Where I Post Photos And Call It A Post

Posted By on July 4, 2011

Today is America’s birthday. Can someone please tell me when that decided to mean that people should blow up fireworks? Because that doesn’t say Happy Birthday to me. Things that say Happy Birthday to me are cake, pie, ice cream, beer, money, champagne, etc. I bet you America doesn’t much care for the damage that we do on her birthday.

I read somewhere on Twitter that there is a ban on fireworks in some states (Texas, Arizona, maybe others?) because it is so dry. And people are SHOCKED that they are still hearing fireworks. Um, fireworks are ILLEGAL in the state of Illinois. Completely illegal. Nothing besides sparklers and those smoke bomb things. Nothing that sounds like a gun shot. That’s all that you are allowed to have, in Illinois, when it comes to fireworks.

We’ve even had bans on fireworks in our drought years. I remember one such year when my Uncle was shooting off something into an open field of dry grass and we started a small fire and the cops came.

This stops no one, clearly as I sit on my couch wondering if those are firecrackers or gun shots outside. Because fireworks are legal in all the surrounding states, so we have billboards, in Illinois, telling you exactly where you can buy those illegal fireworks.

(I don’t actually hate fireworks. I like the ones that are legal. The ones that are done by cities and towns or baseball teams. Ones that are done legally and pretty in the sky. Trust me, I worked for a minor league baseball team for two summers, we did fireworks every Saturday home game. If I didn’t like fireworks then, I was forced to like them after that job.) (I still hate the smell of stale beer mixed with peanut shells, though. That is one thing I sadly can never forget from that job.)

Anyway, I promised you photos, so here are some photos from a few weeks ago from my niece Madeline’s first birthday party. Can you believe she’s already one? I can’t!

Birthday girl in her birthday dress.


In my family, we have this tradition where, on your first birthday, we set three items out in front of you – a shot glass, a rosary and a dollar bill. Whatever you pick first, that tells you what kind of life you’ll lead. The shot glass, you’ll be a drunk; the rosary, you’ll be holy; and the dollar bill, you’ll be rich.

Our Madeline Jane picked…

The rosary! (Probably because it was easiest to get in her mouth.)

I’ll give you one guess what her Auntie went for on her first birthday. Come on, just guess!

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to β€œHey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


7 Responses to “Where I Post Photos And Call It A Post”

  1. alimartell says:

    A YEAR? OMG. How did THAT happen?!?!?!

    Also, I kind of don’t really like fireworks. I don’t know…I’m just like totally MEH about them. Obviously…there’s something wrong with me…

  2. I hate fireworks. People in our neighborhood set them off every. single. night. At least on the fourth of July they have a reason. But I felt no sympathy when I saw the firetrucks pull up at a house down the street from us 10 minutes after the show ended. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR SETTING OFF MINI BOMBS ON YOUR ROOF, DUMBASSES. At least the 4th of July fireworks aren’t waking me up at midnight like the stupid New Years Eve fireworks, though.

    Oscar the Fireworks Grouch, over and out.

  3. You probably went for the cake first – – that would be what I would have done! πŸ˜‰

  4. I can tell you how the fireworks thing got started:

    John Adams thought the Declaration of Independence was going to be ratified on July 2, 1776 and organized a celebration in Philadelphia — complete with fireworks — to announce the revolution/get his party on.

    When the Continental Congress took a little longer to be consummate politicians and deliberate longer than was necessary, Adams just postponed the party to the appropriate day.

    So, blame our 2nd President of the United States for the fireworks.

  5. Alice says:

    OMG I WANT TO STEAL THAT TRADITION. every baby i know is now getting that test at their first birthday πŸ™‚

  6. regan says:

    That is a super cute birthday dress. I think I would like a birthday shirt for myself with a cupcake smack in the middle of it.

  7. Angella says:

    I can’t believe she’s ONE. She just keeps getting cuter, too.