” I will never say that again in my life.

We first walked in and the place is small and pitch black. I don’t think there are any lights in there at all. We take a seat at the bar, which is more like a chin rest because it comes up that high. It was like being a little kid at the bar! Complete with bendy straws in our drinks!

I’m pretty sure we were the only people in there who spoke English as a first language. There was some woman singing (karaoke?) in a different language. And there were people sitting around tables, intently listening to her (or staring at us).

My friends got up to go to the restroom and the bartender handed me a plastic cup filled with water and told me that I can smoke in there, but just to drop the ashes in the cup. I don’t smoke, but my two friends do, and let me tell you, they were over the moon! I kind of was too because they go out to smoke and then I have to sit at the bar alone and Twitter. Now we could all be together! Huzzah for bars who break the law!

When they were in the bathroom, I also noticed a few kids. I was a bit out of it since we had been drinking since about 3 and it was, at that point, after 10. So we commented on the fact that there were kids! IN A BAR! You have a baby! IN A BAR!

And then the little one, who couldn’t have been more than 5, got up to go sing! In a bar! At 11 PM!

Right before we left, some man came up and gave us each a flower, a single carnation each. To remember our night at this bar, I guess. All I know is we’re SO going back!

(Flower squished because it has been sitting under a pile of crap on the counter since Saturday night.)

So tell me, do you have any good dive bar stories? Because I probably have enough for a weekly feature!

On Friday night my friend Lara was having a get together for her birthday. I spent the day whining to anyone who would listen because I am OLD and going out at 9 PM on a Friday night is HARD! And then my friend Melissa was like “suck it up, you fool! You need to get out of your Grandma funk! PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES!”

So I did. I kept myself busy when I got home from work on Friday evening. I made sure that I didn’t take a nap because if I had taken a nap, I would have been down for the count. I made coffee and added some Bailey’s to it. And I love Lara and she helped me celebrate my birthday, so the least I could do was suck it up and be a big girl and go out and have a good time.

And boy, howdy, am I glad I did! Because I am apparently a cougar! And I took a nice, YOUNG, 24-year old Irish lad home to my condo! He was the first one I’ve brought back to my new place. AND I HAVE LIVED HERE ALMOST A YEAR NOW!

24. That is almost nine years younger than me! NINE! I nabbed myself a child! A fetus! A cute fetus, though, no?

I should back up a little because it was a pretty interesting night. So Irishman was 24, originally from Ireland and going to law school here, had a very sexy accent, a twinkle in his eye and a baby face. I was immediately attracted because he could have looked like Mickey Rourke and I would have still loved him. I am a SUCKER for an accent.

Anyway, we talked for a chunk of the night. He was so adorable. Like a little brother. He told us Midwestern women intimidate him because we’re so honest and real. I pinched his cheeks. I honestly thought there was nothing more there than chit chat and him putting up with the old lady chatting him up at a bar. Where there were people his own age! Clearly I was not drunk enough to be overconfident.

I think he was pretty drunk. Which, interesting to note, he talked slower, which was better since it is hard to understand an Irish accent sometimes. At one point, his buddy was talking to Lara and he says “so when are we going back to your place?” And then I laughed and laughed and laughed! Mr. Innocent, “oh-Midwestern-women-frighten-me”, was fixin’ to get into my pants. So I did what any immature 32 year old would do, I told Lara and this other dude how Mr. Innocent isn’t really so innocent! And we laughed….

But the Irishman got MAD! He didn’t like that I was ruining his game! What if people start talking? He’ll never hook up with anyone again with his innocent act! So I apologized because he was really upset and had that sad puppy dog look in his twinkling eyes. Sucker. Right here. (points to self.)

And then? He decided he was heading home because he was a little wobbly. So we all said our goodbyes and that was that. One of Lara’s friends was like “did he get your number?” And I’m like “nope. He just flirted with me all night and then left! Silly kids!” Like I mentioned, he was flirty and touchy-touchy, but I honestly didn’t think he was interested.

