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Two men in their mid twenties are sitting on the oldest couch in the history of the world. Scientists might hypothesize that it is basically held together by pizza stains and shame.

And they’re responsible for most of the supply of both.

They’ve lived together since their freshman year of college. They like to say that the university housing department brought them together, but being kindred spirits kept them together.

You know, when they had the energy to explain the whole story.

They’re watching one of their favourite things in the world to watch:

A marathon.

Not the kind where people run a long distance, despite the fact that no one seems to be chasing them.

No, these are the marathons that involve a butt-numbing number of episodes of the same television program.

This particular program takes place in Alaska. It involves Alaskans either driving, fishing, panning for gold or making cakes. Their not entirely sure.

They could easily look at the laptop sitting on the coffee table in front of them. It always has a tab open to a TV guide. And one to Foxy Bingo.

The brown haired fellow turns to his blonde hetero life partner.

“I worry about you, my friend. You spend too much time on this couch. You’re not getting any younger. There’s a whole world out there. With women… Don’t you want to find someone nice? To get married some day? To have children? You’d make an amazing father. Don’t you want a soul mate? Someone who will have your back when the proverbial chips are all the way down? You won’t find that on this couch, dear sir. I want these things for you. As your friend, it’d thrill me to no end for you to meet someone. Someone special. I know your mother would be so happy. She’s getting older too. Every hour you spend on this couch, is an hour you keep the dream of grandchildren away from her. I don’t know if I could be so selfish. I don’t think you want to be either. I want you to look inside. Deep inside. Where the feelings live. You want these things. You want them now. You don’t want to wait another day. I want you to rise up! Get off of this couch! And get out there! Do it!”

“I’m not going to the fridge to get you a beer.”

“Fiiiiiiiine. I’ll go myself. Jerk.”

I am no different. And really, it is about time. I couldn’t even start back working out in the gym come the first of the year. It took me until the 24th of this month to actually step foot in there. But, since then, I have been 5 times. (I couldn’t go tonight since I had a late dentist appointment.) (That’s what the kids these days are calling it.) (I wish.)

See, working out has never been fun. I’ve never really enjoyed it. It’s always been a chore for me, never a habit. Yes, I am aware of the benefits. Yes, I feel amazing after I work out. But that is not enough to MAKE me go to the gym. I need more. I need extra motivation.

This year I’m taking part in the Biggest Blogging Loser again that Jennie is doing. That is giving me a bit extra motivation, since there is money and prizes involved. But that alone isn’t going to get me to the gym because shit, I pay for the gym every month and that isn’t even motivation to go. Plus, while I have quite a bit to lose, I’m also 34 damn years old and my metabolism ain’t what it used to be. Weight comes off slowly for me.

I needed some other sort of reward system.

Regan and I are both trying to lose weight and we banter about it daily on gchat and text messages and chastise each other when we eat entire pizzas in one sitting. Recently, she was telling me about this Fitbit thing she got. It’s like a pedometer on crack. It sounded interesting, but eh. Who really cares how many steps you take in a day? It gets old quick, AM I RITE?

Wrong.

She loves it. In addition to steps, it does stairs, which is helpful since I take a lot of stairs in a day. And it also helps track calories burned and your sleep habits. A few minutes on the website and I was sold! I wanted one!

So I decided to turn that into my reward. And instead of rewarding myself for just losing pounds, this reward is based on me actually going to the gym and working out.

My goal is to go to the gym 20 days between January 24 and February 29. That takes into the fact that we have the Super Bowl this weekend and that I’ll be in Arizona on vacation from the 15th-19th.

Apparently this is what I needed. I am going to get this damn Fitbit! I’m going to make the gym my bitch!

Also helpful is that I signed up to run an 8k at the end of March.

Let’s do this!

Lately I have just had no desire to write here. Usually it is just laziness and deciding to watch TV or go to bed at an obscenely early time that leads to no posts. But for the last few weeks, I’ve had thoughts and post ideas and have written these down! I’ve even started like three or four posts only to give up halfway through and then just shut the computer down. The desire, I no has it.*

I think that’s normal. It’s life. It all ebbs and flows. And as much as the whole NaBloPoMo thing helped me kind of get back in the habit, sometimes there is just nothing to write about. I swear, I can talk for days, but lately I’ve had nothing remotely interesting or funny or exciting to talk about.

Plus, even the thought of opening the laptop at home lately has made me stabby with rage. I just don’t want to do it. I’m on the computer all day and on my phone when I’m not, so when I get home, I just want to relax and watch crappy television.

I’ve hardly been on Twitter, in fact I usually ignore it for a majority of the day, unless I’m bored on the bus or train on my commute. I don’t go on Facebook, but that isn’t really any different since I never go on FB. Only to wish people a happy birthday.

I still will play my Words with Friends games and IM with people on gchat, but that has been about it. I’ve been technologied out. And that’s fine. Because I’m a bit too dependent on it as it is.

