Best Present Ever

Posted By on October 7, 2008

I have something quite awesome to share with all of you. It made my day on this rainy Tuesday in Chicago.

Today in my daily Gchats with Nic, she gave me a present on her birthday. (Isn’t she generous?) She showed me a website that was just awesome.

Are you all familiar with the Duggar family? She of the clown-car vagina, who is currently pregnant with her EIGHTEENTH CHILD? Well, they currently have a show on TLC called 17 and Counting. I am sad to admit that due to Nic’s enthusiasm about the show, I am now a weekly watcher.

I have so many questions. Does she have any bladder control? Does she have to go three tampons wide when she is riding the Crimson Wave? Isn’t it a form of child abuse? I mean she hardly pays attention to the older kids. She makes them take care of themselves. How can they afford that many children? Why would want to ever have sex again after pushing 17 kids out your va-jay-jay? Why would her husband not secretly get a vasectomy? Why would he even want to touch her ever again? I don’t think this is what God wanted!

Surprisingly, the kids are seemingly normal. Going into the show, I was picturing a ginormous family of Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokels and kin. But they all have teeth. And nice clothes. And speak well. (Yes, I realize I had very low expectation and it was wrong and I was pre-judging. But don’t tell me you didn’t think the same thing.) They are all home-schooled.

This week’s episode was about the oldest kid, Josh, and him proposing to his girlfriend. I watched it tonight, something to kill the time before the debate. I wasn’t paying too much attention because I couldn’t really get over the fact that a 20 year old man who was home schooled GOT ENGAGED BEFORE ME. And he met his future wife at a HOME SCHOOL CONFERENCE! I want to be the trade show coordinator for that. Think of the blog posts.

Clearly these people are very religious. Mom Duggar has that many kids because God keeps giving them to her. And since she used to be on the pill and had a miscarriage on her very first pregnancy, she feels God punished her and that is why she has to have as many children as he wants her to have. (Note to God, please stop. Eighteen is enough.) (I so hope that’s the title of their next show.)

They are also very religious when it comes to their relationships. In the case of Josh and his girlfriend Anna, before getting engaged they were in a period of courtship. Which means they dated long-distance (he in Arkansas, her in Florida) and obviously didn’t have any pre-marital sex. Guess what else the don’t do before marriage? KISS! They are allowed to hold hands and THAT IS IT! Can you imagine your first kiss with your mate being the one at the wedding in front of all your family and friends?

(Josh and Anna “courted” for two years, which means two years of that boy’s life, at his sexual peak, of just phone calls and hand-holding. And they are chaperoned whenever they are together so that means inappropriate rubbing is out of the question.)

I cannot get my mind around this. It is probably because I have had a penchant since college of making out with random people in bars. Making out is fun! And also? Some people are BAD kissers! Can you imagine being married to a bad kisser? A sloppy kisser or someone who wants to lick your tonsils? That is like a death sentence. And not someone I would want to have 17 kids with!

But whatever, to each their own. I am Judgey McJudgeypants and I’m not ashamed of it. I just don’t understand. And yet I can’t stop watching. And apparently I’m going to hell anyway, since just being a nice person doesn’t get you there.

The reason I share all this background with you is to show you one of the best things that I have ever seen on the internet. This site here is Josh and Anna’s wedding website. Take a look around. I imagine this site is what it will be like to work for a churchy organization.

When you’re done looking around, have a look-see at the bottom of the page. At these two crazy kids’ wedding registries, one at Wal-Mart and one at Bed, Bath & Beyond. Most of it is your normal registry stuff – towels, sheets, muffin pans, mixers, measuring spoons. But then there are things that I have never seen on a registry. Here is the list of my favorite Duggar wedding registry items:

  • Coke and Sprite
  • Pringles
  • Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
  • University of Arkansas gear – everything from mugs to bumper stickers to flip flops and a hamper
  • M&Ms
  • Gatorade

And my personal favorite? SIX KINDS OF BEEF JERKY!

But at least they registered for 2 Dyson vacuums and an iPod Touch. So all isn’t lost.

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


37 Responses to “Best Present Ever”

  1. HouseofJules says:

    I LOVE that 2 of the 4 boxes of plain M&Ms have been purchased for them from Bed Bath & Beyond.
    House of Jules

    HouseofJuless last blog post..Eye want candy!