About 15 minutes later, Irishman came back into the bar. And we were all “he’s baaaack!” He comes over to me and is all “do you know how long I’ve been outside waiting for you?” And I tell him “well, if you’re wanting someone to go with you, you kind of have to SAY something.” Kids. *eye roll*

So we left. He didn’t want to go to his place. I didn’t really want him at my place, since it was not clean. Also, Aunt Flo was in town, so it wasn’t like we were going to be doing much of anything anyway. I told him this much because why should he come all the way up north to my place when he’s not going to be getting any?

He apparently thought he could change my mind. Oh kids, they are so adorable.

We end up making out in the cab. And I’m not drunk enough at this point to be OK with this. Because I’m the Cab Driver Whisperer. And for some reason, this weirds me out. But whatever, I go with the flow. We get to my place. I drink a huge glass of water and ask him if he wants anything. He wants another beer. And I’m reminded, YET AGAIN, that there is a large age difference between us. (Also, I have a pub crawl I have to get up for the next day, so I need to actually be able to get up.)

We sit on the couch and chat for awhile. Until he gets antsy and wants to “go to bed.” So I remind him that all we’re going to be doing is sleeping. Not “sleeping”. He still thinks he’s going to convince me otherwise.

Yada, yada, yada, after some making out and him getting pissed that I won’t “sleep” with him, he tells me he’s going. Because, and I swear I can’t make this up, he has really nice sheets at home. They are Egyptian cotton. And he can’t sleep on my apparently crappy sheets.*

I just laugh. And I call him a cab. He tries unsuccessfully one more time to woo me, to no avail, and then huffs off, literally like stomps out of my place in a huff, and says he’ll just wait outside for the cab no matter how long it takes.

And then I go to bed laughing and think “THIS is why I have a blog. Because I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.”

*Did you all ever see that movie with Brittany Murphy and Dakota Fanning, where Brittany is the nanny and she dates this rock star who makes up a song about her about “sheets of Egyptian cotton”? I’ve had that song in my head all weekend. (Uptown Girls! You can hear the song here!)

Well, my March came in like a Lion because I was up all night last night with stomach issues and the chills. So I stayed home today to rest and hopefully eat something and drink and get my energy up.

Here is a list of the other things I did:

• Slept
• Twittered
• Played Words with Friends, mostly with Rhi because she was home sick too (ZOMG, I got sick through the INTERNET!)
• Watched a lot of daytime television, including the first episode of The OC on SoapNet. Man, it is a WONDER why I stuck with that show. The only thing that made that show was Seth Cohen. Even in episode 1.
• Summer was like the Kelly Taylor of that show – so dumb and slutty in the beginning and turned out to be a good person, who went to BROWN.
• Spent a lot of quality time with my cats
• I think my one cat might actually be sick or something. She’s been barfing a lot lately. Funny, though, she only seems to do it when I’m not here. Convenient, cat.
• Ate toast
• Drank cherry limeade Crystal Light
• Napped
• Watched The Golden Girls because no sick day is complete without Dorthy and the Gang.

And that my friends is a day in the life of Kristabella: The Sick Day Edition.

So tell me, readers (I think there are more than one of you these days), do you have any interesting news to share? Any exciting stories? Any topics you’d like to see me blog about? Because we’re still a month from Easter, kids, and I’m running out of steam.

I gave blood!

For VAMPIRES! EDWARDDDDD!

And Simba wanted to tell you all to do your part to help save lives!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And then this weekend, I actually left the house! And ran errands! And did all the things I’ve been putting off for weeks and weeks!

Saturday morning I went to Target, got coffee, picked up my contacts and my dry cleaning all before noon! And then I came home, unpacked my purchases, organized a bit of the second bedroom and then did four loads of laundry!

Then I took a break, sat down on the couch and then didn’t get up until I moved to the bedroom and went to bed.