So, all that to say, I’m feeling less ragey about actually blogging this week. And I might even finish those posts I have recently started. And that I just wrote a whole post about not wanting to blog nor be on the computer, just to…post on my blog from my computer. /meta

And I’ll leave you with a question – where do I find some cheap t-shirts to work out in? I haven’t bought a t-shirt since college, I think. All of my current shirts are from previous jobs and I got them all for free. So needless to say, they are starting to show quite a bit of wear and tear. And I don’t appreciate paying for shirts, especially more than a couple of bucks, so I need your help. Kthanxbai.**

*I like to put in lolcats speak because she loves it so, so much!

**Hi Ali!

Anyway, so one of Rihanna’s new songs out now is called “We Fell in Love in aHopeless Place” and I just love it. It’s got a good beat. But as I was listening to it the other morning while getting ready for work, I thought “what exactly qualifies as a hopeless place?”

So I decided to list all the hopeless places I could think of to fall in love.

• Crack house
• Denny’s
• Bomb shelter
• The Superdome after Katrina
• POW camp
• Crashing plane
• Jail
• War time
• Republican National Convention
• Antarctica
• Sinking ship
• Mars
• Bathroom stall
• Rehab
• Homeless shelter
• Deserted island
• Port-a-potty

Now it’s your turn! Add to the list!

When I moved back to Illinois in 2005, I made a promise to myself that I would live in the city. I didn’t care where I ended up working or where I had to commute to, I was going to have a city apartment in Chicago proper.

And I love it. I love the neighborhood I’m in. I love the public transit options. I love that I can walk to most anything. (I also love that I have an assigned parking space so I can drive to anything I want to as well. Don’t forget I am the Queen of Lazy.)

Tonight as I was walking home from the train after work, I was thinking to myself that I really needed to email my friends and make some plans for this upcoming weekend. Nothing extravagant, just something more than grocery shopping to force me out of the house and out of my pajamas.

As I made a mental note to send an email tomorrow, I was walking past a restaurant on Lincoln. I looked in the windows and saw my friend Melissa’s boyfriend Matt who was having dinner with Melissa. I went in to say hello and they invited me to join them. It was totally impromptu and I loved it. We had some wine, dinner, lots of laughs and it was a great time.

When I think about moving away from a big city, these are the things that I don’t think I can give up. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s so worth it.

So what about you, are you a country or a city mouse?

After our warm weekend, it was supposed to be almost 50 today. After last Friday when I was sweating bullets on the bus and train in my scarf and down coat, I thought I’d be smarter today. So I opted for a lighter wool coat and went sans hat. I traded the fake Uggs for tennis shoes. Fifty degrees in January, UR DOIN IT RITE!

Except, dumbass, it’s January. In Chicago. Yes, it is mild, but it is still January in Chicago. Which means it is still butt-ass cold in the mornings. And still hat weather. And down coat weather. And not thin sweater weather. (Seriously self. A thin, 3/4 sleeve sweater in January? What the fuck were you thinking?)

Guess who was freezing at the bus stop this morning? Go on, guess!

I figured by the time 5 PM rolled around, we would have some warmer weather and some nice-for-January temps. This was especially important because I had to work outside for two hours after work handing out information to commuters. I figured I was just properly dressed enough for 50 degrees in January so I wouldn’t be too hot or too cold.

Oh boy how wrong I was.

I’ve been home for like an hour and I still can’t feel my toes. This post has taken me an hour to write because my fingertips are still numb, so if I try to type at a normal speed, it comes out like this – nvr0[vd ak jr3i vd;hgri0e[o.

I’m not complaining. It could be so much worse. I am pissed at my stupidity. I know better. I’m a Chicagoan! Once you bring out the down coat, it really needs to stay out. Better to be too hot in this weather than too cold. Trust me. (HEAR THAT, SELF??!?)

The problem with this mild winter is that my body is not used to the cold. It hasn’t gotten a chance to acclimate. Yeah, we’ve had a day or two of some cold temps (i.e. normal for this time of year), but nothing like it could be. So when those days come, so few and far between, it knocks me on my ass. I want to eat all the things and then sleep for days. And then I don’t get a chance to toughen up and get used to it because then tomorrow? A high of 52. No. REALLY.

Again, not complaining. Except if it means it will be 60 and cloudy in July. Then we’re taking this outside, Mother Nature. Mano y mano.

So, people inside the computer box, did you all have a nice holiday season? Were Santa and/or the Hanukkah armadillo good to you? Did you have a grand old time ringing in 2012?

I had a very lovely Christmas. This year I went over to my brother’s house and spent Christmas Eve with them. So I got to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn on Christmas morning to see all the presents that Santa done brought! Actually, I was lucky enough to have been woken up twice by Noah, once at midnight and once at 3 AM, with his excitement over ALL! THE! PRESENTS!

