This Was A Funnier Post In My Head

Posted By on October 20, 2008

First off, I should have posted yesterday. It was my second blogiversary. Kristabella is two years old. The terrible twos are upon us. You have been warned. Don’t be surprised if there are tantrums.

The traditional gift for the second anniversary is cotton. So I bought Kristabella a pair of panties because I’m tired of her going around town like a hussy with nothing covering her lady bits.

I would have posted, but I was busy reading the 264-page partial draft of Midnight Sun, the fifth book in the Twilight series that was leaked online. And all I have to say is, PLEASE FINISH THIS BOOK STEPHANIE MEYER. My God, I think that partial draft is my favorite of all the books. Two words: Edward. Swoon.

What I was going to post about was my brush with fame this past weekend. Here, let me set it up for you. And then you all can determine that if this hilarious scenario I came up with in my head on Saturday night is as funny as I seem to remember it.

On Saturday night, I went with two friends to see Joel McHale, he of The Soup fame. I was actually quite upset because I thought we were going to see Joel McHale strip naked. Because why else would I pay over $40 to see him on a stage in clothes when I can see him on my TV for free? But apparently we went to see Joel McHale do all his shtick from The Soup. (Side note: It was OK. He’s pretty funny. His ad-lib stuff with the audience was funny. But one of his last jokes was something taken straight from an episode of The Soup from like three weeks ago. Which kind of pissed me off. Because, um, Joel? The only reason people were there was because they watch you on The Soup. And maybe also because you’re hot. And tall.)

So prior to the show, I received an email from his people because they were Googling Joel and Chicago and somehow my version of Death Is Not An Option where Joel was featured came up. And they thought it would be funny to mention it in the show and was I going to see him? So I told them that yes, I was and they were all “good, then we don’t have to worry about giving you free ticket. Phew.”

We got to the show and about halfway in he mentioned a “local blogger” and a fun little Death Is Not An Option game and asked if I was in attendance. So I raised my hand and jumped up like my name was just called to be a contestant on the Price is Right! Come on down! SQUEEEE!

When I got on stage, the conversation went a little like this:

Joel: So Death Is Not An Option, huh?

Me: hehehehehe gigglegigglegiggle hehehehehehehehe

Joel: It’s a good thing you write. You do clean up nicely for an unemployed person, though.

Me: hehehehehe gigglegigglegiggle hehehehehehehehe

Joel: Would you like to add anything but giggles?

And then I licked his face. It tasted like the sweet, sweet nectar of the Gods. And then ran off the stage back to my seat.


Clearly NONE of that happened. No one contacted me and I didn’t get called on stage. But I did get a few pictures of him after the show, as he signed autographs and titties and other things.

I caption this “STOP! Trying to lick my face crazy woman. Before I call security. Think it oh-oh-ver.”

Actually, funny story, that woman in the photo with him, with the glasses, is my friend Carrie. She and her hubby Matt were first in line for autographs after the show. I tried to cut in line with them, but am the LEAST SLY PERSON EVER. And asking to cut, right in front of the theatre person, is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Even worse than that time I ended up naked in a field with a goat after a long night of drinking.

Anyway, so Carrie and Matt were lucky enough to talk to him and touch him.

Here Joel reacts to Carrie telling him about her wacky friend Kristin who wants to lick him.

Like there is something wrong with that. Pshaw.

On the way home as I constructed this post in my head, and gave myself an asthma attack from a fit of the giggles, I drove past this:

So I cut off seven people to pull into the parking lot to take a photo of this. Because I thought this was the funniest thing ever.

Is this where the hobos live? Is that why the parking lot is so empty? Not a shopping cart in sight?

Is it a store for hobos? Is it full of shopping carts and those sticks with the knapsacks tied to the end? An aisle of boots with holes in them so your sockless toes stick out? Sticks of hay to chew on? Jugs to make the music on? Washboards? MOONSHINE? 

Or is it store full of one style of purse? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?*

And then I realized I really need to get out more.

*Apparently it is a real store.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


28 Responses to “This Was A Funnier Post In My Head”

  1. jen says:

    They should have given you free tickets, or reimbursed you, or something!

    Happy 2nd blogiversary!

    jens last blog post..Sony Ericsson C902 phone giveaway

  2. HouseofJules says:

    Happy Blogiversary! Bring on the tantrums! So jealous you got close enough to Joel to lick his face. He’s dreamy. Too bad he wasn’t as hilarious as he is on The Soup, but oh well. Still totally lickable!
    House of Jules

    HouseofJuless last blog post..I am not undecided; David Sedaris gets my vote* every time.

  3. LarryLilly says:

    They should have called security!

    LarryLillys last blog post..Great, now I am being told I am a woman

  4. rye says:

    OMG, IT’S JOEL!!!!

    *sigh* I love Joel McHale…

    (And who the hell names a store HOBO? Seriously!)

    ryes last blog post..saving all my love (for NaBloPoMo)

  5. Carrie says:

    I totally thought the same thing when we passed that store. What a weird name for a store…

    When we were getting autographs, I asked him to say chicks man and he said it, but totally not like he says it on the soup. But he did say “Its still a felony!” which was hilarious. 🙂

  6. bikerchick says:

    Happy blogiversary! Thanks for a great 2 years of guffaws, belly laughs, and ruined keyboards. Glad you were able to see your hottie, but why, oh why, didn’t they comp your tickets?!? Sheesh. Judging from the HOBO locations, you musta traveled to East BuFu to see this dude.

  7. So Joel hires people to Google him? How do I sign up for THAT gig??

    thecoconutdiariess last blog post..I Lie More Before 10am Than Most People Do All Day

  8. ali says:

    possibly the once worse name is Dress Barn.

    alis last blog post..I went to bovine university and all i brought back was this lousy blog post…

  9. moo says:

    It’s always funnier in my head, too.

    SQUEE! Joel!!

    moos last blog post..guess what we did this past weekend?

  10. -R- says:

    Lesson: I need to write about celebrities more often.

    I like the point of Coconut Diaries too. Celebrities, I am an awesome Googler. Call me!

    -R-s last blog post..Family Politics

  11. Kristabella says:

    Just to clarify, NONE of that happened with the Googling and the emails and me being brought up on stage.

    I went to the show and got close enough to take a photo. That was all.

    It really was funnier in my head.

  12. I really like the imaginary version of this tale. It also must be said that this “Soup” guy looks much cuter in that photo than he does on the tv. Hmmm.

    Any chance of our hearing the goat/field story, or is that just a line?

    Legallyblondemels last blog post..The Five Year Itch

  13. Kristie says:

    He’s much cuter in your pictures than on tv.

    Kristies last blog post..It’s that time of year again.

  14. Rhi says:

    Joel McHale is on my Do Me Boy list. He’s so yummy.

    Rhis last blog post..And So She’s Coming to Portland

  15. Elle Charlie says:

    Happy blogiversary!

    The licking his face thing is interesting. Surely he was flattered?

    Elle Charlies last blog post..Austin’s powers

  16. Carri says:

    Home Owners Bargain Outlet
    4052 W Grand Ave
    Chicago, IL 60651
    (773) 645-1300

  17. Evil Genius says:

    Congrats on two years! Woot woot! And I’d totally lick Joel too. It’d be worth the night in jail.


    Evil Geniuss last blog post..A Little Mouse Humor

  18. Sarah says:

    Congrats on two years!
    Don’t be embarrased, I’ve wanted to lick John Cusack for years and years….and some day I will!

    Sarahs last blog post..Too Much Time

  19. Ree says:

    Oh mah holy hell. I thought you were serious.

    Rees last blog post..Travel Day

  20. slynnro says:

    There’s a store here called The Dump.

    On their commercials, they say “To the dump! To the dump! To the dump dump dump!”

    slynnros last blog post..Weekend Update

  21. Scarlet says:

    I totally would have believed that story, too. He’s super funny! Glad you saw him.

  22. andi says:

    Happy Blogiversary! Hobo? What. The. Hell?

  23. Angella says:

    I LOVE Joel!

    The Hobo bit had me giggling. Thank you.

    Angellas last blog post..Guarding My Heart

  24. Schwerer says:

    Um have you never been to Hobo? There is one on North avenue too in the burbs. House stuff, closeouts, kinda like a Marshalls.

  25. […] nominated Kristabella for this post. Read and […]

  26. Oh mah holy hell. I am choking from laughing so hard.
    You are hysterical. I must read more. Over from the adorable Angella’s home.

  27. […] awarded Waitress Where’s My Martini Motherbumper awarded Mr.Lady Dutch Blitz awarded Full of Snark Tiny Mantras awarded Prefers Her Fantasy Life Queen of the Shake Shake awarded Miss Britt All […]

  28. Kerri Anne says:

    I LOVE Joel McHale, and I have to thank you for (feeding the madness, and) telling me there is a fifth Twilight book that I had no idea even existed. For shame, Kerri.