Yeesh! Who knew actually DOING things would make you so tired?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today I went over to my Grandma’s/Mom’s house and took my Gram out to run errands. Since my mom has to do it all the time, I figured it would be nice to give her a break. So we went to KMart and stocked up on things for Gram. Then we stopped for donuts. And if you live in a state with Dunkin Donuts, I HIGHLY recommend you head out there RIGHT NOW for their triple chocolate donut. SO TASTY!

But at least I got a free meal out of it AND leftovers! And watched the awesome USA-Canada hockey game. And while it didn’t end in the US’s favor, it was still an AWESOME game and I’m so glad the US hockey team is finally performing at the Olympics! And not just destroying hotel rooms!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also, I’m sure you’ve all been hearing me talk about this enough this weekend, BUT! The amazing Laurie asked me to be part of a panel with her for a Room of Your Own session at this year’s BlogHer conference. I gladly accepted because I would never turn down a chance to spew my nonsense at a room full of people!

Anyway, I don’t know when voting ends (I think it is today, but I’m not sure), but if you are able to still vote, I would love your support to say that you would attend this session. (CLICK HERE TO VOTE!) Even if you’re not going to BlogHer, the more support the better! For those of us bloggers who aren’t moms and just blog about our lives, there are not a lot of panels/sessions for us at BlogHer and I think this will really be fantastic. Doesn’t hurt that I’ll be on a panel with some FANTASTIC LADIES!

For those of you who have voted, THANK YOU! I really hope we get to present in August!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And with that, I’m going to bed. Because I’ve done far too much this weekend and I’m beyond exhausted!

So I’m reaching to find topics to write about. Which is probably good, since my brain should think about more than reality television, cheese and sleep. But I think it is also bad because man, there are going to be some craptastic posts in the next however-many-days-it-is-until-Easter.

Remember my story about the crazy biker? The one who CHASED me into the hair salon to tell me how much of an asshole I was for almost hitting him with my car door? Well, it happened again.

I know, I KNOW! You’re thinking “damn woman, look in your side mirrors and this will not happen!” But! I’m telling you that since that incident, I HAVE looked in my mirrors and I’ve turned around and I’ve been so careful! I swear, there is something about this neighborhood.

Why yes, yes it did happen in the same neighborhood. It was about 1/4 mile from the last incident. (It’s my old neighborhood, so I still go to everything there since it isn’t that far from my current abode.)

Last Thursday, I went to the eye doctor. Remember, I had my pupils dilated? So I parked on a major street outside my eye doctor’s office. As I was sitting there, getting my purse together, I saw a guy zoom by on his bike. It was a nice reminder to MAKE SURE I CHECKED FOR BIKERS. So I did. I looked in the rearview mirror, I looked in the side mirror, I turned around to look behind me to make sure there were no bikers in my blind spot or within a 1/2-mile radius of my car. When I saw NO ONE, I opened the door. And THERE WAS A FUCKING BIKER! I swear I looked! He was zooming really fast so one of two things happened: 1) he was going so fast that in the split second from when I turned to grab my purse he came out of nowhere, apparently going 70 miles an hour or 2) he came from the side street that was behind me and that’s why I didn’t see him.

I apologized profusely, AGAIN, and told him I was sorry. He was not happy and of course STOPPED his bike in the street to tell me I could have taken his arm off. Like I fucking swung my door WIDE open on a four-lane, major thoroughfare in Chicago. IN RUSH HOUR. He didn’t appreciate my apology so I told him to go fuck himself and went into the eye doctor’s office. Not running, per se, but walking at a faster pace than normal so that in case he decided to beat me with his U-Lock, there were witnesses. Thankfully, I wasn’t worth his time.

