I’m Just Not Into Your Stupid Fucking Movie

Posted By on July 20, 2009

A few weeks ago when I was bored on a Friday night (actually it was the Thursday before the 4th of July holiday so it just felt like a Friday, especially after recently being in New Orleans) I decided to rent a movie. It was the second time I attempted to rent a Pay-Per-View movie in my new place. I had previously tried to rent He’s Just Not That Into You a few weeks before this, but something went haywire with Dish Network and it didn’t work. Thankfully all I had to do was call and they refunded my money. Little did I know that Dish Network was trying to save me the PAIN and SUFFERING of watching this fucking trainwreck of a motion picture.

I don’t have sophisticated movie tastes. (Or sophisticated music tastes since I found out this weekend that I like the same songs as eight year old girls.) I like entertaining movies. I love romantic comedies, I like action movies, I like comedies, especially slapstick humor, like people falling down. I will really watch anything as long as I’m entertained.

So I figured that even though He’s Just Not That Into You got some bad reviews, I figured it couldn’t be that bad. I mean, it’s like an all-star freaking cast. And really, Ben Affleck and Bradley Cooper? What could be so wrong with two hours of staring at manly eye candy?

EVERYTHING COULD BE WRONG WITH IT.

It was a good thing I was drinking when I was watching it, otherwise I might have done myself bodily harm, like stabbing myself in the ear drums so I wouldn’t have to listen to it anymore. Because I HAD to finish it. I paid like four fucking dollars for it.

So I did what any normal, drunk single girl does on a Pseudo-Friday night, I took to Twitter.

movie1

This was about 20 minutes into the movie. The character that Ginnifer Goodwin played, she needs better friends. I could never let my girlfriends be that stupid. I could never watch them act like complete nutjobs when it comes to men. I would have to intervene. I would have to tell them “You’re doing it WRONG. So, so wrong.” (Says the girl watching the movie alone on a Friday night.)

Sadly, it didn’t get much better.

movie2

I understand the premise of the movie and I do think that the book probably has some good points. I mean, really, we’ve all been like these women, haven’t we? We’ve been needy, called or emailed when we shouldn’t. We’ve supported our friends, saying things like “I’m sure he is just busy.” Or “I bet something came up and he hasn’t had a chance to call.” I get all of these things, I understand that these things are wrong and we don’t like to face facts.

But on the other hand, your heart always rules over your head. And it’s something we all have to do and experience to realize “yep, that book was right. He was so not into me.” Because until we figure it out for ourselves, it doesn’t matter. Barack Obama could tell us that we had to do it one way, yet we’d still rebel like a bunch of grounded teenagers and do the exact opposite.

This movie, though, was just so over the top. And Bradley Cooper, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG! (I mean, in this movie. I’m sure you’re actually quite lovely in real life.) (Scratch that, US Weekly tells me that indeed you might be kind of a douche. That must have been an easy role to play then, wasn’t it?)

But really, what do I know? I mean, I’m sitting here on my couch having a conversation with my two cats. And apparently it is quite one-sided since they won’t tell me how their day was. I think they’re still pissed I went away for the weekend.

So tell me, have you seen He’s Just Not That Into You? What did you think?

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.

Comments

41 Responses to “I’m Just Not Into Your Stupid Fucking Movie”

  1. Mama Bub says:

    This may not be the time to admit that I was SAD when the movie was over. I liked it. I thought Ginnifer Goodwin’s character was way over the top, but I could, sadly, unfortunately, all too clearly, see myself in her inane actions. Not all of her actions, mind you, but I got her. Also, I may have cried a little bit when Ben proposed to Jennifer (I could have been paying more attention to their names.) Even though the strong woman inside me was screaming, “Why would you want him to marry you after all of THAT?!” I still cried.
    .-= Mama Bub´s last blog ..Heart, meet Throat. Throat, Heart. =-.