Let me tell you, even though it was early, it was really nice to wake up on Christmas morning with people that were not the cats. Not that I ever minded waking up alone and sleeping in, but it kind of took any magicalness out of Christmas. Spending it with family, especially kiddos, was really nice. I think I have a new tradition!

We then celebrated with the rest of the family and I got my Soda Stream that I asked for. And let me tell you, it is AMAZING! I love it so much! The first full day I had it, I drank three liters of water. Which is 1) a lot and 2) a lot for me, especially when that water is not flavored with Kool-Aid, which was the previous way you could get me to drink that much water. Either that or with barley and hops.

(I wasn’t intending to have this be a recap post. But I’ve got nothing else to talk about, apparently.)

I have spent most of my time off around these holidays in pajamas and watching TV. I’m almost done with Six Feet Under (10 more episodes!) and while I wait for those DVDs in the mail, I am usually watching 100s of episodes of Intervention. I’m really excited that new shows are coming back on regular television. I mean, I’m starting to prefer one rehab facility over another, making a note of it in my mind in case I ever go to rehab.

This is where I should talk all about resolutions, but let’s be honest, I never keep them. This year I’m taking the KISS method and keeping it simple. Nothing has to start Jan. 1, especially since we didn’t go back to work until the third. But here are a few things I would like to accomplish this year. Most are really better habits.

• Start washing my face every night
• Don’t hit the snooze button 11 times every morning
• On that note, get up at a consistent time and get back to my old work schedule
• Lose weight
• Eat better
• Start working out
• Run a race (5k, 8k, whatever, something)
• Post more on my blog

And that’s about it. To date, I have accomplished none of these things. But tomorrow is a new day, right?

How about you, friends? Any resolutions?

Normally, if I’m at the bar watching the game, I’m not tweeting as much. I usually only go on Twitter at the bar when someone is in the bathroom or when they go out to smoke. Or when I decide to stay at the bar by myself, which let’s be honest, that NEVER ends well.

These are the kinds of tweets you get when I’m home and sober watching the game and the Bears choke and lose one more time.

Don’t you want to be following me on Twitter now? Where’s my booze?

Let’s face it, it’s much easier running errands during the week when the rest of the world is at work or school. This is especially true during this time of year. I needed to make a MAJOR Target run and you cannot pay me enough money to go into a Target store on a weekend between Black Friday and Christmas. That’s like walking directly into the depths of hell.

I came down with a cold early Monday morning too, so these two days have really helped me to rest and take care of it so it goes away soon. It moved from a scratchy, sore throat to now mostly some congestion and a runny nose. I’m hoping this afternoon’s three hour nap kicked this cold to the curb.

I still need to get my flu shot. Can you get it if you have a cold? I think I might get it after work on Friday so I have the weekend to rest in case I come down with anything else. I’ve only ever gotten sick from the flu shot once, but you never know.

I really disconnect from the internet when I’m off. This is fine on weekends when most everyone else does the same thing. I mean, I’ll be on Twitter all day even when I’m not at work, but I rarely check email or Facebook and I don’t read any blogs. I am so out of the loop.

I am apparently just writing random thoughts as they come into my head and making them a post. See, I figured I should write something, this being the last day of November. And even though I failed NaBloPoMo, I still wrote a lot this month and figured I should write the first day of the month and the last, at the very least.

In all honesty, I’m waiting for my Megavideo account to reset so that I can keep watching Six Feet Under. Have you all seen this show? Of course you have. Its 10 years old. IT IS AWESOME! I’m really, really enjoying it. I’m still having a hard time with gay Dexter, but he’s growing on me. I have to stop thinking of him as a serial killer. Hard to do when he’s a FUNERAL DIRECTOR. It’s almost the same! Anyway, this show is awesome, and if you haven’t watched it, you should. Trust me on this.

(My Netflix DVD was broken and wouldn’t play (probably since it is 10 years old) and since I’m impatient and have cleared out most of my DVR, I needed to watch the episodes online rightthissecond. I seriously couldn’t imagine waiting 2 days for the replacement DVD.)

And now I’m off to see if I can keep watching.

See, I went to my mom’s for Thanksgiving. And since I started the new tradition of mimosas on Thanksgiving, I brought the champagne and orange juice. And since my mom needed help, I got there before noon and started drinking then. No one else arrived until close to three. So I drank a lot by myself. (We went through four bottles easily, so everyone enjoyed them!)

Then there was dinner and wine with dinner and more wine and then some beer and then I just passed out on the couch at my mom’s, without posting anything. (I actually tried the WordPress app, but it wouldn’t work. And at that point it wouldn’t have been more than jibberish after all that hooch.)

I just gave up then. There wasn’t any reason to post on Friday or Saturday then, since no one reads on the weekends.

I’m disappointed, but I had a lot of fun on Turkey Day, so I am not too sad. I posted every day for 23 days, and that’s nothing to shake a stick at. And I think I’m back in the habit of posting regularly, so mission accomplished.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

Tomorrow I’ll tell you all about how after just posting THIS, my dentist called me a wuss! GAH!