And now I’m scared for when I have to go back to pick up my contacts. I think I’ll park on a side street. Or take the bus. Or post a sign like this on my car as a warning:

Speaking of Fat Tuesday, do people in New Orleans get Ash Wednesday off? Because really, that would be the only way I could go out and party. I went out on Fat Tuesday once, probably about four years ago, at a bar that had QUARTER BEERS! Granted they were smaller cups, but still! FOUR BEERS FOR A DOLLAR! And all I can recall from that night is making out with some guy on a pool table. And I think I went to work the next day. I couldn’t hang now. Am old.

Anyway, the reason I’m writing about Fat Tuesday is because that is what today is. Which means tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Which means the start of Lent for those of us Christian-types. And the tradition is to give up something for Lent. Or do something good. Basically the idea is to make a sacrifice and be like Jesus on the cross or something. Oh, and don’t eat meat. (Who has two thumbs and knows nothing about Christianity? THIS GIRL!)

I don’t do the meat thing. Because it is stupid. And the Bible just says “hoofed” animals, which means turkey and chicken are OK. I mean, if fish are OK then so is poultry, so says the Book of Kristabella. (Clearly I am not much of a practicing Catholic. What with the birth control and the pre-marital sex and all.)

But I do generally participate in the whole Lenten thing. I try to give something up, or aim to be a better person by doing SOMETHING for those 40 days. Last year I attempted to give up the snooze button. It went OK, but didn’t last too long. I hit the snooze button about 4 times each morning still to this day.

This year I’ve decided to do something a little different. I have decided to give up BEING LAZY. See, I’m President of the Lazy Club. I’ve mentioned this before. I prefer sedentary activities to just about anything. But lately, it’s reached a new level. Part of it is winter. I always seem to get this way because my only instinct is to hunker down and hibernate. I AM A CHICAGO BEAR, YOU KNOW! But the level of laziness I have reached recently is off the charts. And it is time to change.

So my Lent resolution (what is it even called? Lent sacrifice?) is to stop being so lazy in many areas of my life, but namely with this here blog. I have gotten into a really bad habit of not posting here. I went from posting five days a week to one, maybe two, days a week. And I don’t like that. But since I’ve gotten out of the habit, it is really easy to talk myself out of writing each night and talk myself into watching yet another episode of Intervention.

My goal isn’t to blog every day. Because that is ridiculous. If I can’t even come up with  topics once a week, there is no need to bore you every single day. So the plan is to blog 5 days a week for the next however many weeks until Easter. That way if I go out on a weeknight and am too drunk to post, I don’t have to feel guilty. Although I will because Catholics are good at that. Drinking and guilt.

There you have it. And now it is off to bed to think of millions of hilarious post ideas. Otherwise we’re going to get a lot of cat posts.

So how about you? Are you giving anything up for Lent? What is your Lent resolution, or Lensolution, if you will?

Firstly, I am overwhelmed by the response I had on my last post. So many people have reached out to offer to help out my nephew with his traveling bear project. I know it isn’t a contest, but if there is some sort of grade or bragging rights attached to this project, Noah is going to be the winner hands down. Noah the Bear is going to travel the whole world. He’s going to see so many things, all thanks to you guys.

In fact, he has already visited USA Gymnastics and Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis with TMC from Return to Rural.

And then my friend Carri took him around the 49ers facility in Santa Clara, CA. There aren’t any players around because it is the offseason, but he got a tour and got to see the locker room.

Honestly, I cannot thank you guys enough. I am so excited to see all the other places Noah will travel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This title is fitting because I’m also overwhelmed by life. It’s many things that are making me feel a bit down, a lot has to do with the weather and some of it has to do with work (that I’m not going to get into here, of course.) But I’m just generally feeling blah and like I could just sleep for days. I think I might be coming down with something since I felt really flushed all day and just didn’t feel right.

Or maybe it is because I am STILL wearing my glasses because my contacts still haven’t come in. I talked to the eye place today and they expect them early next week, so she ordered me one trial pair to tide me over until the shipment arrives. I’m pretty sure this is the longest I’ve gone with wearing my glasses since I was in eight grade and not allowed to wear contacts. And since these glasses are about four years old, I’m pretty sure once I actually start wearing contacts again, regularly, I will probably get really dizzy, vomit and then fall down into a pile of my own puke.