  2. angela says:

    Hmm, I rented it that same weekend. And I can’t remember a single thing about the movie. Apparently, it was THAT good. Wow.
    .-= angela´s last blog .. =-.

  3. paperdiva says:

    Jennifer Connelly? wasted
    Drew Barrymore? wasted
    Jennifer Aniston? wasted
    Bradley Cooper? douche
    all that good talent and most of it gone to waste.
    BUT I do admit to liking Justin Long, and him ending up with Ginnifer Goodwin, but that may be because I liked them both on “Ed” and I miss that show.
    Not a horrible movie, but it seriously could have been SO.MUCH.BETTER.

  4. Kelly says:

    Hey there,
    I’m a new reader, so thought I’d take this chance to say hello. I too saw that movie over the fourth, and I felt the exact same way. Hated it! Too bad, I really like most of the actors.

  5. Sara says:

    I totally agree with you on that movie, complete waste of movie and unfortunately I am a huge dumbass cause I rented in my hotel room on a business trip and paid 3 times what you did. Yes, I am hanging my head in shame right now. The thing that bothered me in the end was all the stupid happy endings for everyone in the movie (except for the adulterer and the whore) but everyone else was all happy and matched up with each other a little too perfectly and for some reason that really bothered me. ugh…thats the end of my rant.
    .-= Sara ´s last blog ..Just another weekend in Las Vegas =-.

  6. kirida says:

    Oh I hated the commercials so I’m glad it turned out to be a complete waste of time. I don’t know what happens to society that we move so far as women and then boom, DREW BARRYMORE BRINGS US DOWN.
    .-= kirida´s last blog ..water babies =-.

  7. Pam says:

    I win the Loser Contest — I paid to see this in a movie theater. (I did get good popcorn, though.) That’s what happens when you have a teenaged daughter – you see crappy chick flicks. And this was, I totally agree, a crappy movie. I kept waiting for it to get better, and instead, it just fianlly ended.

  8. Mahnee says:

    It wasn’t that bad….try watching Slumdog Millionaire with the teeny tiny subtitles…I’ve heard that Slumdog was meant to be seen in a movie theater and not on TV. Too late. After that, I’d watch HJNTIY again just to save my eyes from Slumdog.

  9. Angella says:

    We *didn’t* rent it because of your Tweets. Look at the power you hold over me!
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..The Truth About BlogHer =-.

  10. pseudostoops says:

    It was loathsome. Ginnifer Goodwin’s character drove me nuts. Yes, we’ve all done stupid things, but you’re exactly right- with that level of insanity, your friends would HAVE TO INTERVENE.
    .-= pseudostoops´s last blog ..Less than a month =-.

  11. Raven says:

    I read the book, I didn’t want to throw it across a room or anything. I thought the movie looked dreadful and nothing like what the book is truly about so every crap review just confirms that I shouldn’t see it, thanks for that!
    .-= Raven´s last blog ..it’s game night! =-.

  12. YellowMutt says:

    I coulda told you it sucked…I was so excited to see it…so I watched it when it came to my ondemand. I fell asleep. I was so disappointed and I can’t stand watching girls act like a parody of what society says girls act like, cause I for one, do not act like that. I fell asleep about 2/3 in cause it didn’t hold my interest at all…ug. 4 bucks down the drain.

  13. HaveShoesWillTravel says:

    I was constantly yelling at the women in this movie for being complete and desperate idiots. I’m usually a big fan of romantic comedies but this one just made me angry watching it.

  14. Beckie says:

    See this is why I don’t watch chick flicks!!! I hate the stupid sappy everyone ends up happy bullshit ending. And yet…I did watch this – the title duped me! It doesnt at all elude to happy frickin endings all around. But in my defense it was at the Redbox and I only paid $1.00. Which…was about all it’s worth. I see the intent but it just didn’t play out right. From now on I’m sticking to horror movies.

  15. The book and whole concept just seems rather common knowledge to me. Of course we all need a slap in the face to wake us up every now and then, but I think everyone knows deep down that if a guy doesn’t call you after a week then it’s just not happening.
    .-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Hush =-.