  2. Melissa says:

    Wow, you have to register for M&M’s but you need TWO Dyson’s…slack jawed they aren’t…;)

    Melissas last blog post..Wordful Wednesday or How I Spent my Tuesday

  3. There’s no way these two kids went to the University of Arkansas and NEVER TOUCHED. I’m sorry, but I consider my college degree to have more social meaning than academic meaning, if you catch my drift, and these two loons have no idea what they’re getting into.

    nancypearlwannabes last blog post..Testing… Testing…

  4. Corey says:

    I’m pretty sure that Josh attended John Brown University ( which is a christian school with lots of rules about boy/girl interaction. Also, does it mean I’m going to hell because I once saw the family at Sam’s club and they weren’t as nicely dressed and clean as they are on TV? In their defense, they were all very well behaved. I’m sure if I had 17 children they would be like a wild tribe raised by wolves.

    I also wonder if Josh & Anna will start having a gazillion babies too.

    Coreys last blog post..Two Not so Pretty Pictures

  5. Rhi says:

    Nic is one of the most generous people I know.

    Also, I don’t think it’s a good idea to register at WalMart. Also, I don’t think that you should be allowed to register for food.

    Rhis last blog post..You know what annoys me? Festival Edition!

  6. Evil Genius says:

    Well of course they’d register for groceries. Think of all the relatives they’ll have to feed when they come for visits. lol

    Oy vey…I can’t wrap my mind around this either. It seems kind of cultish to me. Does that make me Judgey McJudgeypanties?


    Evil Geniuss last blog post..I’m the New Meth

  7. I’ve seen these crazy people before. They are some sort of religious zealots, I forget exactly. But in their religion the husband is the man of the house and his word rules all. You know that the wife doesn’t want 18 kids, she has no choice!

    Dutchess of Kickballs last blog post..A Decade of Turbulance

  8. Beckie says:

    Holy mother of pearl! You left out such gems as duck tape, hair dryer, plastic cups and swedish fish. WTF?? Perhaps I’m being all mcjudgy with you since I turn 29 next month and I’m not married (or engaged, or even with my bf anymore because apparently I broke his heart by breaking up with him since he said we would never live together which broke my heart..oh wait I’m digressing – oops). But…are people really supposed to buy you all that shit? Somehow I feel like Miss Manners would find jerky taboo period let alone putting it on the wedding registry.

  9. witchypoo says:

    I just wasted so much time looking at those freaks walmart registry.
    I cannot imagine how the father fluffs to prepare for sex with the woman whose uterus may or may not fall out of her pants.

    witchypoos last blog post..Trying on Shoes

  10. bikerchick says:

    HO.LEE.SCHIZE! That is some gig that couple has going. My favorite from their website: “Marriage Tools. Coming Soon.” Ummm, yeah. Maybe you were supposed to have those *before* you pledged your uterus for the betterment of the born again gene pool?

    Thank you for amusing me on this dark and dreary day in Chicago. Hey best of luck with your job search, Krista– drop me a line and I may be able to help you network, okay?

  11. Claudia says:

    Stumbled across your blog and I must say that I love it!

    Let me get something straight…these two met at a HOME SCHOOL CONFERENCE?!?! Is it me or doesn’t that defeat the entire point of home schooling your kids?

    But having 6 kinds of beef jerky on your wedding resgistry? Genius!

    Claudias last blog post..This Weekend Brought to you by the Letter V

  12. ali says:

    damn you. i’m going to be on that Duggar site all bloody day.

    alis last blog pie?

  13. JRM says:

    Regeristering for food is genious. You register for chips and dip, the guests bring it to the wedding and now you don’t need to hire a caterer!

  14. Alice says:

    i know it’s mean / judgy / whatever, but i can’t help it: these people scare me.

    and DUDE. getting married to someone you’ve never kissed is INSANE. IN. SANE. i think it’s insane to marry someone you’ve never SLEPT with, for that matter. there are a LOT of men out there who i don’t want to have to sleep with for the rest of my life.

    Alices last blog it forward contest, part II!

  15. Nic says:


    Nics last blog post..Happy birthday to me!

  16. Noelle says:

    If being married at 20 means registering for beef jerky, than I’m quite happy for everyone in the world to wait until they’re 30 and not stupid.

    And this is why America’s going to hell in a hand basket. All the wrong people are breeding.

    Noelles last blog montage

  17. Schwerer says:

    I have to admit, I love this show, I am fascinated by the kids. They just don’t stop. And, I have made the tater tot recipe before, sick huh? We should send them a box of M&M’s, wanna?

  18. I didn’t think it could get more crazy than Jon & Kate Plus 8, but there you go. I’m not sure how I feel about them putting their address on the internet either. I feel a show called “To Catch A Homeschool Predator” in the works.

    thecoconutdiariess last blog post..Lefts of Passage

  19. hillary says:

    My little sister got engaged when she was 19 years old to her first boyfriend (who she had been dating for 4 months.) She would not kiss him until they were engaged. She would not put out until they were married (exactly 1 year and 1 month after they started dating.) Blows my fucking mind. Now she’s 22 and kind of hates her husband. Not that she’d say that, but seeing them together is brutal. They’re in that bickery stage where if they were just dating, they’d have broken up 6 months ago. I love her, I just don’t understand her.

    hillarys last blog post..I Get Drunk And Sentimental I Need A Touch That Is Gentle

  20. moo says:

    My aunt is totally churchy like this … Once I brought my best friend to her house and because he was a guy, we weren’t allowed to be in the same room alone together.