That should only last a few days, hopefully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had to wear my glasses out, in public, at a bar, on Saturday night. We went out to celebrate my friend Jessica’s birthday and I wasn’t going to let my glasses keep me from going. (I originally typed that “me glasses” and I was wondering when Popeye took over writing this blog post.) So to compensate, I wore a dress and knee-high boots to make myself feel like a sexy librarian in my glasses.

I also decided to drink many GLASSES (it’s a theme) of wine and not really remember most of the evening. All I know is that I woke up at 5 AM, still in my dress, most of the lights on in the house, my tights strewn about by the front door and my glasses still on. So it must have been a good night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And since I haven’t had a cab story in awhile, I figured that I should tell you about Otus, my cab driver that gave me his number. (I don’t know HOW I got out of giving him mine, but apparently I’m learning.) The funny thing is that I took a cab to and from the bar with my friend Melissa. On both cab rides, I was a chatty Cathy. And at one point Melissa says to me “I see now why you get into the situations you do with cab drivers.”

AH HA!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now I’m going to end this lame post because I really don’t need to take up any more of your time. Plus I really need to get to bed. But I needed to do something after Lost ended so I didn’t just sit and stare at my TV with my mouth agape wondering what the fuck just happened.

This blog post is so boring it did just the trick to calm me down and bore me out. You’re welcome!

I know, right?

See, my last job was located on the South Side of Chicago, not in the best part of the city. The most convenient Dunkin Donuts was not the cleanest facility. It was part of a gas station/Burger King. I always went to this one because it was close to the prison and a lot of the cops and sheriffs would get breakfast there, so I always felt safe-ish. But there were also some shady characters, homeless people, etc. that visited this establishment as well. So much so that the place was just dirty. And I would convince myself that by touching the door handles to get in and out of the building, I was going to get pink eye. I made a POINT to wash my hands as soon as I got to work because I was afraid I would touch my eyes later and totally get pink eye. Why pink eye and not anything else? I have no idea. But I was always CONVINCED.

I never got pink eye. In fact, I haven’t had pink eye since I was a senior in high school. I only remember having pink eye then because I got it right before we were going to Puerto Vallarta for spring break with my dad. And they specifically tell you NOT to go in the sun when you’re on the antibiotic eye drops, so I had to convince the doctor to give me special eye drops so I didn’t spend a week in Mexico SITTING INSIDE.

Well, that was the last time I had pink eye until this past week.

Last Wednesday my eye was really itchy. So if it itches, I scratch it. Most of the time I don’t think about door handles and light switches and a host of other things that I touch with my hands before touching my eyeball. I have no idea why my brain thinks the Dunkin Donuts is dirtier than doors in a parking garage, but there you have it.

So before I went to bed Wednesday night, my eye was really bothering me. I went to take out my contacts and I noticed that the whole right part of my right eye was red. “Hmmm,” I thought. “This can’t be good. Maybe I scratched too hard?”

Of course I Googled pink eye and asked Twitter if pink eye itched. Because if you ever have a question, odds are someone on Twitter will have an answer for you. The consensus was that it could be pink eye and that if I woke up in the morning with an oozy, crusty eye, it was pink eye. So I went to bed.

When I woke up, my eye was a bit crusty and kind of oozy and the red had spread (hey! Thanks rhymes!). I decided in the interest of not spreading it to my co-workers, that I would work from home and keep the plague contained in my house. And then secretly wondered if cats get pink eye. And maybe thought about touching their eyes just to experiment. Thankfully my cats have lived with me long enough to know that they shouldn’t ever let me touch their eyes.

Since it had been like 15 years since my last bout with pink eye, I was a little fuzzy on the details. I was pretty sure it was SOMETHING and not just regular eye irritation. So to be sure, I decided to touch the infected eye and then touch my good eye to see if it spread. Worst case is that it would spread and I wouldn’t have like 2 weeks of pink eye.

I finally made it to the CVS Minute Clinic (which is actually kind of awesome and so quick!) and as soon as I walked in the doctor was all “oh yeah, you have pink eye. And it spread to the other eye.” Whoops.

I got my eye drops and have been using them ever since. When I remember. Because every 4 hours can slip by, especially when you’re in a movie and wearing 3D glasses over your glasses because you can’t wear contacts because you have the PLAGUE OF THE EYEBALLS! Not that you could wear any contacts anyway because you have no more left! The last pair you had, you threw out because it was INFECTED!

Basically I hate wearing my glasses. So the end of this infection (and my contacts order) cannot come quickly enough.

This is apparently my grumpy old man/I-hate-pink-eye-and-having-to-wear-glasses face. Also, apparently my neck has gone missing. Can anyone help me find it?

A little over a month ago, a week before Christmas, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at my normal salon. I went on a weeknight because I was busy over the weekend, which is when I prefer to go. I go every 4 weeks. My eyebrows don’t take a break in growing. In the summer, they generally grow faster and I have to deal with caterpillars above my eyes. Thank God for bangs!

Anyway, that was not the point of this post. So my appointment was later in the evening, so I figured I would head to Trader Joe’s for something for dinner. I figured since Trader Joe’s is always crowded, this would kill some time. But I forgot that Trader Joe’s is always so crowded it annoys me, so I forced myself to get in and out of there as quickly as possible.

So I had some time to kill before my appointment. I drove over  to the salon and parked on the street. Since I had about 20 minutes, I figured I’d just sit in my car, listen to the radio, check Twitter and play a game of Solitaire. Plus, it was raining, so I didn’t feel like getting out of my nice warm, dry car.

The lady at my salon is usually on time, so with about 10 minutes to go until my appointment time, I figured I’d just head into the salon. It was close to closing time, so I hoped I could get in a bit early. So I stopped checking Twitter, shut off my car and started to open the car door.

Note: As a city driver who has experience parking on city streets, I always look before I open my door. And I did on this particular evening, but as I mentioned it was DARK and RAINING.

So as I open the door, I almost hit a guy on a bicycle. I didn’t see him! I swear!

Since I’m far too nice of a person, I apologized profusely, yelling at him from afar that I was sorry. Oops! My bad!

That was until he stopped, got off his bicycle and started racing towards me that I was like “Oh hell no, Lance Armstrong!”

So Lance Wannabe starts lecturing me. Telling me I need to look before I open the car door. And that he could have been seriously injured. And I apologize again, and DO NOT mention that it is DARK, RAINING and that he is wearing ALL BLACK!

Apparently Lance doesn’t like my tone. He doesn’t feel my apology is sincere. So I’m all “whatevs, Lance. I apologized, you’re still able to walk, MERRY CHRISTMAS!” and I walk into the salon.

As I go to take my coat off, Lance CHASES me into the salon (IN! TO! LIKE COMES ON IN!) and starts lecturing me again! Telling me I need to fix my attitude. And at one point says “do you hear how you’re talking to me?” And because I value my life, I DID NOT say “DO YOU REALIZE YOU JUST CHASED ME INTO A HAIR SALON?” Because really, Lance? Politeness is OFF the table at this point, SIR!

Thankfully I love the lady who owns the salon and she stepped in and was all “OK sir, we’re done here” and the dude was on his merry way. And a guy who was in the salon getting his hair cut was all “if he comes in again, I will kick his ass for you.”

And all I kept thinking was 1) this shit ONLY happens to me and 2) I am so thankful I have a blog to share this on.

Really, Lance Wannabe? WHO DOES THAT?

:::

In other news, I forgot to tell you guys I’m writing over at Draft Day Suit. I’ve written two posts so far, and will be writing plenty more, so please go check it out, add it to your readers, comment, tell your friends!