  16. christina says:

    I have been prevented from seeing that movie based on your review. Thank you for saving me!
    .-= christina´s last blog ..Eleven =-.

  17. Amity says:

    I read the book, so I was really interested to see how the heck they could make it into a movie. I think the concept of the book (which is much more women empowerment) was really lost in the movie (which was basically, if you wait long enough the right guy will come along/come to his senses, etc.) I felt horrible for Jennifer Connely’s character in the movie. And, I wanted to smack Jennifer Aniston upside the head for taking stupid Ben back just ’cause he bought her a ring. Bleh!

  18. Jennifer R says:

    You know, I really REALLY wanted to go see this movie. I thought “Oooh all those stars, it’s going to kick ass”. I borrowed the book from my friend and set to reading it. The book was cute. So I made plans with a bunch of my girl friends that we would go see it. But then I went on vacation, and they went to see it. They didn’t rave about it so I figure no big loss. I have yet to see it. And I probably won’t.

  19. Holly says:

    The movie was bad but the book was even worse. It came out when my *now* boyfriend were just kind of sniffing around at each other and deciding whether or not we were going to (Bachelor Style) “take things to the next level”.
    Anyway, if I had a dollar for every person who was like — “you guys aren’t officially dating yet? oh well then He’s Just Not That Into You” — then I would be an effing millionaire and not sitting here commenting from my crappy cubicle :)
    So yeah, after being together for the last 5 years, I love to rub it those people’s faces. I can’t believe they made that book into a movie. It kind of makes me want to barf a little.
    Thanks for the laugh!
    .-= Holly´s last blog ..Black Bean and Corn Salad =-.

  20. Just Shireen says:

    I actually didn’t think the movie was horrible. Suspension of disbelief and all that, I think when it comes to how stupid Gennifer Goodwin’s character is. But I absolutely cannot stand Scarlet Johanson, so every time she was on screen it was painful to watch.
    .-= Just Shireen´s last blog ..The One Where I Ignore My Blog Because I’m Boring =-.

  21. I was too afraid too see the movie, and I love me some Bradley Cooper [despite what that journalistic giant (which I also read], US Weekly, says). I did read the book, which was cheeseball but had some really valid points (ie, ones I needed to read), but I cannot imagine how it would translate into a movie.
    .-= Legallyblondemel´s last blog ..The Husband Wish List =-.

  22. mouncie123 says:

    One word….Sucked!

  23. Kerri Anne says:

    I haven’t seen it, mostly because I’ve heard so many bad reviews, but I totally just posted about shitty (and hilarious) movies I’ve seen lately (I’m on a bad movie roll, I think).
    .-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..Confessions Of A Movie-Going Mind =-.

  24. TUWABVB says:

    Don’t forget, he was a douchebag in “The Wedding Crashers” too.

    I wanted to see that movie for a while because of the all-star cast – and you would think that your review of it would scare me off, but NOW, I want to see how bad it is. Yea, I sort of suck that way.
    .-= TUWABVB´s last blog ..I Promise Not to Write About Dead Pets Anymore =-.

  25. Darcey says:

    HATED IT. End of story.

  26. hillary says:

    I hated it. It was … horrid. No other word for it. What really pissed me off was the whole “we aren’t exceptions! we’re the rule!” but then at the end they all ARE exceptions. Fuck that. It was insulting.
    .-= hillary´s last blog ..Like A Tomato In The Rain I’ve Got That Feeling Again =-.

  27. Melissa says:

    I haven’t seen it but after this glowing review I might just pop the $4 and give it a look see…

    And here I just feed my cats…who knew I supposed to be asking them how their day was…whoops!
    .-= Melissa´s last blog ..The Truth Shall Set You Free… =-.

  28. Scarlet says:

    I love Ginnifer Goodwin, but can’t do this movie.
    .-= Scarlet´s last blog ..Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic =-.