    Um … HE WAS GAY.

    another time … my sister and her FIANCE stayed with her and she made them sleep in separate bedrooms, despite the fact that they already LIVED TOGETHER.

    so, yeah.

    moos last blog post..raw

  21. Allison says:

    Have you been to their site and seen the picture of them kissing on their wedding day?? She looks scared!

    Allisons last blog post..My 29th Birthday

  22. Kerri Anne says:

    The first time I saw that show I thought it was a joke. And then I thought I was watching Little House on the Prairie, on steroids. Turns out, it was REAL, and so I watched their family of 17 construct a house with a kitchen that looks like a small cafeteria.

    Kerri Annes last blog post..Her Boots Were Made For Running

  23. Elle Charlie says:

    It sounds like 7th Heaven only worse! The kid is probably getting married just to finally get some action!

    Elle Charlies last blog post..Octoberific

  24. Elle Charlie says:

    Cute wedding pics though…

    Elle Charlies last blog post..Octoberific

  25. slynnro says:

    This is like Christmas…

  26. Aw, how sweet. They have a photo of their 2nd kiss ever on the website.

    Jen on the Edges last blog post..What global warming?

  27. Lara says:

    Kristabella, I think you are my hero. I have never heard of these Duggar people before and I love you with all of my heart for introducing me to them.

    Laras last blog post..Have I mentioned that I hate coming up with titles?

  28. Sarah says:

    Oh man. Do you know that there is a whole COLLEGE based on this philosophy?? And they even have pink and blue SIDEWALKS because the guys and the girls cannot even walk around campus together??Yep. It’s in Florida. WTF? The girls? All skirts, all the time. The guys? All ties all the time. Chaperoned dates…curfews..That is rebellion waiting to happen, my friends…Let me loose on that campus and we’ll see who will stay strong. The call of beer and jeans is SO STRONG!

    Sarahs last blog post..Cam Bam

  29. Lara says:

    Okay, seriously. I have just spent the last while on their websites. And the newly married couple’s registry. Is it just me, or did nobody buy them anything? I mean, they received like 2 ladles and a muffin tin.

    Laras last blog post..Have I mentioned that I hate coming up with titles?

  30. They didn’t even kiss when he proposed?! What is this world coming to, when you can’t at least fondle in college?

    And her hair is exactly the same in all the photos in their site’s banner.

    Amanda Nicoles last blog post..kelly green

  31. PS: I cannot WAIT to read their personal “marriage tools,” which is apparently coming soon. How will she be able to hold back her silent rage at constantly finding his smelly socks wedged into the couch? Or he his wretching disgust at seeing her skidmarks in the toilet for the first time? I’m sure they’ll have some special, blessed way to deal one another’s irritating living habits, and I’m dying to know what that is, because threatening the rolling pin is starting to lose its effect.

    Amanda Nicoles last blog post..kelly green

  32. regan says:

    I read an article recently that said Josh wanted to marry so that he could start having just as many kids as his parents. I feel like this family is the human version of those charts on the wall of the SPCA that show how two cats can produce 4000 more cats.

    This is my favorite part of her bio on their site: “Her father took a good job working with a manufacturing company in the area.” A good job as opposed to a bad job, but what if he had taken a bad job? Like what he he had to give blowjobs to all the owners of the manufacturing company? Would they have just said “He took a job working with a manufacturing company”?

    And they registered for mango peach salsa scented candles, which just sound like they should be vomit scented.

    regans last blog post..home is where I’ll be

  33. regan says:

    HOLY CRAP, I just went to the Duggar’s site and those asshats have a soda fountain in their house. That’s my dream. Now I really hate them.

    regans last blog post..home is where I’ll be

  34. Carri says:

    Thanks for the gut wrenching laughter!
    Holy Hell!

  35. Scarlet says:

    HOW MANY!? That woman is WEIRD.

    Scarlets last blog post..I Wanna Grow Up To Be A Politican

  36. Manic Mommy says:

    You did not just make me go through the family’s whole photo album oohing and ahhing. Yeah, you did.

    Manic Mommys last blog post..Three FOUR Things to Share:

  37. I think registering for junkfood is about as trashtastic as one can be. Well, cigarettes would be worse, but I’m guessing they don’t partake in that.

    HollowSquirrels last blog post..that’s not going to come out.