  29. slynnro says:

    I have to say, I read the book and kind of liked it. But never saw the movie.
    .-= slynnro´s last blog ..Apropos of Nothing. =-.

  30. lceel says:

    So now the next time you see a GOOD movie, you’ll appreciate it more.
    .-= lceel´s last blog ..Step by Step =-.

  31. I didn’t see it, because the previews filled me with such rage, but shortly after I told one of my guy friends that I had The Feelings for him (and was rejected by him), Amazon recommended the book to me. Um, thanks, assholes. I’m well aware that he’s just not that into me.

  32. Jessica says:

    OMG, I totally agree! But I actually BOUGHT the movie. It was on sale at Target for $10 and I thought “I loved the book.” so I bought it. BIG mistake. I was so disappointed. If I had actually written the book, I would be pissed that the movie turned out so badly. I mean, the cast was pretty great which made the fact that the movie completely sucked even worse.

    BTW, I love your blog. I completely get you.
    .-= Jessica´s last blog ..My New J.O.B. =-.

  33. Alice says:

    i cannot even begin to explain how much i hated that movie. i was sort of into it at first, all “yeah! good! some girls are such IDIOTS about reading guys! good job, movie, for showing them how stupid they’re being by trying to pretend that being ignored = he’s interested in you but ‘busy’!” and then the entire movie VOMITED ON ITSELF by all of the neurotic women ending up with EXACTLY THE RIGHT MAN ANYWAY, despite the previous 2 hours explaining how we shouldn’t expect to be exceptions to the rule, HAHA except for all these women who actually WERE, sike! hate.
    .-= Alice´s last blog ..i forgot to mention all the madras shorts =-.

  34. lananas says:

    I rented the movie because I had read the book just as I started my relationship with my husband. I was sure that he was just not that into me…and well, now he’s my husband. Long story short, that movie sucked. And that sucks because I adore Ginnifer Goodwin. The only upside was getting to stare at Scarlett Johannsen’s bod.
    .-= lananas´s last blog ..E- Pif =-.

  35. tmc says:

    No, I haven’t seen it and I probably won’t see it until they show it on a Sunday afternoon on TBS or something, many years from now.

    I remember those tweets. I remember shaking my head and hoping you had enough booze to get you through it. I admire your demented sense of commitment, though.

    :)
    .-= tmc´s last blog ..Just about back to normal =-.

  36. Jen says:

    I really cannot stand Jennifer Aniston’s acting in anything I’ve seen her in, so I wasn’t really tempted to see this movie. And I’m glad I didn’t. I saw Bride Wars and although I wasn’t expecting anything more than a chick flick, I was actually really insulted by how they portrayed all the characters; either man-crazy and completely checked out of normal social behaviour, or totally crazed harpies who live and die for their wedding day. Who knew I was such a thinker.

  37. I went to the movies and saw it when it first came out. I actually really enjoyed it. There were parts that were way over the top, but it was still entertaining to me.
    .-= Cereal Dieter´s last blog ..A Birthday Shout-out!!! =-.

  38. ali says:

    the movie was total poo.
    the end.
    .-= ali´s last blog ..I guess I DID get something new for BlogHer… =-.

  39. Couldn’t agree more, that movie was a waste.
    .-= sensibly sassy´s last blog ..BlogHer Babbling =-.

  40. Megan says:

    Hated the book. Thought the guy that wrote the book was the most annoying man on the planet. STILL went to the theater with my girlfriends to see the movie. Despised it. And that’s putting it lightly. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

    Which I guess is also how you could describe me for going to see it in the theater after hating the creator. :)

  41. I saw it with my girlfriends at the theater on my b’day. Yeah, not at good b’day movie! I wanted to reach into the screen and stab that needy, whiny girl right in the fucking eye!! I’ve NEVER in my life known any woman that damn ridonkulous! I liked the rest of the movie, but she killed it.
    .-= saneandsingle´s last blog ..Have I missed the opportunity